


Fly With Me

by zxangetsu



Category: EXO (Band), GOT7, Monsta X (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Age Difference, Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Disorder, Clubbing, Cocaine, Daddy Kink, Dark, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drug-Induced Sex, Drugs, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gangs, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Music, Near Death Experiences, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prostitution, Rough Sex, Sad, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sex, Shameless Smut, Smut, Swearing, Teacher-Student Relationship, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2019-08-14 10:54:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 90,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16491191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zxangetsu/pseuds/zxangetsu
Summary: Hyungwon is an addict who lives with his friends, Jooheon and Changkyun, in a rotten neighborhood. Living his life in a way the worst he could.Hoseok is a handsome, rich businessman who wants to save everyone but himself.





	1. Chapter 1

He parked his car somewhere near the bar. It was 11PM and he just woke up a few hours ago. He sighed when he found himself in front of the bar’s doors. He didn’t like that bar much but their drinks were good. That bar was famous among the teenagers. He was too old for this place but anyways. The man at the door smirked at him like he was about to laugh. Hoseok glared at him, “What?” he asked.

“Nothing. Aren’t you too old for places like that?”

Hoseok sighed again. He was too tired and he needs to drink. “I’m only 30, not that old.” And he entered the bar. There wasn’t anyone much yet because it was Monday. He smiled at the silent hall and took a seat. “Cognac,” he asked while pulling out his phone and looked at the missed calls of his old friend, Hyunwoo.

_Not now, Hyunwoo._

He skipped his work today and there was an appointment with another company. He was too drunk to wake up at 8 AM and go to work. His glass was ready and he drank it all in a lump. The burning on his throat made him relax, and he put the glass back. He asked for another.

_I really should stop getting drunk._

His company was the only thing he had and he was literally doing nothing about that. Going to his office at mornings and going to the same bar at evenings. He was drinking almost every day until he collapsed and remembered nothing. Tonight, he decided to drink at bar because when he was at the bar he was obliged to drink less because he needed to drive.

After finishing his fourth glass he raised his head and looked at the ceiling. He didn’t even feel dizzy thanks to his immunity to alcohol. He gazed at the bar hall; his eyes were travelling around everybody. All of the people there looked like they were all younger than him. He felt old and chuckled at his own thoughts. While watching the crowd he saw someone with a bleached hair. He was tall and skinny. Hoseok watched him carefully and realised something was not right with that boy. He was trying to get out of the crowd, and he looked annoyed. Hoseok narrowed his eyes and slowly took a sip from his glass.

_Is he too drunk?_

_I must be too bored. Why the fuck am I watching him? He is just another stupid teen at this bar, isn’t he?_

He watched the boy anyways. When he got out of the crowd, he pressed his back to the wall as if he was clinging to it. And a couple of men about Hoseok’s age went close to him, whispering something to that boy’s ear. The younger looked like he was on something. Drugs? Hoseok turned his head away and finished his drink. He pulled out his wallet and put some money onto the table. As he was ready to go home, he glanced at the boy again and saw the older men were trying to touch him. Hoseok felt more irritated and watched them again. The younger had an irritated expression on his face and trying to shove the older man off of him. Hoseok felt more and more anger in him and got up from his chair, walking towards them. His steps got quicker when the old man kissed the younger’s neck and with all his strength, he shoved him away.

“Fuck off.” He said with a stern voice, enough to make the other hear him right. The man laughed and glanced at both. “Why? So that you can have him all? Wait for your turn.” Hoseok cringed at those words and looked at the younger. He was too out of his mind and with that, Hoseok grabbed his hand, dragging him to the exit. They got stopped by the men who were trying to harass him. “Who the fuck are you? Leave us alone.” Hoseok clenched his jaw and tried hard not to punch the other. When he was about to say something, the younger spoke up. “Get me out of here, please.”

The older two were taken aback at the boy’s words and Hoseok walked out of there with him. When they got outside, he let go of his hand and looked at him. “Are you okay?” He didn’t get any answer. He reached out to him and grabbed his chin to look at his face. His face was pale white, and he had purple bags under his eyes. His lips were dry and chapped. He looked right at his eyes and realised he was on drugs. “What did you do?” He asked softly. The other laughed slightly and pushed the hand on his chin away. “I’m okay, thank you.” He pressed his hand to the wall and started to walk away. Hoseok watched him leave while thinking about what just happened. He shook his head and brushed his hair back with his hand, sighing while started to walk away.

He got into his car and drove back his home. He was annoyed by those pervert old men and didn’t even felt like he relaxed with his drink. When he arrived his house, he parked his car quickly and got in. He took off his clothes until he was left with his shirt and boxers and threw himself to the bed. Thanks to the six glasses of cognac he felt sleepy quickly but something was stopping him from sleeping. He drifted into sleep before thinking what it was.

Hyungwon was struggling to move his legs properly while walking to his house. He was still on the heroin he injected himself today. He pressed his hand to the wall to walk properly. The air was getting colder, and Hyungwon started to tremble. He could catch people’s stare at him. They looked at him as if they were pitying him. He cringed while walking down the street. The street lights were sizzling, the pavements were rough and it made him stumble while walking. When he reached his apartment, he stopped for a minute and looked at the sight. The neighborhood he was living in was full of dirty and old buildings. Most of the people who lived there were either junkie or gypsies. There wasn’t any high buildings. They were old and looked like a wreck, as if they would collapse just by a little breeze. Hyungwon continued walking towards the building he was living and entered inside. He struggled to climb up the stairs but he was thankful that his flat was on the first floor. He walked towards his door and supported himself to stand still by putting his hand to the wall. He didn’t remember where he left his keys, even he didn’t remember if he had any. He wanted to lean to the door and wait until he gained his conscious back fully. But he couldn’t realise the door was open slightly and when he tried to lean his body to the door, the door opened and Hyungwon fell to the ground with a loud noise.

“Fuck!—“

The two young men were sitting on a wide couch, drinking their beers and smoking their cigarettes when they heard a noise from the corridor. One of them stood up and walked towards where the noise came from. He looked at the corridor and saw a tall, thin and familiar person was laying on the floor, in front of the door. “What the fuck?”

_Hyungwon._

He walked and stopped in front of the laying figure. He had an annoyed expression on his face while looking at Hyungwon. “Get the fuck up and go to your bed.” No answer, no reaction at all. He got annoyed more and he slightly kicked his back enough to hurt a little but that didn’t wake the other up either. He sighed and pressed his foot on his back, trying to push him away from the door. He moved Hyungwon away from the door a little and closed the door, leaving him on the floor. He went back to the living room, sat on the couch next to Jooheon.

“What was that?” Jooheon asked, wasn’t even trying to check himself. Changkyun looked at him with a bored and annoyed face. “What do you think? Hyungwon came.” He put a cigarette between his dry lips and grabbed his lighter from the ground.“And then? What was the noise?” Changkyun lit his cigarette and dragged some. He took his cigarette out of his lips, holding it between his two fingers. “He fucking fell on the floor.” Jooheon was still looking at him like he wasn’t satisfied with the answer. “He fell I get it okay but… Where is he? He fell and then what?”

“He fell on the floor when he came, Jooheon. That’s all. He is still where he fell and if you are that curious then go take a fucking look yourself. Fucking junkie.” Changkyun snapped at him with a louder voice, rolling his eyes. Jooheon sighed, “As if you are different…” he whispered, not wanting the other to hear.

“What did you say?” He asked while the cigarette was hanging on the corner of his lips, still angry.

“Nothing.”

Changkyun didn’t ask twice and opened a beer. He leaned back as he dragged another breath from his cigarette and inhaled until he felt the smoke deep in his lungs. He stared at the ceiling for longer than a minute. “Mind if I listen to some music?” he asked. Jooheon raised his head to look at him as he asked his question. “Feel free.” He only said, his eyes didn’t even leave the figure in front of him. His black shirt was a bit large on him and he looked smaller in it. He took his cigarette from his mouth and exhaled the remaining smoke. He was angry, Jooheon could tell that by looking at him. He was angry at Hyungwon, as always. He had always been angry at him since Hyungwon started to do heroin. Neither of them could stop him and Changkyun was the one who always blamed himself. Changkyun took out his phone and played a song from Slipknot, Duality. Jooheon smiled at him when the song started to play. “You’re mad huh?” Changkyun didn’t say anything. Instead, he finished his cigarette and pressed it to the ashtray next to him. “I’m not.”

Jooheon laughed at him. “Yeah of course. It’s 2 AM and you’re listening to Duality at the highest volume.” He took a sip from his beer and sighed. “Hyungwon right? You’re mad at him.”

“Of course I am mad at him. He is fucking laying on the floor, unconscious. He is not human to me anymore.” He sighed and drank half of the beer with one lump. Jooheon looked at him and silked his shoulders. “I kinda like him, you know. Besides his H of course.” Changkyun couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, besides H.” Jooheon shifted his place and sat next to Changkyun, took his phone and looked at his playlist. He chuckled, “You’re hot when you listen to metal music, you know?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hello ^^ new chapter here. i want to know if you enjoyed and also let me know about your thoughts :) have fun.

Hyungwon woke up with pain striking all over his body. He felt a cold surface and looked at his surroundings.

_Am I on the floor? What the fuck?_

He got on his elbows and his back hurt immediately. The house was still dark and he didn’t know what time it was. Hyungwon rubbed his eyes and sighed. He was with his clothes from yesterday. Even his boots were still on his feet. He forced himself to stand up and stretched his arms. He walked to the living room and looked at the mess. There were cigarettes and ashes everywhere; empty bottles, empty snack packs and there were a strong smell of marijuana. Hyungwon grimaced at the smell and sighed while looking at the living room. Changkyun was sleeping on the couch, his head was leaned back, snoring softly. Jooheon was leanin on his shoulder and his legs were pulled at his chest. Hyungwon couldn’t help but smile at their sight. He walked towards the windows which were covered with black curtains that stopped all the light to enter in. He knew what was going to happen and grabbed the curtains, opened them slightly. His eyes got burned in a second and he closed them again. Hyungwon blinked few times to stop the burning. He had to open them so he opened them again but fully this time. The bright rays of sun filled the living room. The light exposed all the mess more detailed and Hyungwon cringed at the sight.

When the the sun brushed against the sleeping one’s face he frowned. He pressed his eyelids tightly and groaned. Changkyun clenched his teeth and opened his eyes slightly but closed them immediately after he felt the sun. “Who the fuck did open the fucking curtains?” he asked, pissed off. His voice was hoarse as he spoke.

“I did.” Hyungwon answered bluntly. “I can’t even decide whether it’s day or night.” Changkyun opened his eyes quickly with fury and got up. Jooheon’s head fell to the couch but he didn’t even stir. Changkyun walked over him and pushed him aside, harshly pulling the curtains back and closed them. “Fucking close them. It is fucking morning, you see? Happy now?” Hyungwon rolled his eyes as Changkyun yelled at him, the other was furious and Hyungwon knew that was coming. He was always extremely angry when he woke up. “Yeah, good morning to you too.” He folded his arms at his chest and walked away to the bathroom.

He took off his clothes and gazed at himself in the dusty mirror. He could see the dark purple circles under his eyes and his pale skin made the other bruises and small scars visible. His once known as pretty face was getting worse and he was barely ‘pretty’. Small wounds started to form on his face and his lips were dry, it hurt when he spoke or even moved his lips a little. His hair grew longer and dark roots started to form, Hyungwon sighed at the reflection of himself in the mirror and turned on the cold water. They didn’t have hot water, only a little warm water enough for taking a shower. He got into the cab and stepped under the water, shivering at the cold feeling on his skin. The cold water relaxed him and took away the hangover from yesterday. As he finished, he wrapped a towel around his waist and rinsed his hair. He walked in the living room and sat on the chair. Changkyun was smoking and Jooheon was still asleep. When Hyungwon sat in front of him half naked, some parts of his body was still wet and Changkyun swallowed hard at the sight. He stared at him and his wet body for longer than a minute, examining his thin, pale body. And then Hyungwon got him back to reality with his question. “Care to tell me why I was sleeping on the floor?” Hyungwon was the first one to break the silence. Changkyun exhaled the smoke and looked at his face with sleepy eyes. “Don’t you remember?”

Hyungwon rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t ask if I fucking remember would I?” Changkyun didn’t respond to him as he watched the smoke scattering in the air. “Well, you were high as fuck again. You got home like that and we left you… like that.” The blond looked at him confused. “What the fuck do you mean?”

Changkyun sighed in annoyance and leaned back. “You fell on the fucking floor when you got home, Hyungwon. And you passed out. I wasn’t going to carry you to your bed or anything, sorry.” Hyungwon chuckled. “Thanks, you’re the best.” He glanced at the old clock on the wall as it shows that the time was 12PM. His eyes widened. “Shit, I forgot I had school today.” He got up quickly and went to the bedroom to get ready. Changkyun laughed sarcastically behind him. “Really? Now you’re worrying about school?” He turned his head to the corridor and raised his voice. “As if you weren’t the only one who was on H yesterday and got home with his face on the floor.” Hyungwon didn’t pay attention to his words. He put on his ripped black skinny jeans and grabbed his black, worn off and large sized Marilyn Manson t-shirt. Lastly, he put on his boots and his oversized down black jacket, grabbed a random book from his desk. He got out of the room and found his phone on the ground where he woke up. He was glad that no one stepped on it since it was already had a cracked screen and worked hardly. He quickly put his phone on his pocket and left the house. After he had left, Changkyun sat back on the couch and stretched out his legs to the chair next to him. He felt Jooheon shifted closer to him. Changkyun was surprised he didn’t wake up still. Jooheon wrapped his arms around Changkyun’s body and pressed his face to his waist. Changkyun froze at the sudden embrace as Jooheon was still in a deep sleep. Changkyun looked at him confused, then sighed and leaned back again. He rested his chin on top of Jooheon’s head when he fell asleep, without realising.

Hyungwon got a cigarette out of his pocket before he got out of the building and placed it behind his ear. When he opened the front door a soft, cold breeze hit his face and he narrowed his eyes at the bright street. He walked through the street while watching around. The neighborhood was different in day light, it wasn’t as scary and gloomy as it was at nights. The place was quiet and some markets were already open. Hyungwon took his cigarette behind his ear and lit while walking. Dragging a long breath from his cigarette, he brushed his hair back with his other hand. There weren’t many people around and it was better for him because people always stared at him. He knew he looked terrible, still he couldn’t help but get annoyed at their stares. When he smoked half of his cigarette, he arrived at the bus stop. He continued his cigarette while waiting the bus. It took around 10 minutes and a bus came to the bus stop. He threw his cigarette to the road and got in. After he sat on an empty seat, he leaned and pressed his head to the window. As watching the road, he was thinking about last night. He couldn’t remember much but he flinched slightly when he remembered a face. A male, black hair… black suit… He also remembered what had happened. There were some ugly old men trying to touch him while he was high. He remembered some scenes in his mind but all of them were fragmentary and blurry. He blinked and cleared his throat. He wanted to focus on something else. He brought his hand to his pocket and took out his phone. He thought about listening to music but unfortunately his phone’s battery was too low. He put his phone back in his pocket and continued watching the road.

As the bus arrived, he got out and walked to the faculty building. His steps were slow because he was still feeling dizzy. He found the door of his class and opened it without thinking.

_Shit. It’s Mr. Lee’s class._

All of the class stopped and stared at him. He gulped nervously and walked inside.

“You’re interrupting my lecture.” He said with a stern voice. Hyungwon knew very well that he was mad at him. “Without even apologizing.”

“Sorry.” That was all he could manage to say. “I didn’t hear the alarm.” He made up an excuse, waiting him to buy it. Lee Minhyuk was leaning to his dais and he was holding a thick book, probably about his department. “It is the last class of today, Chae. You didn’t have to come. It is ending after 45 minutes.” Hyungwon didn’t respond and looked away.

_He won’t leave me alone without scolding, will he?_

There was a long silence in the classroom and Hyungwon wasn’t even looking at Minhyuk. He looked at the window, the wall… anywhere besides him.

“Take a seat, at the back of course. I don’t want you to be in my sight.” He demanded, his manner was harsh and he was smiling despite his anger. Hyungwon did what he told and sat at the back of the class. He leaned on his chair and started to play with his fingers. He was there only for the attendance. He didn’t care about the lecture and it was clear that he couldn’t study them as he was always on drugs. He trailed his fingers over his left fingers which had little tattoos on each. As he caressed his tattoos he could see that his hands were getting paler and weaker. He knew the reason but didn’t mind. When he was dazed off Professor Minhyuk came towards him and slapped the attendance paper on his desk. He flinched at the sound and looked at him with a puzzled face.

“Sign it. Even if you came at the end of the class, it is for the procedure.” He said coldly and Hyungwon didn’t even let him say it twice, he signed the paper. As soon as the professor walked away he folded his arms on the desk and put his head on his arms. He quickly drifted into sleep until the class’ end. Someone touched his shoulder and shook him softly, he woke up and lifted his head to see who it was.

_Kihyun._

“The class is over, let’s go.”

Hyungwon blinked his eyes a few times to see clear. The man in front of him was wearing all black blazer, black lustrine shirt. His dark ash-grey hair was bright and some wawy bangs were hanging down his forehead. Hyungwon could see some brown eyeshadow on his eyelids that makes his eyes shady. He had dark gray contact lenses and a slight lip tint on his lips. His face was bright and his features were as if they were drawn by an artist. His long chained earrings were dangling and he looked formal and elegant, like that. He slowly got up and grabbed his book, Kihyun looked at his hand and laughed softly. “It’s not the Linguistics book, Hyungwon. It’s History.” Hyungwon shook his shoulders. “At least I’m sober enough to bring a book with me and find the fucking class.” His voice cracked while speaking. Kihyun watched him carefully, he was worried about him on the inside. He walked away towards the door and stepped out of the classroom. Kihyun followed him and they didn’t speak as they walked through the hall. Clearly, Hyungwon was avoiding him, avoiding any interactions with him. When they walked a while and stopped at the bus stop Kihyun couldn’t help but asked.

“Are you okay?” Hyungwon looked at him, he looked sleepy. He nodded at him and took a deep breath. “I’m okay.” Kihyun was his close friend but as a matter of course, he was always telling him off about drugs. He didn’t want to talk about the drugs. He didn’t want to explain why he was doing that to himself.

“Your bruises getting darker.” Kihyun pointed. “Your face will get ugly.” Hyungwon rolled his eyes and sighed without looking at him. “I’m not obsessed with my face or beauty as much as you. So, I don’t care.” Kihyun shrugged and smirked slightly. “I am not obsessed, I am beautiful after all.” Hyungwon wanted to snap but he also thought Kihyun was beautiful, unlike him. They didn’t talk until the bus arrived. When it arrived and stopped in front of them, they got in together as they used the same bus to the way home. They sat together and Hyungwon rested his head on the window again. Kihyun pulled out his phone and his Airpods. He glanced at Hyungwon, examining him. “You’re not listening to music? How unlike you.”

“I don’t have battery.” He replied bluntly, not leaving his eyes from the road even for a second. Kihyun sighed and put his Airpods back to his pocket. “Okay then, let’s talk.”

“Do I look like a talkative person?” he raised his voice a little. He knew Kihyun was going to lecture him about drugs, suggest him to go to the rehabilitation. He didn’t want any of these.

“To be honest, you don’t even look like a person. You look like a cadaver.” Hyungwon chuckled softly. “Thank you.” Kihyun was annoyed by his manner and took a deep breath. “How long are you going to live like this?” The blond looked at him as if he didn’t get what Kihyun said.

“Like what?”

Kihyun rolled his eyes and pressed his lips before speaking. “When will you stop this Hyungwon?” Hyungwon was still looking at him like Kihyun was speaking in a language he didn’t know. “Stop what, Kihyun?”

“H.”

_How the fuck do you know its name?_

They both went silent. Kihyun was staring at him, waiting for an answer while Hyungwon escaped from his gaze. “I don’t know.” He shrugged, he really didn’t know when or how to stop this. “You are dying, Hyungwon.”

“I know.”

“No you don’t. You’re going to die If you keep doing this.” Kihyun said with a lower tone but he made it clear in his voice that he was worrying about him. “So what?” Hyungwon asked, staring at the road. Kihyun got surprised at his words. “What?”

“I don’t see a fucking problem about me dying. If I am going to die, then I die. It’s simple.”

“Do you know what you’re talking about?” Kihyun felt his anger rising but tried to keep his voice low and calm.

“Kihyun, I don’t care okay? The only thing I care about is how to get another shot for the other day. I don’t have a bright future like yours. I don’t have aristocrat parents like yours. I don’t live the life you’re living. I’m just living the moment, nothing more. I don’t have the reason for me to live. I am not you, Kihyun.” Hyungwon told him, looking at his face carefully. He regretted what he said a second later. He told about his feelings more than enough. Kihyun was just looked at him, frozen. For a moment he wanted to say something, opened his lips slightly but nothing came out. He got up from his seat and got out when it stopped. Hyungwon softly hit his head to the window when he remembered what he said.

_I’m not fucking perfect like him._

_I’m not rich, I’m not royal… I’m just nothing._

_And he didn’t need to know about this._

When the bus arrived the final stop, he got out and started to walk towards his neighborhood. He was angry at himself and his steps got quicker. He wanted to sleep. It was too early for a shot and he didn’t feel like doing it. He quickly walked down the street and entered the building. He picked his keys from his back pocket and opened the door. Hyungwon could understand from the smoke in the air that Changkyun was at home. He didn’t want to talk to him so he just walked to the bedroom but stopped when Changkyun called his name. “Hyungwon.”

“What?” He turned his head back, too moody for a bickering. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” He raised an eyebrow at Changkyun. “What?” Changkyun stepped closer to him and folded his arms on his chest. He was wearing a black turtleneck sweater with white stripes on it. His pitch black jeans made his legs look prettier. Hyungwon sighed at his own thought.

“You are living here right?” he asked. The other was getting more and more confused at his words. “Yes?”

“Then fucking act like it. You hardly come home and when you do, either you’re high as fuck or like this. What is your problem?” Changkyun yelled. Hyungwon closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Not now Changkyun, I’m going to sleep.” Hyungwon knew he would be mad after his words. “Sleep? Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck happened to you? You don’t even talk to us anymore. Do you have problem with us or something? Tell me.” Hyungwon rolled his eyes and looked around. He really needed to sleep.

“No, I really need to sleep Changkyun. Please, let’s talk later.” He opened the bedroom’s door and got inside, immediately closing it behind. Changkyun gave a shaky breath while brushing his hair back with his hand. “You know, fuck you, Chae Hyungwon.” He murmured and picked his phone, dialed Jooheon’s number.

“Yeah?” He answered it immediately.

“Let’s go to Machine.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im still thinking about a summary for the story intro, enjoy!

“Isn’t it too early to go?”

Changkyun rolled his eyes as he answered. “Not now idiot, tonight.” The voice on the other side of the line laughed. “Oh, right. Sorry. I have a tattoo to do. It can take half an hour. After that, I’m free. Did you eat?” Jooheon asked.

“No—“ he replied before Jooheon cut him off suddenly. “Good, come to my place then. We can go eat out.” Changkyun smiled at the offer, “Okay, I’ll see you in 20 minutes.” He hung up and went to the bathroom. He took a quick shower and walked to the bedroom. He attempted to open the door but it was locked and Hyungwon was inside. He grunted and kicked the door enough to make a loud noise. “What are you, emo? Sixteen-year-old teenage girl? Open the fucking door I need to dress up.” He heard foot steps towards the door immediately after his yell and Hyungwon unlocked the door. He didn’t met hiz gaze and he went back to the bed. Changkyun didn’t say anything but he was mumbling to himself. Hyungwon’s back was facing him and he wasn’t looking at him so he decided to dress in the bedroom. He wore his underwear and looked for something to combine with his zipped black jeans. He tampered inside the wardrobe and found his Nirvana t-shirt, a black shirt and a dark blue denim jacket with patches. He quickly put them on and glanced at Hyungwon’s sleeping figure. He frowned at him and got out.

He grabbed his phone and put on his Converse’s then quickly got out. He left the building and walked down the street. Jooheon’s tattoo salon was on the left, nearly at the end of the road. Changkyun walked towards the place and put a little smile on his face when he stepped inside. Jooheon was wearing a sweater, a silk black vest and a black leather belt choker. Changkyun had always liked Jooheon’s style and impressed with his look. Jooheon smiled when he saw Changkyun as he was talking to his client. While waiting Jooheon, he examined his features. His hair was orange but it wasn’t as bright and vivid as it was before. He had several piercings on his face, he even had tattoos on his face. A little “Crybaby” tattoo was inked right above his left eyebrow which was pierced and a tiny cross just below his eyes, at the corner. He had a septum on his nose and two snakebites at the two corner of his lips. He glued his eyes to Jooheon’s figure and wondered how would it feel like having an inked body like his. Changkyun had the same eyebrow piercing with Jooheon but he hadn’t even gotten himself to get a tattoo. Jooheon waved at the client as the girl walked away, he turned to Changkyun.

“Hey.”

Changkyun shook his head and looked at him like he was just out of his trance. “So you’re sober enough to draw something?”

“Always.” They laughed softly, Changkyun looked at his dimples when he laughed. He had dimples both on his two cheeks and Changkyun found it cute when he laughed. “Where is Hyungwon?” Changkyun frowned at the mention of his name. He shrugged and answered. “He said he was going to sleep.” Jooheon raised an eyebrow like he wasn’t satisfied with the answer. “What? He was grumpy as hell again so I didn’t bother.”

“Weird.”

“Right? He really stopped hanging with us. I feel like we wouldn’t feel any difference If he is gone—“

“Don’t say that, Changkyun.” Jooheon’s voice got stern and Changkyun nodded quietly. “Anyways, where are we going?” The orange haired one shook his shoulders and sighed. “Mc Donald’s? It’s near here.”

“Mc Donald’s then.” They walked half of the road without talking. Changkyun was still mad at Hyungwon but he didn’t want to say anything about that because he could be harsh. He put his hands inside his pockets and watched his steps. Jooheon couldn’t help but broke the silence. “Did you guys fight?” Changkyun surprised at the question. “Not really, no. He didn’t even talk to me much.” Jooheon turned his head at him but didn’t say anything. “I don’t know Jooheon, he is not himself anymore.” He sighed and continued, “The only thing that matters for him is a fucking syringe deep inside his veins. It’s annoying.”

Jooheon smiled sadly then nodded. “Well… It’s not like we are clean and pure as fuck but… Yeah, it is annoying.”

They arrived when their talk ended. They stepped in and got themselves one menu for each. They didn’t talk about Hyungwon any more and changed the subject. Jooheon told him about the tattoo he had done today and asked Changkyun if he wanted one. He could understand Changkyun was still mad at Hyungwon but he was glad that he made Changkyun smile. They spent more hours in there, talking about anything that came to their minds. When they saw the sky dark, they walked out of the restaurant and headed to the club.

As they got in front of the club, Changkyun muttered, “I’m not doing coke tonight.” He stopped in front of the downstairs. He stared at the sight. There were people who were sitting on the sidewalk. Some were smoking, some were drinking their beers. Jooheon was looking at him curiously. “And?”

“I’ll take molly.” Changkyun smirked. He started to walk down the stairs and Jooheon followed him without saying anything. He wasn’t surprised much but Changkyun solely chose molly. The music got louder when they entered the club. They walked to the bar section. Changkyun got them two beers and leaned closer to Jooheon’s ear. “I’m getting them, how many do you want?” Jooheon answered his question by showing two of his fingers and gave him some money. Changkyun nodded and walked away. He completed the money and got near to the man who was watching the crowd from the corner. Changkyun told him and sneakily gave the money and took the little pack in his hand. He headed back to where Jooheon was while watching the fast lights on the ceiling. They were flashing with different colors, matching the beat. Jooheon was sitting there and drinking his beer when he walked towards him. Changkyun sat beside him and handed the two pills underhand.

They took their pills quickly by swallowing them with their beers. They both watched the people and listened the loud music. When Changkyun finished his beer he felt hot. He started to sweat and looked at Jooheon, same with him. Their pupils dilated when the drugs kicked in. Changkyun leaned his back to the bar table and focused his eyes on the lights above. They were flashing as if they were right in front of his eyes. Jooheon was watching the people while his jaw was starting to clench. He saw little hallucinations in every flash of light. He turned to Changkyun who was watching the ceiling with hazy eyes. He leaned closer, “Changkyun.”

Changkyun turned his head to him and stared blankly. Jooheon licked his lips and smirked.

“Let’s dance.”

Changkyun stared at him and then smiled. “Okay.” Before they got up, they took their second pills with their drinks and then Changkyun got up. Jooheon followed him and they walked to the area where people were dancing. The music was loud but steady. They started to move their bodies slowly, matching the rhythm. Changkyun looked at him while biting his lower lip. The music and the beat got faster as Jooheon leaned closer to his ear, “You’re biting your lip too much.”

“So what?” He was smirking, eyes hazy and pupils dilated. Jooheon stopped holding back and crushed his lips to his. Changkyun was shocked but the drugs were controlling him more, he kissed back. Jooheon placed his hands on his hips as Changkyun continued dancing, moving his hips to Jooheon’s. He entangled his fingers to Jooheon’s orange strands, deepening the kiss by tilting his head to the side. Jooheon felt his heart was pounding faster. He pulled Changkyun and pressed him to his body with his hands that were on Changkyun’s hips and Changkyun rubbed himself more to Jooheon while dancing. He rubbed his tongue to Jooheon’s and Jooheon sucked his tongue while caressing his body. Changkyun moaned into the kiss while pulling Jooheon’s hair softly. Jooheon licked over his lower lip and Changkyun pulled his piercing with his teeth. Jooheon pressed his body to himself harder while he felt Changkyun’s hot breath against his wet lips. The lights were flashing on his face and his reddened lips were visible to Jooheon. He kissed him again and inserted his tongue inside his mouth once again. They continued kissing and dancing until they were out of breath. Changkyun felt something hard pressed to his lower body and smirked. They stopped kissing and pressed their foreheads to each other while slowly dancing with the music.

 

Hoseok looked at the time as he unlocked his phone. It was 4:47AM and he was still drinking at the same bar he always went. He remembered the boy he encountered yesterday. His eyes searched for him. He really wanted to know what could make him like that. That was his one side that he hated sometimes. He wanted to help anyone who he could reach. He wanted to help him. He really got mad when a couple of old perverts tried to touch him. He shook his head and drank all of his whiskey.

_What the fuck Hoseok?_

He brought his hand to his hair and sighed, then he paid the check and got up. His head spinned suddenly and he grabbed the table with his hand to stand still.

_Great, you’re drunk again. How the fuck are you going to drive?_

He stepped out of the bar and got into his black Mercedes car, started the engine, Hoseok was nervous while driving since his sight was a little bit blurry and his head was spinning slightly. He slowly drove to his apartment and parked his car near to the building. He stepped out of his car and suddenly lost his balance. He held onto his car’s door to prevent himself falling.

_Well done, Hoseok. You’re really drunk._

After he closed the door and locked his car, he walked slowly, stepped inside the building and got into the elevator. He pressed the “7” written button and leaned his back to the mirror. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Thinking about how he can wake up early and go to work. He opened his eyes as he heard the sound of the elevator and got out. His steps were slow but shaky. He finally reached his apartment’s door and picked his keys. His sight was getting darker and he hardly managed to find the right key. After his struggle, he opened his door and stepped inside. He slipped his shoes off and walked directly to his bedroom. He didn’t turn on any lights because he thought he couldn’t even handle the light. Hoseok sighed as he loosened his tie and took it off, throwing it to somewhere he didn’t bother to look. Then he got rid off his suit and put his pajamas on. He laid to his bed face down then he closed his eyes. The face from the night before appeared in his mind. Hoseok quickly opened his eyes wide.

_I need to find you._

He felt like he needed to help him, he had to. He had been feeling like that since he looked at his face. That face looked like a corpse frozen in a morgue. He wasn’t like the other stupid teenage drug addicts. It was like he would be so beautiful if he wasn’t in that situation. He smiled slightly at his thought.

_Now I want to see how beautiful you can be._

He continued smiling but closed his eyes back and fell asleep after few minutes.

 

Hyungwon woke up with the sound of his alarm. He quickly grabbed his phone and muted the alarm. He got up and sat on the bed while rubbing his eyes. He was still sleepy but he was determined that he would go to school early this time. He dragged himself out of the bed and stepped out of the bedroom. Still rubbing his eyes, he went to the bathroom, turned on the cold water and stepped under the water. He shivered at the cold water waking up his body. He was still mad at himself, still thinking about Kihyun’s words.

_“You are dying, Hyungwon.”_

_Yeah… I know._

After the shower he went back to the bedroom and opened the messy wardrobe to pick some clothes. He picked his black skinny jeans, white shirt and gray sweater and threw them onto the bed. He rinsed his hair with the towel and wore his clothes. He took a look at his phone, it was 8AM. While his hair started to dry, he walked to the kitchen which was included in the living room. He opened the fridge to find something to eat. There were a few bottles of beer and a box. He took the box and opened it. There was some sandwich left. Hyungwon sighed and put it back to the fridge, closed it. He didn’t feel like eating. He made himself a coffee and sat on the table. He glanced at the living room and realised something he didn’t. His eyes widened and a smirk formed on his face at the sight. Changkyun was sleeping on the couch again. But something was different, Jooheon was laying on Changkyun. Hyungwon couldn’t help but giggle at them. He took a sip from his coffee as he was watching them in their sleep. Hyungwon always could say that Jooheon had feelings for Changkyun. He had known and realised before they started to live together.

He lit a cigarette while drinking his coffee and dragged a long breath in. He heard a little sound and looked at them again. Jooheon shifted closer to Changkyun’s chest and leaned his head while wrapping his arms around his waist. Changkyun wasn’t even moving, his one arm and leg were hanging down from the couch.

_Idiots._

Hyungwon brushed his hair with his hand and felt that it was dry enough. He fixed it with his hand and finished his coffee. He got up as the cigarette was at the corner of his lips. He went back to the bedroom and picked his bag. He took out his phone and looked at the schedule from the university’s website and put his books in his bag. After looking at the time he put on his leather black jacket and boots then went out of the house. He walked the way to the bus stop with earphones on, listening to his favourite playlist. The bus came immediately after Hyungwon arrived to the bus stop. He quickly got in and sit on a seat next to the window, watching the road until he arrived at school. He climbed upstairs and walked to his class. There were a couple of students who came earlier and Kihyun.

“Morning.”

Kihyun snapped his head up to the direction of the voice with widened eyes. Hyungwon couldn’t help but smile at his reaction. He took a seat and sat next to him. Kihyun was surprised at his looks that was way different from yesterday. His face was still bruised and he had dark circles under his eyes but he looked better than yesterday. Kihyun couldn’t help but smile back at him.

“Morning, Hyungwon.” He continued gazing at him while smiling. Hyungwon sighed and laughed slightly. “So, you see? I can be a normal student like you. Not only a junkie you’re worrying about all the time.” Kihyun looked at him, frowning a little. That wasn’t his point, he wanted Hyungwon to go to rehabilitation and live like a normal human being. Kihyun wanted him to live his young years happily.

“You’re quitting?”

“No.”

That was what Kihyun expected. He nodded his head slowly while looking at him with a bit disappointed expression. Hyungwon contiuned, “I wanted to show you that I can be a normal human being whenever I want to.”

As Kihyun was about to say something the teacher entered the class and greeted them. Hyungwon smiled at the woman and prepared his books. Kihyun continued to watch him as Hyungwon was tracing his fingers along his finger tattoos, his luna tattoo on his middle finger was fading like the others. His knife tattoo on his neck was still vivid and it was appearent on his white skin.

Kihyun listened to the course and took notes but his mind was still worrying about Hyungwon. When they had a break Kihyun got up from his seat. “I’m going to have some fresh air, you coming?” Hyungwon shook his head as he was looking at his phone. Kihyun walked out of the class and went downstairs. He stepped out of the door and leaned his back to the nearest wall.

_What was that, Hyungwon?_

_You can be a normal human being…_

_When you want to, huh?_

Kihyun couldn’t even truly be happy about his friend coming to school early, bringing his books, listening to the lecture carefully. Like he wasn’t Hyungwon. When he realised he was overthinking he looked at his silver watch and saw that there were 5 minutes left to the course. He went back inside and headed to his classroom. When he was walking to his destination he saw someone walking towards his direction from the other side.

_Mr. Lee._

Kihyun forgot to breathe for a second when he saw him. His light, blond bangs were hanging near his eyes, Kihyun could see his eyes under the shadow of his hair. Kihyun froze at where he was and watched him walk towards him.

_Move. Move your legs Kihyun._

Kihyun continued to watch him instead. His light brown trenchcoat matched his hair. He was wearing a black silk shirt under the coat, Kihyun could see despite the distance. He felt his hands were sweating— no, his whole body started to sweat and Kihyun felt hot. He couldn’t take away his eyes from him. His hair, his face, his eyes…

_His lips._

Kihyun felt weak when he stared at his lips.

“Good morning, Mr. Yoo.”

Kihyun nearly jumped at the voice. He tried to look at his eyes but failed. He felt nauseaus, it was like the ground under his feet started to shake. His breath was uneven and not enough for him.

_Breathe. You can do this. It’s not like he can understand. He just said “good morning”. You’ll say “good morning” too and it’s over._

_Don’t faint on him. Not now, anxiety attack. Please…_

While Kihyun was trying hard not to faint from anxiety and breathlessness, Minhyuk looked at him curiously. He stepped closer to him, not knowing that Kihyun was getting more panicked. He looked down, too panicked to make an eye contact.

_No, no… Please don’t get that close to me._

“Are you okay?”

Kihyun’s breath hitched at his voice and for a split second, he looked at him. He looked away as he felt his cheeks burned. He tried to speak but he couldn’t even swallow. He half-opened his lips but then closed again.

_Speak, you coward. He’s just your teacher._

Minhyuk brought his hand up and touched his cheek, caressing slightly. Kihyun felt like he was dying at the skin contact. His hands were cool but soft. He would have liked If he hadn’t having an anxiety attack at that moment.

“I’m… I’m okay.” Kihyun finally spoke. His voice was shaking. “Morning… Mr. Lee.” He nodded his head quickly and walked past him. He started to run to the men’s toilet and got into the cabinet, locking it behind him. He slowly slid down and sat onto the dirty ground.

_Breathe. Breathe, Kihyun._

He wiped the sweat from his forehead and unbuttoned a button on his shirt. He took deep breaths slowly. He still could feel his legs were shaking. Kihyun swallowed hard as he felt tears formed in his eyes.

_I need to go back._

He tangled his fingers to his hair and pulled it slightly. After he felt calm he slowly got up, holding onto the cabin’s walls and fixed his clothes. He unlocked the cabinet, walking in front of the mirror. He looked at himself and saw his skin color had turned as pale as Hyungwon’s, maybe paler. He fixed his look and quickly went to the classroom. He knew he was late, the break was already over. He knocked the door softly and opened it, apologizing. The lecturer smiled and nodded her head. Kihyun felt a bit relaxed and quickly sat back on his seat. Hyungwon looked at him surprised. Kihyun felt his eyes were on him even if he tried to avoid his gaze.

“What?” He whispered. Hyungwon narrrowed his eyes and watched him more carefully. “You look like a scared cat, Ki.”

Kihyun cringed at his words and the nickname and frowned. “Stop calling me ‘Ki’. And no, I’m okay.”

_I’m not okay._

Kihyun sighed while he looked at his book absentmindedly. He still felt _his_ touch lingering on his face. He unconsciously brought his fingers to his cheek and he felt his breath got stuck on his throat again. He shook his head softly and tried to focus on the topic the teacher was talking about.

They were almost getting to the last course of the day. Hyungwon looked at the clock on the wall and sighed as he took notes from the board. When they had the last break Kihyun wasn’t even talking. He was just reading the same page over and over again. Hyungwon attemped to talk but he felt his body shivered suddenly. He stopped for a second but turned to Kihyun again.

“Are you really okay?”

Kihyun looked up to him and put a fake smile on his face. “Yeah, just a bit spaced out. Why?” His voice was still nervous and even Kihyun realised that. He cursed at himself in his mind. Hyungwon stared at him suspiciously. Kihyun rolled his eyes. “If I say that I’m okay, it means I’m okay, Hyungwon.” Hyungwon sighed and shrugged then looked back at his phone. Kihyun turned back at his book and flipped the page. Their break ended a few minutes later.

While Hyungwon was taking notes he felt like throwing up suddenly. He stopped writing, trying to comprehend what happened. He lifted up his head and looked at the clock. There were still 20 minutes to the end of the class. He hissed when he felt a sudden pain in his stomach. He brought his hand to where the pain was increasing. Hyungwon’s eyes widened in realisation.

 _No_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter won’t be much pretty...


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter may be disturbing so... you have been warned.

He lowered and pressed his head against the desk. His breaths got quicker as he felt hot and shivered at the same time.

_No no please…_

He tightened his grasp on the desk till his knuckles turned white. He started to panic as he knew why this was happening. He swallowed hard and tried to breathe steadily. Kihyun heard his soft whimpers and looked at the shivering and sweating figure. He slowly leaned to him and whispered, “Hyungwon?”

He couldn’t get himself to answer him. He was trying to dig his nails to the wooden desk as he clenched his teeth so hard that Kihyun could hear them creaking. Hyungwon’s eyes whirling around. He felt himself shaking and suddenly snapped his head up. He looked at the teacher with teary eyes and the woman stopped writing to the board to look at him.

“C-can I… Can I go to the—“ He couldn’t end his sentence because of the nauseaus feeling. The lecturer looked at him worriedly and nodded. Hyungwon swiftly got up and ran out of the classroom. He ran to the toilet and fell to the floor since he couldn’t feel his legs for a second. He was breathing fast and uneven while standing on his elbows and knees. He clenched his teeth to prevent himself from screaming when he felt pain struck through his bones. He grabbed the basin and slowly got up on his feet by holding onto it. He turned on the cold water and washed his face with shaky hands. He could hear his breathing as he placed his hands on the basin and looked at himself in the mirror.

“Not now, please…” He whispered to himself. Swallowed hard, he stood up and fixed himself. “I’m okay.” He took a deep breath and shrugged his shoulders but when he attempted to go back a wave of nausea hit him suddenly. He brought his hand to his mouth and pressed tightly until he quickly got into one of the cabinets and got onto his knees, throwing up inside the toilet. He couldn’t even breathe between the gags. After his nausea stopped, Hyungwon stayed on his knees while leaning to the toilet. His breaths was shaky and his eyes were all teared up. He coughed and slowly tried to get up. He held onto anything that can help him stand up and walk. He got out of the cabinet with his legs shaking. He washed his mouth and sat on the ground, leaning his back to the tiled cold wall. He stayed like that for around 10 minutes, waiting his breath to turn back to its normal pace. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears while staring at the gray tiles blankly.

_I need… I need to go home…_

He got up on his feet and walked back to the classroom which was empty when he got back. The only person who was still in there was Kihyun. He ran to him immediately when he saw him. Hyungwon tried to put his things back to his back with shaky hands, avoiding Kihyun.

“Hyungwon.”

He stopped his movements and looked at him. Kihyun probably knew what was happening so he didn’t need to tell him. Kihyun pushed his hands away and put his things in his bag, closing the zip. “Thanks.” Hyungwon muttered, throwing it to his shoulder. He turned around and started to walk with his hand on the desks, walls. Kihyun followed him quickly and took his arm. And when Hyungwon wanted to protest Kihyun cut him off, frowning. “I know what is happening. Let me.” Hyungwon looked at him then nodded. There was no point in protesting against Kihyun. He was still trembling while walking to the bus stop. Kihyun sighed at him, he knew this would happen. They got on the bus. They sat together at the back while Kihyun rubbing Hyungwon’s back as Hyungwon tried to take deep breaths. Kihyun was watching him while whispering to himself, “I fucking told you.” Repeatedly. Hyungwon leaned his head back and opened his eyes slightly. His face and sweater were soaked with sweat and he was struggling to breathe. Kihyun was staring at him half mad half worried.

“Stop… Please stop.” He whispered incoherently to himself. Kihyun couldn’t find any words to speak but watch him silently. “I’ll take you home.” Hyungwon didn’t speak. Kihyun was still wondering if he was still conscious or not. They didn’t speak except for Hyungwon’s murmurs to himself and Kihyun held both of his hands tightly. They got off the bus, Kihyun helped Hyungwon to move and let Hyungwon hold onto him as they walked to his apartment. When they reached to the front of the building Hyungwon let go of Kihyun. “Thank you.” He muttered as a slight but hurting smile formed on his face. Kihyun frowned and stared at him. “I can take care of myself.” Hyungwon added.

“No you can’t. You can’t even w—“

“It’s okay. It will be over when I sleep. Everytime it does.” He lied, expecting him to believe. Kihyun continued to stare then finally sighed. “You sure?” Hyungwon laughed. His voice cracked as he spoke. “Yeah, I know how to deal with cravings.” Kihyun nodded his head. “Okay. But… call me if anything happens. Any. Thing.” Hyungwon nodded and stepped inside the building. Kihyun watched him as he got into the house. He finally got inside and Kihyun took a deep breath, then he left.

Another strike of pain hit his whole body when he tried to go to the bedroom. He was about to fall but didn’t as he held the doorknob. He got inside the bed and tried to sleep while shivering so extremely that his teeth were clattering. He closed his eyes and focused on sleeping. He relaxed when he felt sleepy, he could sleep it away. But then his bones started to ache again and this time, worse. He pulled his knees to his chest and rubbed his legs with his shaking hands. He needed it but he knew he couldn’t get it himself. He couldn’t even walk. He felt like he had to sleep it away but the pain wasn’t letting him.

_I should have let Kihyun stay with me._

He regretted his decision while he was squirming under the blankets. But at the same time, he didn’t want Kihyun to see him like this, weak. He felt his head started to spin and ache at the same time and the spinning caused him to feel nauseaus again. And again, he started to struggle when breathing. After about 1 hour of squirming in the bed Hyungwon started to yell and scream whenever he felt his body ache. He quickly got up and ran to the bathroom with clumsy steps and started to throw up in the toilet. He threw up until his throat hurts and nothing came out. He forced himself to crawl to the shower cabin and turned on the water. He took of his sweater and sat under the ice cold water. He still had his shirt and pants while sitting under the water. The cold water made him shiver more and he could see from his blurry vision that his fingertips were getting purple because of the temperature.

He got out of the bathroom with soaked clothes and he didn’t even bother to get a towel. His clothes were soaking the ground and the bed as water dripping down from his clothes to the ground. He clenched his teeth when he felt his veins hurting. He grabbed and held inside of his elbow tightly. He can feel even the old needle mark started to hurt.

“Please stop… Please stop… Stop… St—Fuck!”

He screamed and grabbed the nearest thing, the desk lamp, and threw it to the wall. He was shaking uncontrollably and breathing heavily. His eyes were wide unlike a couple of minutes ago.

“Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. STOP.”

He hadn’t been aware of his hands were pulling his hair hard until he pulled his hands away and looked at them as some strands of his hair were tangled around his fingers. He grabbed his course books and started to rip the pages one by one. He didn’t realise he was crying while ripping off the pages crazily. He dragged himself down to the ground from the bed, sat on the ground and took his head in his hands while crying. He felt his throat burn more and started to cough and felt like throwing up. He tried to get up but failed and he screamed in pain, laying on the ground. His whole body was shaking, shivering, sweating and aching at the same time and Hyungwon didn’t think he could handle anymore. He started to hit the back of his head repeatedly to the ground.

_I’m dying._

He stared at the ceiling, stopped hitting his head and curled to his side. He felt dizzy from hitting his head. He tried to sleep again but his stomach ached and he jumped up. Before he even got out of the bedroom he had leaned forward and started to throw up again. Since he was throwing up too much, he felt hot liquid filled in his mouth and he spit it to the ground. His eyes widened when he saw the crimson red liquid on the floor. He felt numb and slid down onto the ground slowly. With his last energy, he reached forcefully to his phone which was in front of the bedroom, on the floor. He dialed the number and watched the name apper on the screen, Changkyun. But it was declined immediately. He rolled his eyes and coughed again. The metallic taste of blood filled his mouth as he dialed another number. He picked up quickly. Jooheon. He brought his weak and shaking hand to his ear.

“Yeah, Hyungwon?”

“I’m…” He tried to speak as his vision gets blurry and he felt like his body was failing. He heard Jooheon called his name again. He managed the words loud enough for him to hear before he collapsed on the ground.

_“I’m not okay.”_

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, happy new year everyone! i know it's late to say but still...  
> anyways, i made some edits for this fiction. here is the links and i hope you like them;  
> HyungWonho: https://i.hizliresim.com/ZXkX3a.jpg  
> JooKyun: https://i.hizliresim.com/BaPazg.jpg  
> KiHyuk: https://i.hizliresim.com/jg3g6r.jpg

Jooheon looked at the time when he finished cleaning his saloon. Changkyun was smoking at the corner of the window, listening to music with one of his earphones plugged. Changkyun didn’t go to school again. He said he wanted to go with Jooheon. Jooheon didn’t argue with him about school and let Changkyun come with him. He remembered that morning when glanced at him. Feeling his face was getting hot, he turned his head to the other side.

_Jooheon felt someone’s hand on his back and slowly lifted his head up. He opened his eyes to adjust the situation. He was sleeping on Changkyun. Jooheon immediately felt embarrassed and panicked while trying to get up, only to wake Changkyun up._

_“What… the fuck?”_

_Jooheon went silent and motionless while they stared at each other. Jooheon swallowed hard and got up quickly. “Fuck— Sorry…” Changkyun slowly got up and sat on the couch while rubbing his eyes, feeling a headache so bad that he could feel it all over his head. He rubbed his temples and stared at Jooheon who was sitting on a chair, staring at a random spot in the room with a nervous face. Changkyun slowly got up from the couch and walked towards the kitchen. He made two cups of coffee for himself and Jooheon._

_Jooheon remembered the kiss last night. He felt like he was out of breath for a second. They kissed, Jooheon kissed Changkyun._

_And he kissed him back._

_He stared blankly at his surroundings as he remembered the feeling of Changkyun’s lips on his. He started to feel hot again and his hands started to get sweaty. Changkyun probably remembered the kiss. He wanted to ask, ask about what he felt or why he kissed back but he couldn’t even put them into words. His thoughts went silent as Changkyun gave him a cup of coffee and sat in front of him. Jooheon didn’t even attempt to look at him. He slowly drank his coffee and continued staring at somewhere blankly._

_“Jooheon.”_

_He looked at the other as soon as he mentioned his name. He watched him carefully while he was curious about the topic. Changkyun looked at him with his coffee on his hand. He was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday. His ash brown hair was messy and some strands of his hair slightly tangled around his eyebrow piercing. His eyes were half lidded as he was still sleepy. Jooheon wanted to smile how messy he looked. “Yeah?”_

_“I know you think about what happened.”_

_Jooheon’s eyes widened slightly at his sentence. He quickly broke the eye contact and looked at his white porcelain cup, staring at the black liquid in it._

_“Stop thinking about that, It’s not a big deal.”_

Jooheon remembered his words as his eyes started to hurt. He had tried hard not to cry and he was still trying. He felt a lump in his throat as he was staring at him. He watched him as if he wanted to memorize him in every detail. He examined his clothes. His black shirt with black ripped jeans, dark blue denim jacket, chains were hanging down on the sides of his jeans. His hair had little roots, showing that he had dark brown hair. Jooheon watched the smaller and younger figure in front of him for more than a minute. He forgot what had happened in the morning when he looked at him. His stare was full of pure admiration but Changkyun hadn’t ever seen it.

Changkyun was still a bit mad at Hyungwon, Jooheon can tell. He dragged a final breath from his cigarette and threw it outside the window. That’s when Changkyun’s phone rang and Jooheon saw that he frowned. He quickly pressed the decline button and put it back to his pocket. Jooheon’s phone rang immediately after Changkyun’s. Jooheon surprised at the coincidence and picked up the phone, Hyungwon.

“Yeah, Hyungwon?”

He answered but felt something was wrong. Hyungwon stayed silent for a second and tried to say something. Jooheon could hear soft whimpers from the other side of the line. He glanced at Changkyun who was already looking at him, knowing who he was talking to.

“Hyungwon? What—“

_“I’m not okay.”_

His voice cracked at the end. It was hoarse and he went silent after his last words. Jooheon heard something clattered on the floor and it was probably his phone. He ended the call and turned to Changkyun with a pale and worried face. “We need to go home.”

“Why? I don’t want to.” Jooheon rolled his eyes as Changkyun looked at him with the same frown. He crossed his arms on his chest and sighed. “He doesn’t even talk to us and now he wants us to help? I’m not going.”

“Changkyun, cut the crap. He said he is not okay. We need to go. He is probably having an attack or something.”

“What attack? H? Well, it’s his problem. We told him.” Changkyun raised his voice and looked away. He continued with lower tone. “I’m not coming.”

“Changkyun.”

Changkyun looked at him, ready to say something but Jooheon’s face was too serious and worried for a stubborn conversation. Changkyun sighed and stared at him. “He can take care of hims—“

“Changkyun.” Jooheon repeated with louder voice. “I think it’s not the right time. Let’s go.”

Changkyun followed him silently as Jooheon closed his saloon and started to walk their way back home. Jooheon’s steps were fast and Changkyun was behind him, telling him to slow down but Jooheon was like he wasn’t even hearing him. They arrived the building, panting. Jooheon got inside quickly and Changkyun followed him. They climbed the upstairs quickly and they reached the wooden door. Jooheon’s movements were so frantically that he couldn’t even pick the right key because of panicking. Changkyun grabbed his hands softly and found and inserted the key, opening the door slowly. Jooheon swiftly stepped inside and searched for him. He walked towards the bedroom and suddenly stopped his steps as he saw the sight before him. Changkyun looked at the orange haired figure and walked towards him with slow steps. His eyes widened in fear when he saw the scene too.

Their blonde haired friend was laying on the floor, his clothes were damp and his hair was messy. He had a string of blood dried at the corner of his lips as some blood were already dried on the floor next to him. Changkyun was the first one to act and he ran to him, lifted his head with his hand, looking at his face. His face was paler than before and he could see the injuries from biting on his lips got worse. Changkyun looked at Jooheon who was too scared to move. He slapped his cheeks softly as he tried to wake him up. “Hyungwon… open your eyes. Hey, Hyungwon…” Changkyun felt his voice tremble, he lifted his body up and glanced at Jooheon. Jooheon slowly stepped forward and helped Changkyun carry Hyungwon to the bed. He laid his body as he realised Hyungwon got lighter and thinner. Changkyun and Jooheon sat beside his body and Changkyun put his hand softly on his forehead. He swallowed hard as staring at his figure. Jooheon was also staring at Hyungwon with shock and he was moving back and forth unconsciously. He looked like a little kid who lost his parents as he looked at Hyungwon.

_Please be okay, please be okay… Please open your eyes._

Changkyun shook him once again and Hyungwon’s eyes shot open. He got up swiftly and his eyes were unfocused and wide. Changkyun held his face between his hands and made him look right in his eyes.

“Hey, hey… Look at me.” Changkyun’s voice was soft, opposed to his behavior at Jooheon’s place. Hyungwon was shaking like a leaf. “I’m here. We are here, okay? Calm down.”

Hyungwon stared at him with wide eyes and tried to push him hard. “No! No… No, I need to get…”

Changkyun stayed calm as Jooheon was watching him nervously, too scared to do something. He left it to Changkyun. He wasn’t brave enough to handle Hyungwon. Hyungwon screamed in pain and held onto Changkyun. He leaned his head down and started to cry. “Please, make it stop…” He sobbed and gritted his teeth as he felt his bones ache as if they were going to break. He threw his head back and laid back to bed. “Please… Please make it stop…” Hyungwon clutched his legs, leaned to his side and rubbed them with shaky fingers as he continued to cry. Changkyun felt pain strike in his chest when he looked at him. Jooheon looked at Changkyun. Changkyun glanced at Jooheon from the corner of his eyes. Jooheon took a deep breath while playing with his fingers nervously, whispering “We need to do something.”

Changkyun knew what he meant and he felt a shiver ran down to his spine. He turned his head to Jooheon as if he didn’t get what he said. The room was silent except for Hyungwon’s sobs and whimpers. Jooheon held Hyungwon’s hand to make him feel that he was there. He glanced at Hyungwon with a sad expression and turned back to Changkyun. Changkyun looked paler than before, gazing at Hyungwon blankly. Jooheon sighed as he understood him.

“Look, this is the only way.”

“No.” Changkyun replied bluntly. He didn’t even blink while looking at Hyungwon who opened his eyes slowly and looked at Changkyun. His face was sweaty and his eyes were teary that Changkyun couldn’t stare at him any more. He escaped his gaze and looked around the room. The room was messy as if a storm passed through. There were many pieces of paper scattered around the room which were used to be Hyungwon’s course books. Changkyun examined the room but a croaked voice distracted him.

_Hyungwon._

“Please, Changkyun…”

Changkyun felt like he was suffocating then he left the room.

“Oh God, I’m going crazy…” Hyungwon breathed as he writhed in pain, clutching his stomach. Jooheon watched him quietly, thinking. He was trying to find another way. “Hyungwon… We can go to… hospital—“

“NO!” Jooheon startled at his yelling. He saw Hyungwon panicking. He started to tremble more and his eyes widened in fear. “No hospital… No… No hospital— I’m not going to hospital…” His voice got quieter as he repeated his words. Jooheon couldn’t even speak while staring at him. He held his hand tightly as he thinner hand continued shaking while getting colder. Jooheon took a deep breath and got out of the room. He saw Changkyun sitting next to the bedroom’s door, legs were near his chest. He lifted his head up to Jooheon. They stared each other and Jooheon broke the silence.

“We need to give it to him.” Jooheon muttered, he wasn’t even thinking anymore. “He really isn’t okay.”

Changkyun buried his head between his legs and sighed. “So? How are we going to—“

“You will get it. You are good at this. Please, Changkyun. He is our friend.” Jooheon pleaded as Hyungwon’s screams were heard from the other side of the door. Jooheon closed his eyes when he heard his friend screaming in agony.

“Why me? Why not you?” Changkyun asked as he stood up. “He got himself in this situation. We told him not to do that shit. We told him Jooheon.” Jooheon laughed suddenly, making Changkyun confused.

“Really now? Can’t you see him?” Jooheon asked, his voice started to tremble and his breathing was uneven. “If it’s about money, I’ll pay. Get him something.”

“I’m not gonna get anything for him.”

“Changkyun.” His voice was getting serious. Changkyun insisted, he felt under pressure and he was struggling to breathe.

“Why don’t you go? Since you care so much.” Jooheon opened his mouth to speak but then closed. Changkyun laughed. “Why is everything on me now? I wasn’t the one who gave him H in the first place and I’m not giving him in this place either.”

Jooheon grabbed his collar and pushed him to the wall hard. Changkyun felt the air left his lungs when he was hit to the wall and yelped in pain. “It’s not the time for this bullshit. Just fucking go, Changkyun.” His voice was dangerously low and he was staring right into his eyes. He could see anger and worry inside his eyes clearly as he focused on him. Jooheon let go of him and walked back to the bedroom. Changkyun stared at the space blankly in shock. He hadn’t seen him this mad before.

Jooheon sat next to Hyungwon who was still shaking, mumbling softly something like ‘stop… make it stop…’ He brushed his hair away from his face. His hair was still damp and messy. Changkyun entered the room and Jooheon stared at him with narrowed eyes as their eyes met. Changkyun looked at him and Hyungwon. He realised Jooheon’s hand was holding Hyungwon’s and he looked away, glancing at Jooheon’s face. “So you’re serious?”

“What do you think?”

Changkyun went silent as he watched the two. He took a deep breath, ignoring his shaking hands. He gave a breath and clenched his jaw. “Fuck… fine. I’ll get it.” He left the room and put his jacket and boots on. He quickly got out of the apartment and threw himself outside. He felt suffocated in there. He felt too much pressure and responsibility. Everything felt suffocating. He breathed for a moment and shook his head, starting to walk down the narrow and gloomy street. He put his hands on his pockets, trying to avoid their shaking. He swallowed as he stepped in an alley. He looked at his surroundings and his eyes stopped on two girls leaning to the wall, smoking. Changkyun continued walking through the alley and he stopped where the girls stood. One of them whistled at him.

“What is a pretty boy like you doing here?” Changkyun rolled his eyes as he decided to leave. He turned around and started walking. “You need something?” Changkyun stopped at his tracks and looked at the short haired redhead. She was wearing a beige, big loose jacket. The other one had all black clothes. Black denim jacket, black t-shirt, jeans and black classic boots; also her hair was black.

_What the fuck are they doing here?_

The black haired one walked towards him and traced her hand on his chest. “You’re too pretty to be here. How unfortunate.” Changkyun rolled his eyes and stepped back. “Do you have H?” he asked immediately. The girls surprised at his question and smirked. “Wow. H?” The black haired one turned to her friend and asked, “Do we have H?” She dragged a long breath from her cigarette and glanced at Changkyun. “You see that car?” She pointed the black old car in front of the next building. Changkyun nodded as he looked at the car. “Wait there, I’ll get it.” Changkyun walked towards the car without a word. He felt like he was out of time, he ran. He got at the back of the car and started waiting impatiently. The redhead came after about five minutes and put a transparent tiny pocket on the back of the car. Changkyun grabbed it swiftly and put it inside his jacket. He watched the girl’s face for a moment. She had pale face with messy, ragged red hair. Changkyun raised an eyebrow at the girl’s sight.

_How the fuck did they got into this shit?_

The girl touched his chin while smirking and Changkyun snapped out of his thoughts. He stepped back and frowned at her. “So how much?” She smiled and sighed at him. “16.000 Won.”

Changkyun pulled out 15 Dollars from his back pocket and handed to her. She shook her head. “I said Won, pretty boy.” Changkyun sighed in annoyance and looked at her. “Take this fucking 15 Dollars, I don’t have time.” She watched his face quite some time then shrugged. “Okay then, I hope to see you again, pretty boy…” She walked away as Changkyun cringed at the nickname. He held the pocket tightly and walked away. He reached their apartment quickly since he ran. He knocked at the door, waiting Jooheon to open up. His legs started to shake as he waited. Jooheon opened the door and stared at him. Changkyun got inside as he panted.

“How is he?” Changkyun asked, pulled out the pocket and looked at the chemical powder. Jooheon sighed as he glanced at the bedroom door.

“He calmed down but still… He is still in pain.” Changkyun walked to the bedroom and opened the door. Hyungwon looked unconscious while laying on the bed. He stepped closer and sat next to him, pressing his hand to his head to check his temperature. He was still burning and Changkyun frowned in worry when he realised. Jooheon stood in front of the door as he watched. Changkyun felt his presence and turned his head to him. “So?”

“What?” Jooheon asked another question. “Aren’t you going to do that?”

Changkyun’s face drained out of color, he opened his mouth to say something but nothing came. He waited for a second to catch his breath and looked at Jooheon again. “What? Me?” He wasn’t aware of his shaking voice as he spoke. Jooheon escaped his gaze and looked at Hyungwon.

“You are the only one who can do that.”

Changkyun gulped and looked at Hyungwon again. He felt his breath got quicker. He felt the pressure again and his head started to spin slightly. “I… I can’t do that.” He muttered, forcing his voice to be heard. “I can’t—“

“I don’t know how to do that, Changkyun. You’re the only one who knows more than me. I’m sorry but only you can do this.” Jooheon’s voice was gettin quieter each word and Changkyun felt sweat forming on his forehead. He could see Hyungwon’s uneven breathing by his chest’s movements. He was breathing as if someone was choking him and he struggled to breathe. Changkyun felt the same. Jooheon walked towards him and put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed softly. “Come on, ‘kyun.”

Changkyun didn’t respond as he stared blankly. His mouth dried and his hands felt cold. He looked down at the pocket in his hand and swallowed, licking his dried lips. Slowly, he got up and opened the drawer and pulled out a spoon and a needle. Jooheon looked away and quickly left the room, closing the door behind him. Changkyun was left alone with Hyungwon and his thoughts. He took deep breaths before doing anything. Hyungwon coughed slightly and that made Changkyun startle at the sound. He watched Hyungwon slowly open his eyes. Changkyun averted his gaze and turned his head.

“Changkyun…”

“Don’t say my name please.” Changkyun muttered at him. He sighed with a shaky breath and opened the pocket. He poured the powder into the spoon and paused for a while to stop his hands from shaking. Hyungwon realised what he was doing but he felt too tired to do something.

_Calm down Changkyun. You’re not doing anything bad._

_You have to do this. Calm the fuck down._

Changkyun looked at him and felt like he was drowning in a deep ocean.

_Don’t look at him. Just do what you have to do._

Changkyun grabbed the needle and drew some water into the syringe from the glass on the drawer. He poured the water in the spoon and mixed the powder with water by the head of the syringe. His hands were still shaking and he tried hard not to spill the mixture. He pulled out a lighter and held it under the spoon, heating the mixture.

“Hurry up…” Hyungwon murmured with hoarse voice. Changkyun frowned without looking at him.

“S-shut the fuck up.” He stuttered with a trembling voice. He couldn’t believe how shaky his voice was. Changkyun finished heating the spoon when he felt it was warm. He put the lighter and the spoon back on the drawer and pulled out his belt, wrapping around Hyungwon’s upper arm.

“I fucking hate you for making me do this.” He whispered at him. Hyungwon heard him and smiled faintly. He looked at him with tired, half-lidded eyes.

“I’m sorry…”

Changkyun glanced at him and tightened the belt. He took the syringe again and sat next to him. His breath got quicker than before. He spaced out for a second then shook his head immediately. He hit his elbow with two of his fingers to make the vein visible.

_Fuck the clubs for that I know how to do this fucking thing._

His hands started to shake again uncontrollably. He took a deep breath and stayed still. He slowly pierced through the pale white skin. Changkyun let out the breath he was holding. He sighed heavily then slowly draw a little blood into the syringe to make sure he got inside the vein. He held Hyungwon’s thin arm in his trembling hand.

_I’m sorry._

He slowly injected the liquid inside his veins as a tear rolled down on his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really want to know your thoughts about the edits tho! x3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *trigger warning*

Changkyun closed the door behind him quietly. He glanced at Jooheon, who was staring at the smoke of his cigarette. Changkyun dragged himself to the couch, sat next to Jooheon. Jooheon glanced at Changkyun, his face was still stern and his hand which was holding the cigarette was shaking slightly. He didn’t want to see the scene, he knew Changkyun was able to do that. He cursed at himself, thinking he was a coward who can not even help his friend. Jooheon sighed quietly at his thought as Changkyun spoke. “He is fine, now.” Jooheon didn’t reply, dragged a long breath from his cigarette. He felt the smoke going deep inside his lungs as his chest ached, breathed the remaining smoke out. They didn’t look at each other as they stared blankly at the white walls that looked bright even in the dark room. “But I don’t know If there would be next time.”

Jooheon turned his head to the side, just to see the younger figure next to him. His eyes were teary and his face was still white as the moment Jooheon told him to do the injection. Jooheon felt guilty as his face softened. He didn’t respond and continued to listen to him. “Maybe one day we won’t have the chance to help him or… save him.” Changkyun gave a shaky breath, he pressed his hands together as they were shaking. Jooheon realised his hands and couldn’t help but put his hand on Changkyun’s. Changkyun looked at the warm hand on his shaking ones and turned to the owner of the hand. Jooheon looked sad and he didn’t look at Changkyun’s eyes. “I’m sorry, I forced you to do that. I should have been bolder. I’m sorry, Changkyun.” Changkyun watched him quietly then swallowed. He found his voice to speak again, “It’s okay.” He uttered. His voice was low and calm. A little tremble could be heard as he spoke. “I was the only one who knew the way after all.” And that was when Changkyun felt like crying, he felt his vision getting blurry and his voice sounded weak and shaky. He clenched his teeth and pressed his lips together. Jooheon watched his moves and realised his teary eyes. He finished his cigarette and took his cigarette pack and gave it to Changkyun. He swiftly took a cigarette and lit. He leaned back to the couch and closed his eyes.

“You can talk to me if you want.” Jooheon uttered, lighting a cigarette after him. He leaned back next to Changkyun and sighed softly. He was still feeling guilty, thinking about what happened earlier. Seeing Hyungwon in that state they both felt sick and Jooheon acted different towards Changkyun. Jooheon watched Changkyun smoking his cigarette with deep and long breaths. Changkyun was lighting one cigarette after another. His hands were still shaking, Jooheon could see everytime Changkyun brought the cigarette to his lips. “He is dying.” He murmured, exhaling a shaky breath filled with smoke. “It’s killing him.” Changkyun realised his vision getting blurry, a lump formed in his throat as he tried to swallow. “So that’s how it feels like watching someone die.”

Jooheon felt like crying but he remained silent and calm. Not knowing what to say, he leaned to Changkyun and patted his leg. Changkyun lit another cigarette and held back his tears. _That was the only way. You are the only one who could do that. You did what you had to do. That was the only way, Changkyun. That was the only way… That was the only way…_

“That was the only way…” he murmured without realising. He chuckled slightly when he realised he was talking to himself. Changkyun looked at the cigarette between his fingers, watching the glowing cigarette getting shorter by second. He threw the cigarette on the ground and pressed his boots on it to put out. “You don’t have to act tough all the time, you know.” Jooheon murmured, leaned onto his shoulder as he stared blankly. “You’re human too. Just talk to me, Changkyun.” Changkyun sighed and reached for another cigarette. He lit the cigarette as Jooheon waiting for him to speak. “I’m okay, Jooheon. No need to worry about me.” Changkyun whispered, not making an eye contact with him. He didn’t know how to explain what he was feeling and he didn’t want to talk about it. He just wanted to smoke until he was out of cigarettes. No drugs, no alcohol… He only wanted to smoke. Jooheon was still leaning onto him quietly, not wanting to leave his side. He was angry at himself for forcing Changkyun to burden all of the responsibility. He almost hit him when they argued about who should get the heroin. He closed his eyes and cursed at himself quietly when he remembered how he had pushed Changkyun to the wall. He wanted to apologize again, tell him that he was sorry over and over again but he knew Changkyun wouldn’t let him blame himself. He opened his eyes and tried to push away his thoughts. He smiled slightly, realising Changkyun let him lean onto his shoulder and didn’t push him away.

After a few hours Changkyun stopped smoking and Jooheon fell asleep next to him. Changkyun was feeling the same old urge in him and trying to stop the thoughts. Part of him really needed that and the other part of him was still trying to prevent himself doing it. He glanced at Jooheon who was sleeping next to him, his knees were pulled to his stomach and he wrapped his arms around himself; leaning to the couch. Changkyun watched him for a long time and sighed, he took off his denim jacked and draped over him. He slowly got up and walked to the bathroom, closing the door behind him quietly. He looked at himself in the mirror and sighed, he looked tired. Changkyun smiled sadly at his appearance. He put his hands on the both sides of the sink and took deep breaths. He kneeled and looked under the sink when he stopped thinking, he reached to the cracked tile and pushed the broken piece to take his razor blade that he had hidden long time ago.

He leaned his back to the cold tiled wall and sat on the ground, spinning the blade in his hand slowly. Changkyun felt himself crying and this time he didn’t hold back. Tears started to roll down on his cheeks as he cried quietly, sobbing as he stared at the blade. The blade was rusty a little and there were little blood stains dried on the thin blade. Changkyun slowly rolled his sleeve up and glanced at the old lines on his white skin. He brought the blade on the old lines and pressed, waiting for himself to make a move. The scenes from earlier came back in his mind, his hand started to shake as he remembered how Hyungwon looked like when they got home. He remembered the moment he injected the drug in his friend’s system and then Changkyun closed his eyes tightly, dragged the blade with more pressure. He felt a burning feeling on his wrist as blood started to seep through the wound. He smiled between the tears, not even looking at the wound. The images in his minds were still there and he felt like he was watching what he did over and over again. He pressed the blade again, opening a new wound on the already scarred skin. His sobs became uneven and his breaths got shorter. He sliced his wrists over and over again until his skin got covered in blood completely. The cuts couldn’t be seen because of the blood and the blood had already started to drip down onto the ground. His clothes were stained with blood at where his wrist was. The blood stained blade slipped and fell down to the ground from his hand, he stared blankly at the bathroom as his wrist stung. His eyelids felt heavy, he pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face between his knees. His breaths became calm as he closed his eyes.

Hyungwon woke up with a tired feeling, his limbs felt heavy as he tried to bring his hand to his face. He slowly got up and looked around him. The room was a mess, he tried to remember what happened and sighed when he remembered the part that he went insane. Hyungwon didn’t know what time it was but he could tell that it was dawn by the little light oozing from the window. He got on his feet slowly and his head spinned suddenly. He sat on the bed again, waiting for the spinning to stop. He closed his eyes, rubbing his temples and got up again, not losing balance this time. He stepped out of the room and glanced at the living room, he could see one figure on the couch in the dark surroundings. The figure was sleeping as Hyungwon narrowed his eyes to see clearer. He saw Jooheon’s orange hair and smiled at him, seeing his sleeping figure. He wondered where Changkyun was and looked around, he realised the bathroom’s light was open and there was no sound. He remembered how wrecked Changkyun looked when he gave him the shot. Hyungwon walked towards the bathroom and knocked the door softly. “Changkyun?”

There was a deadly silence and Hyungwon felt sick. He wanted to open the door and rush in but waited more. He knocked louder and waited for a respond, he sighed when the silence continued and opened the door. The blonde figure stopped right there with a shocked face. He watched the smaller figure slowly raise his head and stare at him with sad and tired eyes. Hyungwon slowly swallowed down the lump in his throat and stepped forward. Changkyun’s eyes were red and puffy, his face was still damp from the tears. They didn’t even open their mouths to speak as Hyungwon kneeled down in front of him, looking at the blood on the ground and on his wrist with soft eyes. He felt guilty and the feeling made his eyes teary. Changkyun also watched him silently, he didn’t want him to see this side of him— he didn’t want anyone see this side of him. But he kept quiet, examining Hyungwon’s features. He was happy that he woke up but his body was too tired to show a happy expression. Hyungwon slowly opened his arms and pulled the younger to his chest, wrapping his arms around him tightly.

“I’m sorry.” Hyungwon whispered while caressing his back. Changkyun’s vision got blurry again and he started to sob softly, hugging him back with his good arm and buried his face to his neck. He started to cry harder, his sobs were heard by the other male in the living room, waking him up. Changkyun was crying louder as Hyungwon hugged him tighter. Jooheon ran to the bathroom as soon as he heard Changkyun’s cries and saw the two hugging each other in the bathroom. He felt pain strike in his chest at the sight and a little jealousy started to form in him. The two didn’t see Jooheon staring at them. Jooheon slowly stepped back and looked away from the two. He went back to the living room and sat on the couch with a huff, grabbing the cigarette pocket. He lit a cigarette as he felt the stinging feeling in his chest.

_It’s not a big deal._


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's time for Hoseok's perspective.

Hoseok woke up with a painful headache, he squeezed his eyes just immediately after he opened them. Sitting up, he glanced at his surroundings. It was almost noon and the bright lights entering through the full glass windows were getting annoying to him. He went to the same bar again last night, he drank while thinking about a certain person. He strangely expected to see him again. His eyes searched for a blonde, tall and thin figure. But nothing like that appeared and he went back home in the middle of the night. His phone rang suddenly, made him flinch and he slipped down to the floor and looked around for his phone. It kept ringing and Hoseok started to get irritated, peered around the living room as he followed the sound of his ringtone. He found his phone under the couch he was sleeping and sighed in annoyance as he leaned on the floor and reached for his phone. He grabbed it and flipped his screen, looking at the name that calling him.

_Hyunwoo._

He stared at the phone as it continued ringing, the sound wasn’t as annoying as before but he tensed and felt worried at the name. Hyunwoo was calling him and that meant either he was going to be scolded or dragged to work. _He will kill me if I press decline._ He answered the phone as he rubbed his eyes, sitting on the floor. He felt like complete wreck since his headache was still there.

“Yes?” He said with a hoarse and tired voice. He couldn’t think of any better answer for the call, the caller was Hyunwoo after all. And he didn’t go to work. So that was bad, appearently.

“Do you even think about coming to work?”

_Here we go again._

“I just woke up.” Hoseok murmured, closing his eyes as he leaned his back to the couch. The person on the other line of the phone sighed at his answer. Hyunwoo was the only one Hoseok piled all his work on. He was probably at the company and expected him to be there too.

“There are projects that you must sign.” Hyunwoo’s voice was low and serious and Hoseok rolled his eyes at his words. He didn’t want to go and he was still hangover thanks to last night. He drank again until he fell asleep and he still felt like a little bit drunk. The taste of alcohol was still there in his mouth and he grimaced at the taste.

“Can’t you just sign for me?” he asked with a pleading voice. Going to work felt like a big pain for him. When it came for the work he felt like dying and he didn’t want to move a muscle. He already started to feel tired as if he worked for hours, then Hyunwoo spoke again. “You are the owner, not me. So come here and sign those projects they needed to be ready for tomorrow.”

Hoseok was the owner of a construction company and he had his sign in the construction of almost %70 of the residances in the country. The company originally belonged to his father and he inherited the company five years ago, after the car accident that took away his parents. He didn’t wanted the job nor the responsibility of his family but all of them were piled on his shoulders anyway. Everytime he felt responsible, he drank, until he forgot all of the responsibilities. It became a habit and he became unable to go to work as he was always either drunk or hangover.

“Just copy my sign? I don’t know… I can send you my sign so you can put it under the paper and copy—“

“Hoseok.”

_At least I tried._

He slowly stretched his arms and groaned in annoyance. He looked at his phone to look at the time and it was 11 in the morning. His battery was also low, the phone had probably few minutes to shut down. He took a deep breath and brought the phone to his ear. “Okay.” He muttered in defeat. “Quick.” Hyunwoo said as if he was ordering him and hung up. Hoseok slowly got up on his feet and groaned as he felt his back and neck was sore. He looked at his clothes, his suit from before was still on and his white shirt was wrinkled. He walked to the kitchen and poured a glass of water, drinking to take away the bad taste in his mouth. He put the glass on the counter and sighed, stared at the tiled walls blankly. He felt a slight headache was still there, he closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. Dragging himself to the bathroom, he turned on the sink and splashed the cold to his face. He looked at himself in the mirror as the water drops were rolling on his face down to his chin. His face looked tired as dark circles got slightly visible under his eyes.

When he got out of bathroom he fixed his clothes and grabbed his jacket, gazing at the living room with full glass windows. His living room was mostly white, his furnitures, walls… only the coffee tables, carpets and the LCD television was black. The room was big enough to include his kitchen and it looked too bright for him at that moment. He took his keys and looked for his phone, remembering that he had no battery, he thought of charging at the office but then changed his mind. It felt too far to reach for his phone and too troublesome to find the charger so he left his phone at home then went out. He walked to his car next to the building he was living in and got in, starting the engine with tired eyes. Looking himself in the rearview window, he brushed his hair with his hand and fixed. His bangs covered half of his eyes and eyebrows but he didn’t care as long as it didn’t look messy much. He looked at himself and fixed his look until he was satisfied but continued to sulk until he arrived to the company.

Few people rushed in front of his car and opened the door, welcoming him. He sighed and cringed at how people react to him. They were acting like he was someone important or mighty and Hoseok didn’t like that kind of attitude. He gave his keys to the valet to park his car as he walked towards the building. As soon as he got inside people turned their heads and stare at him. He continued to walk inside the building, feeling uncomfortable by the stares of the clients and employees. He could anticipate the reason of their stares as he looked like a mess and he hardly came to the company even if he was the owner. No one knew why he wasn’t there for the most of the time. Some thought he was busy while some thought he was irresponsible.

He didn’t make an eye contact with anyone as walked inside the wide hall, he reached to the elevator and pushed the button. He was literally praying that no one would get inside the elevator with him. Luckily, no one came and no one was in the elevator either. He pushed the 10th floor button and the doors closed. His eyelids felt heavy as he waited in the elevator. He startled slightly as he heard the sound of doors opening, looking at the top of the doors as it showed that he reached 10th floor. He slowly walked out, ignoring the secretaries’ seductive stares. He felt like throwing up as the females looked at him as if he was just a five course meal. He quickly got into his office and closed the door immediately after he got inside.

He stared at the room, it was wide and wide, clear windows were behind his desk. His desk looked a little dusty as no one entered the room besides him. With slow footsteps, he dragged himself to the desk, sitting on the leather chair he felt like dying. He hated being there, sitting on the chair that belonged to his father. He put his arms on the desk and leaned his head on his hands, closed his eyes and drifted into sleep as he still felt sleepy.

Hyunwoo walked through the corridor while checking his phone, looking at the time he called Hoseok. He sighed as it had been two hours since he had called him. He wasn’t really expected him to come but he had to be there. He locked his phone and put it back to his back pocket. He saw two workers walking towards him. He smiled and they smiled back to him but he accidentally heard their conversation about Hoseok and glanced back at them as they were walking away. One of them said something like “He came here, can you believe it?” and surprised that he really came. Hyunwoo fastened his steps and walked towards Hoseok’s office. He knocked the door, received no answer but opened the door anyway. Hoseok flinched and snapped his head up as if he wasn’t sleeping at all.

“I wasn’t sleeping.” He muttered with his sleepy tone. Hyunwoo wanted to laugh but he rolled his eyes and closed the door behind him. “I didn’t say you were sleeping.” Hoseok looked at him speechless and he felt like he was busted while doing something bad. He escaped his eyes from Hyunwoo’s stare and cleared his throat. “So, the projects?” He looked at the papers in his hand and grabbed a pen. Hyunwoo walked towards his desk and put the papers in front of him. Hoseok quickly signed all of them and pushed aside. “Done.” Hyunwoo stared at him speechless, not knowing what to say. “You could have at least read them…”

“You’ve probably read them.” Hoseok uttered as he was trying not to look nervous. “Right? You wouldn’t have wanted me to sign them if you hadn’t read.”

“You’re unbelieveable.”

Hoseok averted his eyes from his stare and sighed, putting the pen back in the case and lowered his eyes. He knew he was going to get scolded by Hyunwoo, he knew his voice tone, his stares could tell everything. He was used to this and he knew Hyunwoo was going to repeat everything he said that he had already told him before. “When will you stop this?” he asked. Hoseok glanced at him as if he didn’t get it.

“Stop what?”

“Stop being like that.”

_Here we go._

“This is your company, take some responsibility. I can’t do your work forever. This is your father’s legacy. At least respect him.” Hyunwoo told him as he took back the papers. Hoseok pressed his forehead to the desk, staying silent while Hyunwoo continued his words. “How long will you keep going like this? Get your life in order, stop messing around and get your head on straight.” Hyunwoo raised his voice slightly at the end.

“How can I? Look at me.” Hoseok raised his head and stared at him with sleepy eyes. “How can someone like me run a company like this? I can’t even stay sober for a fucking day and you came here, telling me to take responsibility.” He took a deep breath and continued with a lower voice. “That’s how I am, Hyunwoo. Look at me, I am fucking messed up, pathetic isn’t it? I shouldn’t be here. I’m just a lost case.”

Hyunwoo watched him pitying himself as silence filled the room. He slowly walked towards the door and turned to Hoseok before leaving. “I’ll order you a coffee. You are still having a hangover. Drink your coffee, then we will talk.” And then he left, leaving Hoseok in his office room alone. Hoseok sighed and reached for his pocket. Then he remembered that he left his phone at home. He huffed and opened his laptop, searching through the files. He opened some documents about the work and the projects, just curious about what they did while he wasn’t there. He scanned the files with his eyes slowly, not having an idea about what he was reading then closed the files when he got bored and opened the internet, typing some song names and started to listen them while his eyelids felt heavy. He closed his eyes and his hand rested on his cheek, holding his head up as he snoozed. He didn’t realise someone knocked the door and entered inside, until his secretary walked towards his desk. She watched him as she was holding a cup of coffee, examining every inch of the sight. The man in front of her looked rather tired; thanks to his sleepy face, messy hair and messy clothes. The dark circles under his eyes were visible, being evidence to his sleepless nights. He opened his dark brown eyes and stared at the woman. She smiled at him and placed the cup onto the desk. She continued watching him as he rubbed his eyes, brought his hand to brush his messy hair and she thought he still looked sexy.

“You can leave now, thanks.” Hoseok murmured, pulling the woman out of her trance. She cleared her throat as she bowed his head down. Apologizing quietly, she turned around and left the room quickly. Hoseok grimaced at the woman’s attitude and took a small sip from his coffee. He continued surfing on the internet as the bitter taste dispersed in his mouth. He felt his headache started to get better and he felt more awake than the morning. After he finished his coffee, he turned off his laptop and leaned on his back, staring at the ceiling as his eyelids felt heavy despite the coffee. Closing his eyes slowly, he drifted into sleep.

“Hoseok.” Hyunwoo raised his voice to wake him up and made him jump as he woke up. “Now you’re sleeping, huh?” Hoseok watched him sit on one of the leather black chairs and averted his eyes when Hyunwoo stared at him. “So… What are we going to talk about?..” Hoseok tangled his fingers together and played with them without making eye contact with Hyunwoo. He had heard a sigh from the brunet before he started to talk. “So you’re sober now?”

“I’m trying.” Hoseok murmured, smiling slightly. He knew what he was going to say and he knew it would be the same as always but waited for him to speak. “You’re like a baby. I babysit you everytime, doing all of your work and paperwork although you are the owner of the company. When will you stop this and be an adult?” Hyunwoo told him, his voice was soft unlike the speech earlier. Hoseok looked down at his desk without speaking, listening to him as he continued.

“I know… I know what you had been through and I know how hard that is to cope with but life goes on Hoseok.” Hyunwoo gazed at him with soft eyes despite Hoseok not making any eye contact. “You can’t go on like this forever; drinking untill you black out, not letting anyone help you—“

“I’m okay with all of this.” Hoseok spoke up suddenly, cutting Hyunwoo off all of a sudden. Hyunwoo looked at him, surprised slightly. He stared at him with the same softness in his eyes, waiting for him to continue. “I’m okay with all of this, Hyunwoo.” He repeated, “I didn’t study constructural engineering or architecture just like my father wanted me to. I can’t make projects that profitable for the company, I even don’t know a single thing about how to construct a building—“

“You can hire architects and engineers for the company, Hoseok.” Hyunwoo cut him off with a simple advice. “They can do the project and construction parts and you can be the one who leads them.” Hoseok sighed and took a deep breath after. “That’s not the point.”

“Then what is?” Hyunwoo raised his voice and silence filled the room, making Hoseok feel like he was about to suffocate. Whatever he would say, Hyunwoo could find an answer for it. So he decided to give up, nodding his head slowly. “You’re right. There’s no point. I have no point in what the fuck I’m doing in my life. I admit, okay?” Hoseok looked at him, waiting for a response from the older brunet but he only stared at him. “Anyways,” he straightened his position and sighed, “I signed the paperwork you wanted me to, can I go now?” Hyunwoo continued to stare at him and Hoseok stared back, hoping he would let him go. The stares continued longer than Hoseok expected so he tried once again. “Look, I signed them all. I have been here like… for five hours? I don’t know but I’m sure it is more than usual, right?”

Hyunwoo watched him, anger started to form in his body but he stayed calm and continued to stare at him with a slight frown. Hoseok was looking at him as if he was begging for him to let go. The brunet sighed, looking at the gold watch on his left wrist and nodded slightly. “Do whatever you want, Hoseok.” He uttered with a low but annoyed voice. Hoseok smiled, he smiled as if he was a prisoner that was freed from his penalty. He quickly stood up and walked out of his office as if he escaped from a dungeon. He told his secretary to tell the valet to bring his car and rushed to the elevator.

As he got out of the company building, his car was waiting for him in front of the building. He thanked the valet and took the keys with a slight smile on his face then quickly got in his car. He started to drive as he sighed in relief, he was happy that he got out of there. After a not so long drive he arrived his home, parked his car somewhere near the building and walked to the entrance. He already started to feel sleepy while he was in the elevator and he yawned, dreaming about a long deep sleep. He quickly unlocked the door of his apartment and got in. He saw his phone on the couch and grabbed it, searched for his charger and connected his phone to the charger so as to let it charge while he was sleeping. He started to undress his way to the bedroom. He threw himself to his king size bed with only his boxers and completely unbuttoned shirt and drifted into his deep sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

It was dark when Hoseok opened his eyes and looked around the bedroom, which was slightly illuminated by the city lights seeping through the large windows. He slowly lifted his body up while rubbing his eyes and combing his hair with his fingers. He grimaced as he felt a bad taste in his mouth. Thinking about the time and when he was asleep, he stood on his feet and walked out of his bedroom with slow steps. He entered the bathroom next to his bedroom and washed his face with cold water. The cold and wet feeling on his skin made him wake up as he shivered slightly every time the water ht his face. He dried his face with the towel and looked at himself in the mirror, his puffy eyes and swollen face made him look like a big bunny and he slightly smirked at his appearance. After waking himself up with cold water he returned to his bedroom and opened his wardrobe, looking for a couple of comfy clothes. He picked a black shirt and a pair of black skinny jeans and put them on quickly. The raven haired man combed his hair backwards and put on one of his expensive perfumes. He went downstairs and looked for his phone which was charged fully while he was sleeping. He checked if someone called or left a message but there was nothing except for Hyunwoo’s text.

_Think about them, please._

He sighed and put his phone to his back pocket. He didn’t want to think about those talks and the problems he had and he caused. Quickly, he grabbed his leather jacket and took his keys. Leaving the apartment so that he could go to his usual bar and forget about every single thing he talked about and brought back to light. For him, alcohol was the only way after all.

After he got into his car and started the engine, he drove to the bar he always went to, the bar he met a blond male that he had never forgotten since the night he had saved him from those perverts. He thought about that blond again during his way to the bar and as he arrived, he shook off those thoughts from his mind and entered the bar. He sat on a table that wasn’t occupied in the slight crowd. He ordered himself the same brand cognac and started drinking as he watched the people around him. After he finished his first cognac in quick two gulps as the bitter taste burned down his throat. He bit his lips and ordered the second glass. He was quick for a starter and it was unlike him. But he still didn’t care because those problems were told again today. He wanted them to go away as quickly as possible. His order was brought to him quickly and he had no sooner took the glass in his hand than he saw the blond figure that he thought about for days.

He was tall and thin, his feature was so fragile that it looked as if he was going to be broken by a single touch. His blond hair was slightly messy and little rooks were visible even in the dark. He was wearing a large black shirt with a white tee inside, a pair of black skinny ripped jeans and boots. Hoseok stared at him, the glass was still in his hand and it didn’t move a single inch. The blond was wandering around the crowd. He noticed his lips, he remembered how chappy they had been when he first and last saw him. He also noticed his makeup, glitter around his eyes shining slightly under the dim light.

_He is beautiful._

Unexpected to Hoseok, the blond turned his head to his side and saw Hoseok. Their eyes met and Hoseok couldn’t even avert his eyes. The other looked at him with the slight curiosity in his eyes and looked around himself again, then decided to walk towards him. Hoseok watched him getting closer to himself and he took a sip from his drink before he reached to his table.

“Can I sit here?” He smiled at Hoseok, who was watching his gestures with the same slight shock in his expression. Hoseok cleared his throat and averted his gaze, smiling slightly as he nodded. The blond sat next to him and placed his elbows to the table, a hand brushed his hair away from his eyes. “Hi,” he continued smiling while examining the dark haired man’s figure. Hoseok watched him as he smiled back. “Are you alone?” The blond asked him and Hoseok nodded again. He felt awkard about the other’s attitude but he was glad that they met again after all. He finished his drink and straightened his position. “Yeah, you are alone too, I guess?” Hoseok asked with a smile on his face. The blond smiled and closed his eyes, nodding. “What’s your name?”

“Hyungwon.” He told his name as he smiled with his most charming smile and looked right into the raven’s eyes. Hoseok was taken aback from his gaze and drifted into his eyes for a second then Hyungwon interrupted, “Yours?”

“Hoseok.” He internally prayed that he won’t scream his name and tell him that he knows him. But thankfully he didn’t, instead he smiled wider and chuckled. “Hoseok…”      he repeated, biting his lower lip slightly. Hoseok watched his every single movement in awe but then realised he was staring for a minute. “Would you buy me a drink?” he asked with a sly smirk, realising that Hoseok might probably liked his appearance. Hoseok nodded, “Whatever you want, of course.”

_He is…_

“Gin tonic, please.” He made a pleading face playfully and Hoseok found himself staring at the blond again. Hoseok ordered his drink and Hyungwon took a sip from the glass. Hoseok stared at his hands that had tattoos on his fingers, they were pale and mostly faded. His hands were long and thin, holding the glass tightly but a slight shake caught Hoseok’s eyes. “You look better since that night.” Hoseok couldn’t help but admit.

Hyungwon stared at him, confused. He remembered a blurry scene but didn’t quite get what he meant. “What?” He asked, putting the glass on the table. “What night?” Hoseok sighed with a slight smilet. “You don’t remember?” Hyungwon continued his confused stare, averting his eyes to the table and looked down while trying to remember. “No, sorry…” Hoseok continued to smile and got closer to him. “It’s okay. I’m talking about the night you were being harrassed by some filthy pervs.” And then Hyungwon’s eyes widened slowly, remembering that night. “Was it you?” He asked with surprise in his tone. Hoseok nodded. “Yeah, it was me.”

“Well then…” Hyungwon sighed then smiled, leaning closer to the older male. “Thank you… I guess?..” Hoseok smiled back and nodded his head as an approval. Hyungwon took another sip from his drink and continued. “You look older than me.” Hyungwon smirked, “but you look handsome too.” Hoseok said nothing and only smiled. Hyungwon smirked a little more, then touched his hand. “Where do you live?” he asked, making Hoseok a little uncomfortable with his behaviour.

“Not far from here,” he simply answered, not meeting with his gaze at all. He didn’t expect such a strange conversation with him and they met a couple minutes ago. He only knew his name after all and that boy was acting like this already. Another question coming from him distracted his thoughts and Hoseok looked at his face, making eye contact again. “How old were you again?” He asked with the same smirk and he was looking right into his eyes again. His gaze was too intense for Hoseok to look for more than two seconds. Hoseok cleared his throat and slightly pulled his hand a little back. “Not so old,” he replied, shaking his glass slightly to make the ices inside cling together. Hyungwon laughed slightly and also pulled his hand back. He watched as the other was playing with his hands and looking away from the blond. Watching him made Hyungwon continue smiling and gigling, he straightened himself and drank the rest of his drink.

“I’m glad we met, but I should go now.” Hyungwon stood up and put the glass on the table while smiling at the other male, “Thanks for the drink,” he said and winked at him before he turned his back and walked away. Hoseok ordered another glass after the blond left and continued watching the spot where the blond was. He didn’t expect it like this and he was literally shook by him. His drink was brought to him and he continued drinking while trying to shake off the thoughts.

Hyungwon walked through the crowd thinking about the man he was sitting with.

_What a shame._

He looked around and watched the people in the place. He _needed_ to find someone. He kept watching and searching with his eyes as he slightly danced to the music. He suddenly saw a man that he can lay his eyes on. _He looks like a rich, classy man just like Hoseok_ , he thought. He started walking towards him with a slight smirk on his face. When he reached to the table the other was sitting he leaned closer and made the man notice him. Hyungwon stared at him and examined his features. He had dark brown hair, a little messy. Hyungwon could see that he had manly features and his face was sharp. He stared at his slightly upturned nose and plump lips, then the other stared back at him. Hyungwon smiled at the sight, big brown eyes, long eyelashes… _He doesn’t look like a Korean,_ he thought himself.

“May I?..”

The man sitting in front of him stared a little longer and smiled slightly. “Of course.” They exchanged smiles and Hyungwon sat on the chair in front of the man. “You look like you’re alone,” Hyungwon said while playing with his hair. The brunet nodded slowly and finished his whiskey, “I am.” The answer made Hyungwon satisfied and he leaned closer, “What a coincidence…” They stared at each other for a few seconds before the older turned his head to the side and ordered himself another drink. Hyungwon watched him quietly and decided to make a move, he threw his head to the back slightly and brushed his hair backwards with his hand and made the other look. He examined him a little longer and stated, “You don’t look like a Korean.”

“I’m Chinese.” He told him as his order came. Hyungwon looked at him with curiosity and stared directly into his eyes. “Oh… Chinese, huh? I’m interested,” he said with a playful tone, making the brunet smile. Hyungwon examined him further and realized that his eyes was even bigger than his. He could admit that he had big eyes but that man’s eyes looked bigger than his ones and it caught his attention. “So, what’s your name?”

“Jackson.”

Hyungwon hummed softly and smiled, “I’m Hyungwon.” He kept smiling and staring even after he introduced himself to Jackson. Jackson nodded as he smirked slightly. He looked at him and offered, “So, Hyungwon… What would you like to drink?” Hyungwon’s smile grew wide at the offer. He leaned back and crossed his long thin legs causing Jackson to glance at his legs for a second. “Vodka.”

The older foreigner nodded and ordered his drink. While waiting, Hyungwon leaned to the table and brought his hand to his neck and caressed his neck softly with his fingers. His eyes traveled around as he traced his fingers on the skin of his neck, going down slowly then realising the other’s gaze on him. An evil smirk formed on his face and he glanced at Jackson from the corner of his eyes. His hand went to his collarbones and the top of his chest as they gazed at each other. His drink came and he took the glass in his gracious hands. Their stares at each other continued as they drank their drinks and Hyungwon kept his other hand where it was, on his chest. Hyungwon put the glass on the table and circled his fingers softly on the top of the long thin glass as his other hand held the glass. The way his other hand held and caressed the glass made Jackson couldn’t help but stare at his hands’ moves.

Jackson continued watching his moves until Hyungwon slowly inserted his middle finger inside the vodka and circled his finger inside the liquid, then took out his finger, bringing into his mouth; sucking his finger dry. Jackson couldn’t help but laugh and turned his head to other side as he laughed. When he returned his gaze to the blond, he saw the same smirk on his face too. “Is there something you fucking need?”

Hyungwon laughed softly, “Maybe.”

Jackson smiled, ratifying his thoughts about what the fuck he wanted. He continued smiling as he finished his drink and leaned closer. “What can you do for me tonight, then?”

Hyungwon also leaned in and got closer to his face as he licked his lips and stared right into his dark eyes, “Every fucking thing.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning: jackson x hyungwon smut.

Jackson was surprised by the blond’s response to his question but smiled wide, showing his satisfaction from his answer. Straightening his position, Jackson pulled his wallet from his leather jacket’s inside pocket and put some money on the table, under the glass and got up, followed by Hyungwon. They walked to the exit door and Hyungwon followed him, then Jackson suddenly grabed his waist and held him. After they got out of the bar, Jackson unlocked his car and let go of the blond’s waist. Hyungwon got in the car and sat on the front seat, beside Jackson, waiting him to start the engine. As they set off, Hyungwon put his foot on the compartment glove and traced his hand on his leg, watching the brunet drive to their destination. While Jackson was driving, Hyungwon broke the silence.

“Payment first.”

Jackson glanced at him, not wanting to take his eyes off of the road. He half smiled at him and asked, “How much?” Hyungwon smiled, making a face as if he was thinking about a price. “350.000 Won.” Jackson sighed but smiled playfully, taking out his wallet while one of his hands was still on the wheel. He took out and handed him the exact amount of money and continued his drive. Hyungwon counted the banknotes and smiled as he put the money in his back pocket.

After the not so long drive, they arrived Jackson’s apartment. As they got into the elevator Hyungwon traveled his eyes on his figure from up to down, biting his lip softly. He reached for his jacket and pulled him closer, caressing his shoulders as he leaned closer. “I’m gonna make you sweat tonight.”

And Jackson only smiled.

Hardly had Jackson got inside the apartment when he crushed his lips with the blond. He closed the door with his one hand while kissing him. He pinned him to the closed door and continued kissing him, pushing the oversized black shirt off of the blond’s shoulders. As the shirt fell onto the floor Jackson pressed his body to Hyungwon’s and made him be left between his body and the door. He went lower and started kissing Hyungwon’s neck, kissing him hard enough to form bruises. Hyungwon placed his hands on Jackson’s shoulder as he moaned softly, bringing his other hand to brush his hair as Jackson left hickeys on his neck. Hyungwon lowered his hand and stopped when he reached his pants. He suddenly palmed him through his pants and made him gasp, smirking at the result he caused. Jackson bit his neck and pulled away, staring at him. “Enough,” he uttered with a deep, husky voice.

Jackson lifted him by grabbing his ass and Hyungwon wrapped his legs around his waist, carrying him to his bedroom while Hyungwon giggled, laughed and softly moaned. He threw him from his lap to the bed and stood in front of the laying blond figure. The blond slowly stood on his elbows and smirked at him, taking off his t-shirt. He leaned back and brought two of his fingers into his mouth. He twisted his tongue around the fingers, slowly thrusting his tongue between them. Deciding that they were wet enough, he pulled them out only to bring down to his nipple. The blond threw his head back at the wet touch of his fingers on the sensitive skin, moaning and gasping softly. The other hand went lower as he leaned his back on the bed, grabbing himself through his skinny jeans and moaned at his own touch. He unbuckled his belt and slid his hand inside his boxer, touching himself and moaning louder as Jackson watched in front of him. Jackson couldn’t stand watching him without doing a single thing and quickly went down to bed, climbing over the blond and kissed him hungrily. The brunet bit the other’s lip and made him moan, he inserted his tongue inside his mouth and played with the blond’s. Jackson sucked, bit his tongue while they were kissing roughly and Hyungwon moaned to the man’s mouth, gasping softly at his every move. While they kept kissing, Hyungwon reached for the older’s belt and tried to unbuckle it, not even breaking the kiss for a single second.

Suddenly, Hyungwon pushed Jackson with both of his hands and caused him to fall aside, then he climbed on him. He sat onto his body while Jackson stared at him with a surprised face. With his long fingers he caressed his body with his slight touch, then he started unbuttoning the silk, claret red shirt slowly as Jackson watched him with his large, dark eyes. Exposing his well built chest, Hyungwon smirked slyly and licked his lips as he traced his fingers on the skin. He leaned down without breaking eye contact, then licked from down to up his chest. He continued and licked all the way down to his stomach, stopping when he reached his pants. He unbuckled his belt without saying anything and continued with his teeth, unbuttoning his pants with them. Hyungwon pulled his pants a little down and slowly brought his hand to touch the bulge on Jackson’s boxers. Then he pulled down his boxers too and smirked, muttering a quiet “Oh…” as he stared at the sight.

He brought his hand to his mouth and slowly traced his tongue in his palm and soaked his hand with his saliva, still staring at the man laying in front of him, beneath him. Grabbing his dick as they both stared at each other, he caressed it with his hand and moved slowly up and down. After a few strokes, he lowered his head and opened his mouth; took the head and closed his red tinted plump lips. The blond moved and circled his tongue around the head slowly, causing the other male moan. He was playing with the brunet’s member by licking with his tongue and stroking it with his hand but the other was growing impatient and he suddenly grabbed Hyungwon’s platinum blond locks and pushed his head lower, forcing him to take his dick more, causing the younger to gag and cough on his dick. Jackson continued pushing his head and making him choke harder as Hyungwon’s eyes got watery while he tried to relax his throat and take him in completely. While holding his head down by pushing and holding his head down firmly, Jackson arched his back and thrusted into his mouth. Despite his teary eyes and the struggle to breathe he continued deepthroating him. Jackson pulled his hair again and took him away from his dick, leaving him gasping and panting. Hyungwon looked at him with his red and wet lips, catching his breath with uneven gasps. His eyes was hazy, staring at his face.

“That’s enough,” Jackson uttered with a cold and deep voice, dragging him back to the bed and this time he stood up. After he pushed the blond to the bed, Jackson undressed him completely and he flipped him over, made him stood on his knees and elbows. He grabbed him from his neck and reached to his lips, pressing his fingers then inserting them into his mouth. Hyungwon welcomed the three digits into his mouth by licking them greedily, sucking Jackson’s fingers as if he was sucking a cock. He continued sucking and licking his fingers, moaned as he sucked harder and deeper.

Jackson pulled out his fingers out of his mouth and tightened his grip around his neck as he inserted three of his fingers inside Hyungwon without any warning. The brunet’s sudden move made Hyungwon moan loudly in pain as he buried his face to the sheets. Jackson started to move his fingers inside his tight hole as the blond whimpered and moaned with his face buried in the sheets. He added the fourth finger and caused the other to moan louder. He continued finger fucking him, stretching his insides as the blond moaned in pleasure and pain. Jackson kept moving his fingers until Hyungwon felt nothing but pleasure. He slowly pulled out his fingers and without saying anything, he quickly positioned himself and thrusted inside Hyungwon abruptly, making the blond scream into the sheets.

Hyungwon continued moaning and whimpering as he tried to adjust the feeling. Jackson held him by his waist tightly enough to make bruises that had the shape of his hands, he pulled out until only the head was inside and thrusted back in with all his force. Hyungwon screamed again, biting the pillow as he felt an intense pain between his legs and took deep breaths. Jackson repeated his actions and Hyungwon screamed again and again at his every move, gripping the sheets in his hands tightly.

Jackson started to move in and out of the blond as he grunted while moving, making the smaller figure’s fragile body jolt by his moves. He could hear his moans, pants and whimpers that mixed with pain and pleasure but he grabbed him by the hair and pulled his head back, “I want to hear your voice.” Hyungwon moaned as a sign that he obeyed his cold toned order and stared at the wall in front of him, his moans got louder as Jackson fastened his pace and thrusted into him roughly. His eyes were staring blankly, his breath got quicker by every second.

A hand reached to his neck and fingers tightened around his throat, making Hyungwon gasp for air and causing his voice to get lower. Jackson kept fucking him hard and rough; not allowing Hyungwon to scream anymore since he was holding his neck tightly, choking him until he was out of breath. He let go of the blond’s hips and lowered his hand, slapping his ass hard enough to maket he younger gasp. He began to slap his ass harder as he fucked him hard and fast, red fingerprints started to form on the blond male’s ass cheeks and he groaned and whimpered in pain but Jackson cut his moans by pushing his head to the bed again and leaned down and closer to his body, quickened his thrusts while gritting his teeth, grunting and moaning together with the boy under him.

Jackson reached to the younger’s neglected cock and stroked it while continued thrusting inside him fast and hard, making him moan louder but his moans were muffled since his head was buried into the pillow. He moaned louder at Jackson’s every touch, every thrust that made him jolt and scream. Jackson pulled his hair again and allowed his moans to be heard. The room filled with sounds of skin slapping each other roughly, uneven breathing of both males, also grunts of the older brunet and whimpers, gasps of the younger. Feeling himself getting close, Jackson thrusted into him a few times then pulled out, dragging him from his throat, where his grip was tight and made him fall on his knees in front of him, “Finish.”

“As you wish…” Hyungwon murmured with a hoarse voice, his throat felt sore because of the screams that Jackson caused and he quickly obeyed him, grabbed his dick and took him in his mouth. He started bobbing his head fast and swirled his tongue around the older’s dick, causing him to throw his head back and groan. Hyungwon continued sucking his dick, deepthroating him even though the tears in his eyes that make his sight blurry and his throat became sorer everytime he took him deep down in his throat. Jackson forced his head to take him deeper, burying his cock deep into his throat as he moaned with a deep voice. Hyungwon continued to move his tongue around the base of his cock and hummed, not giving a single fuck about being out of breath so he kept bobbing his head so deep that the head of the brunet’s cock hit the back of his throat in every thrust.

“Use your hands.” Jackson forced him to pull away as Hyungwon coughed a few times and panted heavily, a long strand of saliva was still connected between his lips and the other’s cock. He quickly replaced his mouth with his hand and started to stroke him while his mouth was open, eyes staring directly into the large eyes as he was making the older man reach to his limit. Hyungwon realised that Jackson’s breath got quick and he started to moan more and louder. He leaned closer to his dick and pulled out his tongue, slightly touching the head. Jackson lowered his gaze only to meet Hyungwon’s stare as he stroked his cock and waiting for him to release. “Faster.” Hyungwon did as he told and stroked his cock faster, moaning softly as he stared at his pleasure filled face. Jackson felt himself coming and he tugged at the blond’s hair, as groaning loudly he came all over Hyungwon’s face and mouth. Hyungwon slightly closed his eyes as his cum splattered near his eyes and he moaned with Jackson. While Jackson looked at the younger boy, out of breath, Hyungwon slowly brought his hand to his face and collected the drops on his face with his finger, inserting his cum coated finger to his mouth and swallowed all of them along with the remaining in his mouth. They stared each other with tired eyes and Jackson turned around, throwing himself onto bed.

“You can use the bathroom. Or you can sleep with me, so you can go in the morning.” Jackson mumbled before he fell asleep. Hyungwon watched the sleeping man with confused look, he didn’t even get to release and he was painfully hard. He thought about how to get himself off but then shook off his thoughts and slowly stood up. His legs felt a little shaky so he sat on the bed and pulled out a paper tissue, wiped his face clean. _I’ll leave in the morning,_ he thought and laid beside the older male’s figure. He laid near the corner of the bed so he could make distance between Jackson and pulled the dark red, silky covers to his body and fell asleep quickly.

When he opened his eyes it was slightly dark, probably before dawn. He slowly got up and gathered his clothes that scattered around during the night. He put on his underwear and checked the back pocket of his jeans and found the money, counted the banknotes again just to make sure. He put on his clothes and slowly walked out of the bedroom, found his shirt which was on the floor in front of the front door. He got out of the apartment and looked around the street. He wasn’t familiar with the place, there were so many high buildings which made him think that he was somewhere elite, so he pulled out his phone and used Maps to find his way back home. He found the bus stop and also found out the instructions about how to go to his neighbourhood. The blond lit a cigarette that he left in his pocket and waited for the bus. The cigarette was slightly bent and almost broken but he smoked anyways. The smoke burnt his throat slightly as he inhaled deeply. He watched his surroundings while waiting, there were few people on the street. It was 5AM anyways, most people were sleeping at this hour while Hyungwon was there, leaving from the house of the man he last slept with for money and waiting for the bus to go home.

His bus arrived right after he put out his cigarette with his boots. He got on the bus and used his bus card that he was carrying inside his phone case. After the bus he walked for ten minutes but he didn’t go to his apartment right away, instead he went to the next street, looking for a dealer that could give him something. He saw a man who was leaning to an old white car and smoking, he knew that he was a dealer. So Hyungwon directly walked towards him and the man looked at him when he heard his footsteps coming closer. “Do you want something?” Hyungwon smiled at the question, his intentions were understood after all. “H. Do you have H?” The man only smiled and slid his hand inside the car’s window then stopped. “How much do you want?”

Hyungwon smiled back and stared at the man, who was looking around his middle ages, his face was confirming that he was using and also on drugs too. His clothing was dirty and there was a hint of grunge in his clothing. Hyungwon stopped examining and answered the man, “Enough for three or four shots.” The older male nodded and grabbed two little packs of heroin, stretched his hand to the blond as if he was going to shake hands. Hyungwon grabbed the man’s hand and handshaked with him as he took the little packs. He exchanged 50.000 Won for the two packs and nodded to the male as a ‘thank you’. Hyungwon walked to his apartment quickly as he put the packs in his pocket. Getting inside the old apartment, he quickly climbed upstairs and grabbed his key which was also inside his phone case. He opened the door and took off his boots, rushing to the messy bedroom and grabbed his things. The young male took one pack from his pocket and poured half of it in the spoon, adding some water and slowly boiled the spoon with his lighter. Hyungwon was already getting excited while preparing his drug and he quickly drew the boiled warm liquid inside the syringe, then he tied his belt around his upper arm and tightened enough to see the veins. He pressed the tip of the syringe where the old marks were and injected the chemical into his veins without waiting. The feeling that his muscles relax and his limbs felt like jelly made Hyungwon release the breath he was holding unintentionally and leaned his head back slowly. He slowly pulled out the syringe from his vein and untied the belt, putting them on the nightstand beside the bed. His head had already started to spin so he leaned back to the bed and closed his eyes as the drug flowed through his veins.

When he woke up second time this morning he felt extremely sluggish but slowly got out of the bed, walked out of the bedroom as his legs felt shaky and stood in front of the living room. He saw two figures sleeping together on the big couch. Hyungwon leaned to the wall and tried to recognize who they were. Two black clothed bodies and one of them had orange hair. His sight was slightly blurry and he narrowed his eyes to see clearly. Hyungwon recognized them by their figure and the orange locks that they were Jooheon and Changkyun. He stared at them with a confused and sleepy face, _Why the fuck did I wake up?_ he thought to himself and walked back to the bedroom. He grabbed his phone from under the pillow and looked at the time. It was 4PM and he probably had been sleeping for 9 or 10 hours. The sleepy blond shook his shoulders and laid on the bed, drifted into sleep right after he closed his eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Kihyun's chapter everyone. It has some psychological issues that can possibly be triggering, so you have been warned.

Kihyun woke up immediately when he heard the alarm. His eyes hurt first so he closed them as he groaned, rubbing them to open his eyes again. The dark haired young slowly got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, turning on the cold water then washed his face. He had slept for only two hours and the cold feeling everytime the ice cold water splashed his face he felt more awake. Kihyun stared at his reflection in the mirror and examined his own features, how his dark circles were visible without makeup, how much he looked sleepy and tired. His dark locks were messy and and slightly wet because as he washed his face, some water touched the ends of his hair. He shook his head and stopped staring at himself, got out of the bathroom and went back to his bedroom to pick his clothes.

He picked his clothes in all black, a black turtleneck, also a classy blazer that had the Yoo family brooch, which had bejeweled with diamonds, sapphires and emeralds. Although the brunet disliked his family and didn’t want the burden of his name, he liked those pins. There was a sword which looked like a cross surrounded with flowers that held jewels. He wore skinny black pants under them with a thin and shiny chain pinned to the side of his hip. After the clothing he pulled out a little bag and opened it, pulled out some eyeshadow palette and foundation. He started with concealing the dark circles and his moles, which he hated that they were too many on his face. Only the one right above his upper lip was visible and couldn’t be completely concealed. The brunet continued with his eye makeup, which was a little dark and smoky, then he put on some lip tint that gave his lips a little color. When he finished his makeup, he combed his hair back and styled it with a little messy bangs hanging down to his eyes. After he finished, he walked out of his bedroom to went into his kitchen, making himself a cup of black coffee. He reached for his phone and looked at the time. It was 7:55AM and he had 40 minutes left to leave the house.

He made himself a little sandwich enough to feel himself full. After his coffee, he pulled out his bottles of pills. They were his antidepressants and ataractics but he never believed that they were working. He was using them only to feel “treated” and to stay calm during the day. He had to use them as daily dose but he always took them twice or three times a day because he thought they didn’t work. He shook the bottle and two pills fell into his palm. He took two of all the pills and threw them inside his mouth, gulped them down with a glass of water in one go. He knew what he was doing was wrong but he couldn’t help but do it anyways, he needed to feel that he was on medication. Otherwise, he would never feel like they were working. A slight wave of panic rushed in his body as he realised what he had done but took deep and long breaths to shake it away.

_I have session with my psychiatrist today._

He sighed to his thought and walked out of the kitchen, grabbed his bag that he prepared before he slept and put on his coat. He took his keys and phone and put his phone in his pocket, closing the door behind him then locked the door. He walked out of his apartment with quick footsteps, not waiting for the elevator and instead, he ran downstairs. He catched the bus in the last minute and got on quickly. He didn’t want to think about the session, the medication he took wrongly. So he decided to lean his head to the window, watching the road until his eyelids felt heavy. He fell asleep for 20 minutes then the bus stopped, making the brunet wake up suddenly and get off the bus.

With quick footsteps, Kihyun entered the old, big and white faculty building. He was always the first one to arrive the class and as always, the classroom was empty. He sat on the first row and opened his course books, randomly looking at the pages as he was thinking about other things. As time passed by, other students started to appear; exchanging morning wishes to each other. Kihyun just nodded and slightly whispered ‘morning’ to anyone who greeted him. He was awkward in social relationships. He didn’t talk much and he didn’t even make eye contact with anyone. He just focused on the book in front of him and pretended as if he was reading something. He remembered Hyungwon all of a sudden. Hyungwon promised him he would call but he didn’t. It wasn’t something new but Kihyun suddenly felt worried, he wasn’t very well since he last saw him. It has been two days since that incident and they didn’t even get in touch with each other. Kihyun thought about texting him but the lecturer suddenly came in and greeted everyone, making the brunet put his phone back in his pocket reluctantly.

He was studying English and Linguistics in university, same with Hyungwon. They were classmates since the freshman year and they had become best friends and Hyungwon become Kihyun’s only friend. Despite being his only friend even Hyungwon knew little about Kihyun and he didn’t bother to ask, knowing Kihyun wouldn’t tell a single thing. But his blond friend knew about his medication, his anxiety and how he was against being around people. That didn’t bother Hyungwon so they accepted each other as how they were. Except for Kihyun, he didn’t accept Hyungwon’s addictions even if he respected. He didn’t want to watch his friend dying in front of his eyes but he didn’t want to interfere either. It was his choice after all, but he would do whatever it takes to save him. Thinking about those issues Kihyun forgot to take notes, cursing to himself internally as he grabbed his pen and started to scrabble, noting some words that the lecturer said.

After 2 hours of trying to concentrate and take notes, Kihyun let out a deep sigh and leaned his back to the chair. The lecture was over and they were in break. As he got the chance, he pulled out his phone and texted his friend.

_You were supposed to call me when you’re okay. Are you okay? I hope you are._

He sent the text but saw that it wasn’t delivered, he sighed and tried to call him but he was only greeted by the beep sound. Worry started to rush in his systems as soon as the beeping sound reached to his ears. Because whenever Hyungwon’s phone was off or he was nowhere around, something could be off. Kihyun tried to shake off his thoughts as another lecture was about to start and the brunet forgot that it was Lee Minhyuk’s class.

When he raised his head to look at the board he saw the blond, tall man in front of him and he forgot to breathe for a second. His breath hitched in his throat when the older teacher’s gaze met with his, Kihyun quickly averted his eyes while his hands started to sweat. He could swear that he was suffocating and felt like dying.

_Every encounter with him feels like death._

“No cellphones please,” he warned the panicking younger with a smile but Kihyun stared blankly, without meeting his gaze. It took a couple seconds to understand what he had just said and trying to put a good face, he cleared his throat. “Oh… sorry.” He slightly smiled but the nervous feeling didn’t leave his body as he put the phone back in his pocket with shaky hands, then he opened his books. He tried not to meet his gaze during the lesson but suddenly he said his name, making the brunet almost choke on his own spit.

“I said; Yoo Kihyun, could you please answer the question?” Mr. Lee continued smiling but stared at him as if he was trying to stab people with his eyes. Kihyun directly looked at the board and quickly read the question. He thought about the topic for a second then without looking at the blond lecturer he answered, “Semantics.”

He hoped the answer was correct because he couldn’t focused well, his anxiety was growing stronger and it had already embraced him completely. Professor Lee hummed as a confirmation and continued, leaving Kihyun dumbfounded without knowing. Kihyun let out the breath he was holding in and felt a little relaxed. His hands were between his legs, trying to hide the shaking and waiting for them to stop but he couldn’t prevent the sweating. It felt hotter than before and he was pulling his turtleneck with his finger as he was taking deep breaths. During the whole 2-hour block course, Kihyun tried to avoid Minhyuk’s gaze on him while he was lecturing the class but he glanced at the blond male for a mere second whenever he wasn’t looking at his direction.

At the end of the course he informed them about the exams and cautioned them to revise the units they had finished. Kihyun listened every word he said despite the fact that his voice made him shiver and gave him goosebumps. As soon as the professor finished he gathered his things and got out of the classroom. He directly walked through the large corridor and stepped out of the building, making his way towards the bus stop. He looked at the time and it was 1:05PM, meant that 40 minutes left for his session. A couple of minutes later the bus arrived and he got in quickly, wore his Airpods and listened some calming tracks, like Lana Del Rey.

He got off the bus where it stopped near to the clinic and walked the remaining distance. Standing in front of the clinic door he hesitated, remembered the first time he had came here. The panic, the fear in his eyes were visible when he knocked the door. He didn’t want to be there but he knew he had to, at least for the medication he needed to use. The black haired secretary greeted him with a heart warming smile but that didn’t work on the nervous young man. “Mrs. Choi is waiting,” the secretary informed him. Kihyun just nodded slightly and opened the door, peeking at the room by slightly tucking his head in. The doctor smiled and pointed the chair in front of her and made him understand that he could come in. Kihyun slowly opened the door widely and came in, staring at the ground while walking towards the chair and sat in front of his doctor.

“Hello, Kihyun. How are you feeling?”

The doctor’s smile was enough for him to feel relaxed a little and also enough to talk. He was looking at the doctor’s desk, he didn’t feel obligated to look directly at the woman’s eyes because the doctor was symphatetic and didn’t asked him to. “I-I have been… well…” he stuttered while his lisp was noticeable to the doctor and also to himself. The smiling female took her notebook and opened a brand new page. “How is your sleep? Can you sleep well?” She asked, holding her pen in her hand ready to take notes.

“I… I slept for only two hours,” he uttered, his voice was slow and quiet but the doctor could hear it clearly. It was her profession after all. “Voices?” she asked, her only intention was to find out the reason of his sleep deprivation but the young male only stiffened, knitted his brows as he tried to speak. “N-no, not them. I just… can’t sleep.” The doctor noticed the male was uncomfortable sos he changed the topic. “Okay, tell me.” Kihyun slightly raised his head but still wasn’t making eye contact with the doctor sitting in front of him. “How have you been since our last session?”

Kihyun thought about the incidents that had happened in the last few days and shook his head. “I don’t know,” the only thing he could say. He was still not talking anything at all with the doctor and it made the older woman sigh. _She probably got tired of me,_ he thought to himself and his face wore an ashamed expression. “Sorry.”

His words only made the women smile sympathetically and she leaned to the desk, looking directly at his face. “Kihyun,” she started, “you can speak to me, tell everything you’ve kept inside. It’s okay. There’s no judge here.” Kihyun felt his vision started to get blurry because of the forming tears in his eyes but he raised his head up and looked at the ceiling, making them go away.

“I know, I really do. That’s why I am here after all,” he spoke, his voice was louder this time. He slightly smiled at the woman without looking at her eyes, he looked at her face instead. But the gaze didn’t last much and he averted his gaze from the woman, his eyes wandering around the session room. “I just don’t know what is wrong with me, it has been two years but still… T-they are still speaking to me, not leaving me.” Kihyun told her more than he thought, regretting immediately but it was too late.

“You still haven’t told me why you rushed to this clinic in the first place.” The doctor stated, making Kihyun remember the first time he came here and a shiver ran down to his spine. She wanted answers but Kihyun wasn’t brave enough to talk about it. He tried to speak but no sound came out from his mouth. He took a deep breath and clenched his fists, forcing himself to speak. “I just wanted to stop the voices.” He answered with a nervous tone, a slight shake in his voice was noticeable and of course the doctor noticed but didn’t push him further.

“We will make them stop, Kihyun.” She assured him with a sincere and wide smile on her face. Kihyun gazed at her from the corner of his eyes and slightly smiled despite his nervous and stiffened face. “Thank you,” he murmured. The woman took some notes and turned back to him. Asking further questions, “Do you take your medications regularly?” That question made the brunet remember the morning, how many pills he took. “Yes…” he lied with a quiet voice, he didn’t want the doctor to watch him with more caution and to take precautions about his habits. “But I need a new prescription.”

“But… I already prescribed your medications two weeks ago,” she stated worriedly, “Did you overuse?” she asked, watching his features carefully as she waited for his answer.

_Great, you played yourself Yoo Kihyun._

“N-no... no just… just in case,” he tried to smile but his breaths got quicker and he started to sweat. He was too nervous and panicked to lie at that moment but he tried anyways. The older woman was staring at himself and Kihyun started panicking, thinking about how to elude from the situation he had gotten himself into. He looked at his hands, lowering his head because he knew the doctor didn’t believe him and she was probably staring at him to tell the truth.

“If you don’t take your medications properly I can not help you, Kihyun. This is the only time I’m telling you this, If you overuse your medications, I will take precautions,” she warned him with a stern voice, unlike before. Kihyun just nodded, not even able to look up or speak. “Our session is over for today,” she stated, watching Kihyun stand up and get ready to go. “I hope I can see a better Kihyun in our next time,” she smiled to make Kihyun relaxed because he looked like a scolded little child and Mrs. Choi didn’t want to see him like that, especially not because of herself. “And make sure to take your medications properly, okay?” Kihyun nodded and tried to smile, walking towards the door. “Bye, Kihyun. Take care of yourself.” She waved at him with a warmer way. Kihyun felt himself relaxed a little when the doctor waved at him and he nodded again before he left.

While walking in the street, thinking about the session –how he had messed up things- he remembered Hyungwon. He quickly changed his direction to the nearest bus stop and got on a bus that was going to the neighbourhood Hyungwon lived. Kihyun got off the bus when it arrived to the last stop and walked through the old neighbourhood. The streets and buildings were far different from the places he had ever been, the place was dirty and rotten buildings surrounded the streets. Kihyun shivered at the cold breeze and thought about how Hyungwon and his friends could live in a place like this. While walking through the street people were staring at him and whispering something to each other, making Kihyun anxious because they were all gypsies and junkies who could be a danger to a person like Kihyun. He didn’t bother with such things as money or something related to money but there were people who could probably kill even for Kihyun’s any belongings. He looked like too classy and rich for that place but he continued walking anyways, only quickened his steps. He hugged his books tighter and pressed them to his chest, head bent down quickly walking towards the building he supposed to go.

He quickly climbed the upstairs and stood in front of the door. When he was about to knock the door he noticed that it was slightly open. He wondered why they would leave the door open but realised its lock was broken. He sighed and pushed the door wide open. He walked to the first room he saw and entered the living room but stopped at his tracks as he saw the scene in front of him.

Hyungwon and his other friend, which was probably Changkyun, he was on top of the blond and they were kissing on the couch while Changkyun’s hands were all over Kihyun’s blond friend. They were kissing so intense that they were moaning softly and Changkyun’s hand was going right between Hyungwon’s thighs, Kihyun couldn’t stand and cleared his throat to make them stop. Changkyun was first to stop and stare at the brunet with a shocked expression while Hyungwon was trying to understand the situation. His eyes were staring at the younger on top of him then turned to the person who was staring at them perplexed in shock.

“What the fuck?!” Changkyun exclaimed.

“What the fuck indeed.” Kihyun only said with a calm voice despite his shocked expression. His eyes had been wide and his mouth had slightly parted since he saw the scene. He couldn’t tell how much angry he was at that moment. He could feel the boiling anger in his whole body but he didn’t even flinch, just averted his gaze to the blond who was high and dumbfounded. Hyungwon finally stared back at the angry and shocked brunet and smiled sluggishly. “Oh… Hey, Kihyun. What are you doing here?” he slurred and it only made Kihyun snap.

“I tried to reach you. Since you weren’t okay the last time I saw you. You didn’t answer my calls and you didn’t text me back either,” he spoke and his voice was dangerously low. He stepped forward and came closer to him as he clutched his books tightly. “And I wanted to see you because I was fucking worried,” he spoke louder this time and made Hyungwon slowly got up and sat on the couch while listening to him. “But look at you, you’re doing fine I guess.”

“Sorry, I should have check my phone but I don’t know where it is,” he smiled and chuckled. He was definitely high and it was useless to talk to him. While they were talking Changkyun was just watching the two to comprehend what the hell was happening in front of him but he was also high and the drugs in his system was blocking his thoughts.

“And you were just making out with your friend! What the fuck?” he couldn’t help but yelled at him, making the duo flinch. He shook his head, “I can’t believe you, Hyungwon.”

“I know… I’m sorry I made you worried and I was feckless,” Hyungwon murmured a slight guilt started to make his chest ache. Kihyun was still furious and Hyungwon didn’t want to make him angrier.

“Yes, you did. You fucking made me come here just to see you making out with—“ his words were cut off when his eyes locked to the table. He was stiffened, stopped dead in his track. His eyes were locked and wide, he was staring directly at the little pack that contained crystal white powder and the little lines on the wooden table. He felt his legs was trembling and his head started to spin while his vision started to black out. He was struggling to breathe as he couldn’t keep his eyes off the table. His connection with the real world was cut off as if he was in a trance that he couldn’t get himself out.

Hyungwon saw his friend while blood drained from Kihyun’s face and his body started to tremble like a leaf. He looked at the direction that the brunet’s eyes were locked and saw the cocaine Changkyun left on the table. He couldn’t understand the situation but became nervous and looked back at Kihyun.

“Kihyun?” he called softly at his friend, _Probably he was panicking but… why?_ Hyungwon thought internally but continued to try reach to him. Kihyun snapped his eyes back at him as he regained his consciousness. He swallowed hard and stepped back. “I… I should go,” he murmured with his shaky and low voice then quickly left the house, leaving the two petrified behind him.

Kihyun ran downstairs and stopped behind the stairs, leaning his back to the cold concrete wall. He was taking deep breaths and rubbed his numb legs to gain control of his body back. Sweat dripped from his forehead and everything was still blurry while he was still trying to calm down.

_Breathe. Just breathe. It’s okay. I’m okay…_

His legs gave up for a second and he slid down to the ground, sitting while taking deep breaths. He closed his eyes and counted to ten, trying every method to stop his panic attack. After about ten minutes his breath slowed down and he regained the feel of his legs. Kihyun slowly got on his feet and got out of the building, rushed to the bus stop and waved at the bus that was about to leave. He ran to the bus and got on quickly. He was already started to pant as he sat on a random seat. He was panicking minutes ago but he also ran to the bus. He was really forcing his lungs. He leaned his head to the window that was on his side, closing his eyes as his pants slowed down and his body relaxed while the bus drove back to the city centre. Meanwhile, Hyungwon gained his consciousness back and ran after Kihyun, only to meet with the empty streets. _He is gone,_ he thought and sighed as he went back home with worry.

After a tiring and long drive he walked to his fancy apartment, sighed and relaxed when he entered the house. He took off his shoes and jacket, put the books on the table and quickly went to his bedroom. He undressed completely and removed his makeup, then got into the black and white tiled bathroom. He turned on the hot water and started to fill the tub with hot water. He poured some bathing foam into the water with a relaxing smell. A few seconds later the bathroom filled with the sweet smell of vanilla and Kihyun took a deep breath, smelled the room and smiled to himself. After the tub was filled enough and the bubbles started to form, he stepped inside the tub and gave a deep breath as he felt relaxed. The hot water embraced his body as he played with bubbles. He chuckled as he took some of the bubbles in his head and blew them to the air. He looked like a 5-year-old child playing in the tub as he relaxed and enjoyed the calming bath. He didn’t want to think about what happened today, he wanted to act like a child at that moment. He really felt happy and joyful as he was playing with bubbles in the vanilla scented bathtub.

Playing and relaxing in the bath for nearly half an hour his stomach growled and Kihyun sighed while still smiling, he got out of the tub and wore his white bathrobe. Walking back to his bedroom he hummed some Lana Del Rey song that he listened today and he took off his bathrobe only to wear his underwear. He wore his white knit sweater and white track pants. He went to his kitchen and started to cook, playing his playlist from his phone as he cooked himself chicken. He sat on his little table that was in middle of his kitchen and ate his dinner while scrolling on the internet with his phone. After he had eaten his chicken, he washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen, he was a neat person after all. Watching the newly cleaned kitchen he smiled at his work, _Good job Kihyun~_ he thought and laughed a little at his own thought. After the cleaning, he took his book from the table in living room and jumped on the couch, pulling his legs to his chest as he opened and found the page where he left.

He thought of having a quiet night but things didn’t occur as he imagined.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps behind him. Kihyun stopped reading and lifted his head from the book, trying to understand what he had just heard. _Probably the neighbors…_ He was trying to believe his own prediction but a strange feeling had already started to form in his stomach. He swallowed hard and tried to focus on the book again. His heart was beating fast but Kihyun forced himself to read the book although he was reading the same sentence over and over again. Then he heard scratching sound, a sound as if someone scratching the floor behind the couch. Kihyun’s hand started to sweat and he could see that his hands were shaking by looking at the book’s pages that were trembling. He was inhaling and exhaling slowly and deeply while trying to convince himself that those sounds were not real.

Kihyun slowly put the book on the table and got up from the couch with very slow movements. A loud bang from the door made him jump and fall back to the couch. His heart was beating in his ears and he started to tremble like leaf in a strong breeze. He just stared at the door which the loud bang came from. He stopped dead in his tracks while breathing heavily, his eyes didn’t leave the front door. Slight whispers started to speak to him as Kihyun’s breath quickened and he didn’t understand what they were saying, he didn’t want to know.

_They are not real… They are not real… Don’t listen to them… They. Are. Not. Real…_

A sudden clatter and louder whispers of his name made Kihyun almost scream. “STOP,” he yelled at the voices with his shaky and scared little voice. He noticed that they were calling his name. “Leave me alone,” he whimpered softly, scared that the voices would answer or get louder. Little clattering and scratching sounds are increased as tears slowly streamed down to the scared boy’s face. He brought his trembling hands to his ears and pressed them tightly to stop the voices. He pulled his legs to his chest and buried his face between them as he sobbed loudly. “They are not real… they are not… they are… not real…”

_Please leave me alone._

_Please stop._

_Leave me alone._

His tears started to soak his pants as he sobbed louder, crying his heart out in fear. He was still pressing his hands to his ears and too scared to pull away. He was even too scared to open his eyes which were shut tightly. He was soaked in tears and sweat while he kept saying the same sentence over and over again, “They are not real…”

Minutes later, his sobs became quieter but he was still waiting in the same position and still crying with quiet and tiny sobs. He nerved himself forcefully and slowly pulled away his hands from his ears, waiting for any sound but he could only hear his own heartbeat that was beating rapidly and his sniffs. He lifted his head and looked around slowly. The scared brunet quickly got up and ran to his bedroom, shutting the door immediately after he got inside. He locked the door with fast moves despite his still trembling hands and stepped back. Waiting for any voice to call him or scare him but nothing happened. He was still tense and scared like a cat, his shoulders were tense and his legs felt like jelly.

He gave the breath that he had been holding for a couple seconds and got into his bed quickly, leaving the lights on. He stared at the locked door with his still teary, puffy and red eyes, too scared to turn his back to it. He wrapped his tiny figure with his thick and soft quilt while still staring at the door. He continued staring until his reddened eyes felt tired and his eyelids got heavier, making him drift into sleep. It had been a very rough day for him. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long waiting but hey, long chapter ahead.

It was already evening when the blond woke up, He had been up all night and slept early in the morning. His head felt heavy when he sat up on the bed, rubbing his sore eyes, groaning softly. He lifted his body up and walked towards the door with slow and sloppy steps, opened the door slowly and causing it to creak with a long, annoying sound. First, he walked directly to the bathroom and undressed himself until he was all naked, then he turned on the warm water, stepping under the shower and letting the cold feeling wake him up completely while shivering and slightly trembling under the water. After his awakening, cold shower he got out of the bathroom and dressed back in the bedroom quickly. He put on a black long sleeved sweat and a pair of ripped jeans. The house was cold in the evenings and Hyungwon was still shivering, pulling his sleeves down to his fingers to warm his hands. He dried his hair quickly with the towel but still his hair was damp at the ends of the blond locks. After he was finished with his hair he walked to the living room where his two friends were smoking weed and listening to some music while chatting.

Changkyun was the first one to lift his head, realising Hyungwon came into the room. He remembered their awkward conversation after the messy makeout with each other. He was still mad at the blond about what they had talked about. They raked up the past, brought back an old issue between them.

_Chasing after Kihyun, Hyungwon came back, mumbling something Changkyun couldn’t understand. He threw himself on the couch and sighed while the raven was drawing a line with his student ID on the table with the crystal powder. “Why did your friend freak out after cock-blocked me, huh?”_

_Hyungwon chuckled then shrugged, his head was still spinning because of the sudden rushing to the street. “Cock-blocked? So you were going to…” Hyungwon continued laughing, he couldn’t feel the energy to build a sentence. Changkyun stayed silent and leaned down, sniffed the cocaine he lined on the wooden table then groaned as he felt the rush in his systems. He threw his head back, closed his eyes then brought his hand to wipe out the remaining white powder at the end of his nose. “You looked like you were asking for it,” he smirked and stared at the blond who was high and smiling sheepishly. Changkyun stood up and walked to the kitchen, opened the fridge to look for some drink._

_“Don’t worry. It was good, I liked it,” Hyungwon suddenly stated, making the younger raven straighten up and stare at his figure. The blond had lit a cigarette and he was watching the smoke he exhaled. He had come back to his senses and sobered up. “It was good even when we did for the first time.”_

_Changkyun froze at his tracks for a second, “You remember?” Hyungwon nodded at his question, then the raven slammed the fridge close. “You fucking remember, huh?” Rage started to form up inside him as he walked towards the blond, “Why didn’t you tell me you remember?”_

_“Did I have to?” Hyungwon simply asked but only to make Changkyun angrier than before. The blond’s reckless behavior was driving him to the edge of snapping but Changkyun was trying hard not to do anything. “So you remember, all the fucking time.”_

_“Yes, Changkyun. But I don’t understand why you’re dramatzing it so much, people fuck in club cabs all the time.” Hyungwon told him then finished his cigarette, standing up as he stretched his arms, groaned lazily. “I’m going to sleep.”_

_Changkyun just stared behind the older blond with slightly wide eyes as both anger and disappointment built inside his chest. He did that back when he got interest in the blond and he thought he really liked Hyungwon. He thought the blond didn’t remember so he didn’t bring the topic up ever. He felt more irritated than before and the raven quickly grabbed his pack of cigarettes and left the house to smoke outside._

_That was ridiculous…_ Changkyun inhaled the heavy smoke deep into his lungs as he watched him sit in front of them, onto the cushions as he pulled out something from his pocket. “That’s my share for the rent,” he put the money on the table and Changkyun stared at him with confusion, causing the blond to feel nervous. “What?”

“What? Don’t we all pay the rent together? Well, that’s my share,” Hyungwon stated, trying to act calm and decent. Jooheon lifted his body up and sat on the couch, next to Changkyun. The raven dragged a long breath from his smoke and chuckled  at Hyungwon, exhaling the smoke that left in his mouth. He put his blunt on the ashtray and took the money, counting quickly. “How did you get this money?” he asked. Jooheon gave a deep sigh and poked Changkyun, “Leave him alone, Kyun,” he murmured and took Changkyun’s cigarette from the ashtray took the last drag and pressed it on the glass surface, putting it out. Hyungwon swallowed down the anxious feeling and looked at the younger raven, Jooheon was also staring at him but unlike Changkyun, he wasn’t staring at him with suspicious eyes.

“I sold my watch,” he made up a lie quickly. His voice sounded a little loud because of the nervousness that was caused by the situation he was in. _They wouldn’t ask me my source of money, why are they asking now?_ He was fighting inside his mind while two of his friends waited for a further explanation. “My dad bought that for me when I had first gotten into university.” He was averting his eyes from the others unintentionally, he was good at lying but not really in this topic. He was afraid that either of them would find out. He didn’t know how to explain what he was doing for a living, selling his body for money to people God knows who. He wasn’t proud of what he was doing and neither he wanted anyone to know, except for Kihyun. He was still getting tense whenever he remembered that Kihyun had already known what he was doing.

Changkyun continued staring at him a little more then shrugged, leaning back to the couch he was sitting and changed the song he was listening. Jooheon was just scrolling on his phone with his beer in his hand and Hyungwon relaxed that they believed his lie. The three friends sat silently in the living room, listening the low music while every each of them stared at the different spots. Suddenly, the raven’s phone rang and made the trio startle at the ringtone. “It’s mom,” Changkyun muttered and sighed in annoyance, picking the phone as he went to the corridor.

“Mom?” he answered unwillingly, he wanted the conversation to be as short as possible. He was completely high and didn’t want to give himself away because she would likely be suspicious. “Hey honey, since you won’t use your phone for a single ‘hi’ I decided to call.” Changkyun rolled his eyes, _We are not even in the same time zone mom what the fuck?_ “Hi, mom,” he felt his words came out a little slurry so he decided to speak short. “It’s past midnight here, I waited till now to call you in an available hour. It must be evening in there, right?” Changkyun replied with a quiet ‘yeah’ and waiting for her to continue. “I had to call you, you probably noticed that your bank account is still empty right?” Changkyun’s eyes narrowed slightly and that was the moment he noticed. “Yeah, why?” He felt irritated as he asked. The voice on the other side of the phone sighed and chuckled, “Don’t worry I’ll pay in until Monday. How is school by the way?” Changkyun sighed in annoyance and closed his eyes, not answering for more than few seconds he cleared his throat and continued talking as decent as he could. “Good enough.”

“You’re not skipping any classes are you? Your dad would be sad if you do things that some teenagers do in university.” She uttered then laughed at her own words, Changkyun smiled too.

_If only you knew, mom._

“Of… of course not. Anyways, why is the money delayed?” he asked, involuntarily slurred at the words and cursed, facepalmed internally. The older woman replied him right away, “I was busy during the whole week, sorry honey. You have money at the moment, right?” She returned with another question. Changkyun just wanted to end the conversation because he thought he couldn’t keep it longer. He was already high as fuck and trying so hard to be decent while his mother was on the phone. “Yeah, I do. Now I have to… go.” Changkyun mumbled and he was about to hang up but his mother suddenly uttered, “Are you okay honey?”

_Fuck._

Changkyun coughed slightly as a little breeze of panic made him shiver, thinking about a lie to make up. “I caught cold, really. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me okay? Bye, mom.” He quickly hung up and let out a relaxed breath that he was holding while on the phone.

Jooheon watched Hyungwon’s tense figure while Changkyun was on the phone, talking to his mother. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling but something was off with his blond friend, probably he was annoyed by Changkyun. Jooheon was talking in his mind, _Changkyun gets money from his parents, I run a tattoo saloon but Hyungwon doesn’t have a job nor he has a family._ It wasn’t his place to ask but he wanted to know so that whenever Changkyun or literally anybody got suspicious of Hyungwon, he wanted to defend his friend. “Hyungwon,” he interrupted the silence, making the blond turn his head to himself.

“It’s okay to keep secrets,” he stated. Hyungwon was staring at him with confused eyes so Jooheon continued. “If you have a job or something, you don’t have to hide it from us. We are friends and we live together. You don’t need to put this much distance.” Jooheon felt bad because of the distance between his friend, Hyungwon nearly stopped being together with them. He was either sleeping or out somewhere whenever they got home. They didn’t even talk much since Hyungwon became quieter and quieter as time went by.

“I know, thank you Jooheon,” Hyungwon smiled warm. “I sell stuff to save money so I can help with the bills and the rent. And the… other stuff,” he laughed a little. But Jooheon was aware that Hyungwon didn’t even make an eye contact while talking to him. He sighed, he knew there was something the blond was hiding but he wasn’t going to force him. “I’m just saying, just don’t feel under pressure, okay?” Hyungwon nodded with a smile, looking at his face this time.

No sooner had their conversation than Changkyun came back, throwing his phone to the couch and sighing as he sat back. “She didn’t send money, fucking—“

“Don’t talk about your mother like that.” Jooheon cut him off with louder and stern voice, he didn’t like conversations like that. “She is your mother after all,” he finished his words and Changkyun just rolled his eyes. He lit another cigarette and leaned his back on the couch. “I see them as money resource, you know. I don’t feel like their son anymore.” He exhaled his smoke in the air, watching the smoke lift on the air. “Their son was smart, genius and kind. I’m not any of them, not anymore.”

“You chose to be like this,” Hyungwon interfered with a soft tone, “We all chose to be like this, you know.”

“Shut up.” Changkyun raised his voice and continued smoking, he could still feel the sting on his left wrist he had scarred again that day. He didn’t even bandaged the wounds and everytime his sleeve rubbed the wounded skin, he winced slightly. His knuckles were bruised, he had cuts on both of his wrists and little scars on his face that showed he got into so many fights. He was doing drugs and he became a cocaine addict, he had tried almost every illegal and wrong thing he encountered with. Yet, his parents still thought he was the same boy they sent to university two years ago. The Changkyun back then and the Changkyun now were completely different and opposite. The old Changkyun was kind, polite and shy. He had good grades and he was as genius as his scientist father. But the ‘new’ Changkyun was an agressive, sweary and quarrelsome bindlestiff that gets in trouble at every turn.

“You should go to school,” Hyungwon interrupted his thoughts again.

_When will he stop talking…_

“You should at least continue so as to make your parents pay your money in frequently,” he continued, causing Changkyun to frown. “You’re just sophomore.”

“So what?” Changkyun snapped at the older blond, he was annoyed and a sick feeling started to form in his stomach. “I don’t want any counseling, thank you.”

“It’s not counseling, it is an advice.” Hyungwon snapped back but he was calmer than Changkyun, at least his voice was lower and softer. But his last words made Changkyun laugh loudly.

“Oh yeah? Then use it on yourself.”

Jooheon rolled his eyes as he watched the duo’s bickering, he was too done with their nonsense arguments to interfere so he just watched them. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, trying to concentrate on his own thoughts until Changkyun yelled suddenly, causing him to open his eyes and see what was going on.

“You are the last person to tell me what to do, Hyungwon. Since you care so much, _you_ can go to school.”

“You know I can’t.” Hyungwon raised his voice for the first time since the beginning of the argument. “You know well that I can not.” Hyungwon’s stern voice surprised Jooheon and he straightened up, ready to stop them at any moment.

“Mind your own business, Hyungwon. I really don’t wanna talk about it,” Changkyun finished his cigarette and stood up, walking to the fridge. He grabbed himself a can of beer and clicked open, sloshed down the half of the alcohol while he was walking back to the couch. Hyungwon sighed at his younger friend and shrugged. Since he had money and had nothing better to do, he smirked before asking.

“Shall we go to Machine?”

Both of his friends surprised at the invitation, Hyungwon wasn’t usually the one to ask. “Come on, it’s boring sitting like this.” Changkyun was the first one to shrug his shoulders and continued drinking his beer, Jooheon was still thinking then he smiled. “Why not?” They both looked at Changkyun, waiting for his answer and Changkyun just smiled slightly and then nodded.

“Finally you said something worth listening,” Changkyun grinned as he got up and grabbed his black leather jacket. Hyungwon rolled his eyes behind him but grinned anyway, he wanted to have fun with his friends tonight. “It’s 7PM though, what do we do until night?” He asked while standing up to his feet. Jooheon shrugged, “We can go to a bar, drink before we go to Machine. How does it sound?”

Changkyun hummed as an agreement and Hyungwon smiled, “Better.” After they agreed to the plan, Changkyun went to the bedroom and opened the wardrobe to pick clothes. He picked a black sweater that had “стиль” written on the collar of the sweater, which meant “style” in Russian. Then he put on a bottle green woollen checkered coat, combining it with a pale colored jeans and black leather boots. Jooheon had been already ready because he had just came back from his studio, he also had a sweater that was the same color with Changkyun’s coat and a black turtleneck underneath. He had black knee ripped jeans and black leather boots as well.

After Changkyun had dressed up, Hyungwon went to the bedroom and fixed his hair, put on some eye makeup and a light pink lip tint. He took his phone in his hand, remembering what happened with Kihyun, he texted his friends with his worn off black nailed fingers.

_Are you okay?_

He completed his makeup while waiting for his friend to text back. Minutes later, his phone vibrated.

_I’m fine._

Hyungwon stared at the phone for seconds, thinking about a text to type. Then he texted a short apologize quickly and sent.

_I’m sorry for yesterday, I should have called you._

A quick answer was popped on his screen.

_It’s okay, Hyungwon. I’m totally fine._

Hyungwon sighed but didn’t text again. He got that Kihyun didn’t want to talk much. Kihyun never wanted to talk much but at that moment Hyungwon knew why. He didn’t want to push further and force him to talk so he put his phone in his pocket, grabbed his black long down jacket and stepped out of the bedroom.

“Ready?” Jooheon asked while putting his cigarette pack and phone in his oversized black leather jacket’s pocket. Changkyun was already outside and smoking while waiting for them. Hyungwon nodded and they got out of their house, they didn’t lock the door when they left because the lock was broken and it was no use to lock, it could open easily by pushing. They didn’t care about the lock because there was nothing to be worth stealing and they knew no one would bother in their neighbour.

They walked for 10 minutes through the streets and found a little, old rock bar. The slightly loud guitar sounds could be heard when they stepped inside, posters were on the dark wooden walls and there were loud clacking sounds on the black, wooden surface as they walked inside.

The trio sat on a table on the left corner, away from the crowd and ordered themselves beer for each. Changkyun was on his phone, scrolling on the internet and Jooheon was watching the crowd. Hyungwon took a large sip from his drink and poked Changkyun with his hand, “Put your phone aside. What are you, teenager?” Changkyun lifted his head and snarled at the blond. “You’re one to talk.”

Jooheon averted his gaze from the crowd to the duo, realising that they were bickering again.

“You did your makeup again, huh? Femboy.” Changkyun smirked and drank from his beer, causing Hyungwon to stare back at him with narrowed eyes but he was smirking slightly. “Says who? Black nails, black eyeliner… Emo.”

“Guys.” Jooheon interrupted them with a sigh, his glass was empty to the half. He was drinking while the other two was dissing each other.

“What?” Hyungwon was first to complain, he was still smirking while Changkyun was giving him a death glare. “It’s fun, annoying him.”

“Yeah but if you guys push far, I’m the one to stop and seperate.” Jooheon stated as he continued drinking his beer, making Hyungwon chuckle more. “Come on, you’re acting like you’re responsible for two children.”

“Aren’t I?” Jooheon’s question made Changkyun grin and hold back a laugh, he drank his beer to stop himself from laughing.

“He includes you too.” Hyungwon muttered, put a large grin on his face as he continued. “You’re also the youngest brat.”

That was Jooheon’s turn to hold back a laugh while looking at Changkyun, who stopped in his tracks and glaring at his blond friend like he was about to kill him.

After bickering and laughing for hours they left the bar, each of them were lightheaded from drinking at least two glasses of beer. They walked in the streets, chatting about what to do when they go to the club. Cold breeze was hitting their faces and causing them to sober up slowly. Changkyun was in front of them walking faster and the others, Jooheon and Hyungwon, were following him behind.

“Stop bickering with him,” Jooheon murmured. Enough for Hyungwon to hear but not wanting Changkyun to realise they were talking about himself.

“Me? He is always the one to start,” Hyungwon whined quietly as he stared at Jooheon with a slight disappointment.

“You fight like cats and dogs,” Jooheon joked but slightly serious at his words. Hyungwon chuckled sarcastically.

“I’m sure I’m the cat, he is barking at me all the time,” Jooheon looked at him then rolled his eyes, shaking his head thinking it was no use. When he lifted his head up he saw the same place, same downstairs that he was familiar with. They arrived the club.

Walking downstairs, they sometimes gazed at the people who were sitting, standing on the sidewalks. After they entered the dark, dim-lit place Changkyun stopped at his tracks to skim over the crowd. Jooheon and Hyungwon walked to his side and Jooheon slightly patted his shoulder pointing the bar section of the club. Changkyun nodded and looked at Hyungwon.

“Can you get them?” Hyungwon asked, the electronic music that was playing in the place was too loud so he reached to his ear, caused Changkyun to roll his eyes back at his question but he asked back anyways. “What do you want?”

“You know what I want,” Hyungwon smirked slyly only to cause Changkyun to froze and stare at him in slight confusion. Hyungwon realized that his joke worked right so he laughed, handing him the money. “H, dumbass.”

Changkyun hit his shoulder with his fist and turned his head to Jooheon, waiting for his answer. Jooheon put the money in Changkyun’s pocket without meeting his eyes, “Molly, buy how many you can with this money.” Changkyun nodded and went into the crowd.

The other two walked towards the bar section, the lights were dim, green and red lasers were traveling around. They sat on their chairs in front of the table and ordered two beers for each while waiting for Changkyun.

Changkyun walked towards the familiar man with a grey hoodie and exchanged nods. Changkyun handed the money to the man sneakily, getting closer to his ear. “Two lines, H and molly.”

The man looked at the mone and swiftly counted, then turned to the raven. “How many molly?”

“How many you can give me.”

“Five,” the dealer simply pointed his five fingers and Changkyun nodded. The other male told him to wait as he went to somewhere Changkyun didn’t follow.

As Changkyun watched the crowd the other came back, handing the tiny three pockets to his hand as pretending like they were shaking hands. Changkyun slightly smiled then returned to the bar section, meeting with his two friends.

Jooheon took the little pocket of pills from Changkyun’s hand under the table and thanked him. The raven turned his gaze to Hyungwon, who got what he meant quickly and got up. They walked to the toilet together, neither Changkyun nor Hyungwon talked. They stepped into different cabs, preparing their chemicals. Changkyun poured the crystal on his phone screen and drew a line, quickly snorting and drew another. He threw his head back slowly as he adjusted the drug, releasing a deep breath. After he’d done, he got out of the cabinet with shaky breaths.

Hyungwon got out right after Changkyun, their eyes met when they stopped in front of each other. Hyungwon looked at him with half lidded eyes, his other hand was pressed to the cabinet to stay still. Unlike Changkyun, Hyungwon looked like he was about to collapse on the ground. His eyes were hazy and his breathing was dangerously slow. Hyungwon slightly smiled and walked out of the toilet with slow and sloppy steps. Changkyun felt nostalgic when he looked at Hyungwon, doing drugs in the same toilet at Machine. He remembered the first time, _the first time_ he used cocaine, _the first time he met Hyungwon._

_It was his freshman year at university. He already made a friend, Jooheon who was his roommate. Jooheon asked him to go to the club they always went. Changkyun had hesitated at first because he didn’t know Seoul very well, he used to live in Boston after all. The young raven had used to be nervous at first times but he had gotten used to it and enjoyed their time in there. And he exactly knew what happens in that places. That night, two friends met in front of an overpass and started to walk towards their destination. When they arrived, the two walked inside the dark, loud place with full of red and green lights. They walked through the crowd and went to the bar table._

_Jooheon looked at the crowd as if he was looking for someone. “I need to get something for myself. Any drinks?” Jooheon asked his new friend, who was also his crush. Changkyun smirked at his words and looked at him. “You’re going to your dealer right?” Changkyun’s question made Jooheon confused, then he escaped his gaze and wandered his eyes around the place. “Yeah..”_

_Changkyun kept his smirk on his face and turned his eyes to the direction Jooheon was looking. “How much is one line of cocaine?”_

_Jooheon surprised at the question and snapped his head to him. “What?”_

_“Cocaine, how much is it?” Changkyun asked with louder voice this time. Jooheon wanted to say no but changkyun looked serious. He was a bit timid towards Changkyun even if he was the older one so he decided not to interfere. “I don’t know. I don’t do coke.” Jooheon replied, he didn’t want Changkyun to do any of that chemicals but he knew it wasn’t his place to stop him. Changkyun sighed and stood up “What do you want? I’ll get them for you.”_

_Jooheon looked at him speechless. How does he know? He swallowed hard as thinking and looked at his face again. He was dead serious. “Come on, don’t give me that face. I will get them for you.”_

_Jooheon took a deep breath, “Okay... Can you... get me...”_

_“Come on jooheon.” Changkyun insisted, growing impatient as Jooheon stuttered._

_He swallowed again and shook his head. “Get me extacy. Two... pills.” Changkyun nodded and walked away. Jooheon was left speechless by his confidence, he still didn’t quite get how the hell the raven knew but he waited._

_Changkyun could see the dealer Jooheon always went and sneakily talked to, then he slowly walked towards him and stared at his face. Signing that he was coming to him for drugs. He got in front of him and looked at the man who was also looking at him. “What do you need?” Changkyun looked at the male, he was wearing a large sized black hoodie and he had a cigarette hanging at the corner of his mouth. He kept on his serious face even though he was a little surprised that he quickly got what he came for. “I want a line, cocaine. And two extacy pills.” The other nodded and pulled out what Changkyun told him and grabbed them without being suspicious. Skimming over the crowd, Changkyun gave him 100 dollars then walked away. When he was going back where Jooheon was waiting for him, he glanced at the crowd and saw someone that he couldn’t take his eyes off._

_He was wearing a shirt that is too large for him. Underneath, he had leather black pants that wrapped around his thin long legs. He was dancing intensely and Changkyun didn’t realize he had been staring at him for minutes. That man was skinny, tall and white as a corpse as far as he could see with the led lights. He traveled his hands down to his hips and bit his lower lip while rocking his hips to his own hand. Changkyun was following his movements with his eyes, motionless. The blond one started to touch his lower parts and Changkyun swallowed hard._

_He is fucking touching himself._

_Changkyun watched him carefully as the other rubbed his hand between his thigh and rolled his hips as if he was riding someone. He threw his head back and brushed his hair, his bony pale hand on his hair started to go down and stopped at the middle of his shirt; lifting it up to expose his body. He grazed his fingertips around his belt and licked his lips as he closed his eyes._

_“What the fuck?..” he murmured to himself. The other looked at him suddenly and winked, hands were rubbing his thighs and hips._

_Changkyun froze in shock then licked his dried lips and continued watching him like a teenager who was watching porn for the first time. As he danced, the shirt slid off of his shoulder a bit and showed his collarbones. He unbuttoned his shirt more and pulled it down to his shoulder. The dancing blond suddenly grabbed his crotch and rolled his hips to his hand and at this moment Changkyun’s eyes widened. He couldn’t realize the dancer was coming towards him and Changkyun felt hot. He knew he got hard just by watching him. Changkyun thought of leaving but his body didn’t move even a little. When that dancer got in front of him Changkyun looked at him as if he was mesmerized. “Hey... I haven’t seen you here before.” Changkyun was still looking at him. He blinked few times and got back into his senses, “Yeah... yes, it is normal because I haven’t been here before either.” The blond one smirked, “I liked your voice tone. What is your name? I’m Hyungwon.” Changkyun surprised at the sudden compliment but he wasn’t aware of how close they were, he uttered his name to the blonde he was staring at mesmerized. “Changkyun.”_

_“Changkyun? Pretty…”_

_After being left dumbfounded by the blond, Changkyun cleared his throat and went back to Jooheon, he was nervous as he gave the pills to his friend. “You really did,” Jooheon stated in surprise, only to receive a smirk at return. Jooheon took the pill with a large sip of beer and turned to Changkyun, who was playing with the little pocket in his hand._

_“Go to the toilet, draw a line and then snort.” The orange haired older instructed him involuntarily. He couldn’t do it here, where people were around. Changkyun had seen in movies how to do cocaine but nodded at Jooheon’s instructions._

_He left him there and went to the toilet, he closed the toilet seat. He put his phone on the seat and poured the white chemical on the phone’s screen. He pulled out his credit card and drew a line with it. He was nervous, his heart was beating rapidly in his chest af if it was going to jumo out of his ribcage. He wanted it and he knew there was no going back. With a sudden decision, he snorted the line and as soon as he felt the rush struck in his system like a lightning he groaned softly. He stared at the celing with wide eyes, energy was rushing in his body and his hands were shaking._

_And he liked how it felt._

_After the chemicals invaded his body he got out of the cab and that's when he met with the same eyes before. The loud, electronic music was banging outside of the toilet and the beat could be heard in the tiled room. He was smirking at him, they looked at each other for a second and the blond one took a step towards him, getting closer. "You are sexier in bright light." Changkyun glanced at him and smiled sarcastically. "You think so?"_

_With one swift move the raven grabbed his white shirt and crushed his lips against the other. Hyungwon pressed his body to Changkyun’s harder and received a muffled moan from him, smirked while biting his lower lip. Changkyun slid his hand under Hyungwon's shirt and broke the kiss while breathing heavily. He went to his neck, licking all the way up to his ear and kissed his neck, biting and sucking hard until red spots started to form. He went lower and started to kiss the blond’s collarbones, grazing his tongue over them as Hyungwon moaned, his eyes were half-lidded and one hand was in Changkyun's dark hair while the other hand started to go down to his crotch. Hyungwon licked his lips as he felt Changkyun's hard erection in his palm and smirked while rubbing his hand. They kissed again hungrily, tongues playing each other. Changkyun pushed the cab's door further and got himself in, then he pulled the blond inside by grabbing his shirt. He didn't even break the kiss and sat on the toilet. Hyungwon widened his legs and sat on Changkyun's lap._

_"Take it off" Changkyun said while catching his breath, his lips were brushing against the other, "Take your shirt off." Hyungwon smiled while obeying his command, swiftly opened his buttons and exposed his upper body. His shirt was so large that it slid off of his shoulders and fell on the ground. Changkyun grabbed his hips and pressed Hyungwon’s body to his own. Hyungwon rolled his hips while placing his hands on Changkyun's shoulder and moaned. "You’re hard."_

_"Thanks to you." and then Changkyun suddenly pulled his hair, yanking his head back and exposing his neck. he bit his neck hard to make him moan louder. He licked the spot he bit earlier and his tongue went down again, circling around his nipple. he sucked both of them as Hyungwon started to unbuckle Changkyun's belt while panting and moaning. He let go of Hyungwon and the blond got up just to get down on his knees in front of the raven. He grazed his lips on the place where he can feel the bulge and stared at him. "I want it."_

_Changkyun snapped suddenly as he didn't want to wait any further and he pushed him off then got up, pulled his hair again and made him stand up. He pushed him hard to the cabin's door and bent him over. "You’ll get it,” he uttered with his breathy and husky voice that made shiver went down Hyungwon’s spine._

_He unbuttoned Hyungwon's pants and pulled them down swiftly. Changkyun brushed his fingers against Hyungwon's lips and pushed them between his lips, forcing them inside the taller’s mouth._

_"Suck."_

_Hyungwon did what he told and started to suck two of his fingers, rubbing his tongue between the two fingers. Changkyun moaned at the feeling of his wet tongue against his fingers and pushed them deeper, Hyungwon's teeth grazing over them. The raven let him suck them more and pulled out. As soon as Changkyun pulled them out when he thought they were wet enough, he quickly inserted two of them once inside Hyungwon, causing him to throw his head back while moaning louder in both pleasure and pain. Changkyun moved his fingers in and out and the blond started to give shaky breaths in pleasure. "Please, more."_

_"Shut up.”_

_He thrusted his fingers while finger fucking him hard and stretched him wide enough. He pulled out his fingers and pulled down his own pants. Changkyun positioned his cock to the blond’s entrance and thrusted inside him without wasting any time. He moaned with Hyungwon in unison and squeezed his hips, started to move his hips back and forth. He let out a grunt from his throat and pushed deeper, making the blond moan louder. "Faster.. Fuck me faster."_

_Changkyun licked his lips as he smirked, quickened his pace as he fucked the blond faster. He dug his nails to his hips while holding them tightly, Hyungwon pressed his forehead to the door and continued moaning as he tried to hold onto the door with his hands. He couldn’t hold his screams and moans with fast and shaky breaths as Changkyun leaned down and bit his shoulder, thrusting harder and deeper inside him._

_Changkyun and Hyungwon both saw the door was slamming in every move and smirked. Hyungwon tried to hold the knob to stay still while moaning. Changkyun pulled his hips to himself and grabbed his hair to pull back, forcing Hyungwon to keep his head up. The blond bit and licked his lips and moaned. "Harder... I’m close." Changkyun pulled out and pushed all the way inside, making the blond scream in pleasure. Watching his moans, Changkyun continued doing it again. "Do that again." Changkyun looked at him as if he didn't understand. "Do what?"_

_"Get inside me like that hard again." The raven grunted and bit his lips while pulling out and thrust inside again, rougher than before. Hyungwon moaned louder and started to touch himself. Changkyun pushed the blond’s hand roughly just to replace his own hand, stroked him fast and thrusted inside him harder and deeper. Hyungwon felt like his legs were about to give in so he started to beg with his shaky voice. "Don’t... don't stop." Changkyun kissed and licked his back, going deeper and after a few thrusts, they both came hard while moaning louder._

Changkyun shook off those thoughts of the past and went back, Jooheon was already took some pills as far as he could see. His jaw was clenching and his pupils were dilated, watching Changkyun walking towards them. Jooheon smiled and stared at him, their favourite song was playing loudly. “Wanna dance?” Changkyun looked surprised, didn’t quite get his request.

“It’s ‘ _Revar_.’”

Changkyun listened the playing song and smirked at the orange haired male. Jooheon took that as a ‘yes’ and smirked back. He got up from his chair and they walked to the spot they found randomly. They both started to dance, hips matching each other’s moves and Jooheon was staring at him. Changkyun wasn’t aware that the other was looking at him, he kept dancing and he started to get closer to him. Jooheon realised and put his hand on Changkyun’s hip, intended to put him right where he was but Changkyun smirked in return and took his other hand to place it on his hip. Jooheon surprised at his actions but continued dancing together with him, dancing closer with him.

Hyungwon was sitting on the ground, staring at the led lights on the ceiling with hazy eyes. He felt like he couldn’t move a muscle. His eyes turned to the dancing two, he watched them getting closer to each other and touching each other while dancing. Hyungwon smirked at their sight slightly then closed his eyes, listened to the loud beating music.

They decided to leave in the small hours, it was nearly 6AM and the drugs’ effects had already started to fade. After they got out of the club, they walked away together with slow steps. One of the teens sitting on the sidewalk laughed and shouted at them.

“Walk properly, junkies.”

Changkyun stopped suddenly and turned back, “What did you say?”

Jooheon grabbed his arm and tried to pull him to himself, not wanting any fights early in the morning. Changkyun roughly pulled away his arm and started to walk towards the boy that shouted at them. “What the fuck did you say?” he asked, louder this time. Jooheon sighed and followed Changkyun while Hyungwon only watched them from behind. The stranger stood up and stepped closer to Changkyun, “I said walk properly, _junkie_ ,” he emphasized the last part with a sly smirk that only made Changkyun’s anger boil inside of him. He pushed the male hard, started to walk up to him. “Say that again,” Changkyun grunted with slightly wide eyes. The drugs in his system making him to push further, like there was no one he couldn’t beat.

As Changkyun was about to make a move Jooheon grabbed his arm tighter and dragged him away. “Okay, that’s enough,” he said with a stern and serious voice. He was sobering up and the feeling of falling from the drugs started to increase. Jooheon walked towards the other boy and grabbed his collar, “Leave, now.”

“You leave, with your bratty friend.”

As the stranger’s words made Changkyun angrier and he was about to run towards the male Jooheon pushed the other away harshly, “Mind your own fucking business.” His voice was dangerously low and deep, causing the other to walk away without saying anything. Changkyun was watching the stranger’s steps with a snarl. Jooheon walked back to him and put his hand on the raven’s back, pushing him to walk. “C’mon. Let’s go, Kyun.” Changkyun continued staring for a few seconds then walked with Jooheon.

Hyungwon rolled his eyes as they continued walking. _Can’t he go home without any fight…_ Hyungwon thought to himself, he didn’t want to say anything to make the situation harder.

As they came back home, Changkyun kicked the unlocked door open, still angry because of the incident minutes ago. He stepped inside and walked directly to the couch in the living room. He threw his body to the couch without taking off any of his clothes, not even his boots. Jooheon followed him while Hyungwon went to the bedroom and threw his jacket to aside, laying on the bed with his face down.

“Move aside,” Jooheon asked mumbling. Changkyun didn’t respond, only hummed as his eyes closed. Jooheon gave a deep sigh and chuckled. “Okay, I’ll just sleep on you then.”

Not receiving any answer, Jooheon laid his head on Changkyun’s stomach as his legs and the remaining body was on Changkyun’s lower body. They both fell asleep with their clothes on, almost 7AM in the morning.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry if it is a little short, school and some family things got me busy. i hope you enjoy anyways! lee minhyuk chapter :)

The loud beeping of the alarm made the sleeping one jump from his couch, a sleepy grunt and a little curse followed. Minhyuk’s sudden jump made his laptop fall to the ground with a clatter, which was on his lap while he was sleeping. Minhyuk turned off the alarm and straightened up, rubbing his eyes and temples, murmuring something even he himself couldn’t understand. He took his laptop from the ground and put it next to him, not even glancing at it to check whether it was broken or not. Minhyuk quickly got up from his large dark red couch and yawned, he stared at the time, blinking to see clearly.

5:04AM

“Shit, I have school today,” he panicked and rushed to the bathroom, washing his face with fast moves. His tracks stopped while he was drying his face with the white soft towel, something clicked in his head.

_I’m 34 how I can have school?_

He continued staring at the towel that he was using it for his face and hands, his mind hadn’t woken up yet.

_But I’m a teacher now._

Minhyuk cursed internally and got out of the bathroom, marched to his large and dark bedroom and opened his big wardrobe. He stared at the clothes on the hangers and crossed his arms, trying to pick. His clothes were mostly dark colored such as dark brown, burgundy, black and so on.

Standing in front of the wardrobe for about five minutes, Minhyuk decided to pick a white shirt and a matching dark brown pants and blazer. He opened the wide and thin drawer of his ties and glanced over the colors. Sighing, he changed his mind and didn’t wear a tie. He wasn’t very much fan of ties, he liked his first buttons open. That way he looked more attractive in his opinion.

He fixed his blond hair with a thin comb and watched his reflection in the tall dressing mirror.

After two cups of coffee he felt finally awake, he didn’t feel hungry so he quickly took his keys and got out of his house without looking back at the messy living room that was full of blankets, empty packs of snacks. He unlocked his white BMW car with his remote and got in. After sitting on his comfy, light brown leather seat, he stared at himself in the rear view mirror, pushed some strands of his blond hair and looked at his face, the skincare products that he applied yesterday after the shower was bearing its fruit. He licked his half dry, thin but plump lips to add some shine on them.

He started the engine and set off, drove to the big campus of the university. When he reached to the campus entrance, he showed his ID card and greeted the officers at the gate of the campus. Officers greeted him back with a kind “Good morning to you too, Mr. Lee,” and let his car in.

He parked his car near to the faculty building and got out of the car, inhaling the fresh air of the green campus surrounded by trees and grass. He walked through the pavement that was surrounded by light green trees, the sun rays were oozing through the green leaves of the tall trees and making the teacher’s blond locks shine. No sooner had he entered the faculty every student and teachers started to greet him, smile at him and Minhyuk smiled back to them.

Funny that he had slept with almost all of the female teachers that were smiling at him. It was noticeable that some of them were still looking for a second chance to get into his pants again. He walked through the large corridor of the building and climbed upstairs, reached his office that was on the 3rd floor and unlocked the thick, dark brown door of his office. The blond teacher stepped inside the large office and closed the door behind him. He walked towards his large office desk, which was a matching dark brown with the rest of his office furniture. There were documents and course books scattered on the office desk, his laptop was merely visible under the scattered papers. Minhyuk sighed and arranged them nicely, put them aside along with the course books and opened his laptop. He opened his mail box and checked the unread list. He read the names of the students who sent their assignments and he also checked the time that the mails were sent.

He told the class to send their assignments via mail on Sunday and said that he would check them on Monday. He noticed that someone sent her mail at 12:00AM on Monday and Minhyuk just shrugged, deleted her mail without even looking at it. _I said Sunday, didn’t I?_ Then he noticed another student’s mail and checked the time.

_12:00AM Sunday_

_Yoo Kihyun_

Minhyuk raised an eyebrow in slight surprise and opened the mail, read his assignment and stared at the screen in awe. He was the boy who always sat on the front desk at his courses and took notes regularly. He didn’t clearly remembered his face but knew who he was. So he clicked the star button and added his mail to his favorite list, which was his also high grade students list.

Minhyuk was the most redoubtable teacher in the university. He could easily fail someone, kick someone out of the class- even out of the school. No student could say something even slightly disrespectful to him, not even a slight raise of voice was acceptable in front of him.

However, the female students adored him, some of them were already in love with him but they were never really encouraged enough to flirt with him. Meanwhile Minhyuk had already slept with almost all of the female teachers and he was still flirting with some of them. He didn’t really liked any of them nor did he feel anything towards them. It was just sex for him. Minhyuk wasn’t some sex addict or anything, he just liked the feeling of being control. He liked that they all melt under his touch, the way they needed him, craving for him.

Minhyuk took his course book and left his office minutes later to attend his first class in the morning. He exchanged mornings to a few students and teachers while walking towards the class, the chatting and laughing sounds were getting clearer at every step, causing Minhyuk to sigh. As soon as Minhyuk stepped inside the class all the chatting and laughing sounds were cut off, an intense silence filled the big classroom and Minhyuk smiled.

“Good morning, class.”

He heard them murmuring ‘morning’ to him and he opened his book, along with the projection. “Before we start, I’d like to talk about the assignments. I’m sure you are all curious about that,” he stated. All of the young students were listening to him carefully. “Some of you didn’t send your assignments, which disappoints me, and some of you sent your mail late.” The annoyance and the danger in his calm, low but irritated voice tone were noticeable for the class and they continued listening to the blond in silence. “You know that you will fail if you don’t send you mails on time,” he warned. “And those who didn’t send their mails on time had already failed,” he smiled sarcastically while some of them, which probably were the ones who hadn’t sent their mails, sulked. “Let’s begin now, shall we?”

During the lecture, while everybody taking notes someone from the front desks caught Minhyuk’s attention. He was smaller for a young male, not very muscular nor large. His figure was almost feminine, his hands that were holding the pen were small and his legs were thin and a little short. Minhyuk looked up and noticed his dark brown hair hanging down to his eyes and he also noticed the makeup on his eyelids, there was a tiny bit of glitter on his dark eyeshadow. His features were sharp, his skin was like porcelain white and looked soft. Then he studied his pointed nose, his eyes went down to the younger’s lips, which were a little shiny with a tint of pink around them. He was wearing a very nice blazer designed with small black jewels on its sleeves and a silk black shirt in it. A pin on the right side of his blazer caught Minhyuk’s eye, he narrowed his eyes and looked at the bejeweled pin. It was clear that it could belong to someone noble, it wasn’t some casual accessory that anyone would wear randomly.

_He must be Yoo Kihyun._

Minhyuk finally recognized the younger and then turned his head back to the slide, thinking in his head that how come he hadn’t realized he had someone that beautiful in his class by then. He was even much more beautiful than the other girls in the class in Minhyuk’s opinion. The teacher continued lecturing until the break. In the break, two of the students walked towards him and asked about their assignments. One of them was the one who sent the mail on Sunday and Minhyuk simply told her that he just deleted her assignment.

“But I was attentive to the assignment—“

“But I said Sunday and you sent it at 12:00AM on Monday,” Minhyuk kindly cut her off, tilting his head to the side and rested his head on his hand with a sarcastic smile, looking directly into her eyes. The younger female just stared at the blond with shocked eyes while Minhyuk didn’t even move a single muscle and continued staring at her with his unbothered smile. “You may leave,” Minhyuk added. The duo didn’t say anything more and left. Minhyuk could guess them cursing under their breaths but that only made him smile more, he liked being the annoying teacher, not the favorite one.

Minhyuk turned his gaze to the same side again and looked at the younger male, he looked tired and his eyes were blank. He knew he was the one who sent the main first and he knew he was the most successful student in the class but he looked stressful so Minhyuk couldn’t help but be curious. He stood up from his chair and slowly walked towards the younger’s desk, slowly sat next to the younger and tilted his head to the side to look at his face. “Hey.”

The younger raven flinched suddenly and looked at the older teacher’s face, his eyes widened in shock and he turned his face away from him. Minhyuk was surprised by his reaction, _I’m not that scary, am I?_ Kihyun held his breath while his legs were trembling, he tried hard not to look panicked. The raven could smell the other’s perfume so well that it felt like the strong smell of the perfume pierced through his lungs and made him feel dizzy. Kihyun couldn’t help but inhale the perfume deeper into his lungs while he curled his hands into fists. Minhyuk continued to stare at the younger with curious eyes and he broke the silence between him and the raven, “Are you okay?”

Minhyuk took a better look at him and saw a pair of dark circles under his eyes. He narrowed his eyes and reached to his face, pushed some of his hair from his eyes and looked at the boy who wasn’t still looking at him. “You look tired.”

Kihyun softly cleared his throat and glanced at his blond crush from the corner of his eyes and murmured, “I’m fine, just couldn’t sleep last night.”

Minhyuk smiled, not being aware of making Kihyun’s heart flutter and also triggering his panic attack. Kihyun tried to smile back but his anxiety and panic attack were making it harder for him so he just played with his fingers with his head bowed down. Minhyuk sighed and leaned back, not leaving his side. “I hope you’re okay because you’re very successful student, it would be a shame for your performance.” With that, Minhyuk stood up and left the raven with trembling hands and shaky breaths. Kihyun slowly got up from his chair by leaning onto the desk, threw himself out of the classroom and ran to the bathroom to get yourself together. Meanwhile, Minhyuk walked to the cafeteria and got himself a coffee, smiled to the other teachers who smiled back to him.

“Morning Professor Lee,” a woman around his age greeted him. Minhyuk smiled at the woman and walked to the stairs but stopped by the same woman. “In a hurry?” The female teacher asked with a sly smile on her lips. Minhyuk smirked and leaned to her face, his smirk was getting wider as he got closer. “Why do you ask, Miss Park?”

“Just curious,” the other teacher shrugged with a continuing smile. Minhyuk watched her figure; her long wavy blond hair, her light brown eyes and a little wrinkled face that showed her age. Minhyuk didn’t bother with looking at her cleavage nor slit skirt so he continued staring at her face. His eyes went down to her lips for a second then back to her eyes, “What’s the aroma of your balm?”

“Oh...” The blonde teacher was taken aback by the question but Minhyuk continued smirking. “W-why do you ask?” she asked with a hopeful smile that she might got the chance. Minhyuk shrugged and turned to the upstairs, winking as he replied, “Just curious.” Then he left the woman behind as he climbed upstairs and went back to the class.

After two four hours of block classes he was tired. He locked his office door and went downstairs, walked towards the wide exit door and got out of the faculty with a loud sigh. He started to walk through the same way to the parking lot, looking at his phone to check the time, _3:44PM_. He got into his car when he arrived and started the engine, set off quickly because he was really tired and he wanted to go home as soon as possible. During his way home, he listened some songs from the radio.

When he got home he took off his shoes and put his keys and phone on the drawer next to the door. He took off his blazer and unbuttoned his shirt while his way to his bedroom and threw the clothes to the corner of the bed, wearing his cotton white red dotted pair of pajamas. He quickly went to the living room and threw himself to his large dark red couch, which was where he had been sleeping this morning. He wrapped the blanket around himself and took his MacBook, opened it and searched for some horror movies while grabbing some snacks from the table that was in front of the couch.

 _A perfect evening for Lee Minhyuk,_ he thought as he was munching some jelly tots.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this chapter may be disturbing for you, contains RAPE.  
> And a big thank you for my best friend who cried while writing that scene in Turkish for me.

It had been more than a week since Hyungwon earned his money from that Chinese man and a little amount left so he decided to spend it here at the bar. It was almost midnight and he had already injected the substance into his veins. He leaned his head to the cold tiled wall of the bar toilet and let out the breath he was holding in. His legs slowly gave out and he gradually slid down to the ground. He felt his body lull completely by the drug and his sight started to became blurry, the music from outside of the toilet became obtuse to him. He pulled out the thin needle from his vein and threw it to the trash. He unwrapped his sleeve and grabbed the doorknob while trying to stand up. He blinked few times to see clearly but his attempts were useless. The young male slowly unlocked the cabinet’s door and slowly got out. He pressed his hand to the cabinets that were on his side to steady his walking and went back to the bar hall. He slowly sat on the chair and leaned to the table. The blond ordered himself a vodka and waited while watching the crowd. His head was spinning so he put his elbow on the table and held his head in his hand. The barmen put his vodka with energy drink in front of him as Hyungwon raised his head and looked at the long, thin glass that had red liquid in it.

He took a sip from his drink, the burning feeling of vodka and the sweet taste of energy drink went down from his throat as he continued drinking more. When he put the glass on the table he felt his body burning from the alcohol, he felt his head was spinning much more than before and his limbs felt heavier. He traced his fingers around the glass, his sight was getting blurrier and darker by the second. Hyungwon looked at the vodka bottle that was beside his glass and half full. The young blond thought for a second, then he took the bottle and finished the remained half in one go. And when he lowered his head to put the glass down, everything was spinning around him. The blond pressed his fingers to his temples and rubbed the area in circles but that didn’t help, he was feeling nauseaus too.

_I shouldn’t have done that._

He slowly dragged himself down from the chair and put the money on the table, walked towards the toilet again to wash his face because he was really drunk and feeling nauseaus. He was staggering, he put his hand on the wall to gain support while walking. His steps were heavy and sloppy as he walked to the door that had WC letters written on it. He pushed the door weakly, forced himself to walk to the sink. He felt like he would collapse if he let go of the wall for a second. He didn’t have strong immunity to alcohol and he drank almost more than half of a bottle of vodka, within a shot of heroin of course. He couldn’t even stand still and walk properly, he just wanted to wash his face and hands to sober himself a little.

He leaned to the basin with two of his hands, raised his head a little and looked at his reflection in the mirror. His face was pale white, his lips were chapped and his skin had wounds and bruises all over because of the drugs. Dark circles under his eyes were getting more visible because of his pale skin and his cheeks being sunk in as he got skinnier made his face look like a skeleton. His jawline got sharper and his other bones were visible and distinct. His platinum blond hair was messy and its roots were getting longer and darker, showing that his natural hair was dark brown. However Hyungwon couldn’t see his reflection clearer, he sighed and clinged to the sink, “There’s nothing to see anyways” he whispered to himself and turned on the water and reached out his bony, thin hand under the running water. He splashed the cold water on his face with one hand while his other hand was supporting him to stand still, the water  hit his face and ruined his already ruined and smeared makeup. His makeup started to run down from his cheeks with dark waterdrops. He splashed some water to his face a few times again and raised his head, looked at himself while water was dripping down from his blond locks. _It’s not working, I’m high as fuck._

He smiled at his own thoughts as he was looking at his own blurry reflection. Realizing that washing his face was no use, he sighed deeply. He came here for nothing and he had to go back home but he hadn’t any strength to do so. The blond cursed at himself for dragging himself at this situation by drinking that bottle. He tried to straighten up but failed. His legs were weak and shaking, his sight was still blurry. He just wanted to sleep, he could sleep just right there, he could sleep anywhere because that was the only thing he needed at the moment. He was just standing there, leaning onto the sink with two hands and his head bowed down. His breath was heavy and shaky, eyes were closed. He was thinking of leaving after he gained some strength and sobered up.

But things wouldn’t go as he planned.

Hyungwon was still standing like that as the door opened and someone walked in. The blond didn’t pay attention to the person, it could be anyone since it was a public toilet. He felt a pair of hands on the both sides of his waist. He turned around and see a stranger that was older than him and he tried to get away. While the young blond tried to get away the stranger pulled him to himself more, pressing his body to the blond’s. Hyungwon felt disturbed but he couldn’t find enough strength to push him away, he  could even hardly stand still without clinging onto somewhere. He tried getting away by stepping away a little but the stranger pulled him closer and leaned to his ear, “A little fun won’t hurt anyone, huh?” he whispered while ghosting his lips over the younger’s neck.

Hyungwon was getting more uncomfortable and trying to push him with his elbows, “Let go,” he murmured as he pushed harder. But the stranger didn’t move an inch. Instead, he bent the boy’s head down to the sink and pressed the blond’s face to the mirror by grabbing him by the neck. “We will have fun,” he said with a more demanding voice tone. He slowly started to pull down the large, thin black shirt from the blond’s shoulders and Hyungwon couldn’t even find the strength to resist. He wanted to push away but he couldn’t, he felt too tired to do so. He just wanted to go home but things didn’t go well. His shirt was pulled down to his elbows then he heard a noise from behind. The door was opened again and two male strangers entered the toilet, they were probably drunk too but the thing Hyungwon didn’t expect is—

“That son of a bitch! He’s keeping all the fun for himself!”

That they were all friends.

The man who was touching the younger blond didn’t listen to them and continued taking the younger‘s shirt off. He threw the shirt to the side and grabbed Hyungwon from his arms, turned him to himself then made him sit on the sink by grabbing and lifting by his ass. He pushed his legs apart and stepped between them, leaned closer to the blond’s lips while Hyungwon was trying to pull away from his touch. The stranger harshly crashed his lips to the younger’s chapped and bruised ones and pressed hard, forced the blond to kiss him. Hyungwon closed his bruised pale lips shut and refused to kiss him back, he didn’t want any of these but his intensions of escape were useless. His limbs felt weak, heavy and he didn’t even have the strength to lift a finger.

While Hyungwon was trying to pull away from the stranger man he felt another pair of hands between his legs. Those hands were travelling towards his thighs, he tried to look behind from the corner of his eyes and saw the two other men reaching at him. “Let us have fun too,” he complained, those hands belonged to him. The one who was kissing him was pulled away from him by the other two and with that, Hyungwon took advantage of that and slid down from the sink, thought of escaping by walking to the exit door.

_I have to get out of here... I have to get out of here so they can’t touch me anymore._

But he got stopped by a rough hand around his thin wrist without stepping further, “Where do you think you’re going?” he asked while squeezing his wrist, smirking at him. He pushed him to the wall and started kissing him, he sucked and bit his lips. Hyungwon let out a little painful moan as he bit his lip, “Look how pretty he moans,” one of the strangers laughed. “Let’s make you moan more, hm?”

Hearing these words Hyungwon tried to push that man away with all of the strength he had left but the other didn’t even move an inch. The older stranger grabbed both of the drunk blond’s wrists and pinned them on the both sides of his head, squeezing them tightly and forcing him not to move. Hyungwon couldn’t move, he was trapped as the others moved behind him and slid their hands under his t-shirt. The one who whas in front of the blond was kissing his neck, collarbones while others hands were touching his waist, one of their hands went up and grazed his nipple. Hyungwon flinched at the touch slightly but he was too tired to make a move.

One of them was kissing him, one was hugging him behind and kissing his neck while pressing his body to the blond, one was pinching his nipples under his t-shirt and Hyungwon was too tired, too drunk to stop any of them. _I want to go home._ A hand between his thighs cut off his thoughts, one of them was palming his crotch. “He’s not even hard.”

“There is no need.”

Hyungwon witnessed their conversation, of course he couldn’t get hard. He _did not want to._ He felt his belt was being unbuckled, a hand was slid down inside his black jeans and Hyungwon can feel that the man even slid under his boxers and touching him directly. He didn’t want any of them, he wanted to push them away and go home but he couldn’t even resist them. Either someone would walk in and all of these would end or he would accept them and let them finish what they started.

One of them from behind opened one of the cabinet’s door and pulled the young boy inside the cabinet by pulling him harshly by his wrist and rest of them got inside, locking the door behind. The one from behind unbuckled his belt and pushed down his pants, sat onto the toliet bowl. He pulled Hyungwon and forced him to sit on his lap, he pulled his pants down and started rubbing the blond’s ass to himself. Yanking his hair backwards, the man harshly bit the younger boy’s exposed neck hard. Hyungwon was whimpering in pain while trying to push away his assaulter with his weak and trembling hands. The other squeezed his waist and pinned him to his lap, then he brought his hand down to his ass again and positioned himself to his entrance.

Hyungwon got more panicked, the rush of panic was embracing his body but he couldn’t show physically because his body was too weak for a reaction. He was too scared, too panicked but he couldn’t even show any sign of panic or fear. Normally, he would do anything to get high at any chance but tonight; he regretted that he got drunk, he got high. If he hadn’t gotten drunk he would’ve resisted. He could have screamed or escaped, or at least make himself heard so that they could back off. He couldn’t help but think about the possibilities in his fogged mind. Wave of regret started to embrace his body slowly.

When he felt the tip of the man’s cock in his entrance Hyungwon felt his body start to shake like a leaf and he uncontrollably clenched his body, tried to push him with all the force he left inside by hitting and pushing the man’s shoulders. The man standing beside them yelled suddenly, making the scared blond flinch at his voice. “What the fuck are you doing? Are you insane?”

“What do you think I’m doing?”

“Are you fucking insane? Are you really gonna do that here? If he screams then we’re dead.”

The thing was, Hyungwon couldn’t scream even if he wanted to. He couldn’t even make a sound because he was too drunk and exhausted. He would have done in the beginning if he could. He could have pushed, scream at the top of his lungs for help but he couldn’t. The strangers stopped for a second to think about their actions. Just then, Hyungwon quickly took advantage and pushed himself off of the man’s lap with his little strength. He tried to reach to the lock of the cabinet but suddenly a hand on the back of his neck stopped him. “Where are you going, little one?” he asked with a mocking tone.

“Let me go,” his voice was low and sounded like a whisper, almost no one heard his weak words spilled from his pale white, dry lips.

“Do you still fucking talk back?!” he screamed at the blond and slapped his cheek hard enough to form a slight red hand mark on his left cheek. Hyungwon didn’t turn his face to him, his cheek was burning and stinging, he was hit because of something he didn’t want. _I wish I could feel nothing. I wish I was drunk enough not to feel any of this._

He went back to the reality by rough hands grabbing his blond hair harshly, he was forced down to his knees and again, there was nothing that he could do. “I’ll make sure he won’t scream.”

He heard the sound of belt unbuckling, then the unzipping sound, he knew what that meant and he wasn’t going to look. He knew what he was going to see and he didn’t want to see what was waiting for him. One of them from behind pulled his hair again to lift his head, he saw the stranger’s right in front of his face and he closed his eyes shut; tried to turn his face away from him. He was pulled by his hair again rougher this time and he pushed him to the other’s cock. The stranger man in front of him was standing in front of him, holding his cock in his hand and pressing it to Hyungwon’s dried lips while the blond was forcing his lips not to open, shaking his head to his sides. The man hit his face again, harder, to his already stinging cheek and grabbed his chin; pressed his fingers to his cheeks hard to force his mouth open.

“Please don’t…”

He softly whimpered while his mouth was being forced to open. He was looking at the stranger standing on top of him while a tear rolled down from his cheek without realizing.

“And now you’re crying?” the let out a laugh sarcastically while holding his forced open mouth. He continued what he was doing and without minding his cries he pushed his cock into the younger’s mouth forcefully.

He grasped his blond locks and pressed his head down, Hyungwon couldn’t breathe and slightly gagged. He wasn’t sure the reason of his tears were because of his throat being forced or him being used like this. He felt someone lifted his hand by his wrist and felt that the inside of his palm was filled the other’s cock, then he heard a moan from him. He put his own and on the blond’s one and moving their hands back and forth on his dick while Hyungwon’s mouth was filled with the other’s.

“That’s enough. Move, fuck. I wanna fuck this pretty one’s mouth too.”

The third one who was tried to fuck Hyungwon in yhe first place pushed him away and Hyungwon gasped for air, his sight got blurrier because of the tears and he was coughing while catching his breath but the one who pushed the previous man quickly pulled his hair and pushed his member into his mouth to replace the other.

The man who was pushed by his friend quickly grabbed his hand and continued to pleasure himself with the blond’s thin, gracious hand and wrapped the long fingers around his wet cock. He started to thrust inside the younger’s palm while moaning and cursing under his breath, murmuring how good he felt around his cock.

They continued pleasuring themselves one by one inside Hyungwon’s mouth, when one of them was inside his mouth; two of them would continue with his hands. Hyungwon gave up struggling, he started to think that it was no use to resist so he let them do whatever they want with him. He just closed his eyes and waited for them to finish their ‘fun’. He tried to stop them, he tried to resist but they continued whatsoever and they were still continuing. The only way out was waiting for them to finish. _Please end this already…_

He blamed himself for this. All of these were his fault, he knew. If he hadn’t been drinking, he wouldn’t have been in this situation. He knew and he should have known better. He wanted to cry, he wanted to cry and scream, shout at the top of his lungs but he didn’t have the strength to do any of it. He was the responsible for all of this.

Suddenly he felt a warm, sticky feeling on his cheek followed by an ugly moan. One of them who was thrusting inside his hand came on his face. _One down, two left._ Hyungwon waited for them to finish as well to get out of this hell, he was tired and he was hurting. His head hurt, his _heart_ hurt.

_It will end soon… Just a little longer._

Not long after, the man who was inside his mouth moaned and pushed himself deeper the blond’s mouth as he came. Hyungwon choked and tried to push him a little but he couldn’t lift his free hand from the ground an inch. The man continued choking him until he made sure the younger swallowed all of his cum. When he pulled out Hyungwon coughed hard and grimaced at the disgusting taste in his mouth, but without even letting him catching his breath the last stranger pushed his cock into his mouth and thrusted into his mouth a few times. He pulled out and stroked his cock while his other hand was holding him by his hair roughly. He also came on his face while Hyungwon slightly flinched and shut his eyes close as his cum splattered on his face. He let go of his hair and zipped his pants. They all fixed their clothes as Hyungwon was laying there, their seed were still warm on the younger blond’s face. They were slowly trickling down to his lips, then to his neck while Hyungwon was staring blankly down to the ground with his slowly blackening blurry sight. They all left him in the cabinet like that with his face dirty, clothes and hair messy. They didn’t even close the cabinet and didn’t look back the young boy that they ruined.

Hoseok was drinking his fifth glass of liquor and he couldn’t even get drunk. He would get annoyed that he didn’t get drunk when he wanted to. So he quickly pulled out his wallet and put some money on the table, grabbing his black blazer and stood up. He felt dizzy a little when he stood up quickly so he decided to go to the toilet to splash some water to his face. He walked to the toilet and pushed the door, stepped to the sink and turned on the cold water. He reached to the cold running water and filled his palm with the ice cold water before splashing it to his face. He lifted his head and looked at himself. He was still annoyed that he wasn’t drunk. He looked annoyed and his eyebrows were slightly furrowed. The water had touched his black hair and dampened his bangs. When he turned around to leave, he saw a pale white, thin hand hanging out of the cabinet’s door. He hesitated for a second, then Hoseok slowly walked to the cabinet and put his hand on the door. He thought of someone probably passed out by alcohol but still he was nervous. The raven slowly pushed the door open to see who it was but his eyes widened by the sight in front of him. He saw a familiar blond he met a week ago.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey, sorry. exam week :/ and sorry again because this is also a sad chapter.  
> and i would like you to read the chapter from the part where it starts with hyungwon wakes up the second time with this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87a47NhL8VM

Hoseok was still staring at the sight in front of him, not knowing what to do. The blond’s clothes were dirty and messy. He was sitting on the ground but he was probably unconscious, his hair was messy as well and the older noticed that his pants were open and pulled down a little. Hoseok swallowed down and slowly kneeled next to the younger, his eyes widened when he saw the boy’s face covered with sticky white liquid that Hoseok could already guess what it was. He quickly acted and pulled up his pants, buttoned back his buttons. Hoseok could feel his heart was beating loudly in his ears, he lifted the other’s lifeless arm and threw it to his shoulder, his other hand went to his waist and he carefully lifted the blond’s unconscious body from the ground. The younger’s body slightly woke up and he tried to find balance but Hoseok helped him stand still. “It’s okay,” he softly whispered to comfort the other, not knowing any other words to say.

Hoseok got him out of the cabinet and slowly dragged him to the sink and turned on the water, he kept holding the blond by his waist while filling his palm with cold water. He remembered his name while staring at his face with adrenaline rushing inside his body. _Hyungwon._ Hoseok lowered the unconscious boy’s body to the sink and splashed the water to his face, he could feel the slight flinch he made as the water touched his dirtied face. The raven refilled his palm with water and brought it to the blond’s face again, he washed the ‘dirt’ from his face without even abhoring. He washed his face until all the disgusting remainings were gone and he continued splashing water to his other places. He touched his neck and collarbones with his wet, cold hand and Hyungwon softly gasped. Hoseok was watching his gestures while cleaning his face, he couldn’t think anything else besides getting him out of there and his acts were out of his control. And he wouldn’t do otherwise even if he was thinking. After washing his face and cleaning, he brushed his damped blond hair back with his hand and cupped his cheek. “Hey,” he called him with a low and soft voice, waiting for him to open his eyes and look at him. Hyungwon slightly fluttered open his eyes and looked at the man who was helping him, he wasn’t still conscious, he was just staring at him blankly. “Can you walk?” Hoseok asked, his voice was still soft as if he was careful not to scare him any further. He could guess what happened to him after all.

Hyungwon continued staring at him for a couple seconds then slowly nodded. Hoseok smiled at him, held his waist tighter and straightened his body. “Okay, lean on me. I’ll get you out of here.” Hyungwon leaned his body to the older as he told. Hoseok sighed and turned to the door, just when he was about to start walking he noticed the younger was shivering next to him. Hoseok smiled half-heartedly and while holding him with his one arm, he took his black blazer off and threw it over the shivering one’s shoulders. They got out of the bar with Hoseok wrapped his one arm around the blond’s shivering, stumbling body and Hoseok thinking about the possible scenes about what happened to the boy half consciously leaning to him. After getting out of the bar, Hoseok walked towards his car as he reached to his car keys in his pocket. Just about to unlock his car, Hoseok heard someone shout at them.

“Hey, he is our friend!” Hoseok turned his head to the direction of the voice and looked at a younger boy with black hair. Another young male was following him who was taller, had orange hair and piercings, tattoos all over his face. He was wearing some baggy clothes while the shorter was wearing all black clothes, glaring at him. “Where the fuck are you taking him?” he snarled, glancing both Hoseok and Hyungwon as he breathed heavily from his nose. “Your friend is a little sick I think, so I’ll take care of him,” Hoseok explained involuntarily, not talking about what he witnessed back there at the bar.

“That is not your business. Let him go,” Hoseok rolled his eyes and pulled out a thick banknote of dollars from his pocket, threw it to the black haired boy’s direction. “Take it and get high somewhere, leave us alone. I said _I_ will take care of him.” Changkyun glared at the man in front of him as the banknotes were scattered around, anger started to boil inside of the young man and he rushed towards the older without thinking. “What the fuck? Is money all you’ve got?” Jooheon grabbed him by the corner of his leather jacket and pulled him back a little, wrapping his tattoed fingers around the younger’s thin arm as he tried to free himself from the orange haired one’s grasp.

“Who are you? He is our friend, let us take care of him,” Jooheon asked, being as polite as possible despite the annoyance growing inside of him. Changkyun was still struggling to get free and he was still cursing under his breath while staring with wide, angry eyes. Hoseok sighed, he was running out of patience as the one who was leaning to him started to shiver more. “I’m his friend too. So let me, please,” Hoseok stated, he started walking away then Changkyun shouted at him. Jooheon almost lost his grasp on him, Changkyun tried to run after him so the tattooed older grabbed his arm tighter this time to hold him in place. “Let him go, asshole—“

“Changkyun.” They all went silent when the blond spoke weakly, his eyes were closed and he was leaning onto Hoseok, he was hardly standing and it was clear that his legs were trembling. “Let him, it’s okay.” After his words, they silently started to walk away. Hoseok reached to his car and unlocked the doors with the remote, he opened the backseat door and helped him to get in the car. He laid him carefully on the backseat and closed the door. Hoseok went to the driving seat and started the engine, trying to shake off the stress and the thoughts in his mind to drive carefully and peacefully to his home.

Hoseok carefully drove to his apartment, parked his car close to the building and got out of the car to get the sleeping blond on the backseat. He pulled him out of the car slowly and carefully by holding him by under his arms and wrapped his arm around the blond’s waist to hold him in place. Hoseok put the younger’s arm on his shoulder again to gain their balance, then they started to walk slowly to Hoseok’s apartment. He guided him to the elevator, then to his apartment. Hoseok didn’t bother taking off their shoes so he just walked towards the second floor of his house, towards his bedroom. He had a personal bathroom in his bedroom, Hoseok helped the blond get into the bathroom and made him sat on the toilet. He turned on the shower and took the shower head in his hand, waited until the water got warm.

The blond leaned his back to the toilet tank, his body was still too weak to move and he wasn’t still aware of what was happening or where he was. His eyes were barely open and the bright light of the bathroom was blinding the blond’s eyes. Hoseok pushed down the blazer from the younger’s shoulders and helped him to stand up. He brought the shower head to his hair and started to wash his head. The water was warm, but not too warm so as to wake Hyungwon up. Hoseok carefully washed his hair, brushed the blond locks with his fingers and caressed his face as water ran down from his sharp gestures. He turned off the water and put a towel on his head, helped him to get back to his bedroom.

He laid him to the bed, took off his thin and damped t-shirt to dress him a warmer clothes but suddenly he found himself laid on the bed, the blond on top of him. “What are you doing?” Hoseok asked in shock, Hyungwon looked like he wasn’t listening to him. He started to unbutton his shirt as if he was doing it automatically. The older man under him stared at the blond in shock then came into his senses, he quickly grabbed both of his wrists to stop him. “Hey, stop.” Hyungwon stopped for a second, his eyes were still barely open and he was staring at the raven blankly. He was breathing heavily and then he quickly saved his wrists from Hoseok’s grasp, went to his belt and unbuckled it with swift moves. Hoseok couldn’t take his acts, his moves looked so automatic as if he must do these like that was his task and he swiftly shifted places, laid him on the bed with force and climbed on top of him to stop him. “Stop, okay? You should sleep.”

Hoseok went to his wardrobe and pulled out a white, large sized Balenciaga sweater and went to the bed next to him. He dressed the blond quickly and took the towel to dry his blond hair with soft strokes. Hoseok let out a deep sigh as he laid the blond on the bed softly as he fell asleep, he stared at his sleeping figure; realising how peaceful yet tired he looked. He buckled back his belt and laid on the bed next to the blond, he felt tired while putting the other into sleep. Without thinking any other scene in his mind he closed his eyes and fell asleep quickly without realising.

Hyungwon opened his eyes with a headache, a foreign bed and a bedroom greeted him as he woke up. He slowly straightened up and stretched his arms but his hand accidentally hit to the perfume bottles and made them fall to the ground with a loud noise. A figure next to him shifted and Hyungwon turned his head to see who it was, not realising until then someone was there. He looked at the man sleeping next to him waking up at the sound he made, groaning as he opened his eyes. Hyungwon stared at his face and try to remember who he was because he looked familiar, then something clicked in his mind, he was the man he met at the bar. “Feel better?” Hoseok’s question brought Hyungwon back to reality and he met his eyes for a second then he averted his gaze. “Am I at your house?” Hyungwon asked, avoiding his question because he didn’t know any answer for that. Memories started to go back into his mind. _Those_ memories.

“Yes,” Hoseok answered him quickly, Hyungwon shifted his body at the end of the bed and tried to avoid the blurry scenes of the night in his mind. He stared blankly at the bedroom as Hoseok looked at him from behind. “Anyways,” Hyungwon muttered, his voice was calm but cold. “Give me my money and I’ll leave.”

“What?”

“You heard me,” Hyungwon raised his voice. He looked at him at the corner of his eyes and sighed, “I don’t remember but that doesn’t mean you don’t need to pay—“

“Nothing like that happened between us last night,” Hoseok glared at him, he didn’t know why he was acting like that but that slightly hurt him. Hyungwon chuckled softly and turned his face to him, he wasn’t smiling. He just looked at him and sighed in annoyance. “There’s no need for these conversations. Payment, please.”

“If I had wanted to do such thing, I would have already done that. But no, I didn’t. So can you stop that?” Hoseok snapped by raising his voice louder, causing Hyungwon to look at him in surprise. Hoseok was hit by an instant regret right after he said those words and he escaped from his gaze, Hyungwon kept looking at him then turned his eyes away from him. Just when Hoseok about to apologize, Hyungwon stood up and walked out of the bedroom. He found his way out of the large house and the apartment building then left the man behind him without saying a word.

Hyungwon quickly found his way to the bus station and got on the bus that was about to leave, he checked his phone and realised it was still in his pocket but it was turned off because off the low battery. He sighed and put his phone back into his pocket, but realising something is different with his clothes. He realised a baggy, oversized white sweater on him and there was ‘Balenciaga’ written on the white fabric. He traced his fingers on the quality fabric and surprised at the cloth that he wore without realising. _Probably his sweater,_ he thought. _And probably hundreds of dollars._ Hyungwon laughed at his thoughts and his acts earlier about money, because that man wasn’t the type of someone that would escape from paying someone his money. But he couldn’t get why he would help him.

He was still thinking about the foggy memories of last night as the bus arrived at his neighborhood. They were still haunting him and he was feeling nauseaus just by a slight rememberance of what happened to him. He got off the bus and started to walk the rough sidewalk to his house. The sweater was ridiciously keeping him warm despite the cold breeze blowing through the old, rusty neighborhood. Hyungwon pushed open the rusty iron door and went inside the building, climbed upstairs and stood in front of his apartment door. He was too lazy to find his keys so he pushed the broken door and opened it by force, luckily it opened easily and he went inside. He didn’t know someone was home until he heard footsteps and Changkyun appeared in front of him, glaring directly into his eyes. “Where were you?”

“Out,” Hyungwon avoided him with a simple answer but that only made Changkyun angrier. Hyungwon took off his boots and turned towards the bedroom, he pulled out his phone to charge it. “Who was he? Sugar daddy? Now you’re interested in sugar daddies?” Changkyun pushed further with his questions and Hyungwon stopped at his tracks, sighing in annoyance. “No, he is not.”

When he was about to walk towards the bedroom he was stopped by his younger friend grabbing his arm, that was when Hyungwon couldn’t help but snap. “DON’T TOUCH ME!”

Changkyun was taken aback by his reaction and Hyungwon pulled his arm away from him, staring at him with wide eyes as he was breathing heavily. Changkyun was also staring at him eyes wide open with surprise. They stared at each other, then Hyungwon averted his gaze from the raven and turned his face to the other side. “Just leave me alone,” he murmured quietly before he went to the bedroom and closed the door behind him. The blond threw himself to the bed and closed his eyes, trying to think about something else. He brought his hand to the hem of the sweater and caressed the fabric, trying to think about something— _someone_ else. The more he snuggled to the sweater, he could smell the expensive cologne mixed with the specific scent of someone. Someone he should thank for. _I really should thank him._ No matter how much he tried not to think about them, he still recalled them uncontrollably. So he just tried to sleep again, sleep to avoid his memories and his thoughts. He forced himself to sleep and didn’t open his eyes until he fell asleep.

When the second time he woke up, he was alone this time. The house was silent. Changkyun wasn’t listening to music and he wasn’t sleeping either. The blond slowly got out of the bed and walked out of the room. With slow steps, he went to the bathroom at the end of the corridor. He took off the shirt and put it on the washing machine. He started to take off his pants and flashbacks of the night started to appear in front of his eyes. The hands on his body were still lingering, the feeling was still there and Hyungwon’s eyes started to tear up. He turned on the cold water and stepped inside the cabinet.

His naked body started to shiver and tremble at the cold touch of the ice cold water, he brought his arms to wrap them around his body but the nauseaus feeling didn’t left his body. His legs gave out and he kneeled on the ground as tears started to run down from his cheeks along with the cold water. He reached to the shower sponge and took it with shaky hands. He started to rub his skin where they touched. His neck, his chest, his waist, his hips... He kept rubbing until his skin started to hurt and turn red. His sobs and cries got louder as he rubbed his body rougher and harder each second. When he stopped, his hands were shaking more than before and his breaths were shaky. He stared at the sponge with his blurry sight because of the tears in his eyes as he cried harder. He remembered their kisses, he remembered their thrusts inside his mouth and how they orgasmed on his face.

He brought his hand to his face and started to rub his cheeks, his lips harshly. The sound of the water running was suppressing his cries but he continued sobbing, cried harder and even screamed while crying as he hurt his skin as he rubbed. He threw the sponge to the side and took deep breaths as he tried to steady his breathing. He put his hands on the wet ground as the cold water continued washing his hurt and reddened body. He slowly raised his head and the cold water hit his face, soothed the burning skin on his cheeks but not the burning feeling on the inside. He closed his eyes and leaned his back to the cold tiled wall.

_I didn’t want this._

_I didn’t want them to do this._

_I couldn’t stop them._

_Why couldn’t I stop them?.._

_Why did that happen to me?_

_Why?_

_Why are you upset?_

_You wouldn’t be upset if they gave you money._

_You’re upset because they didn’t pay you._

_Of course that’s why you’re upset._

_Pathetic._


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> @nialler_boobs on twitter made some fanart for my fanfic and i thought you might want to see too:)  
> https://twitter.com/nialler_boobs/status/1104179716578295808?s=21  
> https://twitter.com/nialler_boobs/status/1106284013227069440?s=21 (my favourite)  
> thank you for your amazing work!!!

Kihyun woke up to a casual school day, he slowly straightened up his body and got out of the bed. His hair was messy and fluffy when he was out of bed. He walked to the bathroom first thing in the morning to wash his face and brush his teeth. He was still not over the night he had couple days ago. He would always get traumatic for days after he had an attack. He sighed at his appearance in the mirror when he saw the dark circles under his eyes. He shook his head slightly then left the bathroom and went in front of his wardrobe to pick clothes. He stared at the hangers that had lots of black blazers, shirts and suchlike clothes but didn’t know what to wear. He picked a randomly gray silk shirt and a black, matching, a little showy and expensive blazer to wear with it. It had little jewels, chains around its collars and of course, the pin of his family was on the right side of the blazer too. He completed his look with a pair of casual skinny black jeans and started to do his makeup.

He started with concealing his moles that he didn’t like on his face and his dark circles under his eyes, then he draw a line with the black eyeshadow to both his eyelids and made his smoky eye makeup. With his makeup, his eyes looked thinner and sharper, longer on the edges. He finished his makeup with a light pink lip tint then brushed his hair. His brushed back hair slightly fell down on the sides of his forehead. After finishing his look, he went to the kitchen. He looked at the counter and grimaced slightly, he didn’t feel hungry at all. He needed to eat because he had to take his medications but it suited his book so he didn’t eat before leaving, he only took his books and left. Not taking his medications always made him nervous but that feeling left him quickly as he got on the bus for school.

He dozed off during the journey because of his sleepless nights. When the bus braked suddenly the raven gasped and lifted his head from the window he leaned without knowing. When he realized that the bus arrived the campus, he got off quickly and started to walk to the faculty building. The cool and calm breeze softly messing his hair and making some bangs fall. He sighed in annoyance and entered the building quickly before his hair got messed more. He wasn’t aware of his angry steps as he climbed upstairs and rushed to the empty classroom. No one had come yet, he was early as usual.

He sat on the front desk and fixed his hair while looking at his reflection in the camera of his phone, then he put his books and other stuff on the desk. He quickly put on his Airpods and played some random music. Kihyun crossed his arms on his chest and sighed as he closed his eyes and leaned back. Meanwhile he was listening to his music a few people came to the classroom. The raven kept listening to music until the teacher came to the class and greeted them before he began the lecture.

During the lecture, Kihyun took notes as usual and listened the lecture carefully. He was always the most successful and he would always get the highest score among all the students, even if he slept two or three hours before coming to school. When the teacher let them have a break, Kihyun got up and went out. He went to the canteen, got himself a coffee and went back to the class. During the break, the raven finished his coffee and played with his phone. He hadn’t talked with Hyungwon since their last chat days ago. He opened the chat room and stared at the screen for seconds but he hesitated to text. He wasn’t sure whether he would get an answer or not. Just when he was about to type something the teacher came back and Kihyun quickly put the phone back under the desk.

When the lecture ended, Kihyun sighed and went out again. He went out of the building to get some fresh air, he walked towards the green places because he hated the people who smoked or chatted in front of the building. The younger found himself at the backyard of the building and leaned his back on the cold wall. Listening to the quiet breeze while his eyes closed gave him peace after a long lecture. It was almost middle of October and he was still wearing thin clothes even if he still felt cold. He raised his head and looked at his silver watch, realizing it was almost time. He started to walk his way back to the class and the feeling of nervousness started to build inside of him as he remembered that it was Mr. Lee’s class now.

Kihyun’s breath hitched in his throat as he entered the class at the same time with the professor and he quickly looked down when he saw his dark brown eyes looking at him. Minhyuk entered the class a second after the younger did and closed the door behind him. Kihyun quickly went to his desk and sat on the chair, his head was still down and that made Minhyuk smile slightly. The professor nodded at the class and exchanged good morning with them. Kihyun looked at him at the corner of his eyes. Minhyuk wore a black suit with a dark red scarf and black shirt. His shirt had few buttons open and Kihyun turned his head away when Minhyuk looked at his direction. _How can a teacher dress like that?_ Kihyun kept looking at his notebook randomly while thinking.

They started the lesson and Kihyun didn’t even raise his head since the beginning of the lesson. Sometimes the younger raven slightly glanced at the teacher, looked at how he reacted at the other students’ questions and watched his gestures while he lectured the class. When his eyes unintentionally went to his lips Kihyun forgot to breathe and he quickly took his pen, pretended writing down something. His attention started to leave the teacher but his whole body froze when he heard his name from the person that takes his breath away.

“Kihyun,” Minhyuk repeated louder and the raven raised his head without looking at the teacher directly. “Yes?” He hated the way his voice sounded so quiet but his stress and panic made his voice tremble and sound quieter. Kihyun tried to look at the blond teacher but quickly averted his gaze. “You sure study well. But I want to see your performance at the class as well,” Minhyuk said while crossing his legs.

“Of... course.” Kihyun murmured, wishing him to hear. He could feel his palms sweat and he started to feel hot. He wished he wasn’t that scared to talk, at least not with him. _But that’s why you’re **that** scared to talk. _“Then come here,” Minhyuk suddenly asked. Kihyun felt color drained from his face and he suddenly snapped his head to his side, looking at him with a completely shocked face. “W-What?”

“Come here and draw a syntax tree for that sentence written on the board,” Minhyuk said and Kihyun slowly got up from his desk while swallowing hard. His legs were slightly shaking as he walked towards the teacher to take the pen from his hands. He stared at his long, thin fingers and his veiny but delicate hands then took the pen.

He turned to the board nervously and started to draw lines, write the words and phrases quickly before the anxiety got him worse. After finishing the tree diagram, he turned to the blond and handed him the pen nervously. Minhyuk smiled, whispered a little ‘thank you’, and then reached to him. The blond took the pen from the raven’s smaller hands by touching his hands, making the younger almost have a heart attack. Kihyun turned to walk back to his desk then suddenly, Minhyuk said something that made the raven stop at his tracks, “I liked your handwriting.”

Kihyun looked at him for a second then felt his cheeks burn, he quickly murmured a quiet ‘thank you’ then he sat on his desk quickly and continued taking notes in his notebook. Minhyuk watched the way he acted and smiled, then continued the lecture from where he left. After the block lessons Minhyuk finished the lecture, watched the students leave the classroom and he left lastly. He walked through the corridor and went to his office, gathered his things and grabbed his black, long coat. He locked his office after he got out. He wore his coat while walking towards the building’s exit door and went to the parking lot.

He got on his car and drove through the campus while playing some music from the music player of his car. He felt a little sleepy as he was giving lectures since 8AM and it had been 8 hours. When he got stuck in the traffic the blond sighed and whined in his car loudly. Minhyuk felt himself getting angrier by the second. After waiting about ten minutes, as soon as the road was opened, Minhyuk roughly stepped on the gas and drove the car so fast that when the car moved further he felt his body slightly slammed back to the seat.

After a stressful drive, Minhyuk arrived his apartment. He quickly got into the elevator, and pushed the button before leaning to the large mirror behind him. The blond opened his eyes with the ‘ding’ sound and got out of the elevator, walked to his apartment door and unlocked the door. He quickly got into his house and hanged his coat, took off his boots and went right to the bathroom. He took a quick shower and wore his white, Versace bathrobe then laid on the bed after getting out of the bathroom.

Sleeping for half an hour, he got up and dressed himself, went to his living room and took his laptop in his lap. Suddenly, the doorbell rang and he lifted his head with curiosity. He didn’t expect anyone. He put his laptop aside and went to the door. He opened the door slowly and a familiar, tall and brown haired woman greeted him with her smile. “Mom?”

“Minhyukkie.” They exchanged smiles and hugged each other in front of the door. Minhyuk let her inside and she went right to the kitchen. Minhyuk laughed at her softly, followed her. “So you’ve come here to cook, not to see me?” Minhyuk teased as he leaned to the counter. “Not really, but yes. I’ve come to cook, since you’re big baby and live alone.” The blond watched his mother rushing around the kitchen as she prepared ingredients. “You look thinner,” she stopped and looked at him.

“Probably,” he shrugged.

“Have you been eating?”

“Snacks and pizza? Yes,” she smacked his shoulder softly but Minhyuk yelled dramatically. She continued preparing then went to the oven. Minhyuk sighed and continued watching his mother cooking. “How is school going?” She asked as mixing the soup. Minhyuk made a thinking face then shrugged. “As usual. Lecturing, failing students,”

“Don’t be too harsh on your students,” his mother murmured as she prepared other things. Minhyuk rolled his eyes then smiled, nodded and walked to the living room. He prepared the dining table to help her at least. They prepared their dinner together and sat on the table. His mother prepared soup and meat for them and they ate while chatting and laughing.

“So, did you find anyone?” His mother asked suddenly, making him stop at his tracks. Not getting the point so he just stared at her. “Find anyone?”

“You’re nearly 35. Don’t you think about marriage?” Minhyuk couldn’t help but laugh, then he looked at her and smiled. “I don’t,” he murmured softly while eating. His mother sighed and put her hand on his hand. “You’re grown man now. I can’t come here and cook you dinner every time. Don’t get me wrong. You live all alone, Min. You’ll have to need someone in your life.”

“I don’t, really. I don’t have time,” Minhyuk sighed softly. He didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable but he tried to speak himself more softly. His mother kept looking at his eyes and smiling. “Your dad also worries about it. We would love to see you with your family, you know. Maybe even with your children.”

“Oh, no,” Minhyuk laughed harder and his mother joined him. They kept laughing for minutes at their thoughts. After their dinner, Minhyuk’s mom left. She had warned him about eating healthily, thinking about what she said and so on before she left and Minhyuk only nodded at her words while smiling. The blond threw himself to the bed after his mother was gone, not even watching any movies or playing video games. He was too tired and the only thing in his mind was sleeping. He drifted into sleep as soon as he pulled the sheets onto his face.

Meanwhile, Hyungwon went to the same bar. It had been three days since that incident happened. He would still stiffen whenever he saw the bright WC light but he distracted himself. He needed to make a shot so he had to go there again. _I’ll be fine._ He started to walk towards to the toilets as he clutched the little heroin packet in his pocket tighter. Every time the door opened and someone entered or got out, he saw the inside of the toilet and it made his breath get shorter. It was even miracle that he could even enter to that bar even after that night. _I’ll be fine..._ His other hand clutched his light blue denim jacket, he couldn’t even go one step further. Hyungwon just stood among the crowd and stared at the door of the toilets that was away from him a meter. He gave up and went to the bar table, sat on the chair nervously while his one hand was still on his pocket and playing with the little pocket. _I’ll do it somewhere else._

He ordered himself a beer and started to drink with large sips since he wanted the stress to go away. He continued drinking his beer as he watched the crowd, avoiding the direction where _the place_ was. He looked at the tables that had people, looking for a familiar face and his eyes slightly widened and lightened when he saw a familiar muscled body, pitch black hair that was a little messy and expensive clothes that probably made the blond sure that his guesses was right.

He finished his beer and got up from his chair, walked towards the man he saw with quick steps. The man lifted his head and met with the blond’s eyes with surprise. That was the last thing he was expecting after all. Hyungwon smiled slightly when their eyes met and Hoseok smiled back. “Hey,” Hyungwon murmured but not loud enough in the crowded place. Hoseok continued smiling and pointed the empty chair. The blond sat on the chair shyly and looked at him for a while. “How are you?” Hoseok asked quickly, that was the only thing that was on his mind for three days after all.

“I’m doing fine,” Hyungwon answered without meeting his gaze. Hoseok watched him carefully, he looked better but he knew that didn’t mean he was better mentally. While Hoseok was examining him by staring at him softly, Hyungwon broached the subject quickly.

“Thank you... for helping me in that situation,” he said with a slight embarrassment. Hoseok felt his heart warm quickly and smiled wider. “Don’t mention it, it’s all right,” the older stated softly. Hyungwon lifted his head higher and looked right into his eyes. He shook his head without smiling. “No, really. You helped me but I acted like shit. I should have done better.”

“It’s okay,” Hoseok told him again, his smile didn’t left his face even for a second. Hyungwon looked down to his hands while the older was smiling at him. “I’m sorry,” was all he could say. Hoseok sighed then straightened up. “Well, if you want to be forgiven... then I have an offer for you.”

Hyungwon lifted his head with a look of a child that is curious and Hoseok couldn’t help but giggle. “If you go out with me and have a cup of coffee, then I’ll forgive you. Deal?” Hyungwon stared dumbfounded at the raven for a second then laughed slightly with a little nervous feeling. “Okay...”

Hoseok clapped his hands in victory then leaned to the table. “Then... Can I have your number?” Hyungwon felt his cheeks burned and could guess that they turned a slight tint of pink but felt lucky that they were in a dark place. He cleared his throat then pulled out his phone, typed his number and handed it to him. They exchanged their numbers and Hyungwon put his phone back to his pocket. “Then I’ll text to you, Hyungwon,” Hoseok winked and smiled at him. Hyungwon smiled back at him then got up. Just about to leave, Hoseok stopped him by calling his name and Hyungwon turned back to him. “And please, be sober.”

Hyungwon smiled wider, “I’ll try.”

After their arranged ‘date’ Hyungwon left the bar and started to walk his way home. He pulled out his phone and when he unlocked it, he saw the contact screen and he saw someone that was added newly named ‘Hoseok’ with a bunny emoji. Hyungwon smirked at the emoji and put it back to his pocket after looking at the time. It was 2AM and to him, it was early. When he arrived home, he unlocked the door and left it unlocked if anyone would come because there was no one at home. Jooheon was probably with Changkyun and they were probably either at the club or Jooheon’s studio. Hyungwon didn’t care, he went straight to the bathroom and prepared his shot. The substance inside the syringe went right inside his veins. His body felt like jelly and the familiar feeling of euphoria was there, embracing his body quickly. After half an hour Hyungwon slowly got up from the cold ground and walked to the bedroom with slow, sloppy steps and fell to the bed with his clothes and boots on. He felt something vibrated inside his denim jacket. The blond brought his hand to his pocket and pulled out his phone, only to see a message on the screen.

_I hope you’re home safely. I’ll tell you the place and the time. Remember, be sober. Good night. :)_

Hyungwon smiled sheepishly before drifting into sleep, the phone slipped and dropped to the ground as he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would really love to see your thought so dont be a ghost reader and share your thoughts with me :’)


	16. Chapter 16

Changkyun looked at his phone angrily, he sighed and locked his phone. He threw it to the side of the big black sofa and leaned back. Jooheon was finished with cleaning the studio and put aside the last things he had in his hand and walked towards the younger. He finished putting the ink bottles in order and glanced at the studio lastly for any forgotten thing. The orange haired male walked to the wide and black leather sofa that Changkyun was sitting and sat beside him. He looked at the black, white and brown walls that covered with stickers, posters and drawings of his. Some of them were printed and some of them were drawn by him with pencils. He then averted his eyes to the raven. “Your hair looks good on you,” he stated. Changkyun had dyed his hair black couple days ago and Hyungwon didn’t even notice, so he was the only one who could say anything about the change. “Black suits you well.”

“Yeah?” Changkyun turned his head to the other and half smiled. Jooheon was always the first to notice the changes with him. The older nodded his head as Changkyun continued staring at him, examining the little tattoos on his face. The little cross at the bottom corner of his left eye, the following ‘Crybaby’ above his eyebrow and a tiny tear at the other corner of his right eye. The tattoos on his face suited well with the piercings that he had on his right eyebrow and both corners of his lower lip and he had a septum piercing on his nose too. They all fit well with his sharp gestures. The drugs, alcohol and the other things made him look thinner but he still looked manly and Changkyun always wondered how he could carry that much tattoo on his body with him. There was nearly no clean skin that didn’t have ink on it. Jooheon turned to other side and took the raven’s phone and looked at it, “What’s it?”

Changkyun sighed again and took the phone, looked at the bank application and locked it again. “They still haven’t sent my money,” he gritted his teeth while flipping the phone in his hand. “She said within this week but it’s almost fucking weekend.”

“Changkyun,” Jooheon looked at the younger with a serious but caring face. His messy and a little pale orange bangs fell in front of his eyes while turning to the raven. “They will surely send your money, don’t be impatient.” Changkyun rolled his eyes but didn’t reply, stayed silent while playing with the phone in his hand quietly. “Be grateful, they wouldn’t want to put you in a difficult situation. They care about you, Kyun. Just be grateful for once.” Changkyun noticed the annoyance in his voice and turned to him. Jooheon wasn’t looking at him, he was looking at his rough, inked hands.

“What about yours?”

Jooheon raised his head and looked at him, not getting his question. He narrowed his eyes as he looked at him and asked, “What about mine?” Changkyun shrugged and looked around, he asked again his orange haired friend. “What about your family? I realized that you’ve never talked about them since we met.” Jooheon’s eyes saddened slightly at the question and he looked back at his hands as his mother’s voice echoed inside his head again.

_“I wish you were never born.”_

_“You’re useless.”_

_“Why did I ever give birth to you?”_

_“I can’t stand you.”_

_“You’re just like him.”_

_“I can’t stand looking at you. You look just like your father.”_

“Jooheon.” Changkyun’s voice brought him back to reality, his _third_ call. He snapped his head up and looked at him curiously while bringing his one hand to his hair and slowly brushed his orange locks. “Yeah? I spaced out, sorry.”

“I asked something, but...”

“It’s not important,” Jooheon cut him off as he smiled forcefully. “We didn’t get along, that’s all.”

Changkyun sighed then changed the topic, “I’m thinking about a tattoo.” The other curiously looked at him. “A tattoo? Where?” he asked. Changkyun slightly turned his head to the side and exposed the left side of his neck, “Here. A cross, maybe.”

“N-neck?” Jooheon stuttered, staring at his exposed skin more than enough. He forced himself to look away, he stared at his face instead. “Do you want me to do it?” he asked nervously. He couldn’t imagine himself being so close to his skin. Even they had kissed.

“Yeah? Who else can I go when I have you?” Changkyun simply muttered. “A little cross would look nice here. But I’m still thinking.” Jooheon swallowed down slowly and looked elsewhere, not wanting to imagine anything without his control. He cleared his throat then smiled. “Heheh...” he laughed nervously while looking at the raven. Changkyun stared at his reactions, not getting why he was acting that way.

“What? You’re acting as if I wanted a tattoo on my ass,” he mocked.

 _You’d better not,_ Jooheon thought to himself. He laughed slightly at him and scratched at the back of his neck. “No, you wouldn’t.”

“Anyways, promise me you will do it,” Changkyun looked directly at him, waiting for a promise from the other. Jooheon nodded then smiled sincerely despite his nervousness. “Of course.”

Then he sighed and stood up, grabbed his black down jacket. “Let’s get some fresh air, hm?” he asked while wearing his jacket and brushed his hair back. Changkyun nodded at him as an answer and wore his leather jacket and looked at himself in the cheval glass that Jooheon had in his studio. He wore a black sweatshirt and leather pants with black combat boots. He had chains hanging on the right side of his belt and he had little chain on his leather jacket too. He looked at his face in the mirror and fixed his messed hair, looked at himself more carefully. His black eyeliner ran under his eyes and made smudges. He didn’t bother with fixing his makeup since it was 1AM and dark outside. He pushed his bangs with his black nailed fingers and looked at his pale and skinnier face. He rose an eyebrow as he looked at his eyebrow piercing then turned to Jooheon who had been already ready. “Let’s go then.”

They got out of the little studio and stood in front of the workplace that had illuminated signs. Jooheon locked the door and patted the raven’s shoulder then started to walk through the dark streets of the old neighborhood. Changkyun pullet out the cigarette box and put a cigarette between his thin lips. Jooheon looked at him and also reached for his pocket to take some but Changkyun handed him his box. Jooheon smiled then took a cigarette from him and lit the cigarette while holding it between his pierced lips.

Changkyun took the lighter from him and lit his own cigarette, dragged a long breathe from it and put his hands inside his pocket while walking. Jooheon was the first to finish his cigarette, dragging long and fast breathes as he was used to weed more than the younger. Changkyun finished second, he threw the cigarette butt to the side with the flick of his fingers and continued walking. As they started to become distanced from their neighborhood, two people from the opposide of the sidewalk looked at them and started shouting.

“Hey, emo fag,” one of them stepped in front of Changkyun and intercepted. Changkyun slowly raised his head and looked at the male in front of him. Probably at his age, as skinny as him but taller. “What?” The other lowered down and raised his voice, “I said, _emo fag._ Didn’t you hear? You deaf too?” Jooheon walked between them and pushed the two away. “Stop. Have your fun with someone else,” Jooheon stared at the taller while holding the raven with his other hand. Another male showed up behind the taller and smirked at Jooheon. “Keep out of this, freak.”

Changkyun pushed Jooheon’s hand from his shoulder and rushed to the other who told that. Before Jooheon could ever react to his words Changkyun threw a punch on his face. While he stumbled back, his friend pulled the raven by his collar and reciprocated with a punch on his left cheek and that was where Jooheon interfered. “Fucker,” Jooheon snarled. He attacked with a big right overhand punch. The stranger stepped out of range, but before he could bring his hands up to defend, Jooheon drove his shoulder into his chest, slamming him into the wall, where he started landing solid punches into the male’s gut.

Changkyun touched his lower lip and felt the sticky, crimson feeling on the tip of his fingers. He smirked in annoyance and started to walk towards the other he hit before. He turned at the sound of stepping feet. A body walked towards him as he stood there. The raven tripped him up, made him fall on the ground as his back touched to the ground harshly. “What did you say to me earlier?” he asked with a kick into his gut. Changkyun’s smirk grew wide as he heard the other groan in pain. “You deaf too?” he imitated, more like a shout. “What,” a kick, “did you,” another kick, “say,” then he kicked harder onto his face, probably broke his nose. “EARLIER?” he screamed as he bent over to the body, staring at his blooded face.

Jooheon snapped his head up as he heard the familiar sound of police siren. He let go of the man he was holding by the neck, his face was swollen and dark purple bruises already started to form around his eye. The orange haired male turned to his friend and quickly grabbed his hand, pulled him to his side and started running. Changkyun didn’t get what was happening at first but he heard the same siren sound and he followed Jooheon, ran with him. He turned his head to the back and looked at the other two who were also trying to run away from the police and he started to shout, “You’re lucky, you hear me? I will kill you if I see one of you around here again!”

Jooheon pulled his hand more to himself and ran faster, he didn’t let go of Changkyun’s hand for a mere second. His eyes were searching for a turn as his breaths started to get quicker. Changkyun glanced at his back to see if someone was chasing him but there was no one and the sound of sirens were getting weaker by the second as Jooheon continued running. The older had an alley on his sight and changed his direction as he kept running. His orange locks were flitting in the wind as he ran, his eyes were wandering around the streets. Jooheon was dragging Changkyun with him as he ran and Changkyun was following him without saying anything. Finally, they entered an alley and he let go of Changkyun’s hand as he leaned to the wall and tried to catch his breath.

Changkyun also leaned to the opposite wall and leaned his back, trying to steady his breathing. He was looking at the ground with narrowed eyes as he took deep breaths. As Jooheon peeked from the corner of the wall to see if someone was still there, Changkyun couldn’t help but smirk. Then his smirk changed into a slight laugh and made Jooheon look at the sound of his voice. The raven started laughing between his deep breaths, making the older confused. “Fuck the police,” he said between giggles. Jooheon looked at him then he couldn’t help but joined him as he started laughing. “We did ran away,” he muttered as he shook his head.

After they caught their breath and rested for a while, they straightened up and started to walk away from the alley. Jooheon stared at his knuckles as they turned a tint of purple and red then he put his hands into his pockets. He glanced at the raven, who was wiping the dried blood from the corner of his lips and they continued walking. They talked about how they beat them, laughed at how the other two also escaped when they heard the police. They also stopped by an old market, bought themselves two cans of beer for each and they reached the old overpass at the end of the town.

They climbed the dusty stairs and walked at the middle of the overpass, leaned their backs on the rusty, old bars and opened their beers. Changkyun noticed the newly formed bruises on Jooheon’s knuckles as the other brought the can to his mouth and muttered, “You must really fucked him up, huh?” Jooheon glanced at him then looked at where the raven was looking, he looked at his hand and shrugged as he took a sip from his drink. “Probably, he really pissed me off.”

“He called you “freak”. Of course he pissed you off,” he continued drinking until there was half of it remained. He dazed at the dark, slightly clouded sky as the alcohol went down his throat. “It even pissed me off,” he snarled. Jooheon giggled at his words, causing the other to look at his face to see why he was laughing. “What?”

“That wasn’t the thing that pissed me off,” he turned his face and met his eyes. He was smiling, not laughing like before. He was smiling genuinely and Changkyun was just staring at him, not knowing what his point was. “Then what was it?”

“I just don’t like to see you getting hurt.”

Changkyun stared at him for a whole minute then turned his face away, “And I don’t like people judging you by your appearance,” he mumbled. He wasn’t looking at him but he knew Jooheon was still looking at the raven. “They were probably drunk. People like them like to mess up with others when they are drunk,” he stated then finished his beer. He reached for another one as Changkyun turned his head and glanced at him, then he also finished his remained drink and threw the can away. Jooheon handed him another one and they continued drinking. Changkyun rested his elbows on the cold railing and looked down, where the cars continuously passing by. There were no luxury cars, only trucks or casual cars and sometimes few people walked past them on the overpass. It was already past 2AM and the only thing that could light the overpass was the dim light of headlights below and flickering street lamps. Some lamps were not even working and some of them didn’t have any bulbs.

He felt a weight on his right shoulder and turned his head to look only to see some orange locks right in front of his face. He lowered himself and made him a more comfortable place to lean on. Changkyun quickly finished his last beer and threw that can to the direction the one he had thrown before. They watched the sight; the not so high buildings, old neighborhoods, rusty and dirty roads... Changkyun raised his head and glanced at the construction areas that weren’t done yet. Some of them were just an area of debris and some of them were surrounded by dippers, cranes and other construction machinery.

The younger turned to Jooheon, “Do you have something?” he asked as he slightly rested his chin on the others head. Jooheon slowly nodded then pulled out two joints from his pocket, handed one of them to the younger as he brought the cigarette to his pierced lips. He lit the cigarette first and handed the lighter to Changkyun. Changkyun lit his cigarette too by shielding his hand so as to light it quickly. He returned the lighter to Jooheon and dragged a long breath from the joint. Jooheon was smoking faster than him although he dragged long breaths, he was half way left while Changkyun was still smoking. Jooheon was staring blankly while Changkyun was watching the landscape, the passing cars were decreasing as the time passed. The dirt and dust were more visible as there were less people on the pavements and he smirked. “This place is shit.”

“Oh, did you just realized?” Jooheon asked sarcastically and they both laughed. Jooheon lit another joint as he stamped on the previous one. Changkyun watched him in slight surprise and laughed, “Do you have more?”

“Of course, what do you take me for?” He smirked and gave another cigarette to the raven. They quickly lit and continued smoking as they enjoyed the worn out sight of the town. Jooheon straightened up and stretched, he didn’t even feel lightheaded as he smoked so he slowly lowered himself down and sat on the cold, metal ground. “This place is shittier than Boston,” Changkyun smirked and breathed out the remaining smoke to the air, watching it scatter into the dark sky.

“Don’t your skinny legs get tired of standing so long?” Jooheon asked as he giggled, the raven stared at him as he rose an eyebrow in curiosity. “What?”

“Sit with me,” Jooheon looked up at him, his cigarette was hanging loosely from his lips as he stared at the raven. Changkyun didn’t respond and slowly sat next to him. He dragged his last breath from the cigarette and threw it down from the overpass, to the road below them. He saw Jooheon lit his third joint and he watched him in surprise. “Slow down,” he slightly laughed.

“I won’t.”

Changkyun sighed then laughed as he continued looking at the cars. “People have shitty cars,” he stated out of nowhere, causing Jooheon to stare at him dumbfounded. Changkyun continued, “You have the money and you still buy a car like this? Really? And it’s fucking green.”

Jooheon stared him more, then he cracked a loud laugh. Changkyun wasn’t laughing, he kept his serious and annoyed face but it didn’t last longer so he started to laugh too. “People with ugly cars pissed me off really right now. Stop laughing,” he warned between laughs but Jooheon didn’t even care, he laughed harder. Changkyun hit his shoulder with a slight punch as he continued laughing with his orange haired friend. “Stop laughing, idiot.” But Jooheon wasn’t listening to him and he even wrapped an arm around his stomach as he laughed. The raven sighed and leaned the back of his head to the cold bars. “I wish I had some coke right now,”

“Sorry, that’s all we have, sir.” Jooheon handed him another joint as he giggled. Changkyun looked at him then took the cigarette from his hand. He lit the cigarette quickly as he breathed in the smoke. “People have shitty cars,” Jooheon said with an imitation of Changkyun’s voice. Changkyun turned his head to him and stared at him in annoyance and surprise. “And it’s fucking green,” he added between his uncontrollable laughs.

“Fuck you,” Changkyun raised his voice as he laughed. Then he dragged a quick breath from the joint and looked at the road again. “Look,” he pointed. “This one is shittier. It’s fucking orange!” he yelled.

“Why? My hair is orange too,” Jooheon pouted mockingly. Changkyun rolled his eyes and they stared at each other in silence for a second, then they both blew a loud laugh. “Don’t ever pout again,” Changkyun mumbled between laughs. He finished his cigarette, while Jooheon was lighting his fourth one. “Want another one?”

“No, I feel high as fuck already.” Changkyun watched him breathe the smoke and he couldn’t help but laugh. “What?” Jooheon looked at him.

“You really pouted,” he laughed harder. He even fell to the side as he laughed and Jooheon joined laughing with him. “What of it? I can pout,” Changkyun straightened up and pushed his shoulder as he kept laughing. “You look stupid.”

“Shut the fuck up,” he scoffed. As he was smoking, the raven stopped laughing and tried to catch his breath. He grabbed the railing and tried to get up, his legs felt shaky and his limbs felt heavy as he got up. He let go of the railing and took a few clumsy steps. He staggered and laughed at how he couldn’t stand still. Jooheon stared at him as he giggled. “I think you should sit,” the orange haired suggested.

“I’m totally fine,” Changkyun laughed and walked to the other railings, he bent down and looked at the road as he giggled. “The road looks nice from here,” he slurred. Then he straightened and looked at Jooheon. “What if I jump from here?”

“You’ll die,” Jooheon brought the cigarette to his lips as he watched him. Changkyun nodded and turned to the railing, then he threw one leg to the other side of the railing. Jooheon quickly got up and pulled him away from the railing. “What the fuck are you doing?” he yelled in shock, he couldn’t think Changkyun was actually going to do it.

“I was kidding, calm down.” He smiled as he stared at the scared older’s face. His eyelids were heavy and his sight were slightly blurry. Jooheon was still staring at him as he breathed from his nose, his face was serious unlike Changkyun’s smirked one.

“I wasn’t gonna jump, Jooheon.”

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Jooheon sighed then they stared at each other. Changkyun was the first one to break the silence with a laugh then Jooheon couldn’t help but join. Their laughs got harder and then they stopped as they walked to the stairs. The two sat on the first stair and Changkyun leaned to Jooheon, still slightly laughing. He pulled out his phone from his jacket pocket and looked at the time. It was 4:43AM and the sky started to brighten up slightly.

There was nearly no cars passing by then, the street lamps started to be turned off as the sky turned into a mixture of navy blue and dark purple. The weather also got colder and the feeling of highness started to wear off as the cold hit their bodies. Changkyun snuggled to Jooheon as he shivered and Jooheon wrapped his arm around his body. He slightly clutched his thinner arm with his inked hand and caressed his arm to warm him up.

The sky got a brighter color and some places looked a tint of lilac into the navy blue, they could hear the soft breeze and Jooheon felt Changkyun started to shiver more. He patted his arm and got up, “Let’s go home.” Changkyun followed him without saying any word and they started to walk the way back their home. The streets were empty and slightly brightened by the first lights of the morning.

Changkyun was slightly leaning to Jooheon as he felt cold and sleepy and Jooheon threw his arm around his shoulders to keep him close to his side. “Don’t ever try to jump from the places like that,” Jooheon mumbled as they walked. He couldn’t get an answer but he felt a little nod and he took it as an answer. When they got near to their neighborhood, Jooheon lit a cigarette and slowly smoked until they reached to the front of their apartment building.

Changkyun was the first to run inside the building as he felt cold and he climbed the stairs, He didn’t even kicked open the door and waited Jooheon to open the door with keys. Jooheon followed him and pulled out his keys from his back pocket, opened the door quickly. Changkyun walked to the living room and didn’t even take off his jacket. Jooheon saw him still shivering and he smiled slightly. He took off his down jacket and wrapped it around the smaller. Changkyun didn’t even surprised at his behavior and watched him lay on the large couch then he laid on him. That was how they sleep all the time after all. Changkyun snuggled to him as he uncontrollably shivered and drifted into sleep without waiting not much longer.

 

As they slept on their couch, Hyungwon was still awake at 5:30AM and his phone was in his hand. He was texting with the man he exchanged numbers with a day ago. He had a sheepish smile on his face as he typed his message and he probably didn’t know that smile was there on his face. “ _I still have your sweater, the Balenciaga one. I should return it to you,_ ” he typed and sent.

_It’s okay, keep it. :)_

Hyungwon stared at the message for a second then typed a quick thank you shyly. He didn’t even know he was this shy as he talked to another men. He wasn’t even locking his screen nor did he leave the chat room. He was watching the screen and when a message popped up, he quickly started to type an answer to it.

_It’s getting late. You should sleep._

_I’m not sleepy._

_You should sleep. :) We’ll talk when you’re up._

_Okay._

Hyungwon wasn’t really sleepy and wanted to talk more but he knew he wasn’t only staying awake but also he was keeping him awake so he didn’t insisted. But he still wanted more, he didn’t know why, he didn’t really use his phone and sometimes he forgot where he left it but that moment he wanted to use it. Before he locked the phone, a message popped up again.

_Before we sleep, I’ll meet you on Sunday. At 1pm. I’ll pick you up from the same bar we met. Be in front of there. And don’t forget, be sober. xx_

He smiled at the message but didn’t reply. He locked his phone and put it under his pillow as he turned to the side and closed his eyes. He was smiling slightly before he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont forget to share your thoughts with me. :)


	17. Chapter 17

The alarm sound was heard in the house at 11AM but Changkyun was the first one to wake up and marched to the source of the sound. He pushed open the bedroom’s door harshly and grabbed the phone which was on the nightstand. He turned off the alarm and threw it back to the nightstand, rubbed his hurting eyes from waking up early. “Who the fuck would set a fucking alarm on Sunday morning?” he yelled, nudging the sleeping blond figure and making him wake up with a frown. Changkyun walked out of the bedroom as he continued mumbling and swearing about how he forced to wake up because of the alarm and Hyungwon opened his eyes slowly after he had left. He blinked a few times then closed his eyes back only to shot open again. He jumped out of the bed and looked at his phone. It was 11:03AM and it was Sunday, which was the day when he and Hoseok would meet.

He went to the bathroom and turned on the water, washed his face quickly with a few splashes and he looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes were a little swollen because of the lack of sleep and his hair was messy and fluffy, causing him to look like a sheep. He went back to the bedroom with quick steps and he started undressing without waiting a second. He wore a pair of skinny jeans and went to his wardrobe as he took off his t-shirt. He took the sweater Hoseok ‘gave’ him and the blond stared at the white sweater for a second, then he quickly wore it. He felt how loose and baggy the sweater was but he liked it, then he completed his attire with his denim jacket. Quickly he sat on the chair in front of the table and found a concealer from the pile of things on the table, started to apply it under his eyes. He concealed the dark circles under his eyes as much as he could and looked at himself from the tiny mirror he had on the table. He sighed as he realized that they were still visible, he continued staring at himself in the mirror then grabbed his lip conditioner. His lips looked paler and so chapped that they hurt when the creamy stick touched his lips. He didn’t do any makeup and took the brush in his hand, brushed his platinum locks with quick moves and got up. His hair still looked a little messy but he didn’t mind. Hardly when he took his phone in his hand, a message popped up on the screen.

_Good morning. :) I’m on my way, I hope you’re sober. :3_

Hyungwon rolled his eyes as he smiled then quickly texted him back. _I am._ He slipped onto his navy Converse shoes and put his phone back into his back pocket. No sooner had he opened the door than Changkyun yelled from the living room, “Where the fuck are you going at this hour?” Hyungwon chuckled then yelled back before he close the door behind him and left, “Why should I tell you?”

Knowing that Hoseok was already on his way, he got out from the building and rushed to the end of the street. His steps were quick and fast as he walked his way to the avenue where the bar was. He slept only two hours and he felt sleepy as he was walking. The blond pulled out his earphones and plugged to his phone, put them on his ears and played his favorite playlist. The streets had hardly people around and it was cold due to the early hours of the day. His quick and fast moves made his head spin a little as he walked because of the substances left in his body, he made a shot last night so as to be enough for him during their ‘date’.

As he arrived to the bar he waited in front of it, looking at his phone. He had arrived 10 minutes earlier so he lit a cigarette as he waited, leaned to the pole of the street light and continued waiting. After a long breath of his cigarette, he clicked the cigarette to shake off the ash from the tip and stared at his long, thin fingers. Some of the little tattoos on his fingers were faded and almost gone. He could see that his hand was slightly shaking as he held the cigarette between his two fingers. He had some needle scars on where he had distinct veins on his hands and some of them were even new.

Hardly had he finished his cigarette and threw the end of it to somewhere when he saw a black, Mercedes car stopped in front of him. The black window of the car rolled down and the blond saw someone familiar and he was smiling at him. Hyungwon unintentionally stared at him, he was dresed unusually casual. He wore a casual denim pants, a printed black t-shirt and a leather jacket. He wasn’t wearing any formal clothes nor even was his hair brushed back, his bangs were nearly in front of his eyes which gave him a softer look and the blond didn’t know he was staring in awe for more than a couple of seconds. Hoseok felt nervous a little and broke the silence. “Do I look that bad?”

Hyungwon came back to his senses with that question and quickly shook his head, “No...” He uttered a single word then quickly opened the door and got in the car. Hoseok looked at him and realized he wore his sweater that he gave him, he couldn’t help but smile at him. “You look better with that sweater,” he admitted. Hyungwon looked at him for a second then glanced away. “I did well, giving it to you.” Hyungwon couldn’t help but smiled slightly and averted his gaze to the window, looking at the road as Hoseok set off.

After a quiet journey, Hoseok parked his car and they both got out of the car to walk their way to a café near to Han River. Hoseok walked into the cafe and Hyungwon followed quietly behind him. The blond examined his surroundings, the place looked luxury to him and he felt a little out of place so he just followed Hoseok to the terrace. When they sat on a table, Hyungwon looked around as Hoseok put the menu in front of him. He took the menu in his hands shyly and opened it, skimmed through the menu and looked at the names of the drinks. He didn’t know any single thing about the drinks and kept looking at them while peeking at Hoseok. Hoseok realized the blond’s situation and leaned to him, pulled the menu down and put it on the table. “I usually drink Americano. You can drink it too if you want,” he suggested. Hyungwon felt awkward then nodded, looked at him for a brief second and averted his gaze from the older. “Okay.”

His behavior didn’t seem awkward to Hoseok. On the contrary, he found it cute. He was looking around, playing with his fingers and looked out of place as he didn’t know what to do nor what to say. After they ordered their drinks, Hoseok watched him pulling his sleeves down to his fingers and playing with them under the sleeve while waiting. The older thought of something to say but he didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. _School? No. Family? Definitely not._

“Your friends...” he began nervously, making the other raise his head and look at him with curiosity. “I shouldn’t have acted that way,” he admitted, made an ashamed face as he smiled. Hyungwon quickly put a slight smile on his face and responded. “No it’s okay.”

“Really, I’m not a person like that.” Hoseok felt a little stiffened and straightened up as he put his hands on the table and entwined them together. “I was stressed... I think,” he muttered then he raised his voice and added. “But seriously, I’m not like that. Trust me.”

Hyungwon looked at him and giggled at his reactions, “It’s okay, really.” Hoseok sighed in relief, then he made an eye contact with him and smiled at him. “Please send them my apologies, okay?” Hyungwon nodded as the waitress came and served them their drinks. Hoseok uttered a quiet and kind ‘thank you’ as the woman left and looked back at the blond. The younger leaned onto the table and lowered his head to the cup that had the drink in it and tried to smell, but he slightly grimaced at the strong smell of caffeine and straightened up. Hoseok saw his reaction and hold back his laugh as he smiled widely. “You can add milk, if you want.” He advised as he smiled playfully, causing Hyungwon to feel hot on his cheeks and look away. “No... It’s good,” he murmured quietly. “Anyways, I’ll tell them you’re sorry.” Hyungwon changed the topic. Hoseok stared at him as he smiled then asked, “You live together, I suppose?” The blond hold the cup in his both hands and nodded as he took a little sip. “Yeah, they are my friends from university,” he explained briefly. “The aggressive one, Changkyun. And the other one who has orange hair is Jooheon.”

Hoseok listened him carefully and curiously then he quickly asked, “Oh, university? What are you studying?” he asked but slightly afraid of making him uncomfortable. Hyungwon didn’t seem uncomfortable and he quickly answered his question, “I study English and Literature.” That answer lit up the raven’s eyes and he put a wide smile on his lips. “Really? I studied English and Literature, too!” he exclaimed, caused the other one to stare at him in confusion. Hyungwon stared at him for a second then smiled back at him. “Oh, for real? I didn’t think of you to be a man of literature.” Hyungwon’s statement made Hoseok let a laugh sheepishly as he looked down at his coffee. “My dad wanted me to be a construction engineer, but I was too stubborn so I studied English instead.” Hyungwon realized the older’s eyes saddened for a second but he escaped from his gaze and looked away as he smiled sadly. The blond stiffened and tried to study his behavior. He didn’t want to ask anything about his father nor about his family as he could guess that something was wrong. _It’s better if I don’t ask. If I ask, he would ask me too anyways. And I don’t want to talk about it._ “I wanted to be a lawyer,” he said as an attempt to shake off his thoughts. Hoseok turned his gaze to the younger and continued listening. “I wanted to be a lawyer but I could only make it enough to study English,” he told as he played with his fingers under the table.

“Where do you study?” The raven asked, his questions were still nervous as he was still afraid of saying something wrong. Hyungwon stared at the older, thinking about the situation that he didn’t go to school properly but he told him anyways. “Seoul National University,” he stated as Hoseok’s eyes widened in awe and a smile formed on his face. “Wow, so you’re smart.” Hyungwon’s cheeks turned a slight color of pink then he smiled back slightly.

_Only if I could go to school properly._

“And you?” Hyungwon asked. “Where did you graduate?”

“Oh, Harvard. Not from here.” Hoseok replied with a shrug meanwhile the blond’s eyes widened in awe. Hoseok giggled and found his surprised expression cute.

“Which grade are you in by the way?”

“Senior,” he answered quickly.

“So, your age is probably around 24 then?” The blond nodded, “I probably look older though,” he scoffed. Hoseok rolled his eyes with a smile then disagreed, “I wouldn’t say 24 if you looked older.” Hyungwon looked slightly surprised at the statement then shook his head, asked him back. “How old are you?”

“I’m 34.” Hyungwon’s eyes nearly widened as he quietly whistled, probably didn’t expect this.

“Ten years...” he thought aloud. “You’re ten years older than me.”

Hoseok pouted softly then sighed. “That made me feel old,” he murmured as he acted sad. The blond felt instant regret for his words and quickly shook his head, raised his hands and shook them in air. “No... No, I didn’t mean it like that. You’re not—“

“I’m kidding,” Hoseok giggled as he watched the younger’s panic. Hyungwon lowered his hands in relief and stared at him in confusion. But Hoseok added with his brows knitted, “But I’m not that old.” Hyungwon looked at him in defeat and a slight embarrassment as he muttered in a low voice, “I really didn’t mean it...” Hoseok shook his head, chuckling, “I said was kidding, don’t worry.”

Hyungwon lowered his gaze and finished his coffee as they sat in silence. Then he gazed at the raven’s clothes, he wasn’t wearing a suit. He saw him once or twice but he was always wearing either a black suit or a shirt with a pair of black pants. He looked softer with a pair of denim pants, a t-shirt and leather jacket. His hair looked a little puffy but gave him a cute look and he couldn’t help but admit. “So you also wear like that.”

“Do I look that bad?..” he asked and looked at himself as Hyungwon shook his head.

“N-no, I just... I always see you with suits...” he stuttered while his voice got quieter by the second he talked.

“It’s Sunday,” Hoseok spoke. “I don’t work today.” Hyungwon looked at him and nodded as he understood. “So, yes. I can also wear casual clothes,” Hoseok added with a laugh which was welcomed by a smile from the blond.

“What’s your zodiac sign?” Hoseok asked.

Hyungwon stared at him as if he was talking in an unknown language. He thought about an answer but didn’t know what to say. “I... uh, I was born on 15th of January?”

“Capricorn,” he quickly responded. “So you’re not interested in horoscopes?”

Hyungwon shrugged and smiled sheepishly, shook his head shyly as he stared at the raven. “I don’t understand that kind of stuff,” he uttered and tilted his head. “Your sign?”

“I’m Pisces,” he proudly answered but Hyungwon was still looking at him with curiosity. “So?.. Your birthday is?..”

“March 1st.” Hyungwon noted that date in his mind as he nodded with a smile then lowered his head to look at his sleeves while playing with his long, thin white fingers.

Hoseok stared at him as if he was examining him while Hyungwon was busy with playing with his fingers, he wasn’t looking at the raven. Hoseok took advantage of it and watched him. He could guess that he wasn’t very talkative, but he realized that he wasn’t the same person he first talked at the bar. He wasn’t acting seductive or trying to seduce him. Hoseok could see that he was being surprisingly shy. When the blond looked at Hoseok he quickly looked away and drank his coffee as he acted as if he wasn’t looking at him. Then he drew his gaze back at the younger. “I guess you’re not blond naturally?”

Hyungwon looked away as if he was ashamed and he shrugged, “My roots got long, I know. I should dye my hair.”

“No, no. That’s not... what I was going to say...” Hoseok muttered with a slight panic in his voice. Feeling a little awkward as he thought he made the blond felt bad or anything like that. “That wasn’t I was going to say. You’re beautiful even with them...” His words made Hyungwon forget to breathe for a brief time and he stared at him dumbfounded. “And blond suits you.”

“Really?” Hyungwon asked, remembering those insults about his hair in his mind.

_Blonde bitch._

_You look like the whores who have blond hair._

_Blondie slut._

“Of course, I like it.” Hyungwon smiled and his smile had slight sadness inside but he kept it, not wanting to show him nor tell the reason. “Thank you,” he murmured quietly. Hoseok studied his face as the blond looked down with the same smile on his face. Hoseok had a thought in his mind but worried to say it. “Hyungwon,” he started anyways, causing the other to pay attention.

“You’re beautiful, even without your makeup.” He made the words out of his mouth, only to leave the blond in slight shock. Then he averted his gaze to the table and his eyes narrowed as the shock left his body. “I don’t think so,” he nearly whispered, enough for Hoseok to hear. Hoseok leaned to the table and looked at him half-heartedly. “Why? I think you are.”

“I just... don’t.” Hyungwon unintentionally caressed his own forearm as he stared blankly at the table, and then raised his head to look at him with a slightly forced smile. “But, thank you.”

“I’ll still think you are,” Hoseok insisted. Hyungwon kept his smile on his face but felt his hands start to shake under the table, causing his smile to fade and replace with a nervous expression. He suddenly felt cramps around his arms and he clutched inside his elbows, trying not to let the other notice. _I need to do a shot._

“Shall we leave?” Hyungwon snapped his head up at the raven’s question while trying to look less nervous, he looked at him for a while then shrugged softly.

“Okay...”

They got up from their chairs and went to the cash point. Hoseok pulled out his wallet and took his credit card in his hand. Hyungwon narrowed his eyes and looked at the name written on the credit card. _Lee Hoseok._ He memorized the name in his head and looked away as Hoseok paid the check. They walked out of the cafe and went to the car. Hyungwon was following Hoseok from a step behind, still clutching inside of his elbows and he was nervous that he would have a craving attack. And he wouldn’t want Hoseok to see it. _He has seen enough of me already._

As they got in the car, they were both silent but Hyungwon was slightly coughing. He knew what it meant but he stayed calm. Hoseok didn’t get suspicious and looked at him, smiled as he asked. “Where do you live?”

Hyungwon looked at him, quickly shook his head. “No, it’s okay. Drop me off at the bar,” he kindly offered. Hoseok shook his head, still smiling. “Tell me where you live. I’ll take you home.” Hyungwon thought for a couple of seconds but disagreed again. “Really, it’s okay. I can walk from there.”

“I insist.”

They looked at each other, then Hyungwon told the older his address quietly. During their way home, Hyungwon was still nervous about his craving but stayed calm and decent. Hoseok was also quiet as he was driving. “Are you always quiet while driving?” he couldn’t help but ask, a little help as a distraction.

“Kind of. It makes me less distracted. I... don’t want to cause any traffic accident.” Hoseok told quietly. _He did it again,_ Hyungwon thought. He realized the slight sadness in his eyes and in his voice again but didn’t ask. He disliked questions and didn’t want them to bother anyone too. “Is this the street?” Hoseok asked. Hyungwon nodded and straightened up as the older stopped his car in front of a two story building that was familiar. Hoseok looked at him and Hyungwon turned his head to the raven. They looked each other in silence and stared each other awkwardly. “Today was... nice,” Hoseok admitted finally, making the blond make a smile shyly.

“Yeah...”

“Will you meet me again someday?” Hoseok asked.

“I will.”

They stared at each other again in silence. Both were thinking about what to do, were they going to kiss, shake hands, hug or something... Hyungwon cleared his throat softly then opened the door. “See you again,” he smiled and got out of the car. Hoseok watched him and didn’t leave until the blond entered the building he stopped in front of and waited for a more couple of seconds, then he started his engine and left.

Hyungwon hardly inserted the key into the lock with his shaking hands and rushed inside the house. He ran to the bedroom and searched for the spare H he had. He was cluttering up everything on the desk as he was looking for it and he continued coughing hard. He could feel that he was sweating as his blond hair felt sticky on his forehead. _Please, not again... Not again._ He finally found his old notebook and opened it, found a tiny pack of heroin and took it in his shaking hand. The young blond rushed to the nightstand and opened the first drawer to pick up his materials and started to prepare the drug. He could barely hold the spoon and the sweating wasn’t getting any better. Rather than the craving, he was also panicking that he would have an attack. Because of his shaking hands, he couldn’t hold the needle still and it made him panic more. He gritted his teeth as he took shaky breaths and finally pierced his skin when he found the vein.

After the injection he felt his body perplexed for a second, then he felt a rush of euphoria but it lasted too short and his whole body went numb. He pulled out the injector and tried to get up since he was still slightly shaking but he couldn’t feel his legs and he fell to the ground with a loud thud. Hyungwon winced in pain when his back and the back of his head hit the ground hard but he wasn’t even able to open his eyes so he stayed on the ground as he fainted.

He opened his eyes in a darker room but he was still where he fell. He turned his head to the side and saw his phone on the ground, reached to it with his weak arm and took it in his hand. He saw a message from Hoseok that was sent four hours ago. _I hope you enjoyed your day. :)_

Hyungwon smiled sheepishly as he looked at the phone with a sleepy face. He quickly unlocked his phone and replied his message. “ _Sorry, I was sleeping. And... Yes. I really enjoyed today._ ”

He started to scroll on the internet as he saw a notification on the top, _I’m glad. :) We should repeat that often. ;)_ Hyungwon couldn’t help but smile wider. He wrote a quick reply and sent right away. _Okay for me. :)_ As he kept scrolling, he remembered what he was going to do when he got home. He swiftly opened Google and searched the name ‘ _Lee Hoseok_ ’ and looked at the names that appeared.

He saw a photo of a man and kept looking at the related things about _Lee Hoseok._ He read that that man owned the biggest construction company in South Korea. The blond could see a familiar man with black hair and black suit he used to see at the bar but he looked much more formal and charismatic in the photos. The blond clicked on the ‘News’ tab and scrolled down and down and saw some news about him. He didn’t encounter with any scandals about any women or men, nor any love or relationship news, which made him guess that he wasn’t married or something. But he saw news about his alcoholism, his photos taken at the bars which he was unaware. He even saw a photo from the same bar they met. He read an article that says ‘ _Lee Hoseok’s Alcoholism Is Taking Precedence Over His Company._ ’

He sighed and continued scrolling. When he saw a news about a car accident he stopped scrolling. It was 5 years ago but it had Hoseok’s photo and a man with a woman’s photo with him. _A Tragic Car Accident At Midnight Killed South Korea’s One Of The Biggest CEO._

He clicked the link and read the whole article. He read about that Hoseok had been 29 years old when his parents died. It was written that Hoseok took place of his father right after his death. _They didn’t even let him mourn._ Hyungwon felt a pang in his chest as he continued reading. _There have been rumors that Lee Hoseok won’t be a good replacement of his father and sales will decrease as well as the reputation of the company. Some of the shareholders have already resigned their contracts._ Hyungwon scrolled down and looked at some photos from the funeral and saw Hoseok, holding his father’s photo. His eyes looked red from crying, his head was down and he looked so lost, like he didn’t know what to do and like he was anxious because all of this.

Hyungwon felt a heavy feeling on his chest and took a deep breath as he felt suffocated with all of the thing he just read. He didn’t want to learn anything about the man, even these things he just found out was more than enough for him. He closed the tabs, “That is too much.”

He held onto the nightstand and slowly got up from the cold ground, groaning in pain since he was laying on the floor for more than four hours. He changed his clothes and wore a black t-shirt with a ripped black jeans. He also wiped off his concealer from his face and turned back to his ‘own self’. He was still thinking of the stuff he just read as he took his cigarette pack and wore his black, studded boots. His head was spinning a little and his hands were shaking but he had to get some fresh air. He was feeling suffocated and he needed to breathe. He put the cigarette between his lips and got out of the apartment while lighting it.

He smoked around 4 cigarettes while walking and he wasn’t aware that he walked so much that he ended up in a street that he wasn’t much familiar with. He looked at his cigarette pack and saw one last cigarette left. Sighing, he lit the cigarette as he leaned to the street lamp. As he was smoking his last cigarette, thinking about going back home as soon as he finished a black car started to get close to the pavement he was standing. The blond felt tense and he slowly straightened up, start to walk away but the car continued to follow him behind. Hyungwon turned back for a second to see whether it was still coming or not and the driver flashed the headlights to his direction. He quickened his steps and threw his cigarette away but the car blocked his way at the end of the pavement.

“Hey, why don’t you get in the car?” the driver asked. Hyungwon couldn’t clearly see his face and he felt anxious, he was breathing deeper but quicker. “You’re pretty.”

He turned around to walk away, probably run but stopped at the words unintentionally. “I’ll pay you.”

“What makes you think I would have sex with you?” he snapped back, he felt his shaking hands were not the only limbs that were shaking. He took a step back to turn around at any time as his legs and arms were shaking uncontrollably.

“Your body,” the man laughed. “Come on, get in the car.”

“Fuck off,” he felt his voice tremble at the end as he turned around and started to walk away.

“200.000 Won,” he shouted. Only to make him stop while he wasn’t away that much. Hyungwon stopped at his tracks but didn’t look back. He couldn’t help but chuckle at himself quietly. He looked around himself to see if anyone around but he didn’t see anybody except for the man in that car and himself. He took a deep breath and turned around. _Don’t forget what you are, Hyungwon._

“250.000,” he said. He was walking towards the car but he could still feel the slight tremble in his legs. “Or I won’t get in the car,” he crossed his arms on his chest and looked at the man. He laughed in a slight surprise. “Will you pleasure me enough to be worth this money?”

“I will,” he told but his voice went quieter than he expected. _I need money._ The man put a wicked smile on his face as he opened the door of his car and the blond hesitantly got in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. I just want to tell you guys I'm happy that even some people reads likes my story. I hope you all like it. But I would be really glad to know your thoughts; where did you like the most, which part did I make a mistake, where did you dislike etc. It would be very motivating for me, honestly. I'm not asking for attention, I'm asking for appreciation. I hope you liked the new chapter and I hope you won't be a ghost reader. Sorry for late updates because of my school schedule, upcoming exams and embarrassingly laziness. Thank you!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief flashback to Hoseok's past.

**_3 years ago._ **

Hoseok weakly pushed open the door of his apartment with his hand, immediately stumbled inside the house and tried to hold onto the wall not to fall. His head was spinning so badly and he started to feel nauseous. He was drunk. He lifted his head up and started to walk towards his living room. There was a figure that was sitting on the sofa, Hoseok couldn’t clearly see since the lights were off. He narrowed his eyes and stood still as he tried to see who was sitting in his living room. “Here to rob my house?” he slurred.

“You left the door open. Not me but someone will be,” the man replied with a stern voice but clearly he was being sarcastic. The raven surprised at the voice tone and recognized the person. He burst out a laughter then went back, he slammed the door shut and turned around. “How did you get into my house?” he asked as he turned on the lights. It could be seen how messy the house when the lights were on. There were empty bottles of whiskey scattered on the ground and on the table, pieces of ripped off newspapers and shattered frames with family photos in them. He had moved into a new house since that incident because he couldn’t live in a house he had memories with his parents but he had still their photos, took them with him when he moved there.

“Spare key,” the brunet answered and got up from the sofa he was sitting. “How long have you been drinking?”

Hoseok looked at the other and shrugged, then he went to the kitchen section, opened the fridge and took a whiskey bottle in his hand as he was mumbling something to himself. Hyunwoo walked towards him and took the bottle from the younger’s hand forcefully. “I think that’s enough for tonight,” he whispered softly but his voice sounded demanding. Hoseok sighed in annoyance, resting his elbows on the counter and took his head in his hands. “Why are you here? Leave me alone,” he murmured. Hyunwoo stared at his friend who got skinnier since that day, he looked like a mess and he was getting weaker and weaker.

“In case you get into a coma again.”

Hoseok chuckled, he had gotten into coma because of alcohol poisoning three times in two months and there had been big news about him. Hyunwoo was the one who found him unconscious in his house or deteriorating in a bar or even in his car. He had also dealt with the news about him and removed the news and photos on the internet. “How did you even manage to drive?” he asked as he put the bottle away from him. Hoseok laughed again and straightened. “I didn’t.”

Hyunwoo raised his eyebrows then knitted them again, knowing what he meant but waited for him to continue. “I called a cab, my car is somewhere near to the bar.” Hyunwoo felt anger boil up inside him, he even started to think about the consequences, anything that could happen the next morning. “You left your car? At the bar?” he repeated his words angrily.

“Probably,” he said, not a hint of care in his voice.

“You’re really a pain in the ass, Hoseok,” the brunet raised his voice while he walked back to the living room and sat on the sofa, sighing.

“Thanks.” He reached to the bottle since Hyunwoo left him and he opened the bottle, not even bothered with pouring into a glass so he brought it to his lips and started to drink the whiskey directly from the large bottle. He felt dizzier as the burning taste of the strong alcohol went down from his throat.

“Do you know what the news will write about you?” Hyunwoo yelled, seeing he was drinking from the bottle he had just taken from him minutes ago. Hoseok pretended he didn’t hear him and brought the bottle to his mouth again. He was relentlessly drinking until he black out. He stared at the kitchen while holding the bottle in his hand, he was hardly standing on his feet so his other hand was holding onto the counter to stand still. “There are still news about you, about how alcoholic you are.”

“I don’t give a shit,” Hoseok mumbled, he didn’t have any expression on his face as he stared blankly. Hyunwoo picked up the shattered frames from the ground and stared at them. All of them were family photos and Hoseok broke every one of their glasses, probably by throwing them around the house. He took out the photo from the shattered frame and held it in his hand as he walked beside Hoseok. He put the photo on the counter, near to the raven’s hand where he was holding onto. “All eyes on you now, Hoseok.”

“I don’ care,” he murmured, swallowing his words as he continued staring at nowhere. Hyunwoo put his hand on the younger’s shoulder and caressed softly. Hoseok slightly looked at the photo from the corner of his eyes and his eyes glistened with tears for a second so he averted his gaze from the counter. “You stand for your father now,” he told him softly but Hoseok’s eyes only teared up more. He was extremely drunk, he wasn’t even standing properly and he wasn’t even able to think anything properly. Hyunwoo reached to the bottle and took it from his hand, softer this time and Hoseok let him. “He’s gone,” he said hoarsely. Hyunwoo could tell he was on the verge of crying. He brushed his messy hair back and brought his hand from his shoulder to the back of his neck.

“I know, but you’re in his place now. You have to make him proud,” he looked at him with soft eyes and waiting for him to listen to his words. Hoseok laughed bitterly as a tear rolled down from his cheek.

“I’m sure he is very proud of me right now.” He took a deep breath, looked at the brunet with a bitter smile on his face along with the teary eyes. “Mom, too.”

“Hoseok...”

“No, Hyunwoo. Let me finish,” he said between his quick breaths. He was crying at the end of his sarcastic and unbothered acts. He turned his head to the side and looked at the photo, then turned back to Hyunwoo with more tears in his eyes. “I can’t do this. I’m not capable of taking place of my father. I can’t make them proud. I-I can’t be my father when I’m like this... I mean— look at me. I’m a complete mess and I...” Hoseok couldn’t complete his words as his whole body was shaking and his head was spinning worse. He felt like falling and he couldn’t even hold onto the counter so Hyunwoo acted quick and held him. “Okay, okay.” Hyunwoo held him in his arms and wrapped his arm around his waist as he guided him to the couch. He slowly lowered him down and made him sat on the couch. The brunet also sat on the sofa opposite of him and stared at the younger with soft, worried eyes.

“I’m pathetic,” he uttered. “I lost everything and I’m still losing.”

“That’s not true and you know that.”

Hoseok smiled and threw his head back as he stared at the ceiling with hazy eyes. He remembered the night he couldn’t ever forget for two years.

_Hoseok was sleeping in his king sized bed when his phone rang. His parents were away for a business trip and he was alone in the house, sleeping all day while he had the chance. He knitted his eyebrows and groaned as he woke up. He couldn’t even open his eyes and his blond hair was closing his sight anyways despite his narrow open eyes. He reached to his phone on the nightstand which was vibrating continuously, making the blond angrier by the second. He looked at the name on the screen and saw Hyunwoo’s name, cursed about why the reason would be. He also saw the time and it was 4AM in the morning._

_Why the fuck would Hyunwoo call me in this hour?_

_“Yeah?” he answered the call with his hoarse voice, he was still half asleep and ready to go back to his dreamy sleep as soon as the call ended. He wasn’t even holding the phone in his hand, he put it on his ear and waiting for Hyunwoo to talk._

_“Hoseok, are you awake?” Hyunwoo asked._

_“Thanks to you. What do you want? I wanna sleep,” he murmured with annoyance._

_“You need to wake up and listen to me.” Hoseok opened his eyes and sighed, got up from the bed and sat on the corner as he held the phone in his hand. “I’m listening,” he said with a more awake voice tone as he rubbed his eyes._

_“You need to stay calm.”_

_The blond didn’t get the point but a bad feeling started to form in his stomach and he swallowed down quietly. Hyunwoo took his silence as an answer and continued. “There has been... an accident.”_

_The words made Hoseok’s blood went cold and the color drain from his face. He was still holding his phone to his ear and listening to the older quietly. He took a shaky breath as he found his voice to speak. “Go on.”_

_“You need to come to the central hospital,” The more Hyunwoo spoke the worse the feeling got inside Hoseok. He swallowed hard as he stared blankly with wide eyes. “I... I will. I’m- I’m on my way. I’ll come.” Hoseok got up quickly and rushed out of the bedroom with his sweatpants and white t-shirt on and he quickly wore his jacket, took his keys then opened the door but stopped by Hyunwoo’s voice._

_“Hoseok,” the brunet started with a hesitant voice. Hoseok waited in front of the door to continue._

_“I’m sorry.”_

“You should sleep,” Hyunwoo brought him back from his thoughts. “Take a shower and sleep.” Hoseok shook his head and wiped the tears with the back of his hand. “I’m okay.” Hyunwoo smiled in anticipation and got up to force him. He pulled the drunk raven from his arm and made him get up from the couch. He was so drunk that he couldn’t even stand so he leaned to the brunet as they went to the bedroom. Hyunwoo made him sat on the bed and turned to the wardrobe to pick up some comfy clothes, threw them to his lap. “Wear them and sleep.”

Hoseok sighed and put the clothes to the side with sluggish moves and threw his back to the bed and closed his eyes, started to snore softly not long after he closed his eyes. Hyunwoo couldn’t help but smirk at the sight then left his bedroom. He went downstairs and walked to the living room, picked up the shattered frames, broken glasses and ripped newspapers from the ground to put them in trash. He took the photos out from the frames and hid them in case he would do something stupid. He also put the empty bottles in trash along with the full one, not wanting him to continue when he was gone. He knew he would drink again but he still felt an urge to throw it to the trash. After cleaning the living room along with the kitchen, he looked at Hoseok’s jacket pockets for his car keys and found it, took the keys before he left to take back the car as the raven was sleeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick update because my finals are about to start and I may not be able to update for a while. It is a short, flashback chapter and it's the first flashback chapter of the story. There will be more flashback chapters of the characters’ backstories for you to know and understand the characters more and properly. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and don't forget to leave kudos/comment. ^^


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My finals are over and I am back, finally.

Kihyun had already entered the kitchen and started to prepare some food, he finally convinced his best friend to come sleepover in his house since they hadn’t been talking for days. He had been feeling alone for the past week and the loneliness made him feel uncomfortable. He needed someone with him, at least another voices and sounds that were real.

_The brown haired young dialed the number of his only friend and brought the phone to his ear. He waited and when he was about to cancel, a grunt responded his call and Kihyun narrowed his eyes with a sigh._

_“Were you sleeping?”_

_“Yeah,”Hyungwon groaned. “What’s it?”_

_“Are you free today?” Kihyun asked shyly, hoping that he wouldn’t reject. He could hear the other yawning from the other side of the phone._

_“I... think I am. Why?”_

_“Can you come over? We haven’t been talking for a while,” Kihyun suggested. He heard a sigh loud enough to feel disappointed._

_“I’m too tired,” he whined with his hoarse voice from being woken up just a minute ago._

_“Are you hungry?” Hyungwon waited for a second then hummed, he rubbed his eyes as he tried to get up. “Eventually.” Kihyun smiled, “Then come here. I can cook.”_

_“I’ll eat later. I’m too lazy to get out of the house,” he murmured only to make the other get annoyed more. “Why do you avoid seeing me? Aren’t we friends? I missed you.” Hyungwon remained quiet for a second then sighed in defeat, yawned again loudly and got out of the bed forcefully. He held the phone in his hand while walking to the bathroom as Kihyun waited for an answer. “Please?” Hyungwon never heard of his friend pleading to another and that made him feel bad, “Okay, okay. I’ll be there in... an hour? Two maybe.” His answer caused the raven smile again and he quickly responded. “Okay then. I’ll be waiting. But first, no drugs.” Hyungwon rolled his eyes and hung up with a quick ‘okay’._

Kihyun was glad that Hyungwon accepted his invitation. He hadn’t been able to sleep since that night, he was afraid that he would have an attack again. He never turned off the lights, never unlocked any doors and never even blinked until he couldn’t endure and fell asleep unconsciously. He went to his session and took his medicine regularly but didn’t help enough for him to sleep at least three or four hours peacefully. His mid-terms were coming and he wasn’t able to focus on the lessons, the course subjects and topics piled up and he didn’t have any energy nor time to study either. So, he decided to have some company for some time at least. He was rushing from one corner to another in the kitchen, preparing anything he could do for him and his friend for dinner. He glanced at the clock on the wall, it had been almost an hour. He hoped Hyungwon had already got out of the house and been on his way. He felt enthusiastic while cooking, played some music from his playlist and sang along softly.

While the dinner was being cooked on the oven, Kihyun checked the taste from time to time. He went to the living room and tidied up. He went back to the kitchen and tidied the counter, he noticed that his medicines were scattered around the counter and he quickly picked them up, put them inside the cupboard. Hyungwon had already known about his medicines when they used to live together for a while but Kihyun still felt uncomfortable, so he felt the need to hide them. After he hid his medicines, he turned around to continue his housework but stopped right on the spot. _What if I have an attack when he is here?_

The raven felt a harsh wave of paranoia hit his body completely, made him shiver as his blood went cold. He slowly gulped down and tried to take deep breaths. He could feel his hands start to tremble as his eyes locked to a void point. _He will call me crazy, won’t he? I will have an attack, they will come to me when he is here and he will tell me I’m crazy, right?_ While his paranoid thoughts were making him feel suffocated, he nearly jumped with the sound of the doorbell. He turned his head to the direction the sound came from and steadied his quick breaths. He walked towards the door and opened, his friend was in front of him with a slightly sleepy smile as he uttered a quiet ‘hi’ to him.

He was wearing his usual ripped black skinny jeans and an oversized black t-shirt with a leather jacket. Kihyun smiled and stepped back, opening the door wider and let him inside. Kihyun watched him while he was taking off his boots, his hair was a little damp, his roots were completely visible when he bent down and his hair looked messy as it could be understood that he didn’t even bother to fix his hair before coming here. Hyungwon looked at the shorter, studied him. He was in his usual look, wearing a black, first buttons were open shirt and black skinny jeans. _Probably he just came from school,_ he thought. Hyungwon stopped going to school ever since that incident and he didn’t remember the schedule clearly so he just guessed.

He walked towards the living room and took off his jacket, threw it onto the couch and sat on the couch with his thin, long legs crossed. “Still can’t smoke in your house?” he asked. Kihyun went to the kitchen to check the foods as he yelled, “No, you can’t.”

“Why?” he whined loudly, leaning his back to the couch as he grimaced and sighed. He heard sounds of plates from the kitchen and then Kihyun yelled back. “No means no, it stinks.” Hyungwon rolled his eyes and started to look around the house silently. Every corner of the house was clean and tidied up. The house he lived was a complete mess and there were trash, cigarette ash, beer cans everywhere and no one was bothered to clean. No one was _sober enough_ to clean the house, to be exact. “Dinner is ready, Hyungwon.” Hyungwon got up with his friend’s voice and went to the kitchen.

He entered the kitchen and sniffed the air softly. “Did you?..”

“Pork ribs,” Kihyun completed his guess. Hyungwon smiled brightly and Kihyun couldn’t help but smiled back as he sat on the table. “I know you like pork.” Hyungwon quickly sat in front of him and they started to eat. It had been a while since Hyungwon ate homemade food. They usually brought takeouts and sometimes they didn’t even actually eat a whole day. Kihyun could see that Hyungwon had lost so much weight since they stopped living together. He even seemed like he had lost weight since Kihyun last saw him. The raven broke the silence with a question that made the blond raise his head. “Will you stay here tonight?”

Hyungwon stared at him with a nervous look, he looked like he was thinking but also looked a little nervous because of his question. “I... I didn’t even bring any clothes,” he made up an excuse, escaping from the smaller’s gaze.

“I have large sized pajamas, Hyungwon. Come to me with better excuses.” Hyungwon laughed nervously as he leaned back and put his chopsticks onto the table. “I don’t know.” _I don’t know how long I can stay sober enough without any cravings._ “You know...” Hyungwon tried to explain what kept him from staying with Kihyun but Kihyun interrupted while his eyes looked down and his voice was quiet.

“I understand,” he began. “I just can’t sleep. Sounds quite pathetic but... I can’t stand staying alone these days,” his voice got quieter at the end of the sentence as he told the blond the situation. Hyungwon stared at him with a serious face then nodded with empathy, “Okay then.”

Kihyun’s face lit up with his answer and he slightly smiled as he snapped his head up and looked at him. They continued eating and when finished, the blond thanked him for the food. “I haven’t eaten much for a while. Not homemade, to be exact.” Kihyun smiled in anticipation and nodded, “I know, that’s why I wanted to cook for you. You look skinnier than before.”

A sad smile plastered on the blond’s face, then he quickly got up. “Can I at least smoke in the kitchen with the window open? I really need it.” His plea made Kihyun roll his eyes and he went to open the kitchen’s window. “Don’t ever step a centimeter away from the window.” Hyungwon smirked in victory and went to the window with a cigarette between his lips. He lit the cigarette and breathed out the smoke outside. He watched as Kihyun started to pick up the plates from the table and put them into the dishwasher. “Thanks for the help, by the way,” he said sarcastically.

Hyungwon dragged a long breath with a smirk and breathed inside the smoke into his lungs, letting the rest outside of the window. “You know I suck at it,” he uttered while Kihyun was shaking his head. Hyungwon clicked the cigarette and let the ash fall down from the building to the ground as he watched the scene. There were high buildings with many floors and sounds of cars, horns could be slightly heard. He quietly enjoyed the city center’s aura as he continued smoking. He hardly visited the city center, he usually hung out in his neighborhood, the town he was living and the bars, night clubs around there. City center would have felt luxury for him if it hadn’t been for Kihyun. _What would a junkie do here,_ he thought usually. He realized his cigarette came to its end as he drowned in his thoughts. He quickly threw it and closed the window. He saw Kihyun wasn’t in the kitchen and the kitchen was all clean while Hyungwon was thinking deeply. He went to the living room and saw his friend sitting on the couch peacefully.

“So, will you give me your spare pajamas?” Hyungwon asked. Kihyun turned his head to him and quickly got up to go to his bedroom. The blond followed him and waited for him to give him a pair of pajamas that could fit him. The raven got out after Hyungwon thanked him and the blond started to take off his clothes. When he took off his t-shirt he saw his reflection in the wardrobe’s mirror. He could even count his ribs, he indeed got skinnier and when he held his waist with his both hands, his hands almost touched. He had purple and bruises from malnutrition and drugs around his waist and upper arms on his pale white skin while his inner elbows had many needle marks that some were new and some were old. The place where he pierced last night turned dark purple and it slightly hurt when he touched.

He didn’t have makeup since he was going to his friend’s house. His bruises and chappy skin were visible along with the dark purple circles under his eyes. _I look like a dead body forgotten to be buried_ , he chuckled at his thought while still looking at his reflection in the mirror. Then he remembered something out of nowhere.

_Hoseok said I looked beautiful._

He felt awkward with the thought and felt a warmth on his cheeks so he shook his head and unbuckled his belt, started to take off his pants. He also looked at his legs, realized they got skinnier too. There were more purple bruises, mostly on his kneecaps. He didn’t want to look at his figure and quickly wore the pajamas Kihyun gave him then got out of the bedroom. Kihyun had also changed his clothes, probably in another room and was waiting him. “Took you long.”

“I move like a turtle, you know.” They both giggled at the blond’s words. Hyungwon took his place next to the raven’s and sat beside him. “So?”

“We can watch movies if you want,” Kihyun suggested and Hyungwon nodded right away. Kihyun took his laptop in his lap and opened it, searching through the list of the movies as Hyungwon got up and walked to the kitchen. “You don’t have any alcohol, do you?” he asked as he opened the fridge and skimmed over.

“Have you ever seen me drinking? No, I don’t,” Kihyun answered loudly as he continued looking at the movies to watch. Hyungwon sighed and grabbed some water, he didn’t know how long he could endure without any alcohol nor cigarettes. He went back to the couch and looked at the laptop’s screen together with Kihyun. “What are we watching?”

“Not horror movies.”

“Boring,” Hyungwon groaned as he drank from his water. “John Wick, maybe?” Kihyun asked. The blond shrugged and looked at the raven. “Both films?”

“Why not?”

“Okay for me,” he accepted. _I hope it will distract me for hours._

They started to watch the movies until midnight and luckily, Hyungwon didn’t feel any cravings besides than a slight weakness and trembling in his hands. He tried hard to focus on the movie but he felt cold and shivered uncontrollably. Kihyun realized his friend was shivering and handed him the laptop while he went to the bedroom and brought a blanket, wrapped it around the thin body of the blond. “There is no need...” Hyungwon murmured softly but then, “There is,” Kihyun said louder with a demanding tone and took back the laptop, continued watching together.

When both films were over, they sat together and Kihyun put the laptop aside, watching the blond. “Are you okay?” he asked. Hyungwon nodded quickly as he snuggled into the blanket. “Yeah, I feel okay.”

“Let’s talk. I missed talking with you. I... don’t even speak unless I’m talking with you,” Kihyun told him with a smile that caused Hyungwon smile too. He took a deep breath and stared at the raven. Feeling a little awkward because he didn’t know how to start a casual conversation, so he threw a simple question to him. “How’s school?”

“What?”

“Since I don’t go to school anymore, tell me,” he asked and realized Kihyun felt a little tense but the raven quickly shook off the feeling and answered his question. “School is same as always... What do you expect?..”

“You used to freak out sometimes when we were in school,” Hyungwon said connotatively, raising an eyebrow. “Come on, not any single thing that is exciting?”

Kihyun averted his gaze downwards and cleared his throat. “Actually... There is something,” Hyungwon’s eyes glistened and he leaned closer to the raven with curiosity and excitement. “I’m all ears?”

“Since you’re my best and... only friend, I should tell you,” Kihyun began and he had already started to feel anxious about it. He felt tiny drops of sweat started to form on his forehead as he tried to spill the words to his awaiting friend but he couldn’t.

“There’s someone you like?” Hyungwon stated and caused Kihyun instantly blush with embarrassment as he shook his head quickly to both sides. “N-no!”

“Yes!” Hyungwon exclaimed in victory and stared at him with a wide smirk along with bright wide eyes full of curiosity and excitement, impatience added. Kihyun looked at his crossed legs and sighed in defeat, still feeling the wide, excited eyes on him and felt the need to explain. There was no going back when it comes to Hyungwon. “Okay okay. Yes, there is.”

“Tell me.”

“You probably won’t like to hear it,” Kihyun murmured.

“Why? I want to! I didn’t know you would like someone,” the blond giggled and Kihyun glared at him with narrowed eyes. Hyungwon quickly retreated and shook his hands, “No, I mean... You’re full of pride and all... You’re not like anyone who would like anyone easily. Don’t get me wrong,” Hyungwon explained as Kihyun felt bad and more anxious. He didn’t know how to tell nor what to tell anymore. He took a long and deep breath, then he started to talk with a quiet, murmuring voice. “He is... our— my teacher. Lee Minhyuk.”

“What?” Hyungwon stared at him but his eyes were wide with disappointment and shock this time. “That Minhyuk?” he exclaimed.

“Please don’t even start,” Kihyun asked him politely with a shy voice. He was playing with his fingers and his figure looked like a child that did something wrong. “I know you don’t like him, but I do.” Hyungwon couldn’t help but started to laugh hysterically. He couldn’t believe his ears that his best friend liked the worst person he had ever seen. And he was his teacher. “Minhyuk? Really? That prick? I don’t want to upset you but he looks like a whiny ass bitch bottom, you know.”

Kihyun snapped his head up and stared at the blond in disbelief, he felt his cheeks burned and he slapped his upper arm hard, “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!” Hyungwon laughed harder even if his arm hurt by his slap, while Kihyun kept staring at him all flustered and with pink cheeks. “I’m serious, he does look like a bottom. You too. You can try a lesbian sex maybe,” he said as he laughed, wrapping an arm around his stomach while laughing. Kihyun hit him harder and hit him multiple times as he kept saying “shut up,” over and over again while he felt suffocated because of the embarrassment that the conversation caused. “What?” Hyungwon said between his breaths and laughs. “Don’t you ever think about it?”

“Think about what?” Kihyun asked, he was still mad at him besides his embarrassment.

“Sexual things with him, you know.” Hyungwon winked with a mischievous smile. Kihyun raised his hand to hit him again but Hyungwon raised both his hands to shield himself. “Hey, hey! Just asking~”

“No,” Kihyun denied with a stern voice. He really didn’t have any thoughts with him. He couldn’t even meet his gaze, how could he dream about sexual things with him? The thought of it even made him shiver. “I don’t and never did. Stop that.”

“I’m just curious. I mean... If you love or like someone, you’ll eventually imagine or fantasize something sexual with them,” Hyungwon said with a softer tone. Kihyun rolled his eyes and brought his hand to his temples, rubbing slowly and tenderly. “Can we talk about something else? Please,” he asked but sounded more like he demanded. Hyungwon didn’t push further and stayed silent. Kihyun raised his head and looked at him. He didn’t look mad and his features looked calmer. “Your turn,”

“Me?” Hyungwon looked at him with a slight surprise. He looked dumbfounded. “I... You know my life has nothing much exciting.”

“Don’t you have anyone? Still?” Kihyun asked. “Anyone you’re talking or seeing?” The question made Hyungwon avert his eyes shyly as he sat on the couch, pulled his thin legs closer to his chest. Kihyun understood from his body language that he was right. “Aha!”

“No.”

“Yes,” Kihyun smirked.

“No,” Hyungwon insisted with a nervous stare but the raven wasn’t buying it. They stared each other and then the blond sighed in defeat. It was no use lying to Kihyun, he was so keen that he could easily understand whenever Hyungwon lied or hid something from him. “Okay.”

“I knew it,” Kihyun straightened up with a proud face and smiled wider. “Tell me about him.”

“What do you want me to tell you?”

“About him.” Hyungwon giggled slightly and looked away while playing with the blanked and Kihyun surprised with this behavior. “Are you being shy right now?” he asked in disbelief.

“No... I’m... not?” Hyungwon tried to lie without making an eye contact, waiting for him to buy it.

“You’re being shy,” Kihyun murmured. “You never get shy about these things.” He smiled softly and that excited him more about the guy he was seeing because of Hyungwon’s behavior.

“I met someone,” Hyungwon uttered forcefully, playing with his tattooed fingers as his voice was quiet. Kihyun was staring at him as a sign for him to continue. “And?” Hyungwon couldn’t help but laughed nervously. He brought one of his hands to his hair and slightly brushed his bleached hair then continued playing with his fingers. “How is he like?”

“He is good,” the blond whispered softly. He didn’t realize he was smiling to himself.

“Come on Hyungwon,” Kihyun whined with disappointment. “Tell me, I told you. Now your turn.”

“I don’t know...”

“Hyungwon,” Kihyun pouted while insisting. “Do you love him?”

“What? No,” the blond denied quickly. He looked away from him as he shook his head. “Do you like him then?” the raven asked him with a softer voice. The blond didn’t deny this time and turned his head slowly to his friend but he wasn’t looking at him. “I... don’t know.”

“You do.”

“I said I don’t know,” the blond corrected. Kihyun smiled with an eyeroll then he asked another question. “Tell me about this boy. Come on, I wanna know about him.”

“He... is not a boy.”

“Huh?” Kihyun didn’t expect such an answer. Hyungwon slowly met his gaze with a shy expression and shrugged. “He is not a boy. He is ten years older than me.” Kihyun’s eyes widened and he thought for a second before he said something about it. _I hope you didn’t meet him by those dirty ways, Hyungwon._ “What? Like... Sugar daddy or something...”

“NO.” He made the other startle and look at him with surprise. Kihyun remained quiet and waited for him to continue without asking any questions. “He is not... anything like that.”

“How did you meet?”

“At the bar,” he answered shortly. “He... helped me.” Hyungwon’s eyes saddened and he pulled the blanked on himself closer. He quietly murmured “twice” but didn’t expect Kihyun to hear.

“Twice?” Kihyun asked.

“Oh... I... He... Some drunk men were trying to reach me and he got me out of the bar. That’s how we met,” Hyungwon told him quickly. His eyes were wandering everywhere except for the raven’s face. Kihyun could understand that there was something that Hyungwon wasn’t telling him and the raven could understand it easily from his body language. “And?..” Kihyun emphasized again and tilted his head slightly, waiting for him to spill more. “Is he handsome? Is he nice? Do tell, You’re not telling anything at all,” Kihyun pleaded with a sad face while Hyungwon was still nervous and his eyes were still sad. He looked depressive unlike a couple of minutes ago.

Hyungwon smiled slightly with a sad expression, his eyes narrowed while the corners of his lips turned into that smile again. “Yes he is. He is handsome and nice,” he said. “You probably know him. Everyone knows him in South Korea I think.”

“What?”

“He is a CEO,” Hyungwon murmured, “of a big company. I even searched his name and quickly found almost everything about him.” Kihyun looked at the blond in awe, didn’t expect such status. “How did you find someone like him?”

“He found me,” Hyungwon’s voice got quieter as memories came back to him little by little. “At that bar.” Kihyun watched him space out, staring blankly at the blanket. He put his hand on the blond’s thin, pale and cold hands and leaned to his face. “Hyungwon,” he looked at him. “Is there something you want to tell me?” Hyungwon looked at him for a second then escaped from his gaze by looking down again. “No.”

“Are you sure?” Kihyun could tell that something was wrong with him, something that was there Hyungwon was keeping inside and the raven didn’t want to guess. “You said he helped you twice.”

“He did.”

“How did he help you?” Hyungwon was still remaining silent and that made Kihyun feel much more paranoid about his guess. The blond took a shaky breath and withdrew his hand from Kihyun and put them under the blanket. “I...”

“Why didn’t you tell me? When did that happen? What... exactly happened?” Kihyun asked continuously. Hyungwon wasn’t even looking at him, “Two weeks ago, I think.”

“Two weeks ago?” Kihyun repeated his words louder, he still denied to believe what he was facing. He had just learned that his friend encountered with such incident two weeks ago and Kihyun was the last to know and he didn’t even know what exactly happened. “He... He found you, you said. Did he get you out of there? Like, saved you, right?” Hyungwon could anticipate his panic and anxious behavior, smiled while looking down at the blanket.

“He found me when they had been already finished with me.”

“They?..” Kihyun felt his blood run cold inside his veins, he swallowed down as he stared at the sad figure of his friend with a completely shocked expression. “What did they do to you?” he asked but he sounded quieter than he expected. Hyungwon didn’t answer his question, only stared at the blank space with a pair of teary eyes. Kihyun felt like he couldn’t breathe, he reached under the blanked and took his hands firmly again. “Hyungwon,” he looked at him and the blond looked at him too. “I’m... so sorry.”

Hyungwon smiled sadly but tried not to look that way, “Don’t be,” his voice cracked at the end. “I deserved it.”

“No,” Kihyun protested. “No one deserves something like that.”

“I do,” he insisted. His voice was so quiet that Kihyun felt a heaviness in his chest, “I’m... a prostitute. It’s normal for someone like me, right?”

“No, it’s not.” Kihyun shook his head as he looked at him with firm eyes. “It’s not right, Hyungwon.”

“It would have been good if they had thrown some money after they finished,” Hyungwon chuckled as he blinked a few times, looking at the ceiling to prevent himself from crying. Kihyun couldn’t help but started to yell. “No!” Hyungwon startled and looked at his friend with teary and surprised eyes, he continued. “It wouldn’t have been good. You don’t deserve what they... did to you. No one deserves that, okay? Being a prostitute doesn’t mean anyone can touch you whether you want or not. How... How can you say that?” Kihyun was breathing heavily with shaking breaths and his expression was a mixture of shock and disappointment. He was mad too, rightfully. Hyungwon looked down, shrugged softly with the same smile on his face.

“Hoseok... saw me like this. He knows what I’m doing for a living. He knows... what they did to me. I wish he didn’t ever see me. I wouldn’t want to meet someone in a rape aftermath situation.” Kihyun cringed at the ‘rape aftermath’ words unintentionally, couldn’t nor didn’t want to imagine his friend in that situation. “I... don’t know what to say, Hyungwon.” Kihyun finally spoke. Hyungwon was still staring blankly down the blanket. Every time Kihyun felt sorry, Hyungwon smiled sadly. Kihyun was the only person who knew about what he had been doing for a living but now Hoseok knew too. And the way he found out wasn’t quite pretty. “It’s okay. I... don’t mind.”

“How can you say ‘I don’t mind’ about such a thing Hyungw—“

“I can.” Hyungwon interrupted his friend’s worried exclamation. He was sadly calm, he wasn’t crying despite his teary eyes and he wasn’t even looked terrified like before. He literally forced himself to get used to it. “My body isn’t as valuable as it was before. I... don’t care anymore, you know.”

“Hyungwon...”

“We should sleep,” he closed the topic sharply with a stern and louder voice. “I talked too much.”

“It’s okay,” Kihyun looked at him with a soft gaze. “You can talk to me all you want.” Hyungwon smiled at him then got up. “Where do I sleep?” he asked as he glanced around. Kihyun averted his gaze then murmured shyly, “Can we sleep together?..”

“Together?” Hyungwon left dumbfounded at the request. Kihyun would never wanted such thing.

“I told you I can’t sleep,” he chuckled nervously. Hyungwon smiled again and walked to the bedroom without saying anything. Seeing that the blond was going to the bedroom, the raven followed him and went to the bedroom too. He lifted the blankets and they got into the same bed together, their backs turned to each other as they exchanged ‘good night’s.

“Is it okay if the lights are left on?” Kihyun asked. Hyungwon hummed slightly then murmured an ‘okay’ under his breath as he continued his sleep. Meanwhile the blond drifted into his deep sleep, Kihyun was still thinking about his friend, what happened and his words... They all stormed inside his head as he closed his eyes and tried to sleep. He turned his back and slightly snuggled to the blond’s thin figure, wrapped an arm behind him and hugged him softly as the raven was still feeling sad about the things he had just found out. Hyungwon felt someone was hugging him and he blinked open his eyes for a second, realized that it was Kihyun who was hugging him, smiled sheepishly then drifted back to sleep along with his brown haired friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for your patience by the way. Since I am back in my hometown, I’ll try to update weekly and as much as possible. Don’t forget to leave kudos/comment and have a nice day! :)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick update, since I wasn’t able to update for a while and consider this chapter as a compensation. :)

Hyungwon woke up with a painful ache in his entire body, his eyes opened shot and he gasped in pain. He curled up in the bed and pulled his legs to himself, wrapping his arms around them. He looked around with his eyes and realized that it was already morning and he was alone in the room. _Kihyun’s_ room. He forced his aching body to slowly get up, he winced in pain as he felt another painful strike around his body. He should’ve known, that he had been sober almost for a day and his cravings had already started. He dragged himself out of the bed and went out of the room with shaky legs. He searched for his clothes but there were nowhere to be found.

He picked up his phone from the coffee table to text his friend but saw a familiar name texted him, _Hoseok._ He had texted him a “good morning” with a smiley at the end that made the blond smile despite the cramps and painful aches around his entire body. He quickly messaged him back then called Kihyun, it was declined. He tried calling again but same thing happened. Hyungwon angrily took the phone in his both hand as they shook, tried texting him.

_Where the fuck are my clothes?_

He waited for him to text back, as he was waiting, he couldn’t stand on his feet anymore so he sat on the couch with his phone in his hands. He started to feel panicked as he leaned his forehead to his phone, feeling that he was sweating while he was shivering like he was left in a cold weather. He closed his eyes, the house was silent except for the blond’s shaky breaths and sniffs. He heard his phone buzzed and he snapped his head up with wide eyes.

_In washer._

Hyungwon gave out a sigh in annoyance and replied him, his hands were shaking so much that he was struggling to hold his phone in his hands properly. _I need to leave._ Kihyun was probably at school, it was 11AM after all. The blond remembered what happened last time he had gone to school, he felt more panicked since he didn’t take anything more than twelve hours. He was getting scared that the same thing would happen to him if he didn’t make it home in time. Another message distracted him from his thoughts and he looked at his phone, realized that his vision was slightly darkening. _Wear my clothes then. Your clothes are probably damp._ Hyungwon rolled his eyes and typed quickly, then threw his phone to the other side of the couch. Unaware of a reply to his message.

_Your clothes are short for me. Great._

_Short? Go to hell._

Hyungwon started to pace around the house, his eyes are whirling around everywhere and his steps were so unsteady that he kept bumping into the furniture. He ducked down suddenly with a yelp as he felt a painful cramp in his sides, clenching his teeth as he waited for the pain to ease. He slowly straightened up with a sigh in relief, rushed to the kitchen and opened the fridge, searching for something. _Come on Kihyun, don’t you ever have any alcohol?_ He skimmed over the things in the fridge and slammed it shut when he couldn’t found anything. Something clicked in the blond’s mind and he looked at the drawers one by one, cluttering everything inside them. He even dropped one drawer to the floor, cursing under his breath as he thought Kihyun would kill him when he came home but he wasn’t able to think much in that situation. He stared at the drawer on the ground as his body was trembling uncontrollably, he felt like throwing up for a moment then he fell on his knees with a cough. He took deep breaths to regain his balance to stand up again, holding onto the counter he stood up despite his weak legs and opened the cupboards and found Kihyun’s medications. He quickly took them and looked at their names, their prescriptions with trembling hands as he tried to keep them still in his hands. He wanted to find something opiate, something that has same effect as drugs but they were not he was searching for so he left them in counter and got out of the kitchen, leaving the mess behind.

He went to Kihyun’s bedroom and opened the wardrobe forcefully. He skimmed over the clothes in hangers, sighed as he thought, _These are too fancy for me._ The blond turned around and went out of the bedroom to go to the bathroom, he walked with sloppy steps towards the bathroom and entered the black and white tiled bathroom, opened the washing machine, picking up his clothes. They were not completely wet, a little damp. He saw the blow dryer next to the bathroom cabinet and took it in his hand, turned it on and started to dry his clothes by himself.

He was coughing and sweating more as he waited for his clothes to dry, he kept sniffing as he had a runny nose. The blond felt an unbearable pain in his bones and he turned off the dryer, started to take off the pajamas and wore his clothes even if there were some damp spots. He couldn’t take the pain and he was afraid that it could get even worse. He quickly left the bathroom and put on his leather jacket, his boots and took his phone. He quickly left the house and didn’t even waited for the elevator, ran downstairs. When he got out of the building and marched towards the direction where the bus stop was he saw a police car and he gasped, his body acted on its own and he swiftly turned around then hid behind a wall of a random building. He could feel his heart was beating in his ears as he leaned to the cold concrete wall.

He breathed in and out deeply, his body was still aching but he was scared of stepping further since there were a couple of police officers. He didn’t have anything on himself nor in his system but from the appearance, it was clear that he was a drug addict. He brought his hand to his jacket’s hood and pulled it over his head. He took a deep breath and walked carefully to the bus stop with quick steps and little peeks over the police officers. He put his trembling hands inside his pockets and clenched them into fists as he tried to endure his spasms over his entire body. When the bus came, he quickly got on and sat on the last backseat next to the window.

During the road, people glanced at him suspiciously and worriedly because of his shaky breaths and shivering body. He pulled his legs to his stomach and leaned to the window, pulled the hood to his face since he didn’t want to see the glances nor the glares on himself. He wrapped his long, thin arms around himself because he felt extremely cold although he was sweating. And when he arrived, Hyungwon waited everyone to get off the bus, then he slowly got up and walked to the exit gate of the bus by holding onto the poles. He threw himself out of the bus, not caring about the driver’s eyes on him.

He was still hugging himself because of the cold feeling and the cramps around his sides. Although his legs were shaking, he forced himself to run. The cold breeze hit his face and dried the sweat on his face and the tears around his eyes. A tiny smile appeared on his lips as he reached to his house, he quickly get inside the building and luckily, the door was open again. But a feeling in his guts suddenly sent a shiver in his body. _Do I have any H?_ He ran to the bedroom and cluttered the drawers, his desk to find any pack of heroin and second by second, his panic grew stronger.

He found a tiny pack inside his old jacket as he searched inside his wardrobe, a sigh left his body and he quickly grabbed his injector and spoon to prepare the substance. He felt lucky that his hands were steady enough to hold the spoon and the injector properly. The blond wrapped his belt around his upper arm and tied it firmly, held the needle before he took a deep breath and pierced his skin with it. He didn’t waste any more time and injected the liquid substance inside his veins. Hyungwon felt his body relaxed, his muscles eased and he didn’t feel any pain in his bones. He only felt a strong feeling of rapture and his body felt numb. He leaned back and laid on the bed, he wasn’t aware of the injector that still had been in his vein until it hurt when he moved. He slowly pulled it out and put it on the bed stand, pulling his legs to the bed as he couldn’t even open his eyes to take off his jacket nor boots. So, he slowly let himself drift into sleep as his breaths slowed down.

 

Kihyun was in class when Hyungwon tried to call him twice. He had to decline his calls because it was Lee Minhyuk’s class. Luckily, he had a break and Kihyun had a chance to look at his phone. They texted each other, Kihyun got a little annoyed when his friend called him indirectly ‘short’. When he put his phone on the desk, a girl approached him and smiled sincerely. He felt awkward and smiled forcefully.

“Hi,” the girl greeted him. Kihyun was looking at her thoughtfully. _What was her name..._ There was a short silence between them as the raven remembered the female’s name. _Park Eunie, I think._

“There is a school trip next week. We are the arrangers, would you like to attend?” she asked. Kihyun felt his anxiety come up as he cleared his throat, averted his gaze from the girl. He straightened up and plastered a forced but sincere smile on his face as he started to speak. “I... am sorry. But I don’t think I can.”

“Very well,” she nodded then started to leave while mumbling something under her breath. Kihyun could guess what she would be saying. Probably about how arrogant he was, how socially awkward, conceited he was and he didn’t care about any of them. He wasn’t the type of person who could spend time with his classmates in school trips. He locked himself in his own world entirely and wouldn’t let anyone in. He could still feel their whispers but kept himself distracted with his notes.

After their break, their teacher came back to the classroom and Kihyun felt goosebumps suddenly. He quickly lowered his head and secretly glanced at the teacher from the corner of his eyes. He was wearing a black velvet blazer and a gray silk shirt in it. The shirt had two buttons open and the teacher’s collarbones could be seen clearly. He wore his usual black pants and black Oxfords. _How could you wear something like that in school?_ Kihyun stared at the teacher’s clothing in disbelief, unaware of the fact that the course had already begun.

Professor Lee continued his lecture from where he had left and the class was silent as always since they were afraid of him, afraid to risk themselves. Minhyuk was the type of teacher that could fail a student at their slightest mistake and everyone in the class would pay utmost attention to his classes. Kihyun was always careful at his classes, his grades were high and he was always taking notes. He was always like this at every classes but _his_ classes were special. The raven had a separate notebook for the notes, always prepared for the next class and his sudden quizzes.

“I didn’t quite get it,” he heard from the back of the class. The professor stopped, he stared at the student who interrupted him. Kihyun stopped taking notes as Minhyuk stopped lecturing. He didn’t straightened up and look at the student who interrupted the course, he just stared at his notebook and glanced at the professor sometimes. “What is it exactly you didn’t get? I’m sure I made it clear,” Minhyuk said with a stern voice. The entire class was silent and staring at the professor or that student.

“The last topic,” the student replied. He grew nervous by the second as Minhyuk kept glaring at him. He was leaning to the dais and crossing his arms on his chest. Sighing, the blond teacher put his hands on his pockets and slowly walked towards the desk his student was sitting. “You have the materials for the last topic, right?” He nodded, Minhyuk stopped. “Good, because I won’t repeat myself,” he quickly returned to his dais and continued lecturing the next topic. Kihyun could hear some quiet giggles but he wasn’t bothered with them and kept taking notes.

The class ended and almost everyone left the class. Professor Lee was checking some papers and his things while Kihyun was gathering his books. He picked up his notebook in his hand and walked towards the door but his moves stopped by a voice behind him and the owner of the voice was so unexpected for him. “Kihyun, wait a second.”

While the rest of the students were leaving, Kihyun slowly turned around and faced the teacher. He slowly walked closer to him as he got goosebumps everywhere. He was still looking down although he was standing straight, he clutched his notebook on his chest that his knuckles turned white. He didn’t know why he asked for him to stay but it was enough for him to feel extremely anxious. Minhyuk smiled at the student standing right in front of him. The raven wasn’t even looking at him but the blond teacher was smiling at him with directly looking eyes. “Not even any eye contact with your teacher?” he asked playfully. Kihyun cleared his throat and apologized with a whisper as he tried to look at him with a quick glance. Minhyuk smiled and nodded as if he understood that there was no use.

“Can I ask something?” he began. Kihyun didn’t say anything, using the silence as an accept to his question. Minhyuk leaned to the chair behind the dais and stared at the raven while he crossed his legs and entwined his fingers on his lap. “You’re pretty. What is your sexual orientation?” he asked abruptly.

The question cause Kihyun snap his head up to look at the teacher with his ears and cheeks turn pink as they felt warm. His eyes got wider in shock as he opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. “I-I...” he stuttered quietly. His voice was more like a whisper and Minhyuk chuckled, only to make the raven avert his gaze anywhere but him.

“I’m just kidding, calm down.” Minhyuk watched his reactions as he continued smiling at the younger. Kihyun glanced at him shortly with a nervous expression once again, then he looked down. Minhyuk couldn’t help but found it quite interesting and funny how he reacted about his question. “I was going to tell you that your grades are good, you are always prepared for my classes and taking notes for every single thing. But I want to see you in act more,” the professor continued. Kihyun was still in shock, he couldn’t listen to his teacher’s words completely. “You should attend more, taking notes and getting good grades are not enough.” Kihyun just nodded quietly. Minhyuk was still smiling slyly as he examined him. Then he cleared his throat, causing him to glance at himself for a second. “You may leave now,” and he watched his student rush out of the class.

Kihyun ran, literally ran until he got out of the faculty building as adrenaline, panic and anxiety were taking over his body. He hugged his notebooks tightly to his chest as he arrived to the bus stop and buried his face to the cover of the notebook, pressing his warm cheeks to the cold, hard cover of the notebook. He could feel that his hands were shaking and his legs felt like jelly. He caught the bus and got on quickly before it left, sat on the seat and tried to steady his breathing.

_He probably knows._

_He realized now._

_What do I do now?_

He could even see from the window’s reflection that his cheeks were still pink and he was sweating. His makeup ran, his eyeshadow ran down under his eyes since he had sweated. Kihyun slowly pressed his head to the cold window and sighed as the vehicle set off, closed his eyes to calm himself down. He couldn’t shake off the paranoid thoughts since he was thinking too much but he wasn’t wrong though. _You’re pretty._ He felt his breath hitch in his throat for a second again. _What is your sexual orientation?_ Kihyun shook his head swiftly and watched outside, tried to focus on anything else besides _Lee Minhyuk,_ but he couldn’t.

The bus stopped at the city center and Kihyun got off. He didn’t go directly to his apartment. Instead, he went to Starbucks and got himself a coffee. He was feeling extremely tired but he needed fresh air and coffee at that moment and didn’t even find the strength to make his own coffee, so he wanted to buy it. He went to the terrace of the cafe and sat on a chair, put his coffee on the table, next to his notebook. He brought his hand to his forehead and slowly massaged his temples, closing his eyes.

Kihyun had _loved_ that man since the first time he had seen him. He was their new teacher at the faculty and he assigned their university this year. The raven couldn’t take his eyes off of him since their first class with him in the beginning of the year, despite his sneaky and arrogant behavior, his scary discipline. Kihyun wasn’t the type of someone who could like anyone easily just like Hyungwon said. He had even thought that he might be asexual until he saw that professor. Whenever they had classes with him, Kihyun couldn’t help but panicked, sweated or felt anxious at the class. He couldn’t even look at his eyes but he even knew he had an uneven blink in his eyes. Every time Minhyuk looked elsewhere and blinked unevenly, Kihyun couldn’t help but smile and found it cute despite the others who found it funny or saw it as a disability. Kihyun had also known that Minhyuk was infamous for being flirtatious with women. He was always seen with other female teachers so close that there would be always so many rumors about him.

_He probably knows me now, doesn’t he?_

_He will refer me to disciplinary._

_I must have revealed myself too much._

_But I didn’t do anything..._

_I can’t even look at his face..._

Kihyun drowned deep into his own thoughts that he forgot he was outside. His eyes were full of tears and staring blankly at the floor, wide with panic and paranoia. He didn’t realize he was pulling his hair between his fingers until his head started to hurt. He let go of his hair and looked around himself. He was afraid that someone noticed him and looking at him awkwardly but no one was looking. He sighed and grabbed his coffee. He kept thinking the same things until he finished his coffee and left the place. Panic and anxiety left their place to fear only now, he was afraid that Minhyuk would be mad at him and do something that would cost pretty bad.

With slow steps and tired legs, Kihyun finally made it to his apartment. He took his keys in his hand and unlocked the door, stepped inside and quickly took off his coat along with his boots. He could see some mess in the kitchen from where he was standing and he quickly rushed to the kitchen. He stood in front of the door and looked at the mess with wide eyes. “What... the hell is this?” he mumbled to himself as he stared at the cluttered drawers and the messy counter. He remembered Hyungwon was in his house, probably he had done it and he knew very well why he would do such thing. He saw the medications he had hidden and quickly picked them and left the mess as it was.

He went to his bedroom with slow steps and took off his Balmain blazer, his gray shirt and black skinny pants. He didn’t even put them aside properly, just threw them onto the chair and pulled up the blankets of his bed. He wore his silky gray pajamas with slow moves and took his medications with the glass of water on the nightstand, then he got inside the bed and threw the blankets over himself. He wrapped and hugged the blankets around himself tightly as he closed his tired eyes. His thoughts wouldn’t leaving him even if he was trying to sleep so he just waited for the medications to show their effects. He stared blankly around the bedroom, pulling his legs to himself and curled inside the bed as he mumbled to himself before falling asleep.

“I fucked up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And lastly, my laptop broke down unfortunately. But I’ll try to update via my phone weekly as far as possible until I get my laptop back fixed. Thanks for your patience and don’t forget to leave kudos/comment. Love you! :)


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a bit late but I tried to make it long. The chapter is mainly about Jooheon and Changkyun -and Jooheon's past- and a little Hyungwonho.  
> Note: Jooheon has no siblings in this AU.

“Have you decided?” Jooheon asked as his black haired friend lit the cigarette between his lips.

Changkyun dragged a long breath from the cigarette and took it between his two fingers, looked at the orange haired older and sighed. “I told you, I wanted a cross.”  He leaned his back to Jooheon’s studio wall and put his other hand inside his pocket. Jooheon was confused, he stared at him and started walking towards him with a sigh. “I get it, yeah. But what kind of cross do you want? Do you have any design in your mind?”  The orange haired asked, receiving an eyeroll in return. “Just a fucking cross, Jooheon,” Changkyun groaned. His cigarette was hanging from his lips as he spoke. “A simple cross on my neck, right under my left ear I think.”

Jooheon stared at where he was talking about and cleared his throat after staring for a couple of seconds, then he turned his head away and took his box of cigarettes from the table in front of the large black couch. Changkyun let the ash fall down into the ashtray as he flicked his finger on the cigarette. Jooheon lit his cigarette and waited for him to decide what to do about his tattoo, still accidentally staring at his neck and quickly turning his head elsewhere. The orange haired male shrugged, took in a long breath from his cigarette and put it on the ashtray. “Okay then, you just want a simple cross under your… ear, on your neck. Am I right?” Jooheon asked to confirm. Changkyun nodded while finishing his cigarette and pressed the end of it onto the glass surface to put out. He put his hands back to his pockets of his black leather jacket, watching his older friend smoking his cigarette. He was sitting on that black couch and crossed his legs. Jooheon lifted his head up and looked at the raven, “Why don’t you sit next to me?” he asked. Changkyun curved his lips and raised his shoulders without saying anything. Meanwhile Jooheon finished smoking and got up, walked past by him. “Follow me,” he murmured, loud enough for Changkyun to hear him and he followed behind him quickly.

They entered into a room and there was a computer with a printer next to it. There were drawings probably belongs to Jooheon around the desk and on the wall. There were tiny post-its around the monitor, some pencils were scattered around the desk and Jooheon sat on the chair and opened some pictures and samples. Changkyun leaned to the screen, next to Jooheon and they both looked at some pictures together. Changkyun softly put his elbow on Jooheon’s shoulder as they continued looking. “They are too fancy or decorated,” he sighed. He skimmed over the pictures and found a simple, black and thin cross somewhere and pointed with his finger excitedly. “There!”

“This?” Jooheon asked while clicking on it. Changkyun nodded. Jooheon downloaded the picture and printed it quickly while Changkyun was waiting the paper to come out from the device. He took it and put it on the desk, grabbed his pen with a special transparent paper and started to draw by putting that paper on the picture. Changkyun was watching him curiously beside him as he was drawing the lines carefully. After he finished, Jooheon straightened up and got up from his desk. Changkyun followed him as he searched for something in the drawer. He turned to his black haired friend, “You can go sit on the chair and wait, I’ll prepare my things,” he said. Changkyun nodded and started to walk towards the black, long chair but stopped by Jooheon’s words. “Are you sober?” he asked. Changkyun waited to think for a second then shrugged. “Yes.”

“Good,” he said. “One more thing. Do you need anesthetic cream? It will hurt.” Changkyun shook his head and continued walking while taking off his leather jacket. “No need.”

He went and sat on the chair, leaned his back and unbuttoned first two buttons of his black shirt. Meanwhile Jooheon put on a pair of black gloves on his hands and took his devices with him, he stood next to Changkyun and he had a cream in his hand with the paper. Changkyun turned his head to the side to reveal his neck more and the other slowly brought his hand to apply the cream and slowly pressed the paper on his skin with his hand and waited a little, to make sure the drawing copied on his skin. He took it off, gave a little mirror to the raven for him to look at its place. He nodded with a slight smile to confirm that it was okay. And then, Jooheon prepared his machine and put a new needle on it. “You sure you don’t need any anesthetic?”

“I don’t.”

Jooheon took a deep breath and sat next to him, he wasn’t aware that he didn’t released the breath he had taken yet as he put one of his hand on Changkyun’s chest. He started to draw, it was a small and thin cross near under his ear and Changkyun couldn’t help but slightly winced as soon as he felt the needle pierced his skin. Jooheon felt nervous, slightly light-headed as he was closer to the raven’s neck. He could feel the hint of cigarette in his perfume and despite the gloves he could guess that his skin was softer than it looked. He tried hard for his hand not to tremble; he continuously held his breath and focused on the tattoo. While Changkyun, bit his lower lip hard and narrowed his eyes as the needle hurt his skin. He realized the orange haired straighten up, letting a long breath. “I finished the outer lines,” he stated.

Changkyun sighed and looked at him, Jooheon couldn’t help but giggled. “I told you it would hurt.”

“It didn’t,” Changkyun lied. Jooheon looked sweaty; he swiped them off with his sleeve and stared at him as if he didn’t believe. “It bled a little, but it’s okay. I’ll paint the inner now, okay?” Changkyun nodded, he was looking other side and Jooheon was facing his bare neck. He leaned down and got closer again, continued his work while realizing the other’s slight flinches and winces in pain but tried to ignore. He could hear him whimper softly because of how close he was to him. Jooheon swallowed hard and stopped for a second. He felt awkward that Changkyun’s reactions, being this close to him made him feel hot and awkward. He blinked a few times and continued, forced himself to focus on his work and tried not to think anything else until he was finished.

After Jooheon finished; Changkyun straightened up and took the mirror, looked at the tattoo by tilting his neck to the side as Jooheon reached to him with his hand and applied some cream on the tattoo but Changkyun flinched because of the sudden feeling and hissed. “There is no need,” he looked at Jooheon’s hand and averted his stare to his face with a pained look. Jooheon shook his head and continued applying the cream, “Yes, there is.” Changkyun reluctantly waited for him to finish applying the cream while wincing and hissing softly, still looking at the mirror to see the tattoo and watch Jooheon taking care of it. When he finished, Jooheon put the gloves and the needle into the trash and returned to him. “So?”

“I liked it,” he smiled. “Thank you.”

“I’m glad you liked it,” Jooheon smiled back as he put his things back to their places and cleaned the room. Changkyun turned to him and sighed, making Jooheon stop and look at him. “Can I drink something now?” Jooheon couldn’t help but laugh at his question. “You know, I can’t help it. It’s biologically a must, to be sober when you get a tattoo. You’re studying science, you probably know it better than me,” he shrugged with a scoff. Changkyun snorted. “As if I’m going to school,” he let out a sigh. “Anyways, shall we drink together?” he requested. Jooheon put his ink on the shelf and smiled at him. “Why not?” and received a smile back from the raven.

“Wait here,” Jooheon told him as he wore his oversized leather jacket on his Thrasher hoodie and checked his wallet. Changkyun nodded and they both walked out of the room, Jooheon got out of the studio as Changkyun sat on the couch and lit a cigarette. He pulled out his phone and opened the front camera, looked at his brand new tattoo and took a couple of pictures. He liked the way it looked and it looked small and simple just like the other tattoos he had. Meanwhile Jooheon walked his way to the side street and went to the little market, bought for Changkyun and himself four beers each and a pack of cigarettes for himself then left. The sky was almost dark while he was walking, the street was empty and the road had hardly cars passing by. He went back to the studio and saw Changkyun leaning his back to the large couch, still looking at his tattoo and that made Jooheon smirk. “You liked it, huh?”

“Shut up,” he murmured and smirked back. Jooheon gave him a can of beer and opened the one in his hand, sat next to him with a deep sigh. Changkyun also opened his can and they started to drink together. “You looked too serious while working,” Changkyun stated suddenly. Jooheon looked at him dumbfounded for a second, then smiled nervously. “Huh? Me?”

“Yeah, you,” Changkyun repeated while took a couple of sips and stared at him while holding the can in his hand. “I couldn’t see you but you were too focused I think.” Jooheon shrugged and brought the can to his mouth. “I should be,” he murmured before taking a large sip. Then he smiled at him playfully. “And you looked quite in pain.”

“What?”

“You heard me,” he pulled out his pack of cigarettes from his pocket and took one from the pack, brought it between his lips. As he was about to grab his lighter, Changkyun gave his own to him. “Fuck off,” he scoffed. Jooheon lit his cigarette and Changkyun too; they continued drinking their beers and smoked. After finishing their second beers together, Changkyun sighed and looked at Jooheon; who could see that he was going to say something. “Have you seen Hyungwon lately?” Changkyun asked, only to receive a shrug from the other. “No, why?”

“I haven’t either. He literally stopped hanging out with us,” he said while letting out the smoky breath and took a sip from his beer; put the can on the table. “First, heroin. Now what?” Jooheon stared at the table blankly, and then curved his lips down with a shrug. “I don’t know,” he murmured and brought his hands up to put the cigarette that was between his two fingers to his pierced lips.

“He wakes up early in the morning, which he never does, and does his makeup… then he leaves. He never tells where he is going.”

“Why do you care?” Jooheon asked him as he turned his head to the raven. He could see his eyebrow piercing from his black bangs, the side of his face looked beautiful to him and the other piercings, chained earrings that covered his ears looked beautiful. Then his eyes averted to his newly made tattoo, the tattoo that he made. He came back to his senses by Changkyun’s deep voice, “I don’t. He feels distant.”

“I don’ know… Maybe he has a boyfriend or something,” Jooheon laughed as he took a large sip from the beer and finished the can, opened his third one. He didn’t realize that Changkyun was looking at him dumbfounded until he turned his head and looked at him. “What?”

“Boyfriend?” he repeated.

“Yes? I mean, I’m not sure but maybe,” he assumed. Changkyun didn’t say anything, finished his cigarette with a long, last breath and put it out on the ashtray. He inhaled the smoke into his lungs and breathed out the remaining, shrugged with a smirk then took the can in his hand. “Is that the guy at the bar?” he scoffed sarcastically. Jooheon shrugged carelessly, continued to drink his beer with an unbothered look on his face. “Why do you care? Do you have feelings for him?”

“What? No… Definitely not,” the raven raised his voice as he shook his head. Jooheon wasn’t looking at him even though Changkyun was looking at him with a disturbed look on his face. He looked like he was annoyed by the thought of him having feelings for Hyungwon. “Then who do you have feelings for?”

Changkyun was perplexed by Jooheon’s question; he slowly turned his face to him. He wasn’t joking or something. His face was serious. “No one?” he answered questioningly, still looking at the other’s serious face. While Jooheon was slightly feeling drunk but he was serious when he asked that question. “Where did that come from?”

“Just asking,” Jooheon smiled, “Don’t you have someone?”

Changkyun lowered his gaze to his hands, looked at his black painted nails and tapped his thin, pale white fingers on the can. “No, I don’t. Why would I?” He cleared his throat and drank from his beer. He reached out to his cigarette pack and saw that only two cigarettes left. Before he could even open his mouth, Jooheon handed him his own and Changkyun took one cigarette from his pack. He put the cigarette between his lips as Jooheon spoke, “Not even anyone?”

“Do you?” Jooheon left dumbfounded for a brief second by his question. While Jooheon was staring at him surprised, Changkyun lit his cigarette and threw the lighter to the table. He finished the beer and opened the new one. “I don’t know… Maybe.”

“Maybe?” Changkyun asked again. “Who?”

“No one,” Jooheon shook his head with a tiny smile and continued drinking. “Just kidding,” he smirked before taking couple of sips and feeling his head a little lighter. Changkyun wasn’t very convinced by his answer and he was still staring at him. “Tell me,” he insisted.

“Really, I don’t have anyone.” Jooheon leaned his back to the large couch and stared at the ceiling. “But you said you have. You said ‘maybe’, didn’t you?” Changkyun asked him again. Jooheon closed his eyes and opened them again. “You got curious?”

“Maybe?” he mocked, making Jooheon smile slightly.

“Maybe one day.”

“Oh? I thought you were going to say something,” Changkyun shrugged and continued drinking. He had already started to feel drunk; he continued to smoke along with his beer as he rested his elbows on his knees while Jooheon was leaning to the couch. He turned his head to the back and looked at him for a second. Jooheon smirked, “Do you want me to be with someone?” Changkyun averted his gaze to elsewhere, raised his shoulders up then let them down. “I… don’t know? What do you want me to say?” He chuckled, feeling awkward with his question.

Jooheon straightened up and put his beer onto the table, he drank almost half of it. He turned his head to Changkyun and examined his face, realizing the awkwardness that he was feeling. “Do you want me to have a lover?” He asked again and Changkyun waited for a bit to adjust the question. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t have any right to say yes or no but he didn’t want to say yes either, he didn’t know why. “Boy or girl?” He asked another question instead, he knew Jooheon was bisexual after all.

“Either,” he answered quickly. Changkyun instantly grimaced, “Ew, girls.”

Jooheon couldn’t help but snorted, looking at him with a smirk while Changkyun was looking like he was about to throw up. “Okay okay, a boy then,” he corrected his guess and Changkyun shrugged with a softer face. “If you will be happy…” he murmured but didn’t finish the sentence. He didn’t know what to say about love or specifically about Jooheon having someone that he loved. The thought of that made Changkyun feel weird. Anything about love made Changkyun feel weird. “If that would be someone I love, I will be happy,” Jooheon’s words interrupted his thoughts. He stared at him without saying anything because he still didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to talk about love. Jooheon added, “Would you be jealous?”

“Why would I?” He quickly questioned back, turning his head away from him and continued drinking his last beer. On the inside, he thought he would be jealous but he didn’t know why. He just thought he would. Jooheon kept his serious face and spoke again, “I would.”

Changkyun opened his mouth slightly to say something but nothing came out, Jooheon finished his beer and put it on the table then continued staring at him with the same look on his face. “Why?”

“I don’ know,” he slurred; he could feel the alcohol in his system taking over as he talked. “I don’t like to share.”

“Me?” Changkyun snapped his head to the side and saw that Jooheon was close to him. He examined his face, his tattoos above his right eyebrow, his left eyebrow piercings… His tiny tattoo under his eye and his snakebites piercings on the both sides of his lips looked beautiful to him. His eyes were narrowed and shaped like two thin sharp lines, his half-lidded eyes made his lashes visible to Changkyun. He could also see that his cheeks had slight tint of pink because of alcohol. “You,” Jooheon replied, his voice was deeper than before. Changkyun remained silent while feeling awkward and nervous than before. He let out a nervous laugh and murmured, “Don’t… worry. I have no one. I don’t have feelings for anyone.”

Jooheon leaned closer to him until their noses nearly touched. Changkyun unintentionally closed his eyes and held his breath as if he was expecting to be kissed. Jooheon didn’t close his eyes and he could see Changkyun’s reaction as he got closer. A slight smile appeared on his face as he saw his eyes closed. “Are you sure?” he asked with a whisper.

“I’m not,” he instantly replied him with a murmur; he answered like he was in a trance. Jooheon didn’t say anything further and slowly moved away. The raven opened his eyes slowly, turning his head away as he felt his cheeks burned. He quickly brought his hand to his hair and fingers went into his black locks. Jooheon’s eyes locked into Changkyun’s wrist for a second as his black shirt’s sleeve slid down and revealed some of the younger’s cuts. He didn’t think at that moment and reached with his hand, softly grabbed the other’s wrist. Changkyun surprised at him but didn’t pull away his wrist. “What are you doing?” he asked softly with a surprise at his voice.

He didn’t reply, brought the younger’s thin, wounded wrist to his lips and kissed the cuts tenderly. Changkyun couldn’t say anything but stare at him with shock; Jooheon lifted his head and looked at him with soft eyes, Changkyun was still not pulling away his wrist from the other’s grasp. “Don’t,” Jooheon said. His voice was as soft as his hold, his kiss. He slowly let go of Changkyun’s wrist and Changkyun brought his wrist to himself, pulling the sleeve of his shirt down to hide the cuts completely with embarrassment. After a minute of an awkward silence, he cleared his throat. “Anyways, let’s talk about you,” he uttered. “Me?” The orange haired older looked at him with a confused look. “There is nothing to talk about me.”

“You avoided me that day, when I asked about your family,” Changkyun’s words made Jooheon stare at him for a couple of seconds then he quickly shrugged off, “So?”

“I want to know about you,”

“You know everything about me.” Jooheon tried to avoid again, Changkyun could tell. He sighed.

“I only know your name and your surname.”

Jooheon rolled his eyes with a sigh; he brushed his hair with his tattooed fingers. “What do you want to know?” he asked reluctantly. “Anything. I want to know you.” Jooheon felt a need to smoke and grabbed his pack, took a cigarette and put it between his pierced lips. Lighting quickly and drew a long smoked breath from it. “Don’t take it personal, I just don’t see anything to talk about my family… Nothing worth to talk about.”

“I still want to know you, you know…” Changkyun uttered with a low voice while watching him smoke. Jooheon stared at him with his cigarette between his two fingers and felt defeated; he let out a deep sigh and started to talk. “My mom and dad got divorced. They didn’t get along well. And well… My mom and I were living together but she didn’t like me much. We didn’t get along well either,” he explained briefly and drop the cigarette’s ashes into the ashtray. Changkyun kept staring at him as if he wasn’t convinced. “And?”

“What?” Jooheon and Changkyun continued staring at each other for seconds, and then Jooheon rolled his eyes again with a groan. “Okay… You won’t let me go, right?” Jooheon smirked sheepishly, Changkyun smiled at him back. “I only want to know you.” Jooheon’s eyes drifted off and he stared blankly at the table, he took his last breath from the cigarette and put out, let out the smoke with a long sigh before he start to talk.

“My mother never looked at me as I’m her son. After my dad left, I was always a reminder of him for her. She never called me ‘my son’, she never cared about me. She always blamed me for what happened. She always wreaked her anger on me when dad left.” Jooheon took a deep breath before continuing, Changkyun was listening to him quietly. “She used to say she would see my father whenever she looked at me, you know?” he chuckled; a hint of sadness could be heard under that laugh.

_Jooheon entered inside the house as blood dripped down from his chin. He took off his shoes and started to walk the corridor of their house. Their house was old, small and dark. The furniture and carpets were also old and worn off. The young boy could guess that his mother was in the kitchen as he could see that the kitchen’s lights were on. He lowered his head down and continued walking. He could smell the strong smell of alcohol as he walked in front of the kitchen. His mother turned around and saw her son walking past by the kitchen, his school uniform was stained by blood and his face was bruised. His right eyebrow and bottom lip were split and blood was trickling down to his chin from his eyebrow to the younger’s uniform. The woman started to yell at him angrily and made Jooheon stop at his tracks. “You got into fight again, huh? Well done. I wouldn’t expect any less from you. Look at you. I won’t ever wash that uniform. Wash it yourself, you hear me?” He slowly nodded as he was about to walk to his room. “Punk, go to your room. I don’t want to see your face,” Jooheon held his backpack tighter as his mother spoke and rushed to his room, closed the door behind him. He could still hear his mother’s complains. “Fighting, just like your fucking father. You’re his son, aren’t you? Look at the fucking floor; you dripped your blood on my floor!”_

_Jooheon took off his blood stained white uniform shirt and pressed it on his eyebrow, trying to stop the bleeding. It didn’t hurt like before but it was aching and his head was pounding. He winced in pain as he pressed harder and he could feel the shirt got wet and warmer. After minutes he realized that the bleeding stopped. He went to the bathroom without being seen to his mother, found some band-aids and applied them clumsily on his eyebrow. He went back to his bedroom and wore his pajamas, laid on his bed early because he didn’t want to listen to his mother’s yelling, cursing at him._

“I’m sorry,” Changkyun whispered and that caused Jooheon to come back to reality. He turned his head and looked at the raven with surprised eyes. “Why are you apologizing?” Changkyun lowered his head and licked his lips quietly. “I… shouldn’t have forced you to bring them up.” Jooheon quietly looked at him. He felt warm and wanted to smile but didn’t. Instead, he reached with his hand and patted his hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry. I’m not upset or anything.”

“No, really. I shouldn’t—“

“There’s nothing I should care about. Remembering anything doesn’t make me sad,” Jooheon cut him off but his words were soft although he raised his voice. Changkyun didn’t say anything further. He just sighed quietly and leaned onto the older’s shoulder and rested his head on him without any words.

 

Hyungwon, at that night, was at the _Machine_. He didn’t take H. Instead, he took four ecstasy pills with beer. He was watching the green, red lights at the ceiling of the club as he danced to the loud electronic music. He was wearing an oversized black sweater that every time he moved, one of the sweater’s shoulders slightly slid off and revealed his collarbones, his shoulder line. His blond hair was slightly damp at the ends because of the sweat and his strands were sticking on his forehead, his pupils had grown wide. He suddenly felt his phone vibrated in his pocket and he took it in his shaking hands. He walked away from the crowd and stopped near the wall as he narrowed his eyes and saw Hoseok texted him.

_Are you awake?_

Hyungwon tried to type something but couldn’t, his hands were trembling and it took him nearly five minutes to type a simple ‘Yes’ and sent the message to Hoseok. He leaned his back to the wall, biting his bottom lip and watching the laser lights with wide eyes. The lights were changing, sliding and turning off and on rhythmically to the electronic music that was playing. He turned his head to the phone when it buzzed again. He looked at the screen but it was like the screen was trembling, but not because of his hands. He narrowed his eyes to see the message clearly, _What are you doing?_ He opened the message and replied quickly, unaware of the typos he made.

_Dancing. :)_

_Dancing? Where?_

_At the club._ At the other side of the phone, Hoseok didn’t know what to say. It was nearly 3AM and even though it was expected, he didn’t expect Hyungwon to be at the club. While thinking, he received another message. _Why don’t you come here?_ And at that moment he thought that message was way more unexpected than any of them. _Me?_

Hyungwon opened the camera and recorded a video of him and the club then sent it to Hoseok. Hoseok opened the video when the attachment received on his phone. He saw the crowded club had laser lights, very loud and heavy electronic music playing at the background in the video. Hoseok didn’t know where that place was but he knew he wouldn’t go there. He typed a reply with an awkward look on his face. _I don’t think that’s a place for someone like me…_

_But I want you to come… Come and dance with me..._

_Where?_

He received a location as a reply. The older male surprised at first, and then clicked at the location. He looked at the neighborhood. It was not only far from there but also looked like suburbs. _Come here._ Hoseok let out a sigh but couldn’t hold back a playful smirk appear on his face as he continued texting with the other blond. _I can come pick you up._

_Noooo.. I wqnt you to come hwre dace wth meee._

Hoseok chuckled at the typos, as he was about to type something another video popped up on his screen. Hyungwon recorded another video of himself dancing, he couldn’t even hold the camera straight and his hair looked like as if he poured glasses of water on himself. Hoseok unintentionally thought that he looked beautiful, even if that dark place he could see his face and thought that he was beautiful. He shook his head and typed a reply; _I can’t come, I’m tired._

_Pleeeaaaseeeeeeee._

Hyungwon started to feel higher, he clenched his teeth and he grabbed the phone tighter in his hand as holding the phone started to get difficult. He couldn’t completely read the messages; he could only read some words. He started to sweat more, dancing to the music even if he was away from the crowd; he was dancing alone. Hoseok was lying on the bed after a long day from work instead of the blond. He didn’t know what to say to the blond’s pleas. Something clicked in his mind suddenly and he typed a message, sent it quickly. _What about meeting in this morning?_

_NoI wamt rght now_

_Let’s meet in the morning, okay?_

_Hoseokkk_

Hoseok snorted, waited for any attachment but nothing came. He tried again to convince him. The older could tell that Hyungwon wasn’t sober; he was probably drunk or something more. Hoseok could guess that the blond was using drugs. He typed another persuading message and sent it to the younger.

_Listen, I’ll pick you up in the morning and we can meet. Okay?_

_oOkayy.._

Hyungwon was convinced, at least Hoseok could tell. He typed again; _Then, see you in the morning. :)_ But Hyungwon didn’t see the message; he put the phone in his pocket and brushed his damp hair back, started to dance to the music again. He rolled his body, threw his head back until his body got tired. After hours, he got out of the club and looked at his phone to check time. His hands weren’t shaking like before and his sight weren’t trembling. He saw that the time was 5:48AM but didn’t expect a message on the screen, especially from Hoseok. “ _Then, see you in the morning. :)”_

He quickly opened the message, he didn’t remember a conversation with Hoseok like this, and he didn’t even remember talking with Hoseok. He scrolled and scrolled, seeing his own messages that he couldn’t even manage to type. He brought his other hand to his face and slowly to his hair; reading his own messages that trying to convince Hoseok to come and dance with him, those videos, location that he sent…

“Oh, fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I will get my laptop back in a few days so I hope I'll do. I borrowed the neighbor's laptop to update. I hope you like this chapter and dont forget to leave kudos/comment! Love you. <3


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chaos, all I can say.

Hyungwon was still staring at the messages with shock, he was shivering at the cold weather of the dawn. He started to walk away from the club and turned his way home. His stare was still on his phone, checking the messages and cringing at the words he used. He didn’t even look at the photos nor the videos. He was stumbling as he walked through the slightly lightened streets at the dawn, his head was spinning and aching while he was getting tired and tired. He could still feel the music banging in his ears as he walked. His damp hair and sweaty skin were getting colder while he was walking in the cold streets and he couldn’t help but brought his hands up to his forearms, rubbing them to warm himself up. He fastened his steps as he got closer to his apartment. He quickly entered the old building when he arrived, climbed up the stairs and reached to the first floor, where their apartment was and realized that the door was locked. He searched for his keys in his pockets as his teeth were clattering.

He smiled when he found the key, unlocked and opened the apartment door then entered. He quickly realized that the house was empty. He checked the time, it was nearly 7:30AM and he knew he needed sleep because he unintentionally promised Hoseok to meet with him. The blond was still cringing as he remembered. He threw his phone to the desk and laid on the bed after taking off his boots. He turned his left and right in the bed, trying to sleep but his eyes were wide open. His body was wide awake and he couldn’t even stay still in bed; he was turning, shifting inside the bed. He pulled the blankets up his head, closed his eyes shut to force himself but it was no use.

Two hours passed while he was in bed trying to force himself into sleep. He gave up and got up from his bed, walked through the corridor and reached to the bathroom which was at the end of the corridor. The blond groaned as he took off his black sweater and tossed it on the washing machine, then took off his pants and his underwear. Without looking at his reflection in the mirror, Hyungwon turned on the water and waited for it to warm up a little. Then, he stepped under the shower. The water was still cold and it was good for his body to wake up. He was slightly shivering but quickly got used to the feeling.

After a quick shower, he felt better and fresher. The blond went back to the bedroom, he wore his casual pair of pajamas and left his hair wet. He took his phone with him before getting into his bed again and looked at the screen of his phone. Before looking at the time, he saw Hoseok’s message from ten minutes ago. _Good morning. :)_ Hyungwon sighed and opened the message. He typed a morning message back and waited for a second, then he typed another message. _Can we meet another time please?_ He felt embarrassed immediately after he sent the message. The blond looked at the time while waiting for a reply, it was 9AM already and he cursed internally to himself. He didn’t even get any sleep today and it looked like he was about to meet Hoseok like that. A vibration in his hand scattered his thoughts away, making him lower his head and look at his phone. _No, you promised. ;)_ Hyungwon rolled his eyes and felt like crying when he saw that winking smiley. He sat on the bed, sleepless, thinking about what to do about the situation he was in then another message was sent to his phone. _At when do you want me to pick you up?_

_Eleven._

_Okay. :)_

Hyungwon leaned back and laid on his bed with a deep sigh, stared at the ceiling with a pair of blank eyes. Then; he slowly dragged his body up, walked to his wardrobe and stared at the mess. He pulled out a black printed t-shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans and wore them quickly. He didn’t bother with makeup nor his hair. He only dried his wet hair and combed his bangs to the sides, then wore his oversized leather jacket while he slowly started to feel sleepy. _Great, now I can’t sleep._ The blond took his key and phone along with some money and put them inside his pocket. After wearing his black Converses, he lit a cigarette quickly and left the house without locking the door.

The roads and streets were still looked empty because it was morning and the people of the neighborhood were either junkies or gypsies so the streets would have people if it was midnight or evenings. In the mornings, there were some gypsies or some dealers that Hyungwon knew. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and texted Hoseok. _I’ll be waiting across the street, where you dropped me last time._ Hyungwon walked slowly while smoking to the place where he would be waiting for Hoseok. When he was about to finish his cigarette, a familiar black Mercedes drove closer to him. He could see his reflection from the black window and he smiled sadly and a bit shyly. The blond got in the car and smiled at the older who was driving. “Morning,” he smiled back.

“Morning to you too,” Hyungwon replied quietly as they set off. Their journey was quiet as well, the blond was quiet as he watched the road. His eyes started to feel slightly heavy. When Hoseok parked his car at a parking lot, Hyungwon snapped his head up, he wasn’t aware that he lowered his head and dozed off. He saw Hoseok got out of the car and he quickly got out too, following him. He realized that they came to a place that looked like a restaurant and it was expensive and luxury again as well. The place was white and looked like a mansion as they walked inside. Hyungwon cursed at himself internally, he would have put on better clothes and makeup if had known they were going to come to a place like this. He looked at Hoseok from behind, he was wearing a light blue shirt with casual black pants and a jacket with them. The blond felt bad while he felt more and more sleepy. He lowered his head down and walked with him to their table. Hoseok ordered themselves breakfast while Hyungwon was still looking down at his hands. “You were having fun last night,” Hoseok stared at the blond with a playful smile on his lips.

“Don’t even start,” he sighed with a nervous laugh, not even looking at his face because of embarrassment. As their orders arrived, Hyungwon stared at his plate blankly. He didn’t feel hungry and on the contrary, he felt nauseous. “You were different when you texted me last night,” Hoseok brought his coffee to his lips and drank a little. “You were having fun.” Hyungwon grimaced with a slight smile. “I don’t want to remember… That’s embarrassing.”

“I thought that was cute, though,” Hoseok stared at the blond who was escaping from his gaze. He didn’t expect that answer and gave him a quick stare, “Cute?” he asked in disbelief and received a nod from the older. He shook his head in disagreement and put his arm on the table, holding his head with his hand. “It was embarrassing… Please stop talking about that,” he pleaded. Hoseok shrugged and sighed. “Then… how are you?” Hyungwon wasn’t aware of the question because he unintentionally dozed off, his head slowly fell from his hand and he quickly straightened up with a gasp. He looked at the man with wide eyes despite the burning feeling in his eyes, “I… what?”

“I asked how you are,” Hoseok giggled at Hyungwon’s expression. Hyungwon shook his head and blinked a few times, then he nodded randomly. “I’m fine, just… a little sleepy.” Hoseok couldn’t help but laughed louder. “A little? You look like you haven’t slept at all.” The blond felt embarrassed as if he felt caught, he slightly played with his plate as he smiled shyly and ate a little. “I don’t have makeup,” he lied. “Probably that’s why.” He knew he couldn’t convince the other male but tried his best.

“Should I believe?” Hoseok tilted his head to his side with a smirk. They looked at each other for a couple of seconds and Hyungwon lowered his head again. He was still playing with the food in his plate and didn’t feel like eating. Hoseok realized that and looked at his hands then at his face. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

“I… am not a breakfast person,” he made up another lie. He couldn’t tell him that he was completely high last night and that’s why he wasn’t feeling hungry. Even while he was staring at the table, his eyes were drifting and his head was slowly falling to the front. The blond quickly straightened and looked around to act like he wasn’t dozing off but Hoseok was examining his moves. “We can leave if you want,” he suggested. Hyungwon quickly shook his head and rubbed his eyes. “No, it’s okay. I’m not sleepy.”

“You’re drowsing, Hyungwon.” Hoseok smirked at him, the blond felt bad as he looked at the other. “Really, it’s okay.” But Hoseok slowly got up from his chair and Hyungwon followed him reluctantly. He quietly followed him until they reached to the parking lot. They got into Hoseok’s car, Hyungwon was quiet and he was getting sleepier by the second even if he denied. After they set off, he wasn’t even aware that he had dozed off during the way, his head was leaned to the car’s window and he was slightly hugging himself. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he quickly opened his eyes, turned his head to the side and saw the raven looking at him with a pair of soft eyes and a smile. “We’re arrived at your house,” he said with a low voice as if he was waking up a baby. Hyungwon quickly straightened up, cleared his throat and looked at him without making an eye contact. “T-thank you… But I’m sorry for today. I’m—“

“It’s okay, I should be the one apologizing,” Hoseok interrupted kindly. Hyungwon was still feeling bad but smiled back at him. “No, really…”

“At least; we met for an hour today, right?” Hoseok asked and Hyungwon didn’t say anything back this time, he just nodded. “Okay… We will make it up another time, then?”

Hoseok nodded, “We can, if you want.”

“Of course,” the blond smiled. They kept staring each other and then Hyungwon got out of the car, he still didn’t know what to do when he was leaving. He quickly got into his apartment, his eyelids were heavy as he opened the door. He didn’t even walked to his bedroom and he just threw himself to the couch in the living room with his Converses, leather jacket on and fell asleep while half of his body was laying on the couch and half of it was on the ground.

 

In afternoon, Changkyun and Jooheon woke up in Jooheon’s studio. They fell asleep after getting drunk and stayed at the studio. Jooheon quickly grabbed his phone from the table and looked at the time, it was nearly 2PM. But there were many message notifications from group chat that he, Changkyun and Hyungwon were in. The orange haired male rubbed his eyes with a groan and opened the messages with a sigh. They were all from Hyungwon and those messages were all sent at 3 or 4AM. There were videos of the blond, in the videos he was dancing and recording the club. Jooheon didn’t completely watched the videos while Changkyun woke up by the sounds of the videos. “What the fuck are those?” he asked while blinking a few times and grimacing at the other. He slowly got up from where he was sleeping and straightened up, picked his phone and looked at the messages.

_Guyss, come here ;)))_

_Why aren’t y’all replying??_

_-Video-_

_-Video-_

_It’s nice here~_

_Where are you both??_

_Are you guys making out??;)))_ Changkyun knitted his eyebrows at the message and let out a sigh from his nose, _What the fuck is he talking about?_ He continued reading the messages and the more he read, the angrier he got because of the messages.

_Are you?????_

_Without me???????? :(((((_

“What the fuck?” Changkyun thought loudly, he gritted his teeth as he closed the group chat and got up from the couch. _Why the fuck would we make out? And why the fuck would we invite you—_ He sighed and lit a cigarette while Jooheon was cleaning the studio. He leaned to the poster covered wall and continued smoking with his angry thoughts in his mind. “Did you see his messages? He went to Machine and didn’t tell us, then he repeatedly tells us to come. At 4 fucking AM,” Changkyun let out the smoke from his lungs as Jooheon shrugged. “So you’re mad because he didn’t invite us?”

“Possibly?” Jooheon let out a laugh sarcastically and took a cigarette from his pack, lit the cigarette with Changkyun’s lighter and sat on the couch. They smoked and left the studio, headed to their home together while Changkyun was still snarling about Hyungwon quietly. They walked the streets together with their cigarettes between their lips and as they arrived their apartment, Changkyun saw the door wasn’t even closed properly. He entered inside and walked to the living room; only to see a long, blond figure sleeping on the couch with half of his body was hanging down the couch. Changkyun angrily got closer to him and kicked the figure, “Wake the fuck up and go to your room, dipshit.” The blond softly groaned but didn’t wake up, making the younger angrier than before and he kicked his leg again. “Get up, fucker. I said go to your fucking bedroom. You went to Machine without us and now you’re sleeping at _my_ couch?” he yelled as Hyungwon slowly opened his eyes. He slowly shifted but felt too tired to get up but felt another kick on his leg and groaned in pain. “Get the fuck up, blond bitch and go to your room.” Hyungwon forced himself to get up and dragged himself to his bedroom while mumbling to himself. Not even opening his eyes, he threw himself to his bed and continued sleeping while Changkyun sat on the couch angrily and Jooheon was watching him without saying anything. “Fucker,” he mumbled and lit a cigarette.

At evening, when Hyungwon was still sleeping, they got bored and Changkyun turned to Jooheon. “Let’s go to Machine,” he said. “But without telling him, just like he did.” Jooheon turned his gaze to him from his phone. “Are you a child?”

“What?” Changkyun shrugged. “He is sleeping anyway.” Jooheon shook his head and locked his phone, put it to his side. “If we are going, we will go altogether, alright?” he told him while Changkyun rolled his eyes and leaned back to the couch with a sigh. “You wake him. I won’t.” Jooheon didn’t say anything and got up, walked out of the living room to go to the bedroom. He opened the door and saw Hyungwon was still sleeping, he slowly shook him by the shoulder and whispered him to wake up. The blond slowly opened his eyes and looked at him with sleepy and blank eyes. “What?” he murmured with a husky voice.

“We’re going to Machine, are you coming?” Jooheon simply asked. Hyungwon blinked two times to adjust and stared at him, then he got up from the bed. “Again?” He received a nod to his question. “If you want, of course.” He shook his head and looked at him. “I’ll come. Let me get ready.” Hyungwon started to change his clothes as soon as Jooheon left. The blond looked at the tiny mirror on the desk, his face was swollen because he had woken up just minutes ago. He groaned and mumbled to himself while looking at his reflection. “My face looks like a balloon,” he whined loudly. Changkyun heard him while lighting his cigarette from the living room and yelled back. “If you hadn’t slept like a corpse, dumbass.” Hyungwon heard him but didn’t say anything but sighed, standing in front of the wardrobe he picked some clothes for himself and put them on.

While Jooheon was busy with his phone, Changkyun was still yelling at Hyungwon to be quick. Hyungwon was doing his eye makeup, avoiding Changkyun and being slow as always. He put on his glitter eyeshadow and black eye pencil on and brushed his hair, checked his look before he got out of the bedroom. Changkyun let out a sigh and grunted, “Finally.” Jooheon raised his head up and looked at the blond who was waiting for them at the corridor. Both of them got up from the couch and walked to the corridor. Changkyun gaped at the blond who was wearing a black oversized long sleeved t-shirt that its sleeves were reaching to Hyungwon’s fingertips, a long chained necklace with the shirt. He lowered his gaze down at his blue jeans, they had ripped parts from the thighs to ankles and he wore black fishnet stockings inside. “What the fuck?” Changkyun thought out loud, making Jooheon look at them both while causing Hyungwon to look at him with a smirk. “Don’t you like it?” he asked while looking at his black painted nails and turned around to wear his leather black jacket and black boots. Changkyun was still staring at him with his mouth slightly open, “You look like—“

“I know what I look like,” Hyungwon interrupted him while Jooheon quietly left the apartment and waited for them outside the building as they were bickering. They also left the apartment after their short bickering, followed Jooheon. Changkyun was listening to music with his earphones, Hyungwon was looking at his phone while walking and checking his messages to see if Hoseok messaged him. “What are we gonna do? We still have around two hours to kill, you know,” Jooheon said to them. The blond raised his head up from his head and looked around him, he saw an alley that looked familiar. “Guys,” he raised his voice and made Jooheon stop, along with the raven beside him. Jooheon turned around and looked at him. “We can get something from there,” the blond pointed the alley. Jooheon looked at the alley and stared at there for a couple of seconds then turned his gaze at his friend. “You sure?” he asked. Changkyun also looked at the blond, “We can get them in Machine, just like always.”

“It’s crowded,” Hyungwon told him. Jooheon shrugged and looked at Changkyun, then at Hyungwon. “If you want me to come with you…” Jooheon started reluctantly, he didn’t really want to come with him since he didn’t know the alley. Hyungwon knew, though. He sometimes got his H from the dealers at that alley. The blond nodded and Jooheon brought his hand into his jacket’s pocket as he glanced at Changkyun. “And you?”

“Me?” he repeated, then shook his head. “No, I’m good. I have one or two in my pocket already,” he rejected. Hyungwon took the money and put it inside his pocket. “You don’t have to come with me,” he told Jooheon, made him sigh with relief. “I’ll have three, you?” Hyungwon asked. Jooheon told the same and the blond left them waiting while he walked into the dark alley. There was a male around the blond’s age leaning to the wall, smoking cigarette with his phone in his hand as Hyungwon saw him and approached that man. He could hear the other two men sitting on the ground mumbling something, laughing.

“You’re cute,” one of them shouted. Hyungwon looked at him from the corner of his eyes and smirked slightly, “Thanks.” Then, he turned to the man he approached and greeted him. He quickly recognized the blond and smiled with his cigarette between his lips as Hyungwon gave the money and took the pack of pills quickly and sneakily from the man’s hand and put it inside his pocket. Then he turned to leave but the man from earlier stopped him by stepping in front of the blond. “I mean it, you’re really cute. Don’t you…”

“Fuck off,” Hyungwon hit his shoulder hard to back him off, walking out of the alley with fast steps and went back to his friends. Jooheon looked at the blond and realized a bit of panic in his eyes. “You okay?” Hyungwon nodded quickly.

“Of course, let’s go.”

They continued to walk and bought some beer with them to drink before going into the club. They still had one or two hours. Sitting on the sidewalk and drinking their beers, they chatted together. After an hour, they got inside the club with the laser lights and loud electronic music. Changkyun quickly left them to go to the toilet and do his cocaine, while Jooheon and Hyungwon took their pill with beer. But they couldn’t feel anything so they took another pill, then another. While Changkyun was completely high and dancing around, the other two wasn’t even feeling anything. They stared at each other awkwardly. “What?” Hyungwon looked at the orange haired. “I told ya,” Changkyun laughed to the blond. “Those pills turned out to be shit, huh?” Hyungwon rolled his eyes at the raven and looked around with an annoyed expression, which was also Jooheon had. “He’s right,” Jooheon told him. “That was your idea.”

Hyungwon didn’t say anything, knowing he was right and himself was wrong he stayed silent while drinking his beer and watching people ungenially with Jooheon. Hours of a bored club night, they got out of there and walked around the streets at around 6:30AM in the morning.

“I don’t want to go home,” Hyungwon said. The other two looked at him, then accepted with a sigh. They went to a 24/7 open café and sat on a table together. They were the only people except for the people here and there. They ordered themselves three coffees, Changkyun was looking at his phone while the other two was still upset about their night. Hyungwon felt bad and guilty while Jooheon was quietly sitting in front of the blond, playing with his phone. He decided to listen some music and took his earphones, turned the volume up and played a random electronic music. Jooheon felt his heartbeat rush as soon as the music started, it was like the pills he took last night felt like he took them just now.

He pulled out one of the earphone and gave it to his blond friend, “Listen to this,” he told him. Hyungwon looked at Jooheon with confused eyes but took the earphone. “Just listen.” The blond looked at the phone, saw the name of the music as he listened to the song. _Sam Paganini – Hypnotize._ Hyungwon felt the same rush and also a slight panic, he quickly pulled the hood of his jacket over to his head and leaned his forehead to the table as his body shook slightly. Changkyun realized them and shook Hyungwon. “What are you doing?”

“I’m… not okay… And they will understand if I—“

“They will understand if you fucking act like this, dumbass,” Changkyun hissed at him. He quickly looked around and people were looking at them. Jooheon didn’t look suspicious, he was listening to music as he watched other people with dilated pupils and gritted teeth. But he looked suspicious enough with the tattoos and piercings as well as Hyungwon with his style of clothing. “We should go,” Hyungwon said while he gritted his teeth and clenched his jaw. Changkyun continued looking around. “We really should go,” Hyungwon repeated quietly.

“Shut the fuck up,” Changkyun whispered at him and got up with the blond, dragging the orange haired with him. “We should go somewhere full of people,” Hyungwon told Changkyun. The raven looked at him confused. “Shopping center. Yes, there.”

“We can go home?” Changkyun looked at the blond with an expression mixed with confusion and anger. Jooheon interrupted their conversation. “I don’t want to go home, no…” The raven rolled his eyes and sighed. They went to a shopping center which was the nearest and Jooheon went directly to the WC. Hyungwon followed his friend as Changkyun watched them with disbelief while still looking around to see whether they were drawing attention or not.

When Changkyun also went to the WCs, he saw they both were in the same cabinet. Changkyun walked to the cabinet that had the door open and quickly got inside, locked the door behind him. They were three of themselves in one cabinet; Jooheon was on the left side; sitting on the ground and listening to music while he was high and Hyungwon was also sitting on the ground, leaning to the toilet bowl. “You’re both fucking idiots, you know that?” Changkyun said with a low voice, not wanting to be heard by outside of the cabinet. Neither of them responded to the raven, Jooheon couldn’t even hear him and Hyungwon was so high that he couldn’t even move from where he was leaning.

Suddenly, Hyungwon started to throw up into the toilet and Changkyun panicked. He stared at the blond for a second with wide eyes, then quickly reached to his friend and brushed his hair back. He continued throwing up for minutes and gasped, coughed after. Changkyun could see that Hyungwon’s face was pale white and he was dripping because of sweat. He threw up again for about five minutes until there was nothing to throw up and he slowly straightened up. Changkyun slowly helped him to lean his back to the cabinet’s wall. The blond mumbled ‘water’ to the raven with his hazy and half lidded eyes. Changkyun stared at him dumbfounded.

“I want water too,” Jooheon murmured from behind too. _How the fuck can I get water right now?_ he thought to himself. “Please, Changkyun…” Jooheon whined louder and Changkyun panicked more. He quickly got up and turned to him. “Okay, okay. I’ll get it,” he told him as he gritted his teeth. He got panicked as he raised his voice. He didn’t want to get caught with two of his friends were high as fuck. He tidied his clothes up and took a deep breath, then turned to them. “Okay, I’ll get water for you. Wait for me here. Okay? And…” he took another deep breath. “Don’t. Make. A. Sound.”

Changkyun left the cabinet after he had closed the door behind him and went to the supermarket. He was extremely nervous and panicking as he was waiting on the line with two bottles of water. He couldn’t even wait on the line. As soon as he paid for the water, he quickly rushed back to the WCs and when he got inside, he could hear mumblings and yelling from the cabinet.

He quickly went to the cabinet with the same panic and put the bottles on the ground. “I told you to shut the fuck up, didn’t I?!” he hissed loudly. He gave one bottle to Jooheon, who was mumbling nonsense to himself, and took another bottle in his hand. He opened the bottle and grabbed the blond’s chin, helped him to drink the water slowly but Hyungwon threw up the water he drank to the toilet again. Changkyun stared at the scene in front of him with a sigh and tired eyes, he hadn’t even slept and he got tired because of all the panic and nervousness yet he was on the verge of a snap. _Did I fucking pay for it so you can throw up?_

Hyungwon was getting higher and worse as he threw up, his makeup were ruined and ran down to his cheeks. “I’m dying…” he mumbled. “No, but I’ll fucking kill you if you don’t get your fucking shit together you fucking blond cunt,” Changkyun poured all the remaining water down to the blond’s head to his face. Hyungwon shivered and gasped loudly, “What are you doing?” he whined. Changkyun was unlikely calm as he cleaned his face and slightly slapped his cheeks to get him back to his senses. “Shut up. If you fucking didn’t buy those fucking pills…” The raven turned to the orange haired, shook him to look at him. “We need to leave or we will get caught,” he told him as he looked into his eyes but he was giggling. Changkyun sighed and tried again. “Listen to me, we need to leave. Help me get him out of here and let’s go home.”

“Of course…”

“Jooheon,” Changkyun’s voice was louder and stern this time. He finally convinced him to help and he slowly got up, wrapped an arm around Hyungwon’s waist and they slowly got him up with Changkyun. Hyungwon was still numb and mumbling something between his gritted teeth but Changkyun was ignoring him. They walked out of the WCs, everyone was looking at them and Hyungwon continued mumbling without raising his head. “They will understand… We shouldn’t have left the WC… Go back…”

“Shut the fuck up or I’ll beat your ass, Hyungwon.” Changkyun couldn’t help but finally told him under his breath as he continued to look around people and especially the securities who were staring at them and exited the center quickly with a sigh of relief. They dragged their friend to their apartment and Changkyun literally threw him to his bed, slammed the door shut after. The raven sat on the couch with a relief as Jooheon sat with him, leaning to the younger. Changkyun was still breathing from his nose as he remained calm but he felt still angry. “Are you angry at me?” Jooheon asked suddenly.

“I’m not,” Changkyun simply answered without looking at him. He was staring directly in front of him. “You’re angry,” Jooheon repeated.

“I’m not, Jooheon.”

While Hyungwon was laying on the bed just like Changkyun left him, he was opening and closing his eyes. “I got home? I’m home. When did I get home?” he was talking to himself and softly giggling, Changkyun could hear and he was holding himself back not to yell at him, he was tired.

“I’m sorry,” Jooheon interrupted his thoughts. Changkyun looked at him. “For what?”

“For the person I am.” The raven looked at him with confused eyes, he didn’t get what he meant. “You don’t have to apologize.”

“No, really. You helped us today…”

“Just sleep.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” Changkyun quickly replied back but wasn’t aware the surprise in Jooheon’s eyes. “Really?”

“Yeah. Now, sleep.”

“Can I hug you?” he asked abruptly. Changkyun sighed deeply, then nodded. “Please sleep, Jooheon.” He felt the older’s arms wrapped around him and after minutes, there was silence. _Finally,_ he thought. The raven turned his head to the side and saw his older friend finally fell asleep, hugging him tightly with a sheepish smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems like I started to update late. But I'm trying my best. This story is kind of a way to escape my problems, responsibilities and depression to be honest. And sometimes these are way too inescapable, I'm sorry If I made you wait too long. Don't forget to leave kudos/comment if you like. :)


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyuk chapter is here. (Probably some of you were waiting for it. Because I didn't get any comments or anything for the last two chapters thank you:'))  
> And a little Hyungwonho at the end?

Kihyun had been trying to avoid any interaction with the professor for a week while going to school; he wasn’t sitting on the first row of the class, not even making an eye contact with him at his classes. He was still nervous that the teacher would send him to disciplinary or something that would mean he understood the situation. But there was nothing, which made Kihyun more nervous. He even couldn’t get enough sleep at nights so he started to take his medicine more than he should just to sleep and not to feel anxious. The uncertainty started to consume him but he absolutely cannot ask anything about this to him. The mid-terms were one month away and he wasn’t even paying attention to the classes because of the things in his head, the sleepless nights and so on.

He was reading a book while they were on lunchbreak. He was trying to clear his mind by reading but knowing that the next and the last class was _his_ class, it was hard. He flipped the page with his small hand, taking a deep breath as he kept reading. He was sitting on the third row, crossing his legs and holding his book in his other hand. The raven was wearing all black as usual, his clothes were almost formal with his black blazer and black shirt but he wore them with his skinny black jeans. He looked good as always despite his sleep deprivation and stressful week. While there were couple of minutes left to the end of lunchbreak, Kihyun didn’t realize he was reading the same sentence over and over again. _I hope I won’t panic._ He swallowed and put the book under his desk before he got up and got out of the class. He went to the toilets, turned on the water and washed his hands. He was staring at the running water that hit his skin, his hands were getting numb because of the cold feeling. Then he shook his head quickly, turned off the water and left. He sat on his chair, touching the back of his neck with his ice cold hands to feel a little relaxed at least.

When he raised his head up, he saw the familiar tall figure with blond hair walking towards the dais and putting the books in his hand on it. Kihyun felt lightheaded for a second as he saw the blond teacher in the class. Quickly he looked down at his desk and tried to find something to distract himself but he couldn’t, he just stared at the empty desk. _Calm down, It’s only two hours._ The younger wasn’t aware of the teacher who was approaching to him while he was only staring at the empty desk, breathing heavily. Minhyuk tapped the board marker on the desk to draw attention to himself as he stopped on the left side of the raven, making him flinch.

“Where is your book?” Minhyuk asked, his stare was serious and Kihyun felt his stare right into his eyes. He quickly averted his gaze from the teacher and cleared his throat but couldn’t find a reply. Minhyuk was still staring right into his eyes and because of that, Kihyun couldn’t even raise his head up and look at the teacher. He reached under his desk and took his book, put it on his desk with his trembling hands without looking or saying anything to him. “Good,” Minhyuk smiled a little then he was gone as Kihyun let out the breath he wasn’t aware that he was holding. _I’m a mess. I’m an idiot. I’m a fucking idiot. I did it again._ He was cursing himself internally as he gritted his teeth, staring at the book angrily. While Minhyuk was still smirking, walking around the class with the expression was still on his face as he was thinking about the student’s reaction because of him.

Kihyun didn’t even look at him, didn’t even know what he was wearing or what he looked like today. He just followed the book and the course through the class and took notes while he fought with his anxiety. When he glanced at the time on his phone he saw that there were ten minutes left, he quickly straightened up, stared at the board while still avoiding the professor. He fixed his appearance as he was about to rush out of the class after ten minutes, he waited. Minhyuk glanced at the direction where Kihyun was sitting and the raven froze, he felt his heart stopped for a brief second then Minhyuk looked elsewhere, nodding. “This is it for today. Thank you for your attendance, and you may dismiss.”

With that, Kihyun quickly grabbed his books and put them inside his bag and wore his black long coat. He took the bag in his hand and started to walk towards the door along with the other students but he froze with the same voice that almost made him walk away. “Yoo Kihyun, you stay.” Some students glanced at Kihyun for a second then left, leaving the two in the empty class. Kihyun slowly gulped down and turned to the teacher with slightly trembling legs, he was trying to look calm but it was obvious that color had already drained from his face a little. Minhyuk straightened up from the dais and walked towards him, Kihyun looked at the ground, he was clutching the bag in his hand and he could feel his palms started to sweat but he was taking deep breaths and counting to ten in his mind. But Minhyuk didn’t reached to him. Instead, he passed by him and closed the door slowly. Kihyun quickly turned to the teacher and looked at him with curiosity and panic, this is the first time in weeks that he looked at him. His blond locks were straight and reaching almost in front of his eyes but he parted them to his sides. He was wearing a shirt that could be understood by its design that it was Gucci and he had his usual long light brown coat which was also Gucci. While Kihyun was examining him, Minhyuk stepped closer to the younger. He cleared his throat and made a sound abruptly just to make him gasp softly, he didn’t have a choice other than looking at him.

“You’re avoiding me,” his voice was low and deep, rather than soft. Kihyun drew his gaze down to his lips but not that he wanted to look at his lips, he didn’t know where else to look. He blinked a few times then he found his voice to answer back. “I… am not.” The raven could feel his own heart beating in his ears by the smell of the older’s perfume. _Too close._ Every passing second his legs felt weaker and he hoped he could leave as soon as possible.

“Yes, you are.” Minhyuk took one more step closer and cupped the younger’s cheek softly, caressing. And without hesitation, he leaned down and pressed his own lips to his. Kihyun’s eyes widened and his legs gave up for a second but his body was still standing like a statue. He didn’t know whether he forgot to breathe or he was holding. Minhyuk’s lips were soft on his, even his hands felt soft and warm on his cheek but he couldn’t even bat an eyelash. The blond pulled his lips away after a couple of seconds but for Kihyun, it felt like hours and he wasn’t still moving. Minhyuk couldn’t help but smiled. “Your balm tastes sweet.”

His statement caused Kihyun to gasp in embarrassment and he felt his cheeks burn, it was visible that his ears had already gone pink and he quickly rushed out of the class. While Minhyuk watched him run away with a smile, Kihyun was still running. He caught the bus and got in, sat on a seat then tried to catch his breath as the bus set off. His heart was beating crazily, not because he ran but because of what happened earlier. He clutched his bag with both of his hands as he looked down, tried every method to calm himself down while the bus was going its way to city center. _How could this happen?_ He brought his hand to his lips and touched them slightly. _He kissed me._ A flash of that moment came to his mind and he quickly withdrew his hand, shook his head with a sigh and looked at the road to clear his mind.

After he arrived his apartment, he took off his coat and shoes then went to the living room. His hands were shaking rapidly and his breaths were quick and short. Kihyun put his hands on the couch and tried to stand still as his eyes teared up. He couldn’t hold back and started to cry. His legs started to tremble again as tears rolled down to his cheeks. He didn’t know why he was crying; he wasn’t sad, he wasn’t upset neither. He didn’t know what to feel and what not to feel. _I am probably hallucinating, right?_ He thought to himself. _I love him so much that I hallucinated him kissing me._ He started to laugh at himself. But he remembered his lips, he remembered the soft feeling of his lips on his own and closed his eyes in embarrassment. _It was real. It was too real._ He walked and sat on the couch, held his head in his hands as his legs shook. He tried to wipe his tears from his cheeks but tears kept rolling down, as he cried his makeup also got ruined and the eyeshadow was all over his cheeks. He ruffled his hair harshly with both of his hands as he gave out a loud sigh. _Why did he kiss me? I was his student. He was supposed to send me to disciplinary. Why did he… kiss me?_ Nothing was going to slow down his heartbeat, his heart was still racing and his breaths were still short and quick. He stopped crying, his eyes were travelling everywhere around the room with his messy thoughts in his mind and he still didn’t know what to feel. _Something isn’t right. There’s something… isn’t right…_ Panic also added to his mixed feelings and he couldn’t breathe for a second. He took a deep breath, leaned back and opened his mouth to breathe more. _Blackmail? No. He can’t… Then why did he?_ Kihyun felt his eyes teared up again and he didn’t even try to hold back his tears. He cried again silently, _Shouldn’t I feel happy?_ He thought, _But he is my teacher. It’s… wrong?_

Kihyun grabbed his phone and opened the messages, he opened Hyungwon’s message page and looked at the screen with teary eyes. _Should I tell him?_ He tried to think about something to type but he couldn’t even move his fingers. He took a deep breath, gave it out shakily as he tried to type the words he wanted to tell his friend.

_Minhyuk kissed me._

_Too straightforward,_ he deleted it and typed something else.

_Something bad happened._

_It’s not bad?.._ He deleted again.

_Something happened._

Delete.

_Hyungwon._

Kihyun sighed as he stared at the screen and deleted the message again. He locked his phone and threw it on the couch and got up. He wiped off those tears that already started to dry on his cheeks and went to the kitchen. He wanted to cook something for himself to distract himself. He didn’t know what he was going to cook, he just grabbed his things and ingredients from the fridge while taking deep breaths to calm himself down. The raven put the bowl and eggs on the counter as he went to the fridge to look for other things. He brought other things to put on the counter beside with the eggs and started to make something he didn’t know what it was going to turn out to be.

He took one of the eggs in his hand and when he was about the break the egg, it fell on the ground with a slight crack sound. Kihyun stared at the mess as he took a step back, cursing under his breath and sighed. He took the towel and sat on his knees, started to clean the ground while picking up the cracked pieces of egg. His hands were shaking because of stress and anger he was feeling and he changed his mind. After cleaning up the mess, he decided not to cook. Instead, he cleaned the whole kitchen and opened the kitchen cupboard. He picked up his medicine and stared at them for a second, then opened the bottles and shook them inside his palm. He had taken three sleeping pills and two of each his other medicine, taken them with a large glass of water before he left the kitchen.

He felt tired, the stress and the feelings made him feel overwhelmed and tired. The raven went to his bedroom and changed his clothes, he didn’t even bother with putting them back to his wardrobe nor thinking about his clothes getting wrinkles. He wore his pair of pajamas with his slow movements and opened the blankets, got in the bed with a deep sigh but his eyes weren’t even feeling heavy. He was staring at the ceiling, he didn’t turn off the lights as a habit and he was looking at the lamp which lightening the room for him. As he stared, a flashback of today came into his mind again. Kihyun couldn’t help but swallowed hard as he remembered how Minhyuk approached him and kissed his lips. Remembering those lips made a shiver run down his spine and the raven closed his eyes. He brought his hand to his lips and touched them with his fingers tenderly. He quickly withdrew his fingers as he felt strange, a tingling feeling went down to his stomach as he gave out a shaky breath.

_Your balm tastes sweet._

Kihyun pressed his lips together and then licked them unintentionally, thinking about what Minhyuk had said to him earlier. He could taste a slight taste of cherry on his own lips and felt hot for a second while his other hand was trailing down. He knew his perfume, he knew his touch… even his lips. He felt another shiver as his hand touched between his thighs and he quickly pressed his legs together with his hand between them. He imagined _his_ touch, since he knew how soft his hands felt and how warm they were. Kihyun shifted in bed and turned to his side, his eyes were still closed and he felt hot as the feeling between his legs down there getting uncomfortable and unbearable for him.

He couldn’t help but wonder how it would be if Minhyuk touched him, anywhere. The raven started to move his hand slightly and his fingers brushed the bulge through his pajamas. He gasped softly at the feeling but didn’t stop, he continued as he bit his lower lip. He tried to stroke himself through the thin fabric of his pajamas with small, tender hand and his breaths got louder with mixed whimpers and moans. He couldn’t even open his eyes, he couldn’t get rid of the image of Minhyuk’s lips nor his touch out of his mind as he touched himself. It was the first time he felt like this in his life, the first time he felt something this sensual.

As the slight touches couldn’t help and the feeling got more sensual by the second, Kihyun brought his hand a little up and slid under his underwear. He shuddered as his cold hand touched his already hard cock, he traced his fingers along the shaft and slowly wrapped his fingers around it. He touched the tip with his thumb and felt a sticky feeling, which made his cheeks turn redder, and he started to move his hands slowly. His moves made him gasp and moan louder, his other hand gripped the sheets firmly while he was breathing heavily. He wanted to feel that teacher’s lips more, feel his touch more. Another whimper escaped from the raven’s lips as he stroked himself with the sticky precum, he couldn’t help his body and thrusted into his hand. He was sweating despite the cold, his raven hair was sticking to his forehead and drops of sweat was rolling down to his neck. Burying his face to the pillow as he moaned into it, he kept thrusted into his own hand. His small body was trembling and burning at that moment as he was reaching to his limit. After a few thrusts, he came all over his hand and underwear with a soft moan into the pillow as his body trembled and tensed completely.

Trying to catch his breath, a wave of regret hit Kihyun instantly. He pulled his hand out of his underwear and looked at his hand in disgust. He quickly got up from his bed and ran to the bathroom. _What the fuck did I do? Why the fuck did I do that?_ He turned on the water and started to wash his hand with the soap twice or three times. Drying his hand, he still could feel some stickiness inside his underwear and he cringed. He went back to his bedroom and changed all of his underwear and pajamas while still cursing at himself and sighing loudly. _He was my teacher. He was my fucking teacher. What was I thinking… What is wrong with me…_ With a huff, Kihyun threw himself back to the bed and pulled the blankets over his head, shut his eyes close as he forced himself to sleep.

 

At the same night; Hyungwon was about to dress up, he wore his pants and buckled his belt. He was in a cheap hostel near to the bar he always went with a middle aged man next to him. The lights were off except for the table lamps on the both sides of the king size bed. The blond’s back was turned to the man as he was dressing up and he glanced at his phone to look at the time. It was 2AM and he didn’t feel like staying. “Give my money, I’m leaving.” Hyungwon didn’t bother to look at him. He got up and reached for his jacket which was on the ground, but stopped by the man. “I’m not finished with you, yet.”

He turned his head to the man and looked at him with a slight surprised look on his face. “What?” He had worn his underwear before he stood in front of the blond. He was a little taller than Hyungwon and he was holding the younger’s arm to hold him back from going. “Let go, what more do you want?” The older smiled playfully and let go of his arm, only to brought it up and caress his cheek. “Maybe we can play a little more. I like kinky stuff.”

“I don’t do kinky stuff, now give me my money and I’m going,” Hyungwon tried to walk past by him but he stopped the blond by pulling his arm roughly. “But I want you to. So yes, you’re going to do.” Hyungwon stared at the man who was caressing his cheek, which disgusted him inwardly. “What do you want?” he asked, accepted as he wanted it to end as soon as possible. The older sneaked his arm to the blond’s waist and touched his belt. “I want you to use this,” he whispered to his ear and made him shiver. _No._ When he was about to protest, the man smiled at him and continued, “…on me.” He felt relieved that he wasn’t the one, but he quickly knitted his brows. “Pay for it too.”

“Why would I? I already paid for you,” Hyungwon was still looking at him annoyed. “Pay for it. 100,000Won or I won’t,” Hyungwon insisted with a louder voice. They stared at each other for almost a minute and the man gave out a sigh. “Yeah yeah, do it.” He took his own belt from the bed and gave it to him then laid on the bed. Hyungwon watched him with confused look on his face along with wide eyes. He gave out a quiet sigh, he understood what he wanted. Staring at the sight in front of him, he narrowed his eyes and grimaced. _Disgusting._ He folded the belt in two and raised his arm, then he hit the man’s back with all of his force. “Again,” he moaned and the blond cringed as he raised his arm again. He continued hitting the man with the belt, the room filled with loud whipping sounds and the man’s moans mixed with whimpers in pain. Hyungwon got faster after a few minutes and his moves got messier, his hair fell onto his face and his breaths were loud and quicker as he felt adrenaline rushed by the second. Almost half an hour after, Hyungwon threw the belt away and stepped back. He stared at the man’s back covered with bruises in red and purple which were caused only by him. He put his hand on the nightstand, leaned and tried to catch his breath as the man got up and put his shirt on. “Give… my fucking money and… I’m leaving…”

The older male gave him some banknotes and Hyungwon took them from him, counted them carefully then stared at him with eyes wide in anger. “There is not enough money,” he told him with confusion. The other shrugged and turned his back to him. “You wanted 350,000Won or something like that.”

“There is 340,000Won. And you said you’ll pay for… it,” Hyungwon raised his voice again. He was gripping the banknotes in his hand firmly, creasing them. But the man didn’t even look like he was listening to him and Hyungwon walked to him, grabbed his arm and pulled him to look at him. “Give my money, fully.” He looked at him as Hyungwon was breathing angrily from his nose. “Take it and leave. Or I’ll take that back too.”

Hyungwon’s eyes got wider and he tried to hit him but the older quickly grabbed him by his wrist then squeezed it hard, making the blond whimper in pain. His other hand went to the blond’s neck and he wrapped his fingers around it tightly, leaning closer to his face. “Take your money and leave. Do you understand?” Hyungwon nodded as his free hand clumsily tried to push away his hand from his neck. As soon as he let go of him, Hyungwon coughed a little and put the money in his pocket. Grabbing his jacket, he quickly got out of the hostel room and slammed the door behind him.

He was walking through the streets with fast steps, he was angry and frustrated. Even the cold breeze of the midnight wasn’t very helpful and the streets that he was walking were quite dangerous. He didn’t want another round even if it was still early. He didn’t even want anyone to shout at him, say pretty things about his appearance. He wanted to go home quickly. _I should’ve taken the money first._ While he was bust with his anger and his angry thoughts, his phone was vibrating. He hoped it wasn’t Changkyun, he didn’t want any bickering either. He wasn’t in the mood. He picked his phone from his pocket and looked at the name who was calling.

_Hoseok._

He stared at the screen dumbfounded as his steps slowed down, then he quickly picked up. “Hey,” his voice got softer immediately even if he was extremely angry just a second ago. “I didn’t wake you, right? I assumed you don’t sleep at this hour…”

“No, I was going home…” Hyungwon scoffed. Hoseok’s voice was soft and sounded shy, _for a man like him._

“You were outside?”

“Yes, uh… I was at the bar with my friends. An… Another bar. But I’m going home,” he made up a lie. He felt bad on the inside but he knew he couldn’t tell him the truth. He could never. But hearing Hoseok laugh made him feel relieved. “Oh, I was drinking at home. Not at the bar this time. I was going to ask you something… Did you get some sleep? Last time I saw you, you were…” Hoseok laughed and made Hyungwon laugh too. Remembering that day made him cringe but it was funny when Hoseok laughed. “Yes, I did.”

“About the promise. Will you make it up to me?” Hoseok asked with a lower voice tone. Hyungwon stopped laughing and listened carefully. “Of course.”

“Then… How about tomorrow night?” The blond surprised and couldn’t help but smile. He didn’t realize he arrived the street where his apartment was while talking with Hoseok on the phone. “Sounds good to me.”

“At the bar.” Hyungwon’s smile got wider. “I’m more interested now.” He stopped in front of the apartment building. But before his smile got any wider, he hesitated. “But…”

“Yes?”

“Please not the bar we… met,” he said softly. It was more like a plea, Hoseok went silent for a second then quickly accepted. “Wherever you want. I’ll take you to another bar. I’ll pick you up at 9. Okay?”

“Okay,” Hyungwon smiled again. Before they hang up, Hyungwon couldn’t help but tell him. “Hoseok.”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“Oh?”

“Good night.”

“Good night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so depressed and sad(?) I'm sorry If I made any mistakes. Don't forget to leave comment/kudos if you like. <3


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwonho, date. ^^ (and a bonus chaos can happen at the end lol.)

Hyungwon was rushing around the house after he had gotten out of the shower. Changkyun had been watching him running from one side of the house to other as he was smoking cigarette with his phone in his other hand. He averted his eyes to the blond without raising his head as the blond ran through the corridor only with his black skinny jeans. Hyungwon quickly dried his hair with the towel and opened his wardrobe. He looked for anything good to wear, pushed the hangers one by one as he kept saying ‘no’. His clothes were either too baggy, plain or too revealing. He opened the other side of the wardrobe and looked at Changkyun’s clothes for a short minute to look for anything. He glanced at the door to check if he was coming or not, then he changed his mind and closed the wardrobe with a sigh. He picked an oversized black shirt and put it on, buttoned the shirt and looked at himself on the old mirror. Putting the front of the shirt inside of his pants, he checked his look again. The buttons of his shirt were ending at a very revealing point and he tried to pull the V neck up a little but it was no use. He looked for any accessories, necklaces as he didn’t want to wear something too revealing like that shirt which has deep V neck but he didn’t have much option. He found a thin and long, black scarf and wrapped it around his neck.

“That would do,” he mumbled to himself. The blond brushed his hair and styled his bangs to both sides. While brushing his hair, it was visible that his hair was shedding and sticking into the comb. He tried not to mind as he continued to get ready. He sat on the chair and scattered his makeup products on the desk. He skimmed over the messy desk and then yelled inside the room loud enough for Changkyun to hear. “Where is my foundation?” He didn’t get any answer. Instead, he heard footsteps coming towards his room and he saw Changkyun standing in front of the bedroom. He asked again, “Did you see my foundation?”

“How the fuck would I know? I don’t do makeup.” Changkyun watched him search for his foundation inside the drawers and looked at the way he dressed up. The shirt, the scarf, the single chain hanging from the side of his black skinny jeans… “Where are you going?”

“Out,” he simply answered. Then he found his foundation and gasped with a smile. The blond sat on the chair and started to do his makeup with his small mirror as Changkyun continued watching him. “Where? You’re acting like you’re going to be on stage tonight.” Hyungwon looked at him, shrugged and smiled playfully. “I wanted to look beautiful. Aren’t I beautiful?” The blond tilted his head with the same playful smile as Changkyun stared at him confused. “You… are?”

“Thank you,” he quickly thanked then continued to conceal his dark circles under his eyes and the little scars, bruises around his face with the concealer. While Hyungwon was busy with his makeup, the raven walked towards him and looked at his makeup. He applied dark, glitter brown eyeshadow on his eyes and black eyepencil while Changkyun was watching him. He saw him through the mirror and stopped with a smile. “What?”

“Where are you going? Why the fuck are you prinking up for?” Hyungwon sighed and put the brush on the desk. He turned to him and rolled his eyes to his staring expression. “I’m going to meet with someone.” Then he continued to mind his business, leaving Changkyun dumbfounded. He got up from his chair and checked himself again in the larger mirror. The blond was fixing his clothes and hair over and over again, causing his friend to sigh. “What?” Hyungwon looked at him. Changkyun didn’t say anything and walked out of the room but stopped at the door. “Who are you going to meet?” he asked. Hyungwon licked his lips as he picked two of his lip tints, thinking about which one of them he was going to apply. “Someone.”

“Who?” Changkyun asked again with more emphasize, Hyungwon wasn’t still looking at him. He picked his red colored lip tint and applied to his thick, pale lips to give them color. He wore some heavy scented perfume then put on his long chain earrings and completed his look. “You probably don’t know,” he told him then walked past him. Changkyun still wanted answers but Hyungwon was avoiding him. He wore his large sized leather jacket and wore his boots, checking his phone he opened the door. “I’m leaving, bye bye…” he sang and winked at him with a smile. Hyungwon closed the door behind him and ran downstairs, got out of the building only to greet by the familiar black Mercedes in front of his apartment building. The blond smiled wider and got in the car shyly. He looked at the man who was waiting for him with his hand on the wheel and murmured a quiet, shy ‘hi’ to him. “You look very beautiful,” Hoseok told him softly as he looked at him. Hoseok was also wore all black. He was also wearing a black shirt with black jeans and his dark hair was brushed back. He didn’t wear any accessories other than his classic Rolex watch. “Thank you,” Hyungwon looked away as he giggled softly. Hoseok started his engine and set off, meanwhile Changkyun peeked from the black curtains of the living room and saw the car leaving in front of their apartment building.

“So, where are we going?” Hyungwon asked as he watched the road. The places looked unfamiliar. Hoseok smiled.

“I told you. Another bar.”

“But I don’t know ‘Another bar’…” Hyungwon whined playfully.

“A bar I usually go,” Hoseok replied. Hyungwon nodded with a quiet “Oh…” and continued watching the road until they arrived. Hoseok parked his car near the bar and opened the door for Hyungwon, causing the blond to feel awkward for a second. Then made him got out of the car shyly. They walked inside the bar, Hyungwon followed the older quietly as they got inside. He examined the bar and looked around curiously with his large eyes. The bar was much larger than the bar he always went and the design was more elegant. Music was playing not so loud and the place wasn’t crowded much. Hoseok went to a table and they sat together, Hyungwon was still looking at the place in awe and Hoseok couldn’t help but smirked. “I think you liked this place.”

“Huh?” Hyungwon quickly turned to him and stared at him dumbfounded, then he shook his head and smiled. “Oh, yes. This place is much better than the places I’ve been to. I liked here.”

“What are you drinking?” Hoseok asked. The blond shrugged, still examining the place in dim light. Then he turned to the older raven. “What are you going to drink?” Hoseok slightly surprised by his question but quickly answered. “I’ll have cognac.”

“Then I’ll have that, too.” Hoseok’s eyes slightly widened in surprise. Hyungwon and Hoseok stared at each other for a second, then the blond broke the silence between them. “What? I want to drink with you.”

“You’re going to drink cognac?” Hoseok asked again, he was still surprised at his request. “Are you sure?” But Hyungwon was stubborn. He nodded enthusiastically and crossed his legs while leaning on the table. “Please, I want to drink with you. We’ve never drunk together.” Hoseok realized Hyungwon was closer to his face as he leaned to the table. He cleared his throat and nodded, making the other one lean back to his chair with a smirk on his face. Hoseok ordered two glasses of cognac for themselves, still surprised at the blond’s sudden request.

“Have you ever drunk cognac?” He asked. Hyungwon quickly shook his head, causing Hoseok to want to facepalm himself. And he couldn’t help but did. “Really?” The blond shrugged slightly, staring at the older with a curious look on his face. “Why?” But before he got his answer, their drinks came and Hoseok stared at the blond who was staring at the glass as if he was seeing something alien. The older quickly took a large sip and put the glass back to the table. Watching the other, Hyungwon tried to do the same but end up coughing; making the other look at him. “That’s… heavy…”

“I know,” Hoseok smiled at him playfully while Hyungwon grimaced at the glass. He shook his head, his long chain earrings shook with him. “Drink slowly, then.” Hoseok told him as he finished his glass at the second sip and put the glass on the table, ordering himself another. Hyungwon stared at him in shock, then he wrapped his thin long fingers around the glass and averted his gaze at his drink. “How can you drink it that easily?” he asked, the taste hadn’t left his mouth. Hoseok thought for a second, then he smiled with a shrug. “I’m used to it, I guess…” he said. Hyungwon watched him start to drink as the barman got his glass. He brought the glass to his red tinted lips, slowly this time, and took a smaller sip.

“I didn’t realize you had tattoos on your fingers,” Hoseok stated. Hyungwon looked at the man for a second, then he realized what he said. He glanced at his fingers and smiled.

“Oh? Yeah… I had some… But they are faded.” He continued staring at his fingers, tracing his fingers on the tattoos which were fading. Hoseok was looking at the blond examining himself quietly. He looked beautiful in the dim light, his makeup was shining and so were his accessories.

“Your hands are beautiful.”

“Huh?” Hyungwon snapped his head up, stared at the raven dumbfounded. He was looking at the tattoos on his hand then he stopped tracing his fingers on his own hand as if he was paused as a statue. Hoseok took a sip from his drink and continued. “They are gracious, and they look beautiful. Unlike a male’s hand… of course.”

“Thank… you…” Hyungwon shyly uttered and put his hands on the table slowly. He took his glass in his hands and continued to drink.

While Hoseok was drinking his fourth glass, Hyungwon had already started to feel drunk. He looked around to clear his head but everything started to spin slightly as he turned his head to the side. He finished his glass and slowly got up from his chair. “I need to go to the bathroom…” he told Hoseok slowly and left the table. He walked to the corridor and got inside the WCs at the end of the corridor. He already started to feel drunk, thanks to his weak alcohol immunity. His head was spinning slightly and he was feeling dizzy. After washing his hands, he got out and bumped into someone he couldn’t see for a second. He looked at the person who was holding him by his shoulders and stopping him from falling, he saw Hoseok. Their faces were too close to each other, their eyes were both half lidded and Hyungwon was breathing heavily. Hoseok stared at the blond for a couple of seconds and examined his face. He looked at the blond’s shining makeup, his long eyelashes that shadowing his eyes, his curved nose and thick red tinted lips. The older couldn’t help himself and the alcohol in his system and pressed his lips to the blond’s. The corridor was empty and there was no one that could see them. Hyungwon kissed him back, captured the raven’s bottom lip with his ones and slightly tilted his head to the side. Closing his eyes, he touched Hoseok’s lips with the tip of his tongue to deepen the kiss but Hoseok pulled back.

They were both breathing heavily and Hoseok was still holding the blond. Hyungwon’s eyes were still closed and he looked like he wanted to kiss more. Hoseok slowly caressed his arm and cleared his throat. “Go. I’ll be back.” The blond nodded and slowly walked away from the older. Hoseok was still in shock of what had happened earlier. His intenion was only to go to the bathroom, but something way different happened. Meanwhile Hyungwon, sat on the table and waited for him. He looked at his phone to check time. It was almost midnight. As Hoseok came back, they went in an awkward silence. Hoseok watched the blond but Hyungwon was too drunk to realize that.

“Are you okay?” he asked. The blond quickly raised his head to look at him.

“Me? Oh… I think so…” he laughed sheepishly. “I think I’m drunk.” The blond laughed, Hoseok joined him.

“Yeah, I can see.” He stopped laughing and looked at him with a smile instead. “We can leave if you want. I can take you home.”

“I don’ wanna go home…” he slurred as he leaned his back to the chair, throwing his head back. His blond locks were hanging upside down as he watched the ceiling. “Then, where do you want to go?” Hoseok asked and Hyungwon immediately straightened up.

“Your place?”

“My place?” the raven repeated, he nodded. “If you wanna of course…” Hyungwon added. Hoseok thought for a second then sighed with a nod.

“Okay.” He got up and put a couple of banknotes on the table. Hyungwon followed him, he wasn’t able to walk properly so Hoseok held his hand firmly as they walked out of the bar. He didn’t care about being seen at that moment. He was feeling drunk but he was sure that he was sober enough to drive. As soon as they got into the car, Hoseok buckled his and also Hyungwon’s belts and started the engine.

“You don’t even look like you’re drunk…” Hyungwon whined, causing Hoseok to scoff. “I told you I’m used to it.” Hyungwon huffed and crossed his arms on his chest. Hoseok looked surprised at his actions. “What?”

“Why am I the only one who’s drunk?” he asked.

“I’m feeling drunk,” he told him. The way Hyungwon acted made Hoseok want to laugh.

“But you don’t look like that…”

“Trust me,” Hoseok glanced at him from the corner of his eyes and continued driving. As they reached Hoseok’s apartment building, he parked his car in front of the building. Hyungwon looked at the raven for a second and started to get closer to the man’s face. “You didn’t let me finish…” The blond’s hand went down and he unbuckled the belt to move freely, then he quickly kissed him. Hoseok reciprocated immediately and he also unbuckled his belt, brought his hand to caress the blond’s cheek as they kissed. Hoseok captured the blond’s bottom lip and sucked tenderly while Hyungwon did the same for Hoseok’s upper lip. Hyungwon traced his tongue on the raven’s bottom lip, asking for entrance and Hoseok granted him. His hand went from his cheek to the back of his neck as they kissed, their tongues were rubbing each other inside their mouths while tasting the alcohol from each other. Hoseok pulled away, trying to catch his breath but he didn’t stop. He went to his neck and kissed above his scarf, leaving wet kisses around the skin as Hyungwon breathed heavily. “Kiss me again,” he said between slight gasps. Hoseok looked at him for a second then he pressed his lips again to the blond’s for a short time.

“I think we should get off the car.” Hyungwon stared at him then nodded. Getting out of the car together, the blond quickly held the raven’s hand. Hoseok entwined their fingers and got inside the building, not caring about anyone to see or something. After getting into the elevator, they looked at each other and giggled. Hyungwon couldn’t help but stepped closer to the older and wrapped his arms around his neck. “You sure you feel drunk?” he asked as he got closer to his lips.

“Yeah…” Hoseok put his hands on the blond’s waist and he touched his lips with his own. “But you make me feel drunker.” Hoseok kissed him harder this time; biting his lip and pressing the blond’s body to himself by the waist as Hyungwon kissed him back, moaning softly into his mouth. Tracing his tongue on the raven’s lips, the elevator arrived the floor where Hoseok’s apartment was and they got out quickly.

Hoseok didn’t let him break the kiss as they walked to the door of the apartment, he pressed him to the door as they continued to kiss deeper. The raven reached into his pocket and grabbed his keys, tried to unlock his door as kissing with the blond. With a few attempts, he unlocked the door and they got inside and he quickly shut the door closed as soon as they got in while taking off their jackets. Hyungwon looked around the house from the corner of his eyes as he kissed Hoseok with his lips and tongue, then he walked towards the nearest couch and pushed Hoseok onto it. Then he climbed on top of him, sitting on his lap and continued to kiss him. He wrapped his arms around the older’s neck again while Hoseok grabbed him by the waist. Hyungwon started to move his hips, grinding against him as Hoseok pressed his body to himself by the blond’s waist. As the blond grinded on him, Hoseok started to bite his lips as they kissed. Hyungwon moaned into the raven’s mouth, kissing him more and pushing his tongue inside the other’s mouth deeper. Hoseok was sucking his tongue, rubbing their tongues to each other eagerly as they kissed. Hyungwon broke the kiss and licked the older’s lips from end to end.

“Your lips… are really nice,” he said breathily.

Hoseok didn’t say anything in return. Instead, he captured his lower lip and sucked it hungrily as an answer. Hyungwon pushed his tongue inside Hoseok’s mouth again as they moaned into their kiss. While Hoseok was biting Hyungwon’s lower lip, the blond was biting his upper lip and they were smiling, moaning into their kisses without breaking. While kissing and rubbing their tongues, Hyungwon continued grinding on Hoseok and he felt Hoseok was holding him firmer to grind himself more to him. He brought his hands from his shoulders to the back of his neck, then his pitch black hair and held him by his hair. He broke the kiss by pulling him by the hair and reveal his neck, making him throw his head back. He saw Hoseok look at him with hazy eyes and lips that were wet, swollen and red because of kissing. Hyungwon couldn’t help the image in front of his eyes and kissed him from the lips, then he started to go down. He kissed his chin and pulled his hair more, kissed under his chin and finally reached his neck after many kisses on his skin.

Reaching to his neck, he felt drunker because of Hoseok’s cologne mixed with alcohol. He started sucking Hoseok’s neck, leaving tiny hickeys, red spots on Hoseok’s white skin with his lips. He felt the raven’s hand on his cock for a moment and he reflexively bit Hoseok’s neck, enough to hurt him. That bite made Hoseok touch the blond more and grab him with his palm harder while Hyungwon was moaning into Hoseok’s neck, licking the skin between his moans. Hoseok pulled away his hand from Hyungwon’s crotch and started to unbutton the blond’s shirt. After finishing with the buttons, he pushed down the shirt and let it fall down the ground. Then he went to the scarf around the blond’s neck and he quickly got rid of it too. Hoseok caressed the blond’s naked chest and started to kiss his naked skin, licking and kissing his chest while touching him. Hyungwon started to grind himself harder as Hoseok kept touching him and the blond started to feel the raven’s hardening bulge. He liked the feeling as he started to move more, he moved as if he was hopping on his lap and he grinded hard. Hoseok continued touching him, palming him through his jeans, rubbing his palm on it up and down and pushing his hand between his thighs more as he touched him in every way possible. Hyungwon’s moans grew louder as Hoseok didn’t stop touching like that. The blond dug his nails on the raven’s shoulders through his shirt, his breaths got quicker and he was mumbling something more like Hoseok’s name. He lowered his head which he had thrown back and kissed Hoseok hard.

He was kissing the raven hungrily, biting his lips and licking his lips, tracing his lips into the other’s mouth. Biting and sucking the other’s tongue as he breathed, moaned into his mouth between the kisses. Hoseok didn’t think of making him come like that, he only wanted to touch him but seeing Hyungwon’s reactions; if he kept going like that, he would possibly going to come. His face, his reactions, the way he squirmed on his lap… Hoseok loved every reaction that caused because of himself on Hyungwon, so he kept touching him. He hardened and fastened his hand movements meanwhile he inserted his tongue inside the blond’s mouth. Hyungwon quickly captured his tongue and started to suck and bite his tongue inside his mouth.

Hoseok was rubbing and pressing his hand on Hyungwon’s crotch, he grabbed him in his palm and moved his hand up and down as he realized the blond was slightly trembling. He leaned closer to the blond’s ear and whispered, “I know you want to come, don’t hold back.” Then he licked his ear tenderly as he inserted the tip of his tongue through the hoop earring of his ear. Then he kissed him again softly as Hyungwon trembled more, he bit Hoseok’s lower lip hard and moaned loudly into his mouth as he came into his pants with all of his body tensed and trembled. He left himself into Hoseok’s arms as he tried to catch his breath. Hoseok pulled away his hand from between his thighs and wrapped his arms around the blond, hugging him while putting soft kisses around his neck. As kissing his neck, he realized a tiny knife tattoo on his neck too. He smiled and put a kiss on it too.

Hyungwon slowly straightened up and put a kiss on the raven’s lips, looking at him with hazy eyes. While kissing softly, Hyungwon remembered the feeling between his thighs and grinded himself on Hoseok with a smirk, causing the raven to let out a gasp.

“You think you can stay like that?” he asked with the same smirk.

“It’s okay,” Hoseok quickly answered but the blond wasn’t convinced.

“Let me handle it.”

“There is no need— ah!” Hyungwon didn’t let him finish and brought his hand down to his crotch. He started to touch him through his jeans and traced his fingers on the bulge that could be clearly felt through the jeans. Hoseok started to take deep breaths and following Hyungwon’s moves with his eyes. “Hyungwon… It’s really okay… You don’t need to do… anything…”

“But I want to,” Hyungwon insisted.

“Please don’t. Get off of me… Come on…” Hoseok was pleading him, even if he was breathing heavily but Hyungwon was too stubborn for that.

“I want to touch you, and I will.”

The blond started to unbuckle his belt and unbuttoned his jeans. Pulling down his jeans a little, he traced his long and thin fingers on the visible bulge through his underwear. He continued touching his hardened cock like that as he giggled. “It looks big.”

Hoseok threw his head back with a hiss as he felt his fingers, “I don’t mind… Please leave it.”

“No, Hoseok… You’re really hard,” he said with a smile and pulled down his underwear too, taking his cock in his hand with a giggle.

“It’s really big… But I can handle it.”

“Hyungwon…”

Hyungwon brought his fingers one by one into his mouth and wet them by licking them, then his palm. He did it with his other hand while Hoseok was watching him like he wasn’t even breathing. He could feel his breath was getting quicker and so was his heartbeat. Hyungwon took him into his one hand and wrapped his fingers around him causing Hoseok to throw his head back with a groan as he felt Hyungwon’s wet fingers grabbed him. The blond started to move his hand from the bottom to top, brushing his thumb on the tip and making Hoseok hiss while he was closing his eyes and throwing his head back as Hyungwon kept going with a smile on his face, watching him. Then he brought his other hand, taking Hoseok into his two hands as he continued to move his hands slowly.

“Look at me, Hoseok… Look at what I’m doing. Look at my _hands_.” Hyungwon murmured to him.

Hoseok lowered his head down and looked at the blond’s face, smiling at him. Then he looked lower, he looked at his cock with Hyungwon’s thin, bony hands wrapped around it and touching it slowly. His cock looked bigger around Hyungwon’s thin hands. Hoseok sighed deeply and gave up stopping the blond, let him do whatever he wanted. Hyungwon continued to touch him slowly and carefully, leaned to him and put a kiss on his lips. Then he spat on his cock, soaking it as he stroked him with his fingers. His one hand went lower as his other hand kept stroking him up and down. He started to stroke only the tip while his other hand stroked his balls. Hoseok was breathing heavily, his eyes were hazy and the blond’s name was escaping from his lips between his moans and gasps. Hyungwon looked at Hoseok, he liked how he looked like. He liked the fact that he was the reason Hoseok was like that, he did that to him only by his hands. Hoseok tried to buckle his hips into Hyungwon’s hands but couldn’t as the blond’s was sitting on his lap, so he stared at him with a pair of wild orbs and spoke to him with a deeper voice tone.

“Faster… Use your hands faster…”

Hyungwon was surprised at him first. The man who was trying to stop him was now telling him to go faster. The blond smirked and fastened his hands. He moved his hands from the bottom to the tip and rubbing his thumb on the tip. He did it over and over again as his grip got firmer. Hoseok started to breathe unevenly, drops of sweat formed on his forehead and his black strands stuck on them. His lips were red, eyes were hazy and half lidded… Hyungwon got much faster and leaned to his ear. “Come for me, Hoseok.” He whispered and locked his lips to his. They started kissing again, Hoseok bit Hyungwon’s lips hard enough to hurt the blond and made him moan in pain. Hoseok got breathless for a second, travelling his tongue into Hyungwon’s mouth, his lips anywhere of him as he kissed the blond messily. Hyungwon was trying to kiss him back with bites and kisses. The room was filled with their moans, their quickened breaths and the wet sounds coming from Hoseok’s cock while Hyungwon moved his hands.

Hoseok’s body tensed, his breaths got irregular as he bit Hyungwon’s lip hard while moaning into his mouth. Moaning his name with a grunt, he came all over his hands, the blond’s naked chest and their chins, cheeks while they kissed. Hyungwon continued stroking him for a while then took the remaining from his own face and chest, licking them while looking directly into Hoseok’s eyes. Then, leaning closer to his face, he licked his face and cleaned all the remaining cum from the raven’s face. Hoseok was looking at him with hazy, tired eyes as he was trying to catch his breath.

Hyungwon swallowed all of them with a smile and put a kiss on his lips, then leaned to the raven’s ear. “I liked your taste,” he whispered as he licked his earlobe. Hoseok scoffed and wrapped one hand around him. Hyungwon pulled back his underwear and buried his face to the raven’s neck. “I wanna sleep…”

“The bedroom is—“

“No. I wanna sleep here…” Hyungwon snuggled into his neck as he cut his words. Hoseok didn’t say anything but reached to the blond’s boots and took them off, then his own shoes. He pulled him closer to himself and laid on the couch as the blond laid onto the raven, asleep. Hoseok smiled how quickly he fell asleep and brought his hand to brush his blond locks. While brushing his soft locks and hugging his thin body, he fell asleep too.

 

“What the fuck?!”

They woke up to a scream of someone. Hoseok knew whose scream was that. He opened his eyes quickly and jumped up. Hyungwon also jumped out of the couch and saw a brunette with a suit. He rubbed his eyes and looked at Hoseok to understand what was happening.

“What are you doing here, Hyunwoo?” Hoseok asked with his sleepy voice. Hyungwon quickly picked his shirt from the floor and put it on. He buttoned the shirt as the other man yelled the other.

“I was going to see you. You’re supposed to be at work. You have a conference today.” He stopped and stared at Hyungwon. “Who is he?!”

Hyungwon looked at the brunet and Hoseok for a moment, he didn’t know what to say. “I…”

“Oh my god, Hoseok. Don’t tell me—“

“It’s not like that! We didn’t…” Hoseok trailed off as he grabbed his head and rubbed his temples. _Oh, that’s what it looks like, Hoseok,_ Hyungwon thought. Hoseok’s sigh interrupted his thoughts. “Why do you have spare key… And why do you have to yell so much at mornings…”

The brunet and Hyungwon were still staring at each other awkwardly. “What the hell are you doing here?” Hyungwon rolled his eyes with a small smirk and couldn’t help but talked back.

“What do you think?” he looked at Hoseok with the corner of his eyes. Hyunwoo glared at him in anger as Hyungwon kept smirking at him. Then he turned to Hoseok.

“Really Hoseok? When you’re not at work, you’re spending your time with—“

“Anyways,” Hyungwon got up and wrapped his scarf around his neck, hiding his small hickeys and got his jacket. “I think I should leave.” Hoseok quickly got up and tried to reach him.

“Wait, I can drive you home,” he suggested, not aware of Hyunwoo getting more shocked and angry.

“Drive him home? Oh, wow.” Hyunwoo crossed his arms on his chest and watched the scene in front of him. Hoseok sighed.

“I told you, it’s not like that.”

“You’re standing in front of me with your pants unbuttoned and he was shirtless. For fuck’s sake.” Hyunwoo’s voice was so stern that the room fell silent but Hyungwon couldn’t help but giggled at their situation. “What?”

“Nothing. Bye, Hoseok.” And then, Hyungwon quickly left the apartment. Leaving the two alone.

“We need to talk.”

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave kudos and comment. Love you all! <3


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kind of short but this chapter is dialogue based so... What more can I do...

After Hyungwon left, the silence in Hoseok’s apartment continued. Hoseok slowly sat back on his couch while Hyunwoo was standing in front of him, keeping his arms crossed on his chest and glaring deeply at him. The raven brought his hand to his hair, sighing deeply as he brushed his dark locks slowly. Hyunwoo didn’t move an inch and cleared his throat to signify his presence. “I’m listening.”

“What?”

“Your explanation.”

The younger rolled his eyes and wrapped his hand on his face, he didn’t have any explanation and nor did he wanted to make one. But Hyunwoo was determined, he was still standing in front of him and waiting for the younger male to explain the scene he had witnessed. Meanwhile Hyungwon found his way home, he quickly took a glance at himself from his front camera. His makeup was ruined and his hair was messy, he quickly fixed his hair and wiped the ruined pencil under his eyes with his fingers while he was on the bus. He felt kind of nervous and bad because they got caught. He felt bad that he quickly snuck out of the situation and left Hoseok there. But on the other hand, it would be worse if he stayed in his opinion. After the bus, he started to walk his way to the old neighborhood.

“Hoseok.”

“I told you, we met at the bar.” Hoseok let out a loud sigh as he held his head in his both hands. Hyunwoo was sitting in front of him with the same glare.

“And you brought him here?” he asked, unconvinced. Hoseok averted his eyes. Hyunwoo continued while the raven was looking elsewhere. “To sleep with him?”

“We didn’t-“ he cringed at the brunet, narrowing his eyes and leaning back with a huff. Hoseok got up and fixed his clothes. He walked towards the counter and poured himself a drink. Hyunwoo watched him and shook his head in disbelief. “I brought him here because he was alone?..” Hoseok tried to make up a lie, his voice got lower at the end of the sentence.

“You want me to believe it?”

“If you want to…”

“Who is he, Hoseok? And what the fuck was that?” Hyunwoo started to grow impatient as his temper started to get tense while Hoseok was drinking his whiskey slowly and quietly. His back was turned to the brunet so he could hide his nervous face from the older. “Friend would be absurd, right?”

“Yeah, according to what I saw.”

“Then…” he trailed off.

“Hoseok.”

“Okay, okay.” Hoseok turned to him and finished his glass, put it on the counter then leaned his back. He took a deep breath before he started to explain, he knew Hyunwoo could get extremely mad. “His name is Hyungwon,” he started and glanced at the brunet. Hyunwoo was looking at him as if he was waiting for him to continue. “And?”

“What?” _Nice try playing the fool, Hoseok._ Hoseok was thinking every possible way to slip out of the explanation situation while Hyunwoo was still waiting for answers.

“How old was he? He looked young.”

“I… H-he… was 24?” Hoseok stuttered softly, narrowing his eyes to be ready for the exclamation he was going to get from the brunet. “WHAT?” And he got it. Hoseok brought his hand to his face and covered his face with his hand, waiting for the older to continue. “He is a kid, Hoseok. Where is your mind?”

“He is technically an adult.” Hyunwoo got up from the couch and walked towards the raven. Hoseok looked away from him while Hyunwoo glared right into the younger’s eyes. “I called you dozens of times, looked for you. I came to your house to check if you got yourself into coma again or not but only thing that I had seen is a boy on you, laying on a couch together with you. Really? What are you? Some kind of sugar daddy-“

“Oh, hell no.”

“You’re bringing boys to your house now, Hoseok? A. Boy.” Still not looking into his eyes, Hoseok tried to make up another lie but clearly he couldn’t. If anyone had asked him about this situation he would have said fuck off and gotten away with it but it couldn’t be like that with Hyunwoo. He had known him since they were children and he could easily understand when Hoseok was lying.

“Are you homophobic?”

Hyunwoo stared at him in disbelief. He opened his mouth to say something but closed again. Then, he shook his head with his eyebrows knitted. “What the fuck? That’s… not the point,” he raised his voice. “Are you even listening to me?”

“Yeah, I do.” Hoseok wasn’t even looking at his face, he crossed his arms on his chest and looked around the living room. “You’re scolding me like a child,” he sighed.

“The company is on the verge of bankrupt, you know that? And you’re hanging up with boys younger than you? Are you serious? Is this really you, Hoseok?”

“I don’t care about the company at all, Hyunwoo.” Hoseok’s voice was low unlike Hyunwoo’s. And that was getting on the brunet’s nerves. He walked around the house a little while taking deep breaths, calming himself down. Hoseok was standing still in front of him but he was nervous on the inside, he knew Hyunwoo, he knew he messed up. “You should look out for your family’s legacy,” he started. “But you look out for the boys at bars, right Hoseok?”

“That’s not-“

“Oh, please.” Hyunwoo cut him off with a sarcastic tone and walked to the fridge, looked at the drinks and shook his head. “You drank all of them?”

“Why?” Hoseok smirked. “Were you going to drink?”

“Yeah, you stressed me out too much.” He closed the fridge and turned to the raven. “You don’t even come to work. You’re the owner, let me remind you.” Hoseok rolled his eyes again, listening to the same things made him sigh deeper. “You… changed too much. Who was he, Hoseok? Do you know him?”

“I know him enough,” he replied back quickly.

“Who is he?”

“Hyungwon.” Hyunwoo slapped his forehead. Hoseok couldn’t find a way out so he continued. “He is… a college student. I told you his age.”

“Where are his parents? Where is he from?” Hoseok huffed louder and walked towards the couch, threw himself over the furniture and closed his eyes. Hyunwoo watched him laying down the couch carelessly and followed him. “I asked you something.”

“I don’t know, okay? I didn’t ask him about his parents.”

“I didn’t like him, to be honest. His appearance, his behavior…”

“I think you’re just prejudicial,” Hoseok said. His voice got stern as he got defensive, which surprised Hyunwoo.

“I don’t want you to make any scandal.”

Hoseok scoffed. “I won’t.” Hyunwoo shook his head. His reckless behavior was making him mad. “You’re unbelievable.”

“I said I won’t,” Hoseok repeated. “Don’t you trust me?”

“I don’t, honestly.”

“Wow, harsh.” Hoseok laughed sarcastically as Hyunwoo shrugged. “No offense.” He sat on the couch as Hoseok covered his face with his arm.

“I won’t make a scandal. I didn’t fuck him. Happy?” Hyunwoo’s eyes got widen at his words.

“What?! You- What the fuck, Hoseok?”

“What? I didn’t,” Hoseok shrugged as the brunet shook his head and took his head in his both hands with shock and disbelief. “I can’t… I can’t believe you.”

“We didn’t do anything?..” Hyunwoo couldn’t help but let out a laugh. “Yeah. The purple marks on his neck were probably birthmarks, right?” Hoseok smirked. “We didn’t do anything like that.”

“Hoseok,” Hyunwoo took a deep breath and stared at his laying figure. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I didn’t do anything to him, like that.”

“THAT’S NOT THE FUCKING POINT-“

“THEN WHAT?” They both shouted, remained silent while glaring at each other.

“I saw you in that fucking situation and I wanted a fucking explanation. But you’re talking nonsense.”

“I’m bisexual,” Hoseok told him suddenly, leaving the brunet with another shock. “What?”

“Yeah, you heard me.” Hoseok straightened up with an annoyed sigh. “Didn’t you know?”

“How the fuck would I know?” Hyunwoo snapped at him.

“And I liked that ‘boy’.” Hoseok continued.

“Really?” Hyunwoo asked with an exhausted tone while Hoseok was nodding at him and shrugging.

“Yeah. And I don’t plan to leave him.”

“Hoseok-“ Hyunwoo started but Hoseok quickly interrupted him. “Please, don’t. Just let me be.” Hyunwoo shook his head and continued anyway. “He doesn’t look like someone good, Hoseok. I can’t think something positive with a kid who hangs out with a man who’s older than himself.”

“Prejudicial.”

“I’m serious.” Hyunwoo leaned his back to the couch and sighed as he got tired of watching Hoseok’s stubborn face. “I’m tired of this conversation.”

“Leave it. I won’t make any scandals. No one knows anyway.”

“How can you be sure? You brought him to your house. You know your apartment building has cameras everywhere.”

Hoseok’s eyes widened slightly as he remembered the time when they were in the elevator... He swallowed down as he averted his eyes from the brunet. “Shit.”

“What?”

“I didn’t think about it,” his voice got quieter as he realized Hyunwoo leaned down and got closer to him, putting his elbows to his knees and staring at him. “About what?”

“Nothing.”

“Hoseok.” Hyunwoo tilted his head to meet the raven’s gaze but Hoseok tried hard not to look at the brunet. “What did you do?”

“Nothing…” The raven cleared his throat and looked at his phone, checking the time and messages. “Hoseok,” Hyunwoo’s loud voice made him almost startle and he put the phone on the table. “What did you do?”

“Maybe… I fucked up,” he murmured nervously. Hyunwoo raised a brow. “Yeah, I fucked up.”

“Congrats,” Hyunwoo clapped his hands with a sigh. “I can’t believe you. I really can’t believe you, Hoseok.”

“I know,” he said with a low voice and sighed nervously.

“I won’t clean up the mess you’ve made this time,” he told him as he got up. “I take responsibility all of your mess but not this.”

“I understand,” Hoseok nodded. “I can deal with this myself.”

“How can you?” Hyunwoo stopped and asked.

“If I pay them enough, they will shut up.” Hyunwoo laughed and shook his head, making the raven look at him from the corner of his eyes.

“Really? Bribery?”

“I’ll call my lawyers,” he suggested another method. He didn’t know what to say and he was nervous as hell. “I don’t know, what do you want me to do?”

“I don’t care. Clean up your mess yourself, Hoseok.” Hyunwoo shrugged and continued. “What if they have copies even if you pay them? You said you won’t make any scandals but you’ve already done that. You’re unbelievable, really. I’m tired of all of this shit.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Hoseok’s voice was getting quieter by the second Hyunwoo talked and he was looking down, not meeting the brunet’s gaze.

“You have a meeting tomorrow. I’m dealing with that instead of you. And you’ll deal with this,” Hoseok nodded quietly like a child who was being scolded by his parents. Hyunwoo stared at his figure and sighed sadly, putting his hand on the raven’s shoulder and caressed softly. “Look, I really loved your mother and father. And you’re like a little brother to me. But you’re always making a mess like a child. Since that day, you’re not getting any better. Only worse. Get your shit together, Hoseok. Drinking and fucking with… boys won’t get you anywhere.”

“I didn’t fuck him.” Hyunwoo rolled his eyes and shook his head in defeat. “Anyways, I’m leaving. I hope you fix this.” The brunet walked towards the door and stopped before leaving, turned to the raven with a sad expression on his face. Hoseok was sitting on the couch with his hands entwined together under his chin, thinking nervously. The brunet shook his head slowly without saying anything and left him alone in his apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave kudos and share your thoughts with me. I would really appreciate it. ^^


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